Fate copyright 1998 to L'Arc~en~Ciel.
Fushigi Yuugi and all characters are property of Watase Yuu.
KOORI:ICE
In all history, there is not instance of a country having benefited from prolonged warfare. Only one who knows the disastrous effects of a long war can realize the supreme importance of rapidity in bringing it to a close.
Sun Tzu, The Art of War
"And you're not letting Miaka cook."
Taka fixed me with a stare that would have frozen molten lava, and I held up my hands. "Ok, ok, she's not cooking. I'll cook."
"IIE!"
"I'm not that bad a cook. Tetsuya is much worse than-"
"Keisuke," Taka said patiently. "I think the whole Yuuki family has some disease that prevents them from tasting food properly. I will cook. You will sit out in the living room and entertain the guests when they get here."
"Whatever." I held up my hands in defeat. "It's your house. Don't get so worked up about a little party."
Taka didn't reply, already heading back through the door to the kitchen. I sighed and backtracked my steps to the living room, where Miaka and Tetsuya were engrossed in a battle of Nintendo 64 on the battered TV.
"Oh, hello Oniichan-TETSUYA!"
"Taka's cooking," I remarked, seating myself on one of the worn sofas. Tetsuya threw his controller on the floor.
"I can't believe I just got beat by a high school student."
Miaka giggled. "Want some chocolate?"
"Iie."
Tetsuya looked at his watch, then up at the clock on the wall. "They should be here soon," he said. "It's almost six thirty."
I heard the ragged edge to his voice, as well as he tried to hide it. I had never understood why exactly he and Yui had broken up, just heard the simple fact from him when they arrived back in Japan a few months ago. That Yui had left him. That Yui had a new boyfriend.
The boyfriend was supposed to be coming here tonight, supposed to be in Japan for a few weeks visting, and Yui had invited him over to the party with the rest of us. I'd never taken Yui for the type to play around, yet the new boyfriend was someone she'd apparently met in America on the trip. How long had that been? A month? Two? Strange. A summer flirt Yui certainly was not.
Tetsuya hadn't given me the details and I had never been the type to pry. Yet the shadows behind his eyes when we all went out together…the certain quality in his voice when he spoke her name, all seemed to signify that something deeper than simple miscommunication had pulled them apart.
After all, they'd been together for two years.
Yui did seem happier after the trip. She smiled more now, laughed and joked with Miaka like they used to before she became Seiryuu no Miko. She smiled when she spoke about her new boyfriend, who was a college student in the United States studying engineering. About how proud she was of him. About how it was the right choice to make. Not caring if Tetsuya heard her comments or not, and I was surprised he wasn't more hurt by them.
I'd asked him once, and he had just shrugged. "It's her choice," he had said. "Her life. I want her to be happy."
After a while, I had given up trying to figure it out and just accepted it. It was too strange.
The doorbell rang.
"I'll get it." I pushed myself off the couch and unlocked the door, pulling it open.
A young man, brown haired, gray eyed, stood there carrying an elaborate gift-wrapped package, smiling uncertainly as he saw me. He was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans.
"Hello? Is this the Sukinami residence?"
I grinned. "Yup. Professor Duke Prio, I assume?"
He reached out to shake my hand. "Yes. And you are…?"
"Yuuki Keisuke. Nice to meet you."
His face cleared. "Miaka's brother?"
"CHIRIKO!"
Miaka grabbed the astonished boy in a fierce hug. "You came!"
"I got done grading essays early today, so I decided to drop by. This is your brother?"
I nodded. "Guilty as charged."
"ONIIchan."
I grinned. "Yes?"
Miaka escorted Duke into the house and I went into the kitchen to get him a soft drink. The air was full of strange vapors and odors, and I wrinkled my nose.
"Taka? What's that smell?"
"Herbs, you idiot. And DON'T TOUCH THAT!"
I hurriedly snatched my hand away from the lid of an interesting looking pot. "What are you cooking?"
Taka wiped the sweat away from his forehead, looking rather proud of himself. "Chinese. Doesn't it smell great?"
"Uh, yeah."
I was spared from a tongue-lashing comeback by the doorbell. When I emerged out into the foyer after handing Duke his drink, Miaka and Tetsuya had already opened the door. A grinning Andy stood there, holding a box of chocolates and a bunch of flowers.
"Flowers!" Miaka clapped her hands. "How pretty!"
Andy bowed slightly. "I bought them just for you. And I did manage to get away from the paparazzi for this evening. I hope."
I rolled my eyes as my sister giggled and threw her arms around the pop star. She was still such a child, at seventeen.
Andy caught my look and gave me a look of his own out of the corner of his eye. It was strange how we could understand each other. When he had been Hotohori and when I had only been a spectator of the events of the Shin Jin Ten Chi Sho, I had always felt awed by his presence, even in writing, as if even the mention of his name upon the page was reverent. Yet now he was the Suzaku seishi I felt closest to. I could tell him things I had never told Tetsuya, and he would understand. Because he was so much older than I was and had seen far too much in his short life than I ever would in mine.
"Keisuke?"
I blinked. Miaka had gone chattering into the kitchen to find a vase for the flowers. Tetsuya was glancing owishly around the living room.
"What is it, Andy?"
"I loved her once. You know that."
I sighed. "I know, I know. Just-I wish she would grow up."
There was something dark and blank behind his eyes and he patted me gently on the shoulder.
"Keisuke…she is grown up. She'll never be a child again."
He patted me on the arm again before brushing past me on the way to the living room. I didn't move for a moment, staring at the spot he had just vacated and felt that cold emptiness in my chest again like when Nakago had died.
We had won, and I still felt so…empty.
The doorbell rang.
"I'll get it!" I called into the living room. Andy waved a hand in reply and I unlocked the door again with a smile pasted on my face.
"Oh hello, Yui! And…"
I trailed off. Yui looked older than her eighteen years, dressed in a soft flowery dress and holding a wrapped present. She smiled at me and I frowned slightly as I turned to the boy next to her.
He was young and straw blond, with bluish-gray eyes. His smile was bright, though a little uncertain, and as he saw me, he flinched. My outstretched hand wavered as I looked into his eyes. There was fear hiding there.
Why would he be afraid of me?
"Hello," I ventured in English. "I'm Yuuki Keisuke. Miaka's brother. Pleased to meet you…?"
"Steven," he said, finally reaching out to shake my hand. "Steven Grant."
I shook hands with him, suddenly wary of his too-warm smile and Yui's worried eyes.
"Miaka? Yui's here!"
"YUI-CHAN!"
I watched Yui hug Miaka as enthusiastically as my sister hugged her, watched as she tried to smile and glanced at Steven Grant out of the corner of her eye. Watched as Steven and she exchanged a look that spoke volumes.
I shook my head. "Taka!"
There was a muffled grunt from the kitchen.
"The guests are here now!" I left the gathering and stuck my head in the kitchen door. The smoke had cleared and Taka was carefully adorning a dish of vegetables with oyster sauce. "You want to come out and greet some people before we eat?"
He wiped his hands on a napkin, putting down the bottle, and followed me outside. The company was sitting in the living room, watching Tetsuya play Nintendo against Andy. Or rather, watching Tetsuya lose to Andy.
"Steven? This is Taka, Miaka's…err…fiancé. Taka, this-"
I broke off as Steven lept to his feet, brushing off Yui's warning arm. There was panic in his eyes and I watched in horrified confusion as he swallowed convulsively.
"Tama…Tamahome?"
I was standing on that crowded street again and hearing the cries of my sister in my ears and seeing the flying ryuuseisui spinning through the air like a stray globe of light, hearing the sickening thud as it crunched through flesh and bone and saw the blood spurt as he fell so far down. So far.
Yui…sama. A…ni…ki…
Taka's eyes widened and his hand went slowly to his mouth. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears.
"Suboshi?"
"At ease, Captain Cartwright. Have a seat."
The lieutenant colonel was short and stocky, like an older version of myself. His grip when we shook hands was still strong and firm, and I waited for him to take his seat before I seated myself on one of the worn leather chairs of his office.
"They tell me you're an excellent fuels manager."
I tried to look modest. "I do my best, sir."
The colonel's smile was understanding. "Don't we all. The papers I have on you here-" he gestured to a stack of paper stacked neatly on the corner of the desk, like a perfectly ordered rectangle-"have you down as the top maintenance officer of Mildenhall Air Base. That says a lot, Captain. You have done an excellent job with your flight."
"Thank you, sir."
"Therefore…"the colonel trailed off, adjusting his glasses. The "therefore" didn't sound too good.
"It's imperative that we keep good officers where we need them most. And Mildenhall has plenty of good fuels officers. Our bases in Asia, however, have a present shortage."
I could see where this was going.
"Based on your past experiences, you would have no problems adjusting to a different culture. So with that thought in mind, your next permanent change of station will be to Yokota Air Base, Japan."
I blinked.
"Yes, sir." What else was there to say? I was not going to argue with a lieutenant colonel.
"You will be commander of the fuels flight of the 374th Airlift Wing. Your credentials are excellent, and I'm sure I don't have to tell you how to do your job. Isn't that right, Captain Cartwright?"
"Yes, sir."
"This is a lifetime opportunity, Captain. Most people never even have the chance to vacation in Japan, much less live there. Yokota is about twenty-eight miles distance from Tokyo, and you will have plenty of time to sightsee, I promise you."
I tried to smile. "Thank you, sir."
"I'll have your paperwork sent over immediately. PCS to another country is more complicated, as you well know, so it might take a while to process."
"When do I leave, sir?"
"In a week and a half."
My mouth opened, but no sound came out. The colonel looked apologetic.
"I'm sorry for the short notice, but the Yokota Fuels flight commander recently had a serious accident and will be retiring soon. You were slated to replace him, but not before next year. I regret to have you hurry to Japan like this."
"Yes, sir."
I reported out and tried not to look too upset as I walked down the corridor back outside. The sun shone fitfully, covered by clouds, and I walked slowly back to my office. I had no objection to going to Japan, but I would have appreciated it if I had known about this earlier. Permanent change of station was not an easy thing to process, especially PCS to another country, and I had just laid down plans for another year at Mildenhall, at least, with my leave scheduled and a new structure in the chain of command of my flight.
The military was a bureaucracy, no matter how Command tried to disguise it. A meddling bureaucracy with all the politics and all the mess of civilian affairs.
"Hey, Phil."
I glanced up, adjusting my flight cap in the breeze. Captain Sanchez, the flight commander of one of the maintenance flights. I raised my hand in greeting, hoping he wouldn't come talk to me. The man could talk for hours about the most trivial subjects.
No luck. He was heading over my way, falling into step beside me.
"Where are you headed?"
I shrugged. "Back to work. You?"
"Just got back from the gym and took a shower. Have you had lunch yet?"
I nodded sourly. "Just got back from lunch and reporting in with the lieutenant colonel."
Sanchez sucked in a breath. "How'd that go? Were you in trouble?"
I shook my head. "Just PCS. Japan."
"Japan!" Sanchez looked admiring. "Oh, fuels flight commander?"
I gave him a dark look. "How did you know?"
"Oh, I knew Captain Heinz injured his right eye about a week ago, and you were slated to replace him." He saw my frown. "You didn't know?"
"Not about the replacement, no. It seems I'm always the last one to know these things."
Sanchez looked consoling. "That's how it is. When I got transferred here to Mildenhall, they gave me the paperwork before telling me where I was actually going."
"Insane. They could have just found some other fuels flight commander at Yokota. Or even at the other two bases. It's not that hard, is it?"
Sanchez grinned. "They want you, man. You're good."
"Good at paperwork, maybe."
"It's more than that. You have the teamwork thing down. Most flight commanders are still working at it. Me included. You have talent."
I shrugged. "Maybe."
"You're just bitter." Sanchez patted me on the back and pulled the door of Maintenance open for me. "Think about it. Japan! The chance of a lifetime!"
"That's what the lieutenant colonel said."
"It's true! Opportunity, man! Japan is as exotic as you can get. You can meet some good people over there. And I heard the Japanese girls are pretty good looking." He smirked. "It's time you got to know some females, instead of spending your whole day up in that stuffy office of yours."
I saw in my mind the profile of a young girl, eyes shadowed with pain, voice frosty and cold.
I'll never forgive her, Nakago-sama.
"Yeah," I murmured. "That too."
As we sat down at the dinner table, I felt seven pairs of eyes on me and it was hard not to cower in my seat.
I had told Yui I shouldn't go. Told her I didn't want to go, because even though I had taken four years of Japanese and could function fine at a party or a gathering, I would not be welcome.
"No one will know," she said. "You don't look like Suboshi anymore."
"That's not the point," I said. "I'll know. And I'll have to tell them."
She had convinced me after all, as I knew she would. I'd put up a convincing argument, but we both knew I'd go anyway. It was just one of those things. We'd been together only a few months, but it seemed like more than a lifetime.
In some strange way, it was.
But she hadn't told me that Tamahome would be there.
The shock in his face, the pain in his eyes, was enough to bring it all back for me. When I thought my aniki had died, and the horrible empty loneliness and furious anger that I had felt. Those children, screaming, falling in their own wet blood. And then Tamahome as he came running up the path to greet a family that was no longer there.
I had forgotten.
He was known as Taka now, but it was the same Tamahome that I had almost killed twice. The same Tamahome that had almost killed me twice.
That final duel was still hazy in my mind, and I still wasn't quite sure what had actually happened. The ryuuseisui was the only thing in my memory, and Yui's bow as I clutched it when I fell. Speaking my aniki's name…
The dinner table was quiet with the sort of quiet that would sooner or later degenerate into a shouting match. I could feel Yui's stiff muscles beneath the touch of my hand, and Taka glared at me from across the table from beneath green-black hair. The meal was starting to cool, yet no one had moved to start eating.
I had to do something.
"Taka."
He blinked in surprise, then narrowed his eyes. I stood up from the table, pushing my chair back.
"Would you come with me?"
"Where to?' he growled. Yui looked at me in alarm, and I patted her hand.
"Somewhere private."
I gestured to him to walk ahead of me. It was his house, after all, but he kept glancing at me out of the corner of his eye, as if I would suddenly whip out a hidden ryuuseisui and take my revenge after all these years.
We stopped at the glass doors of a small study and he gestured me in, he following and closing the doors before turning to face me. His whole stance spoke of attack.
"What do you want, Suboshi?"
His voice was molten fire and unbreakable ice at the same time, and I held up my hands.
"Taka. Listen. I'm not Suboshi anymore."
"The hell you aren't!" he spat, hands curling into fists. "You recognized me, didn't you? You're the bastard who killed my family and almost killed Miaka and me. You made a damn mess of my life, and now you think you can just show up and waltz into my house anyway you please?"
"Taka-"
"You did something to Yui, didn't you? To make her trust you? You tricked her!"
"Taka, listen. I-"
"Don't you tell me your lies! I won't hear them!"
I grabbed his wrists. "Taka. LISTEN TO ME."
He clamped his mouth shut and glared at me. I was shocked by the venom in that gaze. Tamahome had been a gentle person, quick to listen and always willing to help. At least when I had watched him with Yui and then Miaka. Had Taka changed?
"I'm NOT Suboshi. Just like you're not Tamahome anymore. We were reborn, Taka."
"That-"
"I'm sorry about your family. I really am. If I could die again to reclaim all those lives I took, I would, believe me. But we were reborn for a reason, and I don't believe the gods would let this happen if we were to start old feuds all over again."
"You still killed my family."
"I'm SORRY, Taka. How many times do I have to say it? I thought you had killed my brother, and so I killed yours. But it was the wrong thing to do, and trust me, I regret it a million times over. Why do you think I saved your life?"
He had opened his mouth to respond, then shut it with a snap. There was a long moment of silence.
"Nani?"
"You don't think that ryuuseisui stopped on its own, do you? It would have hit you, Taka. But I had taken enough lives. I didn't want to take yours. You had a purpose and a destiny and a girl to love. I didn't have anything anymore…I just wanted to find peace. Someway."
I trailed off, feeling that aching in my chest again. Tried to blink away the tears. I didn't want to talk about this, but if it was the only way, then I would bring it up.
"I was stupid, Taka. Forgive me."
His eyes were wide and dark and the anger had drained away, leaving something confused and lost.
"I…" he said. "I didn't realize."
The old hate still tinted his voice but I could hear him calming down. Please, Taka. Listen.
"I want to say I'm sorry. For everything. You know, it's not easy having a girlfriend in Japan and explaining to everyone why exactly I'd start dating a girl the day I met her, and a foreign girl at that. My parents had a fit. But Yui-sama…Yui…she's changed too. And so have I. And so have you."
He nodded grudgingly. "Yes."
"Can you forgive me?"
He didn't say anything.
"At least say we won't argue in public? Give our friends a nice dinner together? I'm going back to America next week. I want Yui to have something nice to remember."
Taka was silent a moment longer, then I saw his head go up and down once, grudgingly.
"Taka?"
"All right, Steven," he said quietly. "We won't argue. Not in public. I don't know if I've forgiven you yet, and I don't know if I ever will. But for Miaka's sake…and for Yui's…"
"I understand."
He gave me another long searching look, then opened the door, leaving the room without a backward glance. I took a long breath, blew it out, looking after him.
Ah, Tamahome. When will you understand?
It wasn't much. But it was a start.
I'd almost forgotten what moving in felt like.
Stephan had to work the day I arrived in Paris, so he had "someone" pick me up at the airport with my bags upon bags of belongings and take me back to his flat. I had no idea that "someone" would be his personal butler. I had no idea that Stephan BeauSeigneur was so wealthy.
Of course, that shouldn't have surprised me. He had been the second most powerful man in Kutou, after all.
The flat was roomy and comfortable, and the butler directed me to a second bedroom that had been obviously set up for me. I deposited my bags next to the full sized bed and looked around. Decorated in blue, simply and yet tastefully. The French seemed to have a knack for that kind of thing.
"If you need anything, Mr. Cortorro, just press this button."
I waved the butler off, tipping him. I hope Stephan didn't mind me tipping his servants. I was a poor musician, and not used to this kind of service. It felt like a hotel.
Suddenly, I missed my dirty apartment with the piles of laundry and unwashed dishes. Missed the lights of New York and the sun setting over the city skyline. I even missed the blinking green light of my answering machine, meaning that Marcie had called me yet again while I was out at quintet practice.
Ah, well.
I unpacked as best as I could, stuffing clothes into drawers and piling music books on the small desk. I had to remember to ask Stephan for some kind of shelf where I could store my extensive library. Placed my flute carefully on the desk after making sure it was still in one piece. Unfolded my stand and took out the expensive metronome my parents had gotten me for Christmas. They were just the kind of people to give a metronome to someone for a Christmas present, and I suppose I had needed one anyhow.
I looked at the soft bed and considered taking a nap, then decided against it. I should probably be awake when Stephan came home.
Stephan.
I'd called my parents and told them my living arrangements, not able to hide the hesitation in my voice every time I said his name.
You seem nervous, dear, my mother had said over the phone.
The butterflies were working in my stomach again and I felt a strange twisting in my gut. This was the man who had almost killed me, had as well killed my brother, had used every and all of us to his own ends, and yet I was to be living with him for the next few months of my mortal existence.
Damn well I was nervous.
The key clicked in the front door lock. I swallowed.
Footsteps in the front hallway. Someone taking off a coat.
"Merci, François."
That deep voice. The inflection. It had to be him.
I heard him murmur something else to his butler, and then his slow, measured footsteps coming closer. I grasped onto the doorframe for support.
And then he rounded the corner and our eyes met.
He looked the same, though dressed in an expensive business suit. Blond hair, kept slightly long, blue eyes cold as ice. I could almost see the symbol of Seiryuu blazing on his forehead. We stared at each other for a moment.
"Hello, Jeff."
"H-Hello." My muscles were frozen and I couldn't move.
He moved quickly, coming forward into the doorway, holding out his hand. "Shake my hand."
I gaped at him.
A slight smile appeared on his face, but it wasn't mocking, just understanding and friendly…and a little sad. "Shake my hand. Isn't that what they do in America?"
My flustered brain finally processed that he was offering his hand to me and I grasped it with my own numb one, moving it up and down. "Nakago-sama."
"Don't call me that." The warning note was in his voice, but it wasn't the deadly note I remembered from long past.
"All right…Stephan."
He smiled then-actually smiled!-and released my hand. "When did you get here?"
"About an hour ago." I looked down at my watch. "Yes, an hour. Your butler picked me up."
Stephan cast a glance back where the butler had been standing in the hall. "He's a good man, François. He's been working for me for a while."
"I see." The words sounded lame in my own ears, but I couldn't think of what else to say. My palms were sweating.
"Jeff."
His voice was gentle and I looked up to meet his blue gaze. The ice was gone, and in its place was a man.
"I'm not Nakago anymore, you know."
"Wh…what?"
His gaze held mine, and he leaned against the wall, not breaking eye contact.
"You don't have to be afraid of me. I'm not the man I was. I made a lot of mistakes…and I hope you can forgive me for it. That I can show you that I have changed."
I didn't answer.
"Can you at least give me a chance? Amiboshi? So we can break the ice? So we can start over?"
There was a pleading note in his voice that I'd never heard before, and it threw me off guard. Everything he was saying was throwing me off guard, and I didn't like it.
"I-"
"Please."
I looked into those blue eyes, proud and yet humble, stern and yet hopeful.
Nakago-sama…
He wasn't Nakago anymore. Just as I wasn't Amiboshi anymore. Maybe it was time to move on, to know the people we had both become. Maybe for once, he was telling the truth.
Shunkaku had always trusted. Even if he was betrayed, he trusted and he loved and he gave so much. If I could be like him, if I could start to be like him…
I'd do it for Shun. Just as I'd always done everything. I wasn't Amiboshi anymore, and he wasn't Suboshi anymore, if he even existed in this world. But I'd still do it for him, because he had wanted to believe in something good beyond what we had known. That the world really would turn out to be a better place.
And someday maybe I would find him and he would be proud of me, just as I was always ever so proud of him.
This time, I held out my hand and watched as the blue eyes watched me in turn, wary and not daring to hope.
"Shake my hand," I said. "Isn't that what they do in America?"
To my surprise, I saw tears in his eyes.
"Thank you, Amiboshi," he said, as the palm of his hand met mine.
"My name," I said, "is Jeff Cotorro."
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