Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, but I wish I did so I could make myself Matt's girlfriend!! ^-^'' hehe, okay, *anyway*. Also, I don't own Loony Tunes, and anything product-wise and/or movie-wise that I happen to mention, the only exception being Zapme, which is my creation. Again, also: some *AHEM* slight harm comes to some animals in chapter 2, so to all you animal activists who read this: DON'T FLAME ME!!! IT'S JUST A STORY; I would never do or wish this on animals.
Summary: When T.K. and Davis fight over who's going to take Kari out on a date, all hell breaks loose! Please R&R!! For people with senses of humor ONLY!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I like Davis, T.K., and Kari equally; I like Daikari and Hikasuki and Hikeru and Takari or whatever else you want to call those pairings, just so you know. This is just for humor. I would never do or want anyone else to do this stuff, just so you know. This is just for humor and ONLY for humor. Anywho, onto the fic!

The War of the Boys
by Matt_and_Spike_forever

Chapter 1: The Challange

*Davis' POV* What does that stupid T.J. think he's doing?! I'm not seeing this: T.C. is talking to *my* Kari!!! I've got to stop this!
Davis' light brown eyes burned with surpressed anger as he stomped over to where Kari and T.K. were talking in front of Kari's locker. T.K. looked up and smiled at Davis politely.
"Hi, Davis! What's up?"
"What's up? *What's up?!* You ask me what's up?! I'll tell you what's up! I want you to quit talking to Kari, that's what's up!!"
T.K.'s smile faded and he glared at Davis with his azure eyes. "I can talk to Kari if I want to, Davis! She's my friend too, you know."
"Hey! Stop fighting! I mean, really! You two!" Kari said, frowning. "T.K., there was no reason to be childish."
The golden blonde looked at his shoes sadly.
"And Davis, T.K. *is* my friend. You shouldn't be jealous; he's a friend and nothing more."
Davis blushed and looked down at the floor.
"Now, the class bell is about to ring. We need to get to class," Kari said, flipping some of her short brown hair out of her matching brown eyes and walked down the hall. Davis and T.K. followed her. Both glanced at each other, held the gaze, then glared.
"Leave Kari alone! Can't you see she doesn't like you?" T.K. whispered.
Davis snorted. "Bite me!" he hissed back.

* * *

After history class was lunch. Davis got his tray and made a disgusted face. Maccaroni Surprise. Davis really didn't want to figure out what the surprise part was, but what other choice did he have? He'd forgotten his bag lunch.
As Davis walked to a seat, he walked past T.K. talking with two of his non-Digidestined friends, Soto and Jason, in whispers. He only caught a little of what they said, but it was enough.
"Are you going to ask that Kari girl out?" Soto asked.
"Yeah, I'm going to ask her after school," T.K. replied.
WHAT?!?!?!?! Davis thought, dropping the tray in his hands. The tray hit the ground with a loud crash and the contents went everywhere. Everyone in the cafeteria looked up from their discussions and food to look at Davis. T.K. turned around in his seat. His face went from smiling to horrified in the span of a second.
Davis was absolutely fuming. His hands were balled into fists and he was trembling all over from anger, flushed from his neck up to the tips of his dark brown hair. He was so mad, he hardly noticed everyone else around him; everyone except T.K. "How *DARE* you even think you're going to get my Kari!!! I challange you to a duel, T.I.!! Winner gets Kari."
T.K. jumped to his feet. "That's *T.K.* and you're on! Loser vows to never look at Kari again!!"
"What are you guys doing?!" Kari cried, getting to her feet as well and running to a stop between them. Kari looked at Davis. "Don't do this, Davis!" she implored.
Davis smiled evilly. "This duel'll stop all this once and for all, Kari. You'll never have to deal with this again after *I* win."
"Ha! Please! You couldn't even win at jacks!!" T.K. laughed.
"T.K.!! This isn't like you! Please stop, T.K.," Kari begged.
"Sure, I'll stop...*after* I whip his sorry butt!!"
"Ha, now *that's* a riot! Since tomorrow's Saturday, you wanna duel then?"
"Why not. That's good enough for me."
"See you then," Davis growled, walking off.
"See you then," T.K. snarled.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, drama part over. Time to start the funny stuff (ie think Loony Tunes)

As soon as T.K. was home from school, he went straight to his room. Looking through his neatly organized desk, he found what he was looking for: his Zapme catalogue, "the catalogue for delinquents." T.K. smiled and scanned through the book, tagging pages where there was something that he thought Davis would *just love*. Pulling out the order form from the back of the catalogue, he filled it out and stuffed it in an envelope. He grabbed a red marker and wrote "speed delivery" on the letter, then he stuck it in the mailbox.
No sooner had he entered his house, the doorbell rang. T.K. opened it and there was a UPS guy holding a big box.
"Special delivery for Mr. T.K."
"That's me."
"Sign here, please."
T.K. signed for the package and the man handed him the box. T.K. shut the door and ran with some difficulty to his room. Setting the box on the floor, T.K. threw back his head and laughed manically.
"Kari will be *MINE*!!!!!!!!"

* * *

Davis plowed over Jun as he hurried to his room.
"Hey!! Did you see Matt today??" Jun called after him in a ditzy voice, not caring in the slightest that Davis had stepped on her face, leaving a big shoe mark.
"Matt's moved to Antarctica," Davis snapped, slamming his bedroom door.
Davis made his way through his room, avoiding two-month-old pizza crusts and piles of clothes that had been there so long they had become sentient life. After he finally made it to his desk, Davis rummaged through piles of papers, occasionally having to swat away a sock crawling across the surface of the desk. He discovered a half-eaten sandwich, two pieces of a Rubix cube, Jun's Matt doll, the Crown Jewels, the blue diamond necklace from the Titanic, and the Eiffel Tower, but not what he was looking for. Some instinct made Davis look at his bed and he spotted his prize: his Zapme catalogue, "the catalogue for delinquents."
Davis' eyes lit up as he jumped for the bed. And missed. He landed a foot short, falling on top of some shoes and a soccer ball. Groaning, Davis stood, grabbed up the catalogue, and sat down on the bed.
Flipping through the magazine, Davis marked pages where there was something that he thought T.K. would *just ardor*. Pulling out the order form from the back of the catalogue, he filled it out and stuffed it in an envelope. He grabbed a red marker and wrote "speed delivery" on the letter, then he stuck it in the mailbox.
No sooner had he entered his house, the doorbell rang. Davis opened it and there was a UPS guy holding a big box.
"Special delivery for Mr. Davis."
"That's me."
"Sign here, please."
Davis signed for the package and the man handed him the box. Davis shut the door and ran with some difficulty to his room. Setting the box on the floor, Davis rubbed his hands together, chuckling evilly.
"Let's see that T.G. handle *THIS*!!!"


Chapter 2: Round 1! Fight!!!

T.K. and Davis met in the school playground, each lugging a large wooden box. The playground was completely empty, except for all the playground equipment and a small Western-style tumbleweed that had somehow made it to Japan. They set up at opposite ends of the playground. Once that was done, both walked to the middle of the school yard and stopped a couple of feet away from each other.
T.K. smiled. "Let's make this fair, all right?"
Davis smiled back. "Sure thing."
"'Kay, let's shake on it then."
Davis and T.K. both shook hands. They both also crossed the fingers of their free hand behind their backs.
"Let's go at the count of three," Davis suggested. "Ok...THREE!!!!" Davis sprinted for his side of the playground.
"Hey!!" T.K. cried, then ran to his box.
Davis scooped up some grenades in his arms. Selecting one, he pulled out the pin with his teeth and tossed it at T.K.
T.K. quickly pulled out his Instantly-Inflatable bunker, tugged the cord, and hid inside as grenades rained down around him. T.K. (who was now mysteriously wearing an army helmet over his regular hat) extracted his machine gun and began firing at Davis.
Davis removed his Ready-in-a-Second foxhole from his crate and jumped down inside it, barely avoiding the machine gun's bullets ripping over his head. Davis pulled down his goggles. He pulled a Zapme remote-controlled airplane and a stick of Zapme's patented extra-strength dynamite out of the box. Strapping the dynamite onto the plane and lighting it, Davis quickly grabbed the controls and flew the plane towards T.K.'s bunker.
But T.K. was ready. He removed the Zapme's at-home Star Wars Defense System out of the case and set it up. Grinning like a maniac, T.K. pressed the start button. Two ports opened up and shot out tiny missiles. The missiles collided with the plane in a flash of light and a thunderous explosion.
Muttering some very bad words, Davis searched through his box for anything of use. "Aha!" he exclaimed, pulling out a Zapme Undetectable Exploding Rat. Davis wound up the key on the rat's back and let it loose. Rolling across the playground undetected (hence its name), the rat ran into T.K.'s bunker and right into his Defence System, blowing it up. "HA HA HA!!!! Yessss!!!" Davis cheered. Winding up all his rats, Davis laughed like a crazy person as the ten-odd rats charged forward.
Grumbling, T.K. picked up two Molotov cocktails he had made with the help of his Make-it-Yourself Molotov cocktail kit and stuffed it into a cannon. He pulled the cord and the cannon shot the cocktails right into the middle of the rats, blowing them to bits. Now it was T.K.'s turn to laugh crazily.
Davis growled, then an idea hit him. Rubbing his hurting head from where the idea hit him, he ran to his box and extracted a walkie-talkie. He spoke into it quickly and waited. Within two seconds, a helicopter dropped a *really* big crate beside his foxhole. Davis took a crowbar to the crate and pried open the side. Davis grinned mischievously at the animals inside the crate. "Attack!!" Davis cried, pointing at T.K.'s bunker. Out of the crate sped lions, tigers, and bears.
"Oh, my!" T.K. gasped. He grabbed three packs of Zapme's Destucto C-4 and jammed it into his cannon. Pulling the cord once again, the C-4 landed in the midst of all the animals and detonated. The animals all got blown to smithereens. Burnt animal guts and body parts rained down on the battle field.
"Curses, foiled again!" Davis growled.
"All right!" T.K. said happily. "Now for my secret weapon! Matt, go!!"
Matt suddenly appeared in the middle of the playground.
"Yeah, I think we should take that from the top, gu...What the?! Where am I?? How'd I get here?? This doesn't look like the recording studio!"
"Hi, Matt!" T.K. called.
"Oh, hi, T.K."
"Why'd you bring Matt into this? What was the point of that?!" Davis asked, exasperated.
"Uhh...I don't know. It seemed like a good idea at the time."
"Well, I've got a secret weapon to counteract your secret weapon! Go, Jun!!"
Jun appeared in the battle field.
"So I said to him, 'you can just kiss my'....HEY!!! How'd I get here?!" Jun looked around, baffled (which isn't anything new), and noticed Matt. "Oh, MATTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she cried, eyes changing into hearts.
Matt's eyes bugged out and his jaw dropped to the ground. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Matt shouted in protest. Matt took off down the playground, closely followed by Jun, who was making disgusting kissing noises. "GABUMOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!" Matt yelled.
Gabumon suddenly appeared out of thin air and warp-digivolved to MetalGarurumon, blasting Jun into oblivion with his Metal Wolf Claw attack. "Thanks, MetalGarurumon!" Matt said gratefully. "Hey, could you take me back to my recording studio?"
"No problem, Matt." Matt hopped onto MetalGarurumon's back and they both ran off. T.K. and Davis stared after Matt for a second, then resumed fighting each other.
Davis whipped out his walkie-talkie again and spoke into it. Seconds later, a helicopter dropped a *huge* crate down on his side of the field, along with a tiny box. Davis caught the little one and proceeded to open the big one. He climbed inside the crate.
T.K. watched Davis with a pair of Super-Duper Binoculars, puzzled. What's he doing? T.K. wondered. Suddenly, the crate burst apart; and there sat Davis inside a gigantic Monster Truck! Davis revved the huge truck's engine.
"Ready to give up, T.D.?" Davis shouted to T.K. from atop his vehicle.
"I have not yet begun to fight!!!!!!" T.K. yelled back. T.K. pulled out *his* walkie-talkie and made a call. Within a few seconds, a helicopter lowered an equally huge crate to the ground, with a little box as well. T.K. grabbed the tiny box, threw open the large crate, and walked inside.
Davis watched T.K. suspiciously. Then abruptly, T.K.'s crate broke, revealing T.K. sitting in the driver's seat of a colossal Monster Truck as well!
"How about you, Davis? Ready to give up?" T.K. cried.
"*NEVER!!!!!*" Davis declared, revving the truck's engine again.
"Prepare to meet your maker then!!" T.K. shouted, revving his truck's engine.
"Think again!" Davis shot back. He hit the gas petal and the Monster Truck roared forward.
T.K. floored the petal, sending the truck screeching ahead.
Both trucks crunched over some cars that had inexplicably appeared in their way, tearing toward each other, getting closer and closer every second. Then the trucks smashed into each other.
And exploded.
Davis and T.K. sat in the charred remains of their trucks, some ash on their faces and clothes, but otherwise unharmed.
"Boy, this truck was crap!!" Davis growled angrily.
"You said it!" T.K. agreed.
Both looked at each other, then ran back to their bases.


Chapter 3: Round 2!! The Silliness Continues

T.K. removed Demon Pussycat, his Assault Android (my spoof off of Battle Bots ;-) ), from its box and placed it on the ground. Grabbing the controller's joystick, he piloted it toward Davis.
But Davis had other ideas. He grabbed his Assault Android, Purple Buzzard, out of his box. Seizing the Nintendo-styled controller, Davis drove the robot toward T.K.'s robot.
Demon Pussycat started hammering Purple Buzzard with its spike tail. Purple Buzzard took the hits and began trying to slice T.K.'s robot apart with its saws painted to look like wings. Blow for blow, both Assault Androids were equally matched.
Fifteen minutes later, both Assault Androids were equally *trashed*. Demon Pussycat's armor was torn to shreds, a fake plastic eye hanging on by a thread; Purple Buzzard's armor was filled with so many holes a mouse would've mistaken it for Swiss cheese, while one of its two saw wings was inoperable.
Determined to finish this, Davis charged up Purple Buzzard for one last attack. Resolved to end this, T.K. powered up Demon Pussycat for a single final blow. Both robots charged...
And exploded.
A huge cloud of dust and smoke flew into the air, making Davis and T.K. cough. Davis grabbed the respirator mask from his box and put it on. He also grabbed up a silver, cylindrical object as well.
T.K. searched his box for the respirator mask he'd ordered, but it was nowhere in the crate. He coughed, eyes watering; it had to be here somewhere!
Suddenly, T.K. heard metallic breathing behind him. He moved just in time to avoid an energy beam slashing down the side of the crate where he had just been. T.K. squinted into the haze and saw...Davis in a gas mask weilding a red lightsaber! T.K. quickly seized his lightsaber from his box and flicked it on. The blue sword came to life with a thrum of energy.
"Your powers are weak, young boy! I will defeat you," Davis declared amidst his noisy breathing through his respirator.
"If you strike me down, Davis, I will become more powerful then you could possibly imagine."
"We'll see about that!" Davis snarled, bringing down his blade on T.K. T.K. blocked the blow and threw one at Davis. They swung at each other, lightsabers flashing through the noxious cloud of smoke and dust. The battle raged on for minute upon minute, only once taking a break for both to drink some Gatorade before continuing again. Finally, Davis slashed with all his might, knocking the lightsaber from T.K.'s grasp.
T.K. looked at his empty hands, looked at Davis, smiled weakly, turned, and ran like his pants were on fire.
T.K. dove into his bunker and ran to his crate. He shoved aside things in his box and pulled out his Zapme Mr. Brains Psychic Powers adaptor. He took off his hat and put the weird-looking metal contraption on his head and came out to face his opponent.
The smoke cloud had dissipated. When T.K. came out, Davis pulled off his mask. "Giving up now, are we?" he asked. Davis paused, took one good look at what T.K. was wearing, and fell to the ground in a fit of laughing hysterics.
"What--What on *earth* are you wearing?!?!" Davis gasped, howling with laughter. "I--I thought the hat you usually wear was--was bad enough, but this is *just too much*!!"
"You think this is bad? What about you and your stupid goggles?! At least *other* people actually wear hats like mine!!"
Davis stopped laughing. He stood up, sending T.K. a murderous look.
"Now you've gone and done it, T.Z.," Davis said in a bloodthirsty whisper. "You are so dead."
Davis turned his lightsaber back on and ran straight toward T.K. T.K. just smiled. Just when Davis reached T.K. and brought his lightsaber above his head to deliver the death blow, T.K. stuck out his hand. Davis froze in place.
T.K. grinned. The lightsaber flew from Davis' hand and smashed into pieces against the metal playground slide. Then *Davis* flew through the air and landed in the sandbox, legs sticking up in the air. T.K. laughed wildly.
Davis pulled himself together and crept off toward his foxhole as T.K. peed his pants from laughing so hard. "Thinks my goggles are funny, yeah, well I'll show him," Davis muttered as he crawled into his foxhole and began rummaging through his box of tricks.
Davis finally found *his* Zapme Mr. Brains Psychic Powers adaptor. Carefully taking off his goggles, he jammed the machine onto his head and climbed out of his hiding place to confront his arch-enemy. T.K. was still bawling, but managed to regain a degree of self-control when Davis came onto the battlefield.
"I see you have your own Psychic Powers adaptor," T.K. observed.
"I'll show you for calling my goggles stupid!!!" Davis roared and blasted a ball of blue psychic energy at T.K. T.K. pushed the attack away with his powers and shot an orb of green energy back at Davis. Davis deflected the attack and used his powers to yank T.K.'s pants down to his ankles, exposing T.K.'s pink boxers covered in red hearts. Davis about died laughing as T.K., blushing furiously, pulled his pants back up.
Seething, T.K., with his powers, grabbed Davis' nose and jerked hard.
"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Davis chanted, eyes tearing up from the pain. He mentally pushed his foe backwards, causing T.K. to lose concentration and break T.K.'s painful hold on his nose.
T.K. and Davis glared at each other. A sudden wind picked up, blowing the tumbleweed from chapter 1 between them. Both yelled and sent gigantic blasts of psi energy at each other.
When the dust settled, the two boys remained unharmed, except both of their Psychic Powers adaptors had been knocked off their heads and were now lumps of metal on the ground.
Both panting, T.K. plopped down on his butt on the ground, while Davis hunched over with his hands on his knees.
"You know," Davis puffed, "I've run out of things to battle with."
"I have one suggestion."
"What?"
T.K. gave Davis a serious look. "Rock paper scissors."
Davis blinked, then said, "Okay."
Davis and T.K. squared off in the middle of the school yard. Feet planted, jaws set, both boys assuring themselves that they would be the champion and winner of Kari's heart.
"Whoever wins two out of three is the victor," Davis declared.
"All right. On three, okay?" T.K. asked.
Davis only nodded.
"One...two...three!"
Davis did rock and T.K. did....rock.
"Again," Davis barked. "One...two...three!"
Both did paper.
Two hours later, Davis and T.K. were still at it.
"Onetwothree!!!" Davis cried. Both shot, and both got scissors.
"Darn you!" T.K. shouted, voice cracking.
The two boys looked horrible. T.K. had sweat dripping down his face and foam frothing around his mouth. His belt, which had been snapped by Davis' psychic powers, wasn't buckled, so his pants were almost to his knees.
Davis' pupils seemed to have shrunk to pinpricks, his left eye was twitching, and he was drooling out of a corner of his mouth. One shoulder of his coat was hanging off, while one of his gloves lay forgotten on the ground.
"Okay, you know what? Screw two out of three!!! Whoever gets *one* will win okay, huh, okay?!" Davis babbled, obviously on the verge of snapping.
"Yeah....sounds good," T.K. answered, his voice full of exhaustion and mild hysteria.
"One two three!" Davis shouted. They shot....and they both got paper.
That did it. At that moment, something in both of the boys' young, fragile minds snapped, causing total mental breakdowns.
"*THAT'S IT!!!!*" Davis bellowed, spittle flying from his mouth. "I'm settling this once and for all!!!!! I didn't want to resort to this, but you and your persistence put me up to it!!!!! I'm blowing you to kingdom come, P. R.!!!!!"
"*IT'S T.K.!!! T.K.!!!!!!!!!*" T.K. exploded. "And I'm not going to let you have the pleasure of blowing me up!!! *I'm* going to blow *YOU* up!!!!!! I don't care if I kill myself too, as long as I take you with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The two criminally-insane boys ran to their bunker and foxhole respectively. T.K. pulled the keys out of his pants pocket, dug the black box out of his crate, and flipped it open. Inside the little ebony box was the start-up switch and the execute button. The box was the controls for the nuclear bomb he had planted in the center of the playground the night before, if the need for it arose.
Over in Davis' foxhole, Davis pulled the keys out of his coat pocket, dug the raven-colored box out of his crate, and opened it. Inside the little black box was the start-up switch and the execute button. The box was the controls for the nuclear bomb he had planted in the center of the playground that morning, if he required it.
At the same time, T.K. and Davis jammed the keys into the start-up switch.
And at the same time, both boys activated the bombs.
And both hit the button.
The blinding light and deafening roar of the two combined bombs could be seen and heard throughout all Japan.
Davis and T.K. sat in the middle of an enormous crater which had been previously their school and the yard surrounding it, blackened almost beyond recognition. The pair's hair was stuck straight up on their heads (although Davis' is always like that, only it was now worse than ever) and colored jet-black. Their clothes--or what remained of them--were charred and smoky. Now both boys' eyes were pinpricks in their heads, although they seemed to have finally regained their wits.
"WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO?!?!" T.K. and Davis heard a girl's voice exclaim. They both looked a few feet away and spied Kari: open-mouthed, obviously dumbstruck, with her brown eyes as big as her head.
"Um, well, you see, Kari..." Davis started, then trailed off, laughing nervously.
"We kinda got into a fight..." T.K. began.
Kari blinked at them both. "YOU TWO ARE SO IMMATURE!!!!!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. "LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO THE SCHOOL!!! I MEAN--"
Davis flinched. "But Kari--"
"--NOW HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET TO THE DIGITAL WORLD?!?! WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN WE--"
"We're sorry, Kari!" T.K. cried.
"--WELL, YOU CAN BOTH FORGET ABOUT ME EVER GOING ON A DATE WITH *EITHER* OF YOU NOW!!! Besides, I found someone really nice. Honey!"
"Coming dear!" shouted the raspy-voiced little boy and he came scurrying up beside Kari.
"*CODY?!?!?!?!?!*" both boys shouted in unison.
"Yes, that's right: Cody," Kari replied, smiling. "He's much more mature than either of you will ever be! Now, if you will excuse us, we have a date."
And with that, Kari and Cody walked off.
"That was easily THE most humiliating thing that has ever happened to me," Davis mumbled numbly.
T.K. sighed. "At least it can't get any worse."
"Excuse me, are you two Mr. Davis and Mr. T.K.?" a UPS man asked.
"Yes, that's us," Davis replied.
"Got a letter for both of you," the man announced, handing each boy a letter, then walked off.
T.K. looked at the outside of both letters. "They're both from Zapme."
Davis and T.K. opened their letters and each pulled out a sheet of paper. The paper unrolled itself. Again. And again. And again. And again. And again.
It was their Zapme bill.
Both boys looked at their bill and passed out.

THE END!!!!

So how'd you like it? Love it, hate it, I don't care! Send your thoughts and feelings to Cheetahmons_tamer@hotmail.com. My cousin Katie asked me what I was on when I wrote this...because whatever it was she wanted some too! I hope you enjoyed it as much as she did! God bless! P.S.: I am NOT a Iokari or a Hikaori fan, in case you're wondering! ;-)
Oh, by the way, I dedicate this to my cousin Katie!!
Also, you see that little box down at the bottom of the screen? Click on it and review, please!