And yet again, I add onto my self agonizing story… "Lonely, Cold, and Trying to Forget." All characters are mine… This is set a few months after the breakup between Merian and Mena. I'm using another song, it happens to be again, a Boyz II Men song- 'Boyz II Men- Pass You By.'
*~*~*~*~*
The sun was at the horizon, and the twilight was setting in. He sat in the park, laying upon the grass. It was summer, a warm few months. Merian was out on leave when he saw the stars slowly manifesting themselves out upon the night sky.
Looking back, he almost went crazy those few days after he broke up with her- Everywhere he looked, everywhere he turned, everything he saw reminded him of her.
// Her face, those eyes… //
She was like nothing I've ever known
Her eyes shone like diamonds in a field of snow
May that destiny led her to me
I made her feel that life was now complete
// I still love her, even now- I'm wallowing in my own self pity… //
He leaned his head against a rock, his eyes floated against the skyline of Dulcinea City. The slow sound of orchestral music came to his ears…
**
His fingers danced across the string as the notes smoothly flowed out of the violin. The clear notes of the first violin part to 'Turkish March' by Mozart seemed to hang in the air. A slow creak of the door behind him caused him to cease the quick notes and the vibrant music.
"Yes?"
"Hey, I was wondering what was up…" It was Jen. He turned around to see what was going on. "I just wanted to see you practicing."
"I'm kinda rusty, actually…" He rubbed his blue hair and he looked at the ground, then back up at her. "You didn't sound that rusty when I was walking up the stairs," She looked at him and gave him one of her innocent smiles.
"Ehh, alright… It's only been three years but I'm still rusty." He shrugged it off and he watched her take a seat next to him.
Once again, the music began to dance in the air as the bow flew across the strings.
Several hours later, the music stopped, Jen was out of the room, the violin was
in it's case, and Merian lay on his bed, staring into nothingness.
// Why… Why do I still think about her… it's slowly eating me away, it's killing me inside… suppressing these feelings doesn't do any good for me, I still seem to think about her more and more… why is it so hard to just let these things go? //
**
A thousand days have passed,
The nights gone by
Seen the glow slowly fading from her eyes
And though she denies her pain and her dismay
Oh, I said this to her anyway…
He remembered those nights when he sat with her, when they talked until dawn came the next day, and eventually until those days before they broke up, he noticed her starting to drift away, they began to talk less and less.
Suddenly, his cell phone rang. It was Jen.
"They need you back at the base. Something unexpected."
"Alright, thanks."
Merian got up to get back to his car, and a cold breeze hit his cheek as he looked back at the starlit sky.
// Those days, those long nights… //
**
The quiet sound of chatter drifted through the apartment, interrupted by small bursts of laughter or bouts of silence. Two figures sat in the dim moonlight, gazing toward the stars.
Slowly wrapping his arms around her, they both sat upon the couch, looking out the large window of their apartment. Merian slowly put up his hand and pointed towards a point in the sky.
"Polaris is right… there." Suddenly, a glow of
light caught Mena's eye as she told him.
"It's a shooting star, make a wish…"
"That no matter what, I will always love you
forever." She smiled and kissed him upon the nose.
"Me too."
Eventually, the small echo of talk and chat drifted away as they both fell asleep in each other's arms…
**
The many headlights whizzed past his eyes, creating blurry lines of white. Staying concentrated upon the road was weird as he kept thinking about Mena.
// I remember them so clearly, so vividly… I can't believe I haven't forgotten about her. What was it, what was so much about her that kept my attention even long after we stopped loving each other… or rather… her loving me… //
Don't have to stay with someone that makes you cry
You'll end up killing all the love you have inside
Don't hope to see the sun in you if you don't open your eyes
Girl don't let real love pass you by…
So many of those nights painfully reminded him of the love he lost, of the girl he let go- Eventually he made up for that with Jen- All those nights of talking, those nights of sharing dreams, and nightmares. Those nights helped ease the pain… only momentarily. Those hours, those minutes, those seconds where Jen actually made him feel like he meant something to someone…
**
She had accidentally walked in on him, when he was in one of those moments of aftershock. Or had it seemed to be that he was always in aftershock, unless she was kissing him or she had him in bed? She didn't know. She opened the door to see him at his desk, shedding his tears. Right after she opened the door, she automatically knew that he knew she was there. She walked up to him, and put a hand on his shoulder.
"You okay?" Jen tried to act like she didn't know anything about it- She hadn't seen him acting like this ever since the first day she came to him so early in the morning. He turned his head towards her, his eyes all puffy and red.
"I don't know anymore." He sniffed as a final tear slid
down his cheek. She began to give him a backrub as she looked at the back of
his head.
"Tell me what's up, please?" A few seconds of silence ensued as his mouth kept
opening, only to have nothing to come out.
"I can't stop thinking about her." He paused, and looked at the ceiling. "Every second I'm not doing anything, I can't keep my mind off of her. It's like everything I see reminds me of her… I feel helpless because I don't know what to do about it."
**
He arrived at the base. His lieutenant greeted him and
they shook hands.
"Sorry to have gotten you out of what you were doing-"
"It's okay. I wasn't doing much." He quickly interrupted his superior officer.
"Alright. Get suited up and we'll move you out."
Another day, another time, another mission. He was being sent out to attack some helpless base.
// Alright, it's just a mission. Just a mission. Don't let those thoughts get in the way. //
Slowly, he approached the enemy base and his mind kept wandering…
... Listen to your heart and let it show
Don't hold onto your pain,
Just let it go…
// Let it go… //
He thought to himself, he let that play in his mind as he barely noticed the warning bleeps and screams from the console in front of him.
// Let it go… //
He ignored those warning screams, the sound and notice that the machine was giving him that a missile locked onto his Votal. He ignored it. Suddenly, he saw everyone back at home, weeping for him.
// Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I'll be fine… //
Leaving the controls, he clasped his hands over the visor of his helmet and he closed his eyes.
// I'll be fine, don't worry- //
And he was immersed in blackness.
*Owari*
A/N: I ended this quick because I didn't know what to do with it. I didn't care, I'm too caught up in my own life… maybe I should learn how to let things go… well that's my problem. I know that's the bad part about it. Flame me all you want, I ended it horribly- but it's the worst I can do right now, I have more on my mind. Please review when you finish, and thanks for reading.
