The darkness surrounding him had become tangible, Harry fought to break free from it, but it persistently pressed in on him.
Slowly, the same way the sun rises languidly at dawn and
moves in stealth across the sky, the darkness receded.
Harry blinked as the pure white light flooded in on
him. But this was no holy light of
salvation. It was only the natural
glare of daytime amplified by the white walls of the Hospital Wing.
Harry felt as though his limbs were leaden. He blinked absentmindedly at the blurry
shapes before him, but made no move to reach for his glasses.
It was the first time in his life that Harry Potter had
woken without hope.
The last few weeks he had been single-minded in his
desperation to get back to Hogwarts, but now that he had achieved that, the
world seemed an empty, hollow place. How did he think they could help him? He didn't doubt that Madame Pomfrey would have already removed his few
injuries. But what could anyone do for
his soul?
Reluctantly Harry felt his mind drawn back to the moment
that had ignited such a drastic change in his life.
"Kill the spare… Avada Kedavra… Kill the spare…"
Cedric Diggory had been killed, and with him a part of
Harry had died also. The innocence that
had allowed him to overcome so much in his short life had been taken away with
one single spell.
Harry knew that somewhere, deep inside himself he could
still feel remorse, that nagging voice which brought about the insatiable waves
of guilt. But for now all he would
feel, all he would allow himself to feel was numb.
When he couldn't feel, he wouldn't have to acknowledge the
fact that he'd betrayed everyone.
He wouldn't have to remember the things he'd said, thought
and done… God what had he done?
He could forget that he'd become what he'd always hated,
that he was a Death Eater.
~~~
"I need to know what happened!" Cried Snape exasperated.
"That information is not mine to divulge Severus." Replied Dumbledore calmly.
Having only recently recovered from the shock he'd received
in the Hospital Wing, Snape was now becoming immensely curious, desperate to
know what had happened, what events had conspired to brand Harry Potter a Death
Eater.
"But how can I help him if I don't know what
happened?" Urged Snape resentfully.
Dumbledore shook his head. Snape knew that whatever it had been, it must have been big. He hadn't seen Dumbledore look so solemn
since the night that James and Lily had died.
"What do you want me to do?" He asked sharply.
"Severus, he needs to talk. And I know he wont talk to me. You must talk to him. You
need to get him to tell you what happened, and then you are going to
help him deal with it." Said Dumbledore
in a tone that stated clearly that there would be no debate about this.
Snape fought the mad urge to laugh… instead he found
himself nodding sibilantly and standing to leave. It was clear that it would be up to him to do for Harry what had
been done for him so many years ago.
"I'll do what I can." He said quietly, and then he swept from the headmaster's office and
started for the Hospital Wing.
A barrage of thoughts pounded in his head as he drew nearer
the room. What could he say or do to
get the boy talking? Hadn't he always
treated Harry with the utmost contempt and ridiculed him tirelessly. Why then would Harry prefer to spill the
darkest secret of his soul to him rather than to Dumbledore?
In a sudden moment of inspiration Snape knew why Dumbledore
had chosen him.
~~~
There was a sudden flurry of noise. Harry felt a dull flare of interest inside
of him and forced his eyes back open.
He watched as the blurry figure approached. He thought for one horrible moment that the
person coming nearer was Voldemort, but then he made out the hooked nose and
greasy hair and knew at once that it was someone much worse.
~~~
Snape knew what he had to do. The only way he'd get anything out of Harry would be to force him
to feel again, and he would do this in the best way he knew how…
"So Potter… got tired of being everyone's favourite hero?"
The sneering voice would normally have stirred up strong
feelings of resentment and anger in Harry, but this time Harry seemed only able
to register the words with bland acknowledgement.
The insults continued.
"Not the brave Gryffindor you thought you were eh? Just a pathetic snivelling coward."
No reaction
After ten minutes of the most scathing attacks Snape could
imagine he was beginning to wonder if he'd ever be able to break through the
cocoon in which Harry had sealed himself.
There was one last angle, the thing that Snape knew would
hurt Harry the most, which he'd hoped he wouldn't be required to use.
"Your parents would be ashamed of you Harry. They'd wish they'd never had a son. But why should you care? You'll never see them anyway, Death Eaters
don't have a place where your parents are…"
~~~
His parents… In all
his life Harry had never felt such pain as this. Worse than cruciatus, worse than any laceration or burn, or any
number of broken bones.
Pain that meant he couldn't breathe, couldn't see, or hear
or think. Just pain… in its purest
form. The torrent of emotion that came
upon him caused Harry to pass out, his thin frame wracked with seizure and his
heart broken beyond endurance.
~~~
"I KILLED HIM!"
The four of them tried everything they could to stop it,
but nothing seemed to work.
"I KILLED HIM!"
Dumbledore, Snape, Pomfrey and McGonagall, even together
the four of them couldn't seem to break through Harry's shell.
"How's he doing it Albus?" Exclaimed Poppy Pomfrey as another stunning spell richoced away from the
hysterical Harry.
"I KILLED HIM!"
"I don't know. But
we aren't getting anywhere." Shouted
Dumbledore above Harry's tortured moaning.
Suddenly the noise stopped. There was a dead silence in the Hospital Wing.
All four adults stared at Harry who now lay completely
still.
They didn't realise they'd been holding their breath until
all four sighed in relief at seeing Harry's chest begin to rise and fall again.
Slowly they came back to their senses.
"W-who did he k-kill?" Whispered McGonagall growing pale.
Dumbledore turned away from the rest of them his head
bowed.
"I only hope it isn't who I think it is." He said without turning around.
~~~
Harry's world of pain suddenly fell away. He was floating, floating backwards.
"Why did you leave?"
The voice no longer scared him. Harry had grown to hate the voice more than fear it.
"I wont do it anymore." He replied adamantly.
"Harry, you can't turn away now. Besides, they wont want you back, not when they find out the
truth."
"I don't care!" Replied Harry zealously even if he knew inside that he did care.
"We shall see."
Suddenly Harry had plunged into the world he feared the
most.
The world of his memories…
His haunted past…
~~~***Flashback: Harry remembers the start of summer***~~~
"Take your wand an use it."
At first the insistent voice had been laughed at, Harry
would never have thought of doing what it told him.
"They're muggle scum, they locked you away! They deserve to suffer! They deserve to die!"
The voice at first had seemed to come from somewhere else,
but slowly Harry started to believe that it came from inside himself.
"They're so pitiful, they're beneath you. Put them out of their misery."
Harry felt his wand's warmth in his hand grow for an
instant.
"No-one would blame you, you'd be doing the world a
service."
He felt his legs move of their own accord.
"You'd be free of them at last!"
He was going to find his uncle
"You have this power, it's time to use it!"
As if he'd come out of a trance Harry stumbled, realised
what he'd been about to do.
In a panic he fled.
Bolting out of the front door with nothing but his wand in
his hand, he ran. Ignoring the
startled, angry yells of the Dursleys he tore down the road.
I have to get away!
Slowly Harry realised that he was lost, he had no money,
nowhere to go and it was getting dark.
"Why don't you use your magic?"
The voice was back.
"Leave me alone!" Harry yelled into the darkness.
Silence.
But then he realised that he would have to use his magic.
Reluctantly he muttered "Lumos." The wandlight spilled into the darkness illuminating some sort of
forest.
Suddenly he felt rough hands grab his arms.
His wand fell to the ground and went out, then from the
darkness a stream of white light shot towards him, and Harry was unconscious.
~~~***End Flashback***~~~
No No No!!! Screamed his mind, You mustn't remember!
"NO!"
Madame Pomfrey had volunteered to watch Harry, and when he
suddenly shouted she almost jumped a foot in the air.
"Harry! It's
alright!"
The boy remained silent but shook slightly, his eyes still
tightly closed.
"It's alright."
She replied in a soothing voice.
Harry tensed whispering one word before returning to his
deep sleep.
"Sirius."
A/N
I'm sorry guys! I
had to leave it there.
*jumps
underneath desk to escape injury*
I know not everything is clear yet, but more explaining
will happen!
For those of you who are wondering I thought I would try
and finish this before going back to school so that it doesn't drag on
endlessly or get forgotten.
Love
Jona
xxx
