Chapter 6
Squall: "So you got your hand stuck again?"
Irvine: "It's not my fault! Your money worked, why didn't mine?"
Squall: "So lets do the same thing Zell did, they left the cloth here."
Irvine: "I'd like to see you try."
Squall: "Ok "*puts cloth over Irvine's hand * "Ok what were the magic words again? I think they were Seifer sucks ass."
Irvine: "No they were Seifer sucks himself."
Squall: "No Seifer sucks ass."
Irvine: "No Seifer sucks himself."
Squall: "Well, both are true. Let's try them"
(They try both combinations, but neither work)
Irvine: "So what so we do now?"
Squall: "Do you see any one around?"
Irvine: *Looks around * "No, no one's in sight. The shopkeeper went in the back."
Squall: "Ok." *takes out gunblade *
Irvine: "HEY MAN, WATCH WHERE YOU SWING THAT THING!"
Squall: "Its ok" *takes a giant swing*
(The whole vending machine gets cut in half, Irvine's hand is freed.)
Squall: "Ok, grab a cake and run."
(They make a run for it.) (Hehe, I like saying that a lot.)
Shopkeeper: *comes out in the front and walks right past the vending machine * "My beautiful cake!!!!! Someone stole it!"
(Irvine and Squall made it to the parking lot)
Irvine: *pant, pant, * "Ok, lets get in the car back to the rental station an walk back the way we came."
Squall: "We have to find another way back, I don't want to waste another full-life on you. So we'll take the car around and go to a train station so we can ride in an actual train."
Irvine: "Ok so let's get in the car."
(They enter, Squall gets in with no problem)
Irvine: "OWWWW the frikin door slammed shut on my already SORE FINGER!!!!!!"
Squall: "Oh, I forgot to tell you, the door slams automatically if you put an object directly in front of it for 3 minutes."
Irvine: "Thanks for that piece of info, but isn't it a little LATE to be telling me this? I'm in pain!"
Squall: *Gets out of the car* "Ok, let me help you, the guy said that you could get the object out by yanking it." *He grabs hold of Irvine's waist and yanks for all he's worth *
(A little boy and his mom pass by.)
Little Boy: "Mommy, what are those men doing?"
Mother: *covers child's eyes* "Nothing dear, you'll learn when you're older. Its what happened to Daddy, and I don't want it to happen to you."
Squall: *overhears them * "Huh? Wait.." *lets go of Irvine and starts running toward them * "ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!!!!I ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!!!"
Mother: "AHHHHHH the mad man is chasing after us!!" *Grabs child and runs *
Little boy: "Bye bye mister! I'll do that with my friend when I get home!"
Squall: "Mister? Why do all these little kids keep calling me that?"
Irvine: "Maybe they meant to say miser. Now help me out of here!!!!!"
Squall: "No way, what if all these little kids see us? You're on your own."
Irvine: "Damn man!" * pulls and pulls for a couple of hours*
(A random mime pops out behind a car and starts to mimic Irvine.)
Irvine: "What the hell? Get away from me you freak!" *Takes off his hat and starts waving it at the mime. * "Go away!"
(The mime pretends to take off a hat and waves it a Irvine.)
Irvine: "NO-NO-NO!!!!" *stomps foot*
(The mime mouths no-no-no and stomps his foot noiselessly.)
Irvine: "ARRRRRGGGGGG!!!" *takes one step backward and his finger pops out. * "Whoa." *aims gun at mime's head * "Leave and you get to keep your head."
Mime: *Runs for it*
Squall: "The cake melted."
Irvine: "Whattt!!!!" ^$&$*%^* "Now we have to go back and get another one."
Squall: "OH NO!!"
Irvine: "What is it?!?!?!"
Squall: "Its 8:00,they're exchanging presents now!"
(They make a mad scramble for the café)
Irvine: "We need a new cake ... NOW."
Shopkeeper: "Hey that cake you have, it was my most beautiful creation, and you ruined it!! You are the ones who stole it!"
Squall: "Yeah, but we paid for a cake and never got one, so we took this one."
Shopkeeper: "You can have another cake, but I get to keep the money you gave me and you have to pay for the next one, triple the price."
Irvine: "WHATTT???? No way man, we'll go somewhere else, and I'm taking back my money for the wait we had to wait."
(He lunges toward the cash register and grabs a handful of money, he's just about to make a run for it, when his finger gets stuck in the cash register drawer)
Irvine: "This isn't good"
Shopkeeper: "Hello police?"
Squall: "Uh, I'll just be leaving now." *Turns around and runs straight into the police. *
Police: "We found this mime trying to stick his finger in a car, does he have any thing to do with you."
Squall: "No."
Irvine: "YES!!!!! He made us do it arrest him!"
Police: "Ok, but you'll be arrested too."
Irvine: "Shit."
Police: *Turns to mime * "You have the right to remain silent."
Irvine: *Laughs *
Police: "What was that?"
Irvine: "Well, haha, with the mimes, and the silence... and the seriousness..."
Police: *Glowers*
Irvine: "....Never mind."
Police: "Wait aren't you Irvine Kinneas and Squall Leonhart? The ones who saved the world from the reign of Ultimecia?
Irvine: *pushes hair back * "That would be me." *macho grin*
Police: "Alright since you saved the world and all, I'll let you off if you answer this question correctly."
Squall: "Sure."
Police: "Why is lemon juice made of artificial flavors and dishwashing detergent made with real lemons?"
Squall: "......"
Irvine: "..... what kind of quest.."
Police: "OK you are both going to jail!"
Irvine: "Wait! Give us another chance!"
Police: "Ok. If the #2 pencil is so great, why is it still #2?"
Irvine: "...."
Squall:" ....."
Police: "You're both going to jail."
------------------------------
(Rinoa and Selphie are still in Squall's Ferrari)
Selphie: "This reminds me of a song!"
Rinoa: "God no."
Selphie: "Its called "Piece of Shit Car"! Here it goes!"
(Sings it over and over until you would by then have it memorized.)
Selphie: "I'll stop if you sing it with me!"
Rinoa: "Ok, but please stop after this."
(Authors note: This is the greatest song of all time, Adam Sandler sings it. Download it!)
Selphie: "Here we go!"
Rinoa: "No, no, no."
Selphie: "Oooo oooooo oooooo oooooooo."
Rinoa: "Piece of shit car."
Selphie: "I got a piece of shit car."
Rinoa: "That fuckin' pile of shit, never gets me very far."
Selphie: "My car's a big piece of shit."
Rinoa: "Cause' the shocks are fukin shot."
Selphie: "And the seatbelts fukin broken."
Rinoa: "I got to tie it in a knot."
Selphie: "It's a piece of shit!"
Selphie: "I can't see through the windshield."
Rinoa: "Cause' its got a big fukin crack."
Selphie: "And the interior smells real bad."
Rinoa: Cause' my friend puked in the back."
Selphie: "It's a piece of shit."
Rinoa: "Piece of shit car."
Selphie: "Piece of shit car."
Rinoa: "He's got a piece of shit car."
Selphie: "IT SUCKS ROYAL DICK!"
Rinoa: "That fukin pile a shit."
Selphie: "Never gets me very far."
Rinoa: "Oh fuck you car."
Selphie: "It's got no CD player."
Rinoa: "It's only got the 8 track."
Selphie: "Whoever designed my car can lick my ...."
Rinoa: "And I got no fukin brakes...."
Selphie: "Hey I didn't finish here!"
Rinoa: "That's enough, I sang half of it, now we have to stop!"
Selphie: *pouts* "Fine then."
Rinoa: "Well as long as we're stuck here, we should listen to the radio." *Turns on the radio with feet. *
(The song "Smelly Cat" comes on.)
Selphie: "YES!!!!!!!"
Rinoa: "Help me someone, please."
--------------------
(We see Zell and Seifer lying on the grass waiting for the sun to go down.")
Zell: "This is great. just you, me, and that brick wall you built between us."
Seifer: "Eh heh heh" *sweatdrops*
Zell: "Say, Seifer, what do sunsets remind you of? They remind me of big bowls of hot dogs."
Seifer: *imagines Zell blowing up* "Explosions.... I mean erosions, erosions!"Zell: "You know if I were to die in some sort of fiery explosion due to the carelessness of a friend or enemy, well, that'll just be ok."
Seifer: *thinks to himself* "Oh no, the suns going to go down any second."
Zell: "Here it comes! 5...you do the rest buddy!"
Seifer: *shakily* "ffffoo.uurr,... thrrrreeeee, ttttww..oo...ooooonnnnEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(Nothing happens)
Zell: "I guess we started to early! Count again Seifer!"
Seifer: "Fffffiiiive..fourrrrr.tthhrhreeeee..ttwwwwoooo...oonneeeeeeeeEE!!!!"
(BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.)
Seifer: *sniff* "At least I made his last moments meaningful. *turns to leave *.......WHAT!?!?!?!?"
---------------------
Quistis: "What do I do?!?!??!? What do I do?!?!?!?!"
Cid: "I'm coming in now!"
Quistis: "CRAP CRAP CRAP!"
(Cid comes in)
Cid: "HOLY SHIT WHAT HAPPENED HERE!!!?!!"
Quistis: "I'm SOOO-SO sorry sir, it was all Seifer's fault and then Raijin and the food fight everything fell and the driving to the sea and the...*sees the headmaster smiling* wtf?"
Cid: "Well you certainly did better than me on my first day."
(Complete silence. the hunk of garden hanging by that one bolt completely falls off and crashes with a thud.)
Cid: "I was just testing you. I knew that bad things would happen."
Quistis: *fuming* "You out me through ALL THAT STRESS AND YOU DON'T EVEN CARE!?!?!??!?!?!"
Cid: "Now you see what I have to go through. Well enough of that. Lets open presents!.....Quistis, what are you doing with that whip?!?!?!? AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"
Squall: "So you got your hand stuck again?"
Irvine: "It's not my fault! Your money worked, why didn't mine?"
Squall: "So lets do the same thing Zell did, they left the cloth here."
Irvine: "I'd like to see you try."
Squall: "Ok "*puts cloth over Irvine's hand * "Ok what were the magic words again? I think they were Seifer sucks ass."
Irvine: "No they were Seifer sucks himself."
Squall: "No Seifer sucks ass."
Irvine: "No Seifer sucks himself."
Squall: "Well, both are true. Let's try them"
(They try both combinations, but neither work)
Irvine: "So what so we do now?"
Squall: "Do you see any one around?"
Irvine: *Looks around * "No, no one's in sight. The shopkeeper went in the back."
Squall: "Ok." *takes out gunblade *
Irvine: "HEY MAN, WATCH WHERE YOU SWING THAT THING!"
Squall: "Its ok" *takes a giant swing*
(The whole vending machine gets cut in half, Irvine's hand is freed.)
Squall: "Ok, grab a cake and run."
(They make a run for it.) (Hehe, I like saying that a lot.)
Shopkeeper: *comes out in the front and walks right past the vending machine * "My beautiful cake!!!!! Someone stole it!"
(Irvine and Squall made it to the parking lot)
Irvine: *pant, pant, * "Ok, lets get in the car back to the rental station an walk back the way we came."
Squall: "We have to find another way back, I don't want to waste another full-life on you. So we'll take the car around and go to a train station so we can ride in an actual train."
Irvine: "Ok so let's get in the car."
(They enter, Squall gets in with no problem)
Irvine: "OWWWW the frikin door slammed shut on my already SORE FINGER!!!!!!"
Squall: "Oh, I forgot to tell you, the door slams automatically if you put an object directly in front of it for 3 minutes."
Irvine: "Thanks for that piece of info, but isn't it a little LATE to be telling me this? I'm in pain!"
Squall: *Gets out of the car* "Ok, let me help you, the guy said that you could get the object out by yanking it." *He grabs hold of Irvine's waist and yanks for all he's worth *
(A little boy and his mom pass by.)
Little Boy: "Mommy, what are those men doing?"
Mother: *covers child's eyes* "Nothing dear, you'll learn when you're older. Its what happened to Daddy, and I don't want it to happen to you."
Squall: *overhears them * "Huh? Wait.." *lets go of Irvine and starts running toward them * "ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!!!!I ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!!!"
Mother: "AHHHHHH the mad man is chasing after us!!" *Grabs child and runs *
Little boy: "Bye bye mister! I'll do that with my friend when I get home!"
Squall: "Mister? Why do all these little kids keep calling me that?"
Irvine: "Maybe they meant to say miser. Now help me out of here!!!!!"
Squall: "No way, what if all these little kids see us? You're on your own."
Irvine: "Damn man!" * pulls and pulls for a couple of hours*
(A random mime pops out behind a car and starts to mimic Irvine.)
Irvine: "What the hell? Get away from me you freak!" *Takes off his hat and starts waving it at the mime. * "Go away!"
(The mime pretends to take off a hat and waves it a Irvine.)
Irvine: "NO-NO-NO!!!!" *stomps foot*
(The mime mouths no-no-no and stomps his foot noiselessly.)
Irvine: "ARRRRRGGGGGG!!!" *takes one step backward and his finger pops out. * "Whoa." *aims gun at mime's head * "Leave and you get to keep your head."
Mime: *Runs for it*
Squall: "The cake melted."
Irvine: "Whattt!!!!" ^$&$*%^* "Now we have to go back and get another one."
Squall: "OH NO!!"
Irvine: "What is it?!?!?!"
Squall: "Its 8:00,they're exchanging presents now!"
(They make a mad scramble for the café)
Irvine: "We need a new cake ... NOW."
Shopkeeper: "Hey that cake you have, it was my most beautiful creation, and you ruined it!! You are the ones who stole it!"
Squall: "Yeah, but we paid for a cake and never got one, so we took this one."
Shopkeeper: "You can have another cake, but I get to keep the money you gave me and you have to pay for the next one, triple the price."
Irvine: "WHATTT???? No way man, we'll go somewhere else, and I'm taking back my money for the wait we had to wait."
(He lunges toward the cash register and grabs a handful of money, he's just about to make a run for it, when his finger gets stuck in the cash register drawer)
Irvine: "This isn't good"
Shopkeeper: "Hello police?"
Squall: "Uh, I'll just be leaving now." *Turns around and runs straight into the police. *
Police: "We found this mime trying to stick his finger in a car, does he have any thing to do with you."
Squall: "No."
Irvine: "YES!!!!! He made us do it arrest him!"
Police: "Ok, but you'll be arrested too."
Irvine: "Shit."
Police: *Turns to mime * "You have the right to remain silent."
Irvine: *Laughs *
Police: "What was that?"
Irvine: "Well, haha, with the mimes, and the silence... and the seriousness..."
Police: *Glowers*
Irvine: "....Never mind."
Police: "Wait aren't you Irvine Kinneas and Squall Leonhart? The ones who saved the world from the reign of Ultimecia?
Irvine: *pushes hair back * "That would be me." *macho grin*
Police: "Alright since you saved the world and all, I'll let you off if you answer this question correctly."
Squall: "Sure."
Police: "Why is lemon juice made of artificial flavors and dishwashing detergent made with real lemons?"
Squall: "......"
Irvine: "..... what kind of quest.."
Police: "OK you are both going to jail!"
Irvine: "Wait! Give us another chance!"
Police: "Ok. If the #2 pencil is so great, why is it still #2?"
Irvine: "...."
Squall:" ....."
Police: "You're both going to jail."
------------------------------
(Rinoa and Selphie are still in Squall's Ferrari)
Selphie: "This reminds me of a song!"
Rinoa: "God no."
Selphie: "Its called "Piece of Shit Car"! Here it goes!"
(Sings it over and over until you would by then have it memorized.)
Selphie: "I'll stop if you sing it with me!"
Rinoa: "Ok, but please stop after this."
(Authors note: This is the greatest song of all time, Adam Sandler sings it. Download it!)
Selphie: "Here we go!"
Rinoa: "No, no, no."
Selphie: "Oooo oooooo oooooo oooooooo."
Rinoa: "Piece of shit car."
Selphie: "I got a piece of shit car."
Rinoa: "That fuckin' pile of shit, never gets me very far."
Selphie: "My car's a big piece of shit."
Rinoa: "Cause' the shocks are fukin shot."
Selphie: "And the seatbelts fukin broken."
Rinoa: "I got to tie it in a knot."
Selphie: "It's a piece of shit!"
Selphie: "I can't see through the windshield."
Rinoa: "Cause' its got a big fukin crack."
Selphie: "And the interior smells real bad."
Rinoa: Cause' my friend puked in the back."
Selphie: "It's a piece of shit."
Rinoa: "Piece of shit car."
Selphie: "Piece of shit car."
Rinoa: "He's got a piece of shit car."
Selphie: "IT SUCKS ROYAL DICK!"
Rinoa: "That fukin pile a shit."
Selphie: "Never gets me very far."
Rinoa: "Oh fuck you car."
Selphie: "It's got no CD player."
Rinoa: "It's only got the 8 track."
Selphie: "Whoever designed my car can lick my ...."
Rinoa: "And I got no fukin brakes...."
Selphie: "Hey I didn't finish here!"
Rinoa: "That's enough, I sang half of it, now we have to stop!"
Selphie: *pouts* "Fine then."
Rinoa: "Well as long as we're stuck here, we should listen to the radio." *Turns on the radio with feet. *
(The song "Smelly Cat" comes on.)
Selphie: "YES!!!!!!!"
Rinoa: "Help me someone, please."
--------------------
(We see Zell and Seifer lying on the grass waiting for the sun to go down.")
Zell: "This is great. just you, me, and that brick wall you built between us."
Seifer: "Eh heh heh" *sweatdrops*
Zell: "Say, Seifer, what do sunsets remind you of? They remind me of big bowls of hot dogs."
Seifer: *imagines Zell blowing up* "Explosions.... I mean erosions, erosions!"Zell: "You know if I were to die in some sort of fiery explosion due to the carelessness of a friend or enemy, well, that'll just be ok."
Seifer: *thinks to himself* "Oh no, the suns going to go down any second."
Zell: "Here it comes! 5...you do the rest buddy!"
Seifer: *shakily* "ffffoo.uurr,... thrrrreeeee, ttttww..oo...ooooonnnnEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(Nothing happens)
Zell: "I guess we started to early! Count again Seifer!"
Seifer: "Fffffiiiive..fourrrrr.tthhrhreeeee..ttwwwwoooo...oonneeeeeeeeEE!!!!"
(BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.)
Seifer: *sniff* "At least I made his last moments meaningful. *turns to leave *.......WHAT!?!?!?!?"
---------------------
Quistis: "What do I do?!?!??!? What do I do?!?!?!?!"
Cid: "I'm coming in now!"
Quistis: "CRAP CRAP CRAP!"
(Cid comes in)
Cid: "HOLY SHIT WHAT HAPPENED HERE!!!?!!"
Quistis: "I'm SOOO-SO sorry sir, it was all Seifer's fault and then Raijin and the food fight everything fell and the driving to the sea and the...*sees the headmaster smiling* wtf?"
Cid: "Well you certainly did better than me on my first day."
(Complete silence. the hunk of garden hanging by that one bolt completely falls off and crashes with a thud.)
Cid: "I was just testing you. I knew that bad things would happen."
Quistis: *fuming* "You out me through ALL THAT STRESS AND YOU DON'T EVEN CARE!?!?!??!?!?!"
Cid: "Now you see what I have to go through. Well enough of that. Lets open presents!.....Quistis, what are you doing with that whip?!?!?!? AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"
