The News From Lake Street
By Bald Eagle

NOTE: Sorry, I haven't been writing this for a few weeks, I've been busy. So here is the 4th post. This is based on the radio show "A Prairie Home Companion" by Garrison Keillor and MPR. This is also based on the segment "The News from Lake Wobegon" from that show. The last line of this News is taken from the show.

News 11/30

It's been a quiet week out on Lake Street, out near the edge of the 'burg. This week the high school puts out its Fall Drama, "Good Night Ladies," a comedy about a guy who loves, adores spiders and is deathly afraid of women. He received this fear at the age of 13, when he saw a female spider eat the male. During the show, its funny for that this guy is surrounded by beautiful women on all sides. It's great. Opening night was last night, and I heard it through the grapevine that it was a great show. I find theater very enjoyable. It allows fellow students to get out and be what they want in the form of acting. There is no normal. I've participated in school musicals before and found it to be loads of fun. Always on the performances, the stage crew are either running around frantic, watching to make sure a backdrop doesn't fall on some poor sap's head, hanging in the wings, or making out in a dark corner of the wings, and believe me, some of these things become pretty involved.
After a performance usually there's the cast party (or parties) which usually involves some drink, some hysterics, some more involved displays of affection, and usually goes very late into the night. The jokes fly and the music's playing and everyone has a great time. Some end with some sort of hangover the next day, but that's fine, that's all good. All in good fun........
Thanksgiving was fun out here on the street. It's a day of feast for all. As you drive up the street, the smells of baking pies and Thanksgiving meals invades the nostrils, and it gives you a sense of peace, which usually responds by your stomach, stomach saying, "Hey, you. Pay attention. You smell all this food, good. Feed me! You're not here to improve the landscape." One unusual incident happened last weekend. In the house of the Krebs', Mrs. Krebs, who had her heart set on making a grand Thanksgiving meal, had a rather strange incident. She had begun to roast the turkey and she had to run out on an errand. Jane, her oldest daughter, was in the bathroom (which is like her second home) fixing herself up for the day, and was in the process of setting her hair straight. Now she had a little brother (oh yeah). His name was Greg, aged 10, and he was quite the practical joker. He had something rolled up his sleeve for his sister, today on this day of thanks. She had gone out of the bathroom to get a hair scrunchie from her room. He began to make his move.
He only had a few seconds. He went in and grabbed the hair spray off the sink and made off with it. He was going to hide it somewhere. He ran down the stairs, a big grin on his face. Jane entered the bathroom again, humming her favorite R&P song, and then noticed the terrible atrocity. She instantly knew who it was. She roared down the stairs like a bull, hell-bent on turning her brother into unrecognizable scarlet splatters. He had to hide the hair spray quickly or he was in for it. He looked around in the kitchen and saw what he thought was the best place--the stove. She'd never look in there. He threw it in the stove with the roasting turkey and ran outside. Jane heard the door slam and ran out the door. Both didn't go too far when they heard the explosion. The house became illuminated with light, and quickly faded away. Both turned and Greg's jaw dropped. Jane's mind was reeling: oh no. Oh no he didn't. But the look on Greg's face said it all. Ohhhhhhhhh....he did. A new wave of adrenaline rushed over her and now she was going to murder him. She was ready to move when they both saw Mrs. Krebs pull up. And then Greg said something he never said before...

"Oh shit."

When Mrs. Krebs saw what occurred, the reality didn't hit her at first. In fact, the first thing she thought was, contraception. Why didn't I use contraception?

That's the news from Lake Street, where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.

More to come soon.....................................