Author: Sacrificial Angel
Email: sunless_undead@hotmail.com
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/cof_girl
Title: The Lexx's Visit to Sunnydale
Rating: PG13
Archiving: Imajica's page, anyone else, please tell me before using it
Disclaimer: Paul Donovan, Jeffrey Hirschfield and Lex Giggerhof own the Lexx universe, characters, etc. Joss Whedon owns the Buffy universe, characters, etc. No profit is made from my stories, and sueing me is a waste of time because I have about 10p to my name. Kai will be mine someday... but that's a whole different issue.

The Lexx's Visit to Sunnydale

Prince Charming

"That Spike." said Xander. "He's just full of surprises isn't he?"
"That is Prince's way." said Kai. "He uses surprise to his advantage."
"Look, will you stop calling him Prince?" Xander said, annoyed, "He's not a Prince, he's an English vampire who's a bit too fond of his bleach. Oh, and speaking of hair, what's the deal with yours? You needed a couple of extra inches to join the basketball team?"
"At least Kai doesn't need to compensate for an extremely boring personality and physical appearance by wearing every colour of the rainbow on his shirt." said 790 bitterly. "I suppose it's meant to look exciting and vibrant. Well, it doesn't. On you it looks ugly. And for your information, Kai has the most perfect hair in the two universes - and he has all the inches I need!"
"Hey!" said Xander. "Shut up, robot."
"Oh yeah." said Stan. "That'll work."
"It insulted me!" Xander protested.
"Now you know how we feel." muttered Stan.
"Well," said Xev, "you insulted its one true love."
"Switch it off then." said Xander.
"No." said Kai. "There is no switch, and it is unsafe to power 790 down when we are not on board the Lexx."
"Oh, Kai, you do love me!" 790 exclaimed. "You wouldn't let them kill me!"
"You have proved a useful crew member." said Kai. "As you may be useful in the future, I think it would be unwise to shut you down permanently."
"Well it must be nice to have someone so in love with you." said Willow. "Even if it is just a robot."
"It is not." said Kai, expressionless. "I do not feel."
"He's dead." pointed out Xev.
"But still..." said Buffy. "all the dead people I've seen still have feelings."
"But none of those were really dead." said Willow. "Demons - yes, but still basically alive... or... undead."
"Like Spike." said Xander. "Or maybe not. This is confusing. He is still a vampire isn't he?"
"Yes." said Kai.
"Then how do we know he can still come back when he dies?" Xev asked. "He may still think he can, but in this body, in this world, he might die in the usual way."
"We do not know." said Kai. Then Stan spoke up.
"Hold on." he said. "Isn't our first priority to destroy the Slayer and kill this 'Shadow'ish Giles guy? To prevent this world becoming another Cluster?" Giles's face fell. Buffy looked angry.
"That was our intention." said Kai. "But we do not know the nature of Giles, or of the council of watchers. They may be nothing like his Shadow."
"Look," said Giles, "from what I've read already, I can safely assure you that I am nothing like his Shadow. I'm not evil, and the council of watchers is *nothing* like the Divine Order. We fight demons, we have no control over humans and our only purpose is to protect innocent people." Xev frowned.
"How do we know he's telling the truth?" she asked.
"We don't!" said Stan, worried and confused.
"But we have one indicator that he fights for good." said Kai. "He is an enemy of Prince." Xev and Stan looked at each other - the dead guy had a point. "I suggest that we work together for the time being."
"Good." said Giles. "In the case, I think we should get back to researching this Prince character, who is now Spike." He, Willow and Buffy gathered around the book."
"And us?" asked Stan.
"I will look for Spike." said Kai.
"You, me and 790 will look for somewhere to live." said Xev. Xander heard this and stood up.
"I know just the place." he said, and they went their separate ways, 790 composing mournful poetry about being once again separated from the man it loved.

As they walked to Xander's basement, Stan held the unhappy 790. Xander told them a little about the not-so-demonic side of Sunnydale, but felt a little flustered with the affection Xev was showing him.
"When is Kai coming back?" asked 790. "Why couldn't he take me with him?"
"Because you get in the way." said Xander, who had decided he didn't like 790 after the incident in the library. "Stupid robot."
"Don't listen to 790." said Xev. "He's obsessed with Kai. He had part of the love slave programming intended for me, he can't help the way he feels."
"Love slave?" asked Xander.
"Yes." she said. "I was to be transformed into a love slave for not performing my wifely duties. My body was changed, but my mind was not."
"Not to mention that she is now half vicious brain-eating lizard." added 790. Xander's eyes widened. Ok, so he could accept the love slave bit, it wasn't too hard to believe, what with Xev's body and 790's mind being the way they were. But a brain eating lizard?
"Is it true?" he asked, afraid.
"I am part cluster lizard." she admitted. "But I have never eaten anyone's brain."
"That doesn't mean she wont." said 790, but this did little to taint Xander's relief.
"Well believe me, if you're looking for brains, you've picked the wrong guy." said Xander. "Ask around, its really not worth the effort."
"Don't worry Xander." she said, smiling. "Its not your brain I'm interested in." Xander went bright red and was unable to stop grinning all the way home. Stanley scowled, trying not to look at either of them. Surely Xev needed someone a little more... mature than that guy.

"Prince." said Kai at the door of the crypt. It was the broad daylight of the afternoon now, and the vampire known as Spike was inside watching tv.
"Hi Kai." he said, in his usual somewhat over the top English accent. "What are you after then?"
"I want to know who it is you want destroyed, and why."
"Well the first - I'm not telling." he said, not turning or taking his eyes off the tv. "And the second, because this person ruled the Water planet, and as such is my mortal enemy. Simple, really. And by the way, its Spike now, I haven't been called Prince in over a century." he turned to Kai, grinning. "Get with the times, dead man."
"Do you seek to destroy the Slayer, Spike?" asked Kai, persisting in finding out who this person was.
"Yeah, course I do." said Spike. "Because she's the Slayer, and I'm a vampire. I've killed two Slayers, and I'm working on my third, most vampires don't survive their first confrontation with one."
"Was she the ruler of Water?"
"Look mate," said Spike, "Water is *purity*. Do you honestly believe that anyone going by the name of 'Slayer' could hold a claim to that? I mean, she's a killer, she's impure. Sure, she claims she does it for good, but look at it from another point of view. She kills off other races just because they happen to be higher in the food chain. I mean, killing is killing, at least we're honest about it. She trusses herself up as some fighter of "demons" as she calls us and feigns innocence even as she chomps down a dinner of something else lower in the food chain than her. What a bloody hypocrite! And let me tell you, she's impure in other ways too - just ask Angel, Riley, Parker -"
"Why do you wish to kill her in particular then?" Kai interrupted. "When you can survive from any human?"
"Because," said Spike, "Slayers blood is always sweeter. I've developed a taste for it. You should try it sometime."
"I do not drink... blood." said Kai. Spike laughed loudly.
"Oh, that's a classic." he said. "Bela Lugosi in reverse."
"Who is that?" asked Kai.
"Ah forget it." said Spike. "You've missed quite a lot in the 100 years you were frozen. Anyway, as I was saying... oh yeah, the Slayer. She's not pure and virtuous, no matter what she says. She's a fucking killer. She's like you when you were an assassin, nearer to evil really. And not your honest and wholesome kind of evil either, she pretends she's good. Don't get too closed-minded - just because she's against me doesn't automatically make her good. You'd better not be just slow to kill her because you like her though."
"I do not like."
"Yeah, yeah, so you keep saying. But technically, I'm dead, and I still like things... especially things that look like her. Or do you only have eyes for 790?"
"You are Undead." said Kai. "But it will not be long before you are dead." Kai held up his wrist.
"Oooh," said Spike, "that never loses its threatening edge, no matter how often I hear it. But you might want to try something wooden and pointy, that tends to kill better."
"There are other ways." said Kai, and fired his brace, neatly decapitating Spike, who turned to black dust and disappeared among the dirt on the floor of the crypt. Then his words came back to Kai, all that Spike had said, he considered. The worst case would be Prince returning in an even more dangerous form and the Slayer turning out to be evil and trying to harm Stan and Xev. But it was hard for a long dead, emotionless assassin to discern whether or not Buffy was good.

Kai walked along the still sunlit streets, back to the library. He studied his wrist brace closely for a moment as he walked - it was a remarkable piece of technology. It could prove exceptionally useful in a town like this.
"Giles." said Kai at the library door. "Where are the others?"
"They went to Xander's house, I think." said Giles, still reading the book. "My word, did this really happen? When you visited the memory chambers on Brunnis?" Kai leant over Giles's shoulder and read.
"Yep, it's all there." he said. "That's exactly how it happened."
"And Xev's dream was for you to be alive?" Kai nodded.
"It was an interesting experience." he said. "Well, I can't stay here all day, I'm going to find Stan and Xev."
"Ok, bye Kai." said Giles, continuing in his reading.

Kai walked to Xander's house, then entered the low window into the basement. Yes, Stan, Xander and Xev were all here. Stan in a black chair watching tv, while Xev flirted mercilessly with Xander on the sofa. Kai raised an eyebrow, before dropping to the floor.
"Hi again." said Kai, crossing the room and sitting deliberately between Xev and Xander. 790, from under a few blankets in the corner, called out to Kai in a muffled way. Kai smiled.
"Nice to see someone noticed my absence." he commented.
"Did you get Spike?" Xander asked.
"Yes." said Kai. "Decapitated." he leant back on the couch. "Now up you get Xander, we could do with some tea."
"Fine." said Xander. "Hey wait - you can't drink tea."
"My friends can." said Kai, smiling at Xev.
"That would be nice, Xander." said Xev, then smiled at Kai. Kai smiled back. A thought came to her... there was something unusual about his smile. Wait - it was the smile itself that was strange, Kai didn't smile!
"Kai... are you alright?" she asked tentatively.
"I..." said Kai, "I don't know."
"There's something strange -" said Xev.
"I know." said Kai. "Something very strange. I think its something in the atmosphere here, I feel as if I am... alive!"
"Alive?" Stan turned, almost falling out of his chair in shock. Xev's jaw dropped. Xander looked up from the kettle he was filling at the sink on the other side of the room.
"So that'll be three teas then."
"Thanks." said Kai to Xander.
"Kai, you're really alive?" asked Xev.
"I am." he said. "I know it sounds impossible, but you must believe it. The air here breathes life, it has revived me - I know how much you wanted this, Xev."
"Of course I want it!" she said. "Kai... I love you, you have been my best friend for so long, but you were never alive to love me in return." Xander, filling the cups, frowned. Typical, as soon as he finds a woman who's interested, her dead friend wakes up and takes her instead. He brought the tea over and then some milk and sugar. Kai sipped contentedly, and Xev also enjoyed this tea, which she had never before tasted. Stan found it a little less enjoyable. So Kai was alive. There goes any chance he ever had with Xev, which he realised hadn't been the biggest chance, but still... He was distracted from his thoughts by 790 yelling out at Xev, who had put an arm around Kai and leant on his shoulder.
"Kai, this is so amazing." said Xev, looking into his eyes. "We can really be together now! If that's what you want?"
"Nothing would make me happier, Xev my love." he said. "Would you like to walk with me?" Xev nodded. They went out, leaving Stan and Xander to bury the loud complaints of 790 under more cushions and blankets. Stan frowned. There was something definitely not right about this. Xander felt the same, as he wondered what exactly it was about the dark, mysterious and dead type that girls went for.

"Look at the stars Xev." he said, looking up at the sky which was turning dark.
"It is a sight I am used to." she replied. "But they are still always beautiful."
"Xev, you are more beautiful to me than any star." Kai told her, and she smiled. "But it is a shame we have to be together in such troubled circumstances."
"Troubled how?" asked Xev. "Prince - Spike is dead, you are with me, I can't see anything wrong."
"There is the matter of the Slayer." he said. "And her companions."
"But they're not evil are they?" she asked. "They were enemies of Prince, you said it yourself, doesn't that make them on our side?"
"Not exactly." said Kai. "The Slayer disliked Spike because he was a vampire, not because of who he was. If he had been human, this would be a very different story. Besides, we can't ignore the similarities they have to the Divine Order, can we? And I have learned of her best friend's interest in the dark arts of magic."
"Really?" asked Xev. "Oh Kai, we'll have to do something."
"Yes." said Kai. "But not right now. I want to be with you for now, Xev."

Xev woke up in the morning, in Kai's arms. They had stayed up late together, and when they others slept, they had crept away to the school library again - she knew no other private place. Kai had been ecstatic, as had Xev, and they had slept (or not slept) together between shelves of books. Now they woke to hear the sound of a school bell, although they didn't know what it was. Xev could hear footsteps though, and put on her clothes, as did Kai. Fortunately Giles didn't walk in until they were both fully dressed.
"What are you two doing here?" Giles asked, confused as to why they were here so early.
"We stayed here because there was no room in Xander's basement." said Xev, unconvincingly. Giles frowned.
"You didn't... oh god, you did. In my library? People have to work here, people need books... I can't believe... wait a minute, Kai - aren't you dead?"
"I was." said Kai. "And now I'm alive."
"It's this planets atmosphere." said Xev. "Or something like that, we don't know exactly what, but he is definitely alive."
"Right." said Giles. Kai looked at Xev and made a gesture with his wrist towards Giles. Xev looked worried.
"No, we can't do that yet," she whispered, "we don't know his nature truly, we cant do this until we're sure."
"You're not sure?" asked Kai. "How can you be unsure? Do you want to waste this chance?" Giles didn't know exactly what they were talking about, but had a bad feeling about it all. He looked up at Kai, seconds before Kai lifted his wrist and shot his brace at him, missing his left shoulder by an inch.
"What's going on?" Giles was stunned.
"Bugger." said Kai. "Stupid brace, what kind of guy wants a weapon like this anyway? I mean, can't I have something more substantial?"
"Kai?" Xev was confused. "You missed... how come?"
"Come off it Xev," he said, "I'm not bleeding *perfect* you know, just let me have another shot. Or an axe, maybe."
"A what?" she was taken aback. "Kai, you've had your brace for 6000 years, why do you want a new weapon now? And what was that word you said, is it Brunnen G?"
"No." said Giles. "It's English. Actual English, not American or whatever variant you speak on other planets. What I want to know is how Kai knows it."
"That's a good question." said Xev, looking at Kai. Kai rolled his eyes.
"Oh please," he said, "it didn't take Kai this long to figure it out, did it? You must know who I am." Giles shook his head, but Xev understood immediately, having seen this happen before.
"Prince." she said. He smiled at her.
"The one and only." he replied.