Mario / Harry Potter

Chapter I

Dun...

DUUUUUUUUUUUUMMM DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMM...........

Bowser: I shall defeat you, Mario!

Mario: Who are you?

Bowser: I'm your longtime rival!

Bowser: I'm a crucial plot device!

Bowser: Just like Malfoy here! See? *Rubs Malfoy's head.*

Mario: What's a plot device?

Bowser: You're an idiot, aren't you, Mario?

Mario: I don't know, am I?

Bowser: You ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE AN IDIOT?

Bowser: I REALLY won't waste my time on you!

Mario: But you're my... uh...

Mario: Longtime Rival!

Mario: That's it! Do I get a prize?

Bowser: At least you can repeat things.

Bowser: Do you want to do a plot battle?

Mario: What's a... I mean, sure!

Bowser: OK, let's fight!

Mario: Fight?

Mario: I thought you said it was a plotfight!

Bowser: No, MARIO. YOU SIMPLETON! A PLOT FIGHT! LOOK AT THE SPACE!

Mario: Oh. *Ponders*. What's a space?

Bowser: Just start fighting, Ok?

*A huge fight insues. Everyone ignores them.*

Bowser: HEY!

*Bowser breathes fire at everyone who ignored him.*

*And at me for spelling "ensues" wrong.*

*Everyone runs for cover as the huge fight ensues.*

Bowser: That's MUCH better.

Mario: I can fight you! Watch!

*Mario does a high kick at Bowser's nose, but accidentally snaps it back into his groin!*

Mario: OOWWWW...... THAT HURT!

Bowser: I could just sit here...

Bowser: And let you beat yourself up!

Mario: I WILL GET YOU!

*Mario jumps on Bowser's head!*

*Nothing happens.*

Mario: I said, I WILL GET YOU!

*Mario again jumps on Bowser's head; hard.*

*And again, nothing happens.*

Mario: What's wrong with these boots? *Mario takes the boots off and examines them with a puzzled expression, like he usually has on.*

Bowser: I think it's you, Mario, not your boots...

Mario: But it says in Paper Mario: "YOU HAVE THE ULTRA BOOTS!"

Mario: "NOW, YOU CAN DO THREE DAMAGE WITH EACH JUMP! YOU CAN ALSO JUMP HIGHER THAN EVER!"

Mario: That is what the game says.

Bowser: In any game where YOU can beat ME, the game is lying.

Bowser: And is not to be trusted.

Bowser: Now, watch!

*Bowser calls Draco Malfoy up from the large audience cheering for him.*

Bowser: Now, remember...

Bowser: On the count of three, lightly tap Mario on the head!

Draco: Ok, sir! We smart people have to stick together! I'll let you finish Harry Potter!

Mario: HARRY POTTER?

Mario: YOU MEAN THAT OLD FRIEND OF MINE?

Mario: He's funny!

*Draco lightly taps Mario on the head.*

*Mario crumples up in a heap.*

Bowser: Do you want me to make him crushed in a Monster Truck?

Bowser: 'Cause I can!

Draco: What's my reward?

Bowser: A monster truck!

*Bowser give Draco a Monster Truck that he's never had the time to drive, as he's too busy breathing fire at people.*

*Draco starts off in the Monster Truck.*

Draco: WHEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Draco: THIS IS FUN!

Draco: I learned how to drive by playing Video Games!

Draco: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Draco: Plus, I am Special!

Draco: How, do you ask?

Draco: That's a good question.

*The scene shifts to Harry Potter, trying to put on his socks.*

Harry: Draco!

Harry: I NEED YOUR HELP PUTTING ON THESE SOCKS!

Draco: Oh, are you having trouble? *Draco puts the truck on maximum speed. Harry doesn't seem to notice.*

Harry: YES! I NEED YOUR HELP PUTTING ON THESE SOCKS!

Draco: Have you ever heard of "redundancy"?

Harry: NO! I NEED YOUR HELP PUTTING ON THESE SOCKS!

Harry: Why do I need socks?

Harry: What purpose do socks serve?

Harry: Why do I need shoes, either?

Harry: What do shoes matter in a fight?

Harry: And how about...

*The Author makes sure that Harry doesn't get any further into this exploration of his thought, a tiny territory which has nevertheless never been explored, by diverting his attention to the huge Monster Truck that is about to run him over.*

Harry: Oooh.... Pretty Colors!

*The Monster Truck rolls over Harry while he finally figures out that his feet were in the wrong socks.*

Draco: YEA! I've always wanted to do that!

*Draco rolls over Harry again!*

*And again!*

*And again and again and again and again!*

*WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Bowser: Good job!

Bowser: I think the Monster Truck died.

Bowser: From the smell of that... uh....

*Bowser points to the remains of Harry Potter.*

Bowser: THING over there.

Bowser: I have a spare steamroller somewhere.

Bowser: But that's for Chapter II:

Bowser: I TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

Bowser: And share it with Voldemort.

Bowser: And his supporters.

Bowser: Anyway.

Bowser: See you next time on the "MARIO SUCKS CHANNEL!*

Bowser: Brought to you in part by:

Bowser: Our sponsors!

Bowser: And mostly brought to you by me.

*Bowser shatters the TV set.*

*Scene ends.*