Nature Sucks
Chapter #2 " Spark plugs ARE part of nature"
" Well now campers, it is time for us to divide you into groups", chirped Mindy. " Let's see.... you, you, you and you," she said, indicating Lance, Todd, Pietro and Freddie, " Shall be group 1".
" Good for us", replied Lance without enthusiasm. Mark scanned the group and singled out Scott, Evan, Duncan and Kurt.
" You guys get to be lucky #2", Mindy turned and looked at the remainder of the girls with an eerie smile on her face.
" And you girls are happy group number 3."
" 'Happy' group number 3?" asked Rogue.
" And that leaves you three as group number 4", finished Mark, pointing to Mystique, Sabertooth and Logan. The three afore mentioned looked at each other and two snarled ( Try to guess which two, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised ).
" Now your groups will want to start setting up your tents so-"
" Wait a minute, we have to share tents with these people?" cried Lance. " But Freddie's huge! He'd need a tent to himself!"
" And Todd smells! " pointed out Pietro. Todd and Freddie glared at their "friends."
" What? It's true. Don't try to deny it." replied Lance.
" Anyway" interrupted Mark " there are four campsites for you guys to chose from. And remember, only one group per campsite" The assembled mutants gazed around them.
Camp 'A' was a picture perfect campsite with soft green grass, trees for shade and a babbling brook. As they watched a deer leapt gracefully by.
Camp 'B' was located by a pond. A stinking, humid swamp populated by thousands of mosquitoes. As they watched a very poisonous looking snake slid into the water.
Camp 'C' was on the Beach. Literally. As they watched a wave crashed over the sign marking the site.
Camp ' D' was in the parking lot.
Pietro eyed Kurt. Kurt eyed Pietro. And in a flash they were gone and a lot of commotion was heard from campsite 'A' as the two mutants fought violently over the marker.
" Hand it over fuzz face"
" Over my dead body you blatantly homosexual adrenalin junkie."
" I am NOT an adrenalin junkie...er.... I mean I am not blatantly homosexual!" The remaining male members of the X-men and Lance and Todd ran up to support their respective team mates. Freddie watched the ensuing melee in silence for a moment, then charged forward with a mighty cry.
" Arggghhhh!" The Blob hit the group of teenage males hard and they went scattering like bowling pins.
" Camp A belongs to the Brotherhood! Clear out X-geeks!" The grumbling guys were forced to vacate or risk anther confrontation with Freddie . " Gee, sorry about that guys" apologized Freddie as he helped Lance out of the tree where he had landed.
" No harm done big guy, at least you got rid of the nerd infestation." Meanwhile Scott was rallying the 'nerds' to him.
" Okay, so we lost Camp A, but there is nothing saying we can't still get a good camp site." He started to jog off, " Everyone follow me to- ahh, crap" The girls waved cheerfully from where they were sitting by the Camp C sign. Scott sighed, " Well what about Camp.....crap" Logan , Mystique and Sabertooth were unhappily pitching their tent by the swamp..
" Ah man, we have to sleep in the parking lot" whined Evan.
" How the hell are we supposed to pitch a tent on concrete?" asked Duncan. " Way to go Summers!" Scott was just about to blast Duncan out of existence when Mindy intervened.
" You guys will just have to make due with what you have."
" What on earth do we have other then a patch of concrete?"
" Each other!" Mindy chirped excitedly
" How is that an asset?" grumbled Scott, glancing over to where Kurt was attempting to pull their tent out of it's sack with little or no success.
Meanwhile at Camp A the Brotherhood were having problems of their own.
" Man these instructions are in every language but English" complained Todd. " I don't even know if I'm holding this thing right side up." Lance wandered over and studied the instructions for a moment.
" I can't even tell what languages this is in" he said at last, turning them over and studying them once again. " It almost looks like Arabic or Chinese or something....."
" Well I guess we will just have to wing it, I mean how hard can it be?" asked Pietro, picking up the sack containing their tent. " In fact I can have it done in a second!" And with that he was off.
At Camp B things "seemed" to be going fine. Sabertooth and Logan being the rugged, smelly outdoors man they were had succeeded in pitching their tents competently. And were now sitting across from each other, staring intently at one another in complete silence. Mystique who was rather enjoying the moment of respite was in the tent, trying to keep the water from seeping in the sides.
" Waterproof my ass, the stupid piece of junk. Well at least those to idiots have decided to stay silent." With that well timed statement the dam broke, so to speak, and the two male mutants lunged for each others throats.
" TIME TO DIE WOLVERINE!" cried Sabertooth as he lunged at Logan.
" OVER MY DEAD BODY!" roared Wolverine. Sabertooth stopped mid pounce and looked at his long time rival.
" Well yah, that would be the idea."
" Shut up. "
" No, you shut up!"
" You shut up!"
This conversation could have gone on for quite sometime but fortunately they were both distracted by a raccoon and ran off after it.
The girls were having problems of their own. For the fifth time Rogue tried to nail a peg into the shifting sand to no avail.
" AARGGHH! This is just dumb! Remind me again why we CHOSE this camp anyway?"
Kitty smiled apologetically.
" Sorry you guys, I thought it would be like a vacation....guess I was wrong" Rogue stared at her for a while longer and then went back to trying to fix the peg.
The X-boys ( and Duncan ) cried out in horror as yet anther peg was horribly bent as Kurt wisely tried to drive it into solid concrete.
" Stop it you idiot!" cried Scott for the tenth time " It's not going to work! We're going to have to use rocks to hold it or something!"
At the Brotherhood tent things seemed fine....
" Well it looks good Pietro," said Lance at last. " But what are all these extra pieces for?" He pointed to a pile of poles, pegs and other odds and ends.
" How the hell should I know?" replied Pietro. " It's standing isn't it?"
" Upside down " remarked Todd.
" Shut up frog face!"
Two hours later the tents were finely set up. Pietro looked from Evan to their tent and laughed.
" What a crappy tent!"
" SHUT UP PIETRO!" yelled Evan, spiking up.
" That's the ugliest thing I have ever seen!"
" I AM WARNING YOU"
" Next to your face I mean!" finished Pietro.
" ARRGHH!" cried Evan, launching spikes at Pietro, who nimbly dodged. The spikes stood quivering in the cement. Scott stared at them for a moment, and began turning a bright shade of red.
" Evan..." his calm voice contrasted oddly with the angry look on his face, " If your spikes can stick into solid cement, why didn't you use them to peg the tent up?" Evan blinked.
"Uhhhhhh....." Pietro began to laugh maniacally. Evan glared, then meekly looked back at Scott. "Well...at least the tent is up now."
The tent promptly collapsed inward with Kurt trapped inside.
"......."
"Help!!! What has happened! It's dark and I'm frightened!" Kurt wailed from inside.
"Arrrgh!!!!!" cried Scott, stomping around the camp site.
" Oh...that's helpful," remarked Duncan, quickly moving a pair of binoculars out of Scott's path of destruction. " At least we can use the spike kid to do it properly this time".
"Well," Scott began, " If he had only used them in the first pla-" Scott suddenly stopped and glanced at Duncan in shock. It was at that moment that all the mutants realized that they had been using their powers in front of Duncan all day.
"What are we going to do!????!!!!!" yelled Kitty." He knows about us! He knows we're mutants!!!!!"
"So", Duncan said. He looked at a very fuzzy and blue Kurt." Frankly I expected worse."
Lance shook his fist at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"
" Oh nothing."
On that note, Mark piped up" Well campers... it's time for lunch! Start cooking your pine cones!"
" We have to eat pine cones?" asked Rogue.
" Pine cones are delicious and nutritious," explained Mindy.
" You fell down a lot when you were a child, didn't you?" said Mystique.
"That's none of your business," replied a flustered Mindy. " now started cooking."
The campers grumbled as they set to work preparing their fires.
" This is stupid!" cried Kitty! " Every time we start a flame, a wave puts it out."
" I say we just eat someone else's pine cones," mumbled Rogue.
"Now guys," began Jean, " We chose this campsite and now we have to try our hardest to persevere over the hardships it seems to be giving us. See! I finally got the wood to catch fire!"
A wave promptly stole the newborn flame's life away.
" Aw crap" said Jean.
Meanwhile Logan and Creed were ravenously devouring their pine cones raw, while Mystique looked on in horror. " You animals!"
Both looked up with flecks of pine cone dribbling down their chins.
" What?" they asked. Mystique just shuddered.
Kurt looked enviously at the Brotherhood's site, where they were merrily toasting their pine cones over their dancing campfire, while he and his tent-mates scoured the parking lot for bits of wrappers and debris.
" Aw this bites!"Evan reached over and picked up a sparkplug, then tossed it away in disgust. " Where are we suppose to find kindling in a parking lot?!!!"
Kurt picked up the sparkplug Evan had discarded. " I found a sparkplug! Will that help?"
" No!" yelled Scott, from where he was trying to set a chip bag on fire. Kurt ignored him and tried to burn away his treasure anyway. " We need something that doesn't burn that fast." Scott eyed his melting bag, which was giving off a bad smell. " Or give off noxious gas."
" Plus we're out of matches," pointed out Duncan. " Fuzz boy just used our last ones trying to burn that sparkplug."
" KURT!!!!" cried Scott!!!
" Oops." Kurt looked at the empty package. " No problem, we'll just have to light the fire the old fashion way. You know, by rubbing sticks."
" Okay," said Duncan, " Number one...you're an idiot. Number two...we don't have any sticks in our parking lot. And number three...even if we did, I don't think any of us know have to build a fire by rubbing sticks together anyway!!!"
" Well at least I'm trying!" huffed Kurt.
Duncan looked at Scott's melted goop, then glanced over at the Brotherhood's fire. Then back at the goop. " You know.... the sideshow rejects over there have plenty of firewood, and matched. We could ' borrow' some of their's......" he saw Evan already grappling with Pietro over some logs.
" Those are my logs" cried Pietro!!
" I don't see your name on them!"
" Give them to me!"
"Don't be such a selfish jerk"
"Stop me"
As they bickered Kurt "bamfed" over and pilfered an armload of wood. He disappeared just as Todd left at him, causing him to crash into the pile of heavy log.
"Owchy! Ouchy!" he muttered from his banged up position. Fred started to chase after them when lance put his hand on his arm.
" Don't bother," Lance smirked. " Without these, that fire wood will be no good to them." With a flourish he held up a pack of matches.
" Damn it!" cried Evan from his position on top of Pietro. He jumped up and ran at Lance, who knocked him over as soon as he got close. The rest of the Brotherhood all began to laugh.
"I hate you!" Evan stomped back to his campsite. " Stupid, no good Maximoff....."
Scott sighed as Evan came over, and he and his tent-mates, resigned themselves to miserably eating their pine cones raw. As soon as they finished, Lance came over with a sparkle in his eye and a mischievous grin.
" Did you enjoy your pine cones?"
" What do you think?" muttered Duncan.
" Probably would of been better cooked" Lance continued.
"Not much," whispered Todd with a grimace to Fred. Fred lightly knocked him over.
"What's you point?" asked Scott, eying Lance.
"Just curious......why didn't you just, light the fire with your retarded eye beams?"
Scott stared for a second, then began to swear profanely.
" Way to go Summers" said Duncan.
" We could of had burned pine cones, Scott!" complained Kurt.
" I guess now you have to stop ragging on me over that spike incident, eh, Scott." finished Evan.
The end of Chapter 2
Authors notes: well, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I guess five months between updates is a little ridiculous. Please don't hate me!!!!! I'll try to do better next time!!!! Oh.. And by the way, Mark and Mindy don't care about the mutant's powers either, just like that military guy in Survival of the Fittest didn't. So there. (sticks tongue out)
Chapter #2 " Spark plugs ARE part of nature"
" Well now campers, it is time for us to divide you into groups", chirped Mindy. " Let's see.... you, you, you and you," she said, indicating Lance, Todd, Pietro and Freddie, " Shall be group 1".
" Good for us", replied Lance without enthusiasm. Mark scanned the group and singled out Scott, Evan, Duncan and Kurt.
" You guys get to be lucky #2", Mindy turned and looked at the remainder of the girls with an eerie smile on her face.
" And you girls are happy group number 3."
" 'Happy' group number 3?" asked Rogue.
" And that leaves you three as group number 4", finished Mark, pointing to Mystique, Sabertooth and Logan. The three afore mentioned looked at each other and two snarled ( Try to guess which two, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised ).
" Now your groups will want to start setting up your tents so-"
" Wait a minute, we have to share tents with these people?" cried Lance. " But Freddie's huge! He'd need a tent to himself!"
" And Todd smells! " pointed out Pietro. Todd and Freddie glared at their "friends."
" What? It's true. Don't try to deny it." replied Lance.
" Anyway" interrupted Mark " there are four campsites for you guys to chose from. And remember, only one group per campsite" The assembled mutants gazed around them.
Camp 'A' was a picture perfect campsite with soft green grass, trees for shade and a babbling brook. As they watched a deer leapt gracefully by.
Camp 'B' was located by a pond. A stinking, humid swamp populated by thousands of mosquitoes. As they watched a very poisonous looking snake slid into the water.
Camp 'C' was on the Beach. Literally. As they watched a wave crashed over the sign marking the site.
Camp ' D' was in the parking lot.
Pietro eyed Kurt. Kurt eyed Pietro. And in a flash they were gone and a lot of commotion was heard from campsite 'A' as the two mutants fought violently over the marker.
" Hand it over fuzz face"
" Over my dead body you blatantly homosexual adrenalin junkie."
" I am NOT an adrenalin junkie...er.... I mean I am not blatantly homosexual!" The remaining male members of the X-men and Lance and Todd ran up to support their respective team mates. Freddie watched the ensuing melee in silence for a moment, then charged forward with a mighty cry.
" Arggghhhh!" The Blob hit the group of teenage males hard and they went scattering like bowling pins.
" Camp A belongs to the Brotherhood! Clear out X-geeks!" The grumbling guys were forced to vacate or risk anther confrontation with Freddie . " Gee, sorry about that guys" apologized Freddie as he helped Lance out of the tree where he had landed.
" No harm done big guy, at least you got rid of the nerd infestation." Meanwhile Scott was rallying the 'nerds' to him.
" Okay, so we lost Camp A, but there is nothing saying we can't still get a good camp site." He started to jog off, " Everyone follow me to- ahh, crap" The girls waved cheerfully from where they were sitting by the Camp C sign. Scott sighed, " Well what about Camp.....crap" Logan , Mystique and Sabertooth were unhappily pitching their tent by the swamp..
" Ah man, we have to sleep in the parking lot" whined Evan.
" How the hell are we supposed to pitch a tent on concrete?" asked Duncan. " Way to go Summers!" Scott was just about to blast Duncan out of existence when Mindy intervened.
" You guys will just have to make due with what you have."
" What on earth do we have other then a patch of concrete?"
" Each other!" Mindy chirped excitedly
" How is that an asset?" grumbled Scott, glancing over to where Kurt was attempting to pull their tent out of it's sack with little or no success.
Meanwhile at Camp A the Brotherhood were having problems of their own.
" Man these instructions are in every language but English" complained Todd. " I don't even know if I'm holding this thing right side up." Lance wandered over and studied the instructions for a moment.
" I can't even tell what languages this is in" he said at last, turning them over and studying them once again. " It almost looks like Arabic or Chinese or something....."
" Well I guess we will just have to wing it, I mean how hard can it be?" asked Pietro, picking up the sack containing their tent. " In fact I can have it done in a second!" And with that he was off.
At Camp B things "seemed" to be going fine. Sabertooth and Logan being the rugged, smelly outdoors man they were had succeeded in pitching their tents competently. And were now sitting across from each other, staring intently at one another in complete silence. Mystique who was rather enjoying the moment of respite was in the tent, trying to keep the water from seeping in the sides.
" Waterproof my ass, the stupid piece of junk. Well at least those to idiots have decided to stay silent." With that well timed statement the dam broke, so to speak, and the two male mutants lunged for each others throats.
" TIME TO DIE WOLVERINE!" cried Sabertooth as he lunged at Logan.
" OVER MY DEAD BODY!" roared Wolverine. Sabertooth stopped mid pounce and looked at his long time rival.
" Well yah, that would be the idea."
" Shut up. "
" No, you shut up!"
" You shut up!"
This conversation could have gone on for quite sometime but fortunately they were both distracted by a raccoon and ran off after it.
The girls were having problems of their own. For the fifth time Rogue tried to nail a peg into the shifting sand to no avail.
" AARGGHH! This is just dumb! Remind me again why we CHOSE this camp anyway?"
Kitty smiled apologetically.
" Sorry you guys, I thought it would be like a vacation....guess I was wrong" Rogue stared at her for a while longer and then went back to trying to fix the peg.
The X-boys ( and Duncan ) cried out in horror as yet anther peg was horribly bent as Kurt wisely tried to drive it into solid concrete.
" Stop it you idiot!" cried Scott for the tenth time " It's not going to work! We're going to have to use rocks to hold it or something!"
At the Brotherhood tent things seemed fine....
" Well it looks good Pietro," said Lance at last. " But what are all these extra pieces for?" He pointed to a pile of poles, pegs and other odds and ends.
" How the hell should I know?" replied Pietro. " It's standing isn't it?"
" Upside down " remarked Todd.
" Shut up frog face!"
Two hours later the tents were finely set up. Pietro looked from Evan to their tent and laughed.
" What a crappy tent!"
" SHUT UP PIETRO!" yelled Evan, spiking up.
" That's the ugliest thing I have ever seen!"
" I AM WARNING YOU"
" Next to your face I mean!" finished Pietro.
" ARRGHH!" cried Evan, launching spikes at Pietro, who nimbly dodged. The spikes stood quivering in the cement. Scott stared at them for a moment, and began turning a bright shade of red.
" Evan..." his calm voice contrasted oddly with the angry look on his face, " If your spikes can stick into solid cement, why didn't you use them to peg the tent up?" Evan blinked.
"Uhhhhhh....." Pietro began to laugh maniacally. Evan glared, then meekly looked back at Scott. "Well...at least the tent is up now."
The tent promptly collapsed inward with Kurt trapped inside.
"......."
"Help!!! What has happened! It's dark and I'm frightened!" Kurt wailed from inside.
"Arrrgh!!!!!" cried Scott, stomping around the camp site.
" Oh...that's helpful," remarked Duncan, quickly moving a pair of binoculars out of Scott's path of destruction. " At least we can use the spike kid to do it properly this time".
"Well," Scott began, " If he had only used them in the first pla-" Scott suddenly stopped and glanced at Duncan in shock. It was at that moment that all the mutants realized that they had been using their powers in front of Duncan all day.
"What are we going to do!????!!!!!" yelled Kitty." He knows about us! He knows we're mutants!!!!!"
"So", Duncan said. He looked at a very fuzzy and blue Kurt." Frankly I expected worse."
Lance shook his fist at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"
" Oh nothing."
On that note, Mark piped up" Well campers... it's time for lunch! Start cooking your pine cones!"
" We have to eat pine cones?" asked Rogue.
" Pine cones are delicious and nutritious," explained Mindy.
" You fell down a lot when you were a child, didn't you?" said Mystique.
"That's none of your business," replied a flustered Mindy. " now started cooking."
The campers grumbled as they set to work preparing their fires.
" This is stupid!" cried Kitty! " Every time we start a flame, a wave puts it out."
" I say we just eat someone else's pine cones," mumbled Rogue.
"Now guys," began Jean, " We chose this campsite and now we have to try our hardest to persevere over the hardships it seems to be giving us. See! I finally got the wood to catch fire!"
A wave promptly stole the newborn flame's life away.
" Aw crap" said Jean.
Meanwhile Logan and Creed were ravenously devouring their pine cones raw, while Mystique looked on in horror. " You animals!"
Both looked up with flecks of pine cone dribbling down their chins.
" What?" they asked. Mystique just shuddered.
Kurt looked enviously at the Brotherhood's site, where they were merrily toasting their pine cones over their dancing campfire, while he and his tent-mates scoured the parking lot for bits of wrappers and debris.
" Aw this bites!"Evan reached over and picked up a sparkplug, then tossed it away in disgust. " Where are we suppose to find kindling in a parking lot?!!!"
Kurt picked up the sparkplug Evan had discarded. " I found a sparkplug! Will that help?"
" No!" yelled Scott, from where he was trying to set a chip bag on fire. Kurt ignored him and tried to burn away his treasure anyway. " We need something that doesn't burn that fast." Scott eyed his melting bag, which was giving off a bad smell. " Or give off noxious gas."
" Plus we're out of matches," pointed out Duncan. " Fuzz boy just used our last ones trying to burn that sparkplug."
" KURT!!!!" cried Scott!!!
" Oops." Kurt looked at the empty package. " No problem, we'll just have to light the fire the old fashion way. You know, by rubbing sticks."
" Okay," said Duncan, " Number one...you're an idiot. Number two...we don't have any sticks in our parking lot. And number three...even if we did, I don't think any of us know have to build a fire by rubbing sticks together anyway!!!"
" Well at least I'm trying!" huffed Kurt.
Duncan looked at Scott's melted goop, then glanced over at the Brotherhood's fire. Then back at the goop. " You know.... the sideshow rejects over there have plenty of firewood, and matched. We could ' borrow' some of their's......" he saw Evan already grappling with Pietro over some logs.
" Those are my logs" cried Pietro!!
" I don't see your name on them!"
" Give them to me!"
"Don't be such a selfish jerk"
"Stop me"
As they bickered Kurt "bamfed" over and pilfered an armload of wood. He disappeared just as Todd left at him, causing him to crash into the pile of heavy log.
"Owchy! Ouchy!" he muttered from his banged up position. Fred started to chase after them when lance put his hand on his arm.
" Don't bother," Lance smirked. " Without these, that fire wood will be no good to them." With a flourish he held up a pack of matches.
" Damn it!" cried Evan from his position on top of Pietro. He jumped up and ran at Lance, who knocked him over as soon as he got close. The rest of the Brotherhood all began to laugh.
"I hate you!" Evan stomped back to his campsite. " Stupid, no good Maximoff....."
Scott sighed as Evan came over, and he and his tent-mates, resigned themselves to miserably eating their pine cones raw. As soon as they finished, Lance came over with a sparkle in his eye and a mischievous grin.
" Did you enjoy your pine cones?"
" What do you think?" muttered Duncan.
" Probably would of been better cooked" Lance continued.
"Not much," whispered Todd with a grimace to Fred. Fred lightly knocked him over.
"What's you point?" asked Scott, eying Lance.
"Just curious......why didn't you just, light the fire with your retarded eye beams?"
Scott stared for a second, then began to swear profanely.
" Way to go Summers" said Duncan.
" We could of had burned pine cones, Scott!" complained Kurt.
" I guess now you have to stop ragging on me over that spike incident, eh, Scott." finished Evan.
The end of Chapter 2
Authors notes: well, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I guess five months between updates is a little ridiculous. Please don't hate me!!!!! I'll try to do better next time!!!! Oh.. And by the way, Mark and Mindy don't care about the mutant's powers either, just like that military guy in Survival of the Fittest didn't. So there. (sticks tongue out)
