Mario / Harry Potter
Chapter I
Dun...
DUUUUUUUUUUUUMMM DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMM...........
Bowser: I shall defeat you, Mario!
Mario: Who are you?
Bowser: I'm your longtime rival!
Bowser: I'm a crucial plot device!
Bowser: Just like Malfoy here! See? *Rubs Malfoy's head.*
Mario: What's a plot device?
Bowser: You're an idiot, aren't you, Mario?
Mario: I don't know, am I?
Bowser: You ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE AN IDIOT?
Bowser: I REALLY won't waste my time on you!
Mario: But you're my... uh...
Mario: Longtime Rival!
Mario: That's it! Do I get a prize?
Bowser: At least you can repeat things.
Bowser: Do you want to do a plot battle?
Mario: What's a... I mean, sure!
Bowser: OK, let's fight!
Mario: Fight?
Mario: I thought you said it was a plotfight!
Bowser: No, MARIO. YOU SIMPLETON! A PLOT FIGHT! LOOK AT THE SPACE!
Mario: Oh. *Ponders*. What's a space?
Bowser: Just start fighting, Ok?
*A huge fight insues. Everyone ignores them.*
Bowser: HEY!
*Bowser breathes fire at everyone who ignored him.*
*And at me for spelling "ensues" wrong.*
*Everyone runs for cover as the huge fight ensues.*
Bowser: That's MUCH better.
Mario: I can fight you! Watch!
*Mario does a high kick at Bowser's nose, but accidentally snaps it back into his groin!*
Mario: OOWWWW...... THAT HURT!
Bowser: I could just sit here...
Bowser: And let you beat yourself up!
Mario: I WILL GET YOU!
*Mario jumps on Bowser's head!*
*Nothing happens.*
Mario: I said, I WILL GET YOU!
*Mario again jumps on Bowser's head; hard.*
*And again, nothing happens.*
Mario: What's wrong with these boots? *Mario takes the boots off and examines them with a puzzled expression, like he usually has on.*
Bowser: I think it's you, Mario, not your boots...
Mario: But it says in Paper Mario: "YOU HAVE THE ULTRA BOOTS!"
Mario: "NOW, YOU CAN DO THREE DAMAGE WITH EACH JUMP! YOU CAN ALSO JUMP HIGHER THAN EVER!"
Mario: That is what the game says.
Bowser: In any game where YOU can beat ME, the game is lying.
Bowser: And is not to be trusted.
Bowser: Now, watch!
*Bowser calls Draco Malfoy up from the large audience cheering for him.*
Bowser: Now, remember...
Bowser: On the count of three, lightly tap Mario on the head!
Draco: Ok, sir! We smart people have to stick together! I'll let you finish Harry Potter!
Mario: HARRY POTTER?
Mario: YOU MEAN THAT OLD FRIEND OF MINE?
Mario: He's funny!
*Draco lightly taps Mario on the head.*
*Mario crumples up in a heap.*
Bowser: Do you want me to make him crushed in a Monster Truck?
Bowser: 'Cause I can!
Draco: What's my reward?
Bowser: A monster truck!
*Bowser give Draco a Monster Truck that he's never had the time to drive, as he's too busy breathing fire at people.*
*Draco starts off in the Monster Truck.*
Draco: WHEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Draco: THIS IS FUN!
Draco: I learned how to drive by playing Video Games!
Draco: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Draco: Plus, I am Special!
Draco: How, do you ask?
Draco: That's a good question.
*The scene shifts to Harry Potter, trying to put on his socks.*
Harry: Draco!
Harry: I NEED YOUR HELP PUTTING ON THESE SOCKS!
Draco: Oh, are you having trouble? *Draco puts the truck on maximum speed. Harry doesn't seem to notice.*
Harry: YES! I NEED YOUR HELP PUTTING ON THESE SOCKS!
Draco: Have you ever heard of "redundancy"?
Harry: NO! I NEED YOUR HELP PUTTING ON THESE SOCKS!
Harry: Why do I need socks?
Harry: What purpose do socks serve?
Harry: Why do I need shoes, either?
Harry: What do shoes matter in a fight?
Harry: And how about...
*The Author makes sure that Harry doesn't get any further into this exploration of his thought, a tiny territory which has nevertheless never been explored, by diverting his attention to the huge Monster Truck that is about to run him over.*
Harry: Oooh.... Pretty Colors!
*The Monster Truck rolls over Harry while he finally figures out that his feet were in the wrong socks.*
Draco: YEA! I've always wanted to do that!
*Draco rolls over Harry again!*
*And again!*
*And again and again and again and again!*
*WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
Bowser: Good job!
Bowser: I think the Monster Truck died.
Bowser: From the smell of that... uh....
*Bowser points to the remains of Harry Potter.*
Bowser: THING over there.
Bowser: I have a spare steamroller somewhere.
Bowser: But that's for Chapter II:
Bowser: I TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
Bowser: And share it with Voldemort.
Bowser: And his supporters.
Bowser: Anyway.
Bowser: See you next time on the "MARIO SUCKS CHANNEL!*
Bowser: Brought to you in part by:
Bowser: Our sponsors!
Bowser: And mostly brought to you by me.
*Bowser shatters the TV set.*
*Scene ends.*
Chapter I
Dun...
DUUUUUUUUUUUUMMM DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMM...........
Bowser: I shall defeat you, Mario!
Mario: Who are you?
Bowser: I'm your longtime rival!
Bowser: I'm a crucial plot device!
Bowser: Just like Malfoy here! See? *Rubs Malfoy's head.*
Mario: What's a plot device?
Bowser: You're an idiot, aren't you, Mario?
Mario: I don't know, am I?
Bowser: You ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE AN IDIOT?
Bowser: I REALLY won't waste my time on you!
Mario: But you're my... uh...
Mario: Longtime Rival!
Mario: That's it! Do I get a prize?
Bowser: At least you can repeat things.
Bowser: Do you want to do a plot battle?
Mario: What's a... I mean, sure!
Bowser: OK, let's fight!
Mario: Fight?
Mario: I thought you said it was a plotfight!
Bowser: No, MARIO. YOU SIMPLETON! A PLOT FIGHT! LOOK AT THE SPACE!
Mario: Oh. *Ponders*. What's a space?
Bowser: Just start fighting, Ok?
*A huge fight insues. Everyone ignores them.*
Bowser: HEY!
*Bowser breathes fire at everyone who ignored him.*
*And at me for spelling "ensues" wrong.*
*Everyone runs for cover as the huge fight ensues.*
Bowser: That's MUCH better.
Mario: I can fight you! Watch!
*Mario does a high kick at Bowser's nose, but accidentally snaps it back into his groin!*
Mario: OOWWWW...... THAT HURT!
Bowser: I could just sit here...
Bowser: And let you beat yourself up!
Mario: I WILL GET YOU!
*Mario jumps on Bowser's head!*
*Nothing happens.*
Mario: I said, I WILL GET YOU!
*Mario again jumps on Bowser's head; hard.*
*And again, nothing happens.*
Mario: What's wrong with these boots? *Mario takes the boots off and examines them with a puzzled expression, like he usually has on.*
Bowser: I think it's you, Mario, not your boots...
Mario: But it says in Paper Mario: "YOU HAVE THE ULTRA BOOTS!"
Mario: "NOW, YOU CAN DO THREE DAMAGE WITH EACH JUMP! YOU CAN ALSO JUMP HIGHER THAN EVER!"
Mario: That is what the game says.
Bowser: In any game where YOU can beat ME, the game is lying.
Bowser: And is not to be trusted.
Bowser: Now, watch!
*Bowser calls Draco Malfoy up from the large audience cheering for him.*
Bowser: Now, remember...
Bowser: On the count of three, lightly tap Mario on the head!
Draco: Ok, sir! We smart people have to stick together! I'll let you finish Harry Potter!
Mario: HARRY POTTER?
Mario: YOU MEAN THAT OLD FRIEND OF MINE?
Mario: He's funny!
*Draco lightly taps Mario on the head.*
*Mario crumples up in a heap.*
Bowser: Do you want me to make him crushed in a Monster Truck?
Bowser: 'Cause I can!
Draco: What's my reward?
Bowser: A monster truck!
*Bowser give Draco a Monster Truck that he's never had the time to drive, as he's too busy breathing fire at people.*
*Draco starts off in the Monster Truck.*
Draco: WHEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Draco: THIS IS FUN!
Draco: I learned how to drive by playing Video Games!
Draco: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Draco: Plus, I am Special!
Draco: How, do you ask?
Draco: That's a good question.
*The scene shifts to Harry Potter, trying to put on his socks.*
Harry: Draco!
Harry: I NEED YOUR HELP PUTTING ON THESE SOCKS!
Draco: Oh, are you having trouble? *Draco puts the truck on maximum speed. Harry doesn't seem to notice.*
Harry: YES! I NEED YOUR HELP PUTTING ON THESE SOCKS!
Draco: Have you ever heard of "redundancy"?
Harry: NO! I NEED YOUR HELP PUTTING ON THESE SOCKS!
Harry: Why do I need socks?
Harry: What purpose do socks serve?
Harry: Why do I need shoes, either?
Harry: What do shoes matter in a fight?
Harry: And how about...
*The Author makes sure that Harry doesn't get any further into this exploration of his thought, a tiny territory which has nevertheless never been explored, by diverting his attention to the huge Monster Truck that is about to run him over.*
Harry: Oooh.... Pretty Colors!
*The Monster Truck rolls over Harry while he finally figures out that his feet were in the wrong socks.*
Draco: YEA! I've always wanted to do that!
*Draco rolls over Harry again!*
*And again!*
*And again and again and again and again!*
*WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
Bowser: Good job!
Bowser: I think the Monster Truck died.
Bowser: From the smell of that... uh....
*Bowser points to the remains of Harry Potter.*
Bowser: THING over there.
Bowser: I have a spare steamroller somewhere.
Bowser: But that's for Chapter II:
Bowser: I TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
Bowser: And share it with Voldemort.
Bowser: And his supporters.
Bowser: Anyway.
Bowser: See you next time on the "MARIO SUCKS CHANNEL!*
Bowser: Brought to you in part by:
Bowser: Our sponsors!
Bowser: And mostly brought to you by me.
*Bowser shatters the TV set.*
*Scene ends.*
