Ok...I'm writing this fic for my own gratification...so I don't give a crap if you like it or not. I am writing this halfway through the second book soI'm not too sure what happens yet but oh well. And if you are a fan of Gilderoy Lockheart then you can spank my monkey. *A little monkey in a pulls down his diaper and eyes you suspiously* Otherwise, my Snape fans, enjoy^^

Gilderoy was walking boastfully in the halls of Hogwarts. "Dum, da dum, I'm just so beautiful. How could anyone hate me?" He pulled a mirror to look at his "beautiful" self.

"My, my, Gilderoy. You are a sexy bitch!" He started flashing big toothy smiles into the mirror.

Continuing to walk down the hall in this fashion, something hit him in the face. "Ouch!" He shrieked like a little prissy girl. The thing fell to the floor. He picked it up. It happened to be one of his books! "Voyaging with Vampires" it was. "Hmm....I wonder where this could have fallen from..." He began looking at the picture of himself on the cover. "You are a sexy bitch!"

Just standing there admiring himself on the cover he failed to notice the breeze of the dark figure that swept behind him. "Don't flatter yourself too much, Lockheart..." Ah, that cold, smoothe, creamy, dark, sexy, (ok I'm going a little too far here!) voice, recognised as no other then Professor Severus Snape. *Drool*

Lockheart turned around, a little peeved to see it was the only person who didn't favor him like he himself did. "Oh...Snape...I see it's you...Still mad that I took the Defense Against the Dark Arts job, hmmm?"

"Professor Snape to you! And I don't understand how you got that job, when there has never been a worst teacher here than you! Quirrell could have been a welcome stay if he hadn't been aligning himself with the wrong people."

"Me? Worst teacher? You've got it wrong Snapey poo. I'm the best there ever could be! Look at me! Look at me! There has never been a more handsome teacher in the history of this school until I came along!" Gilderoy was flashing the picture of himself on hisbook in Snape's face. Snape felt he was going to be sick.

"You know...I've had just about enough of you..." Figuring he needed to take drastic action, he ripped the book from Lockheart's hand, and began smacking him upside the head with it.

Gilderoy started screaming like a baby. "Hey! Wait, what are you doing!? But I'm so loved and popular! Hey! OUCH! Stop it! That hurts! You're ruining my precious face! OUCH! Leave me alone!!!" And then it just went off to desperate sobs.

Snape just kept quiet, and whooped his ass some more with his own book.Then, he left Lockheart there, surprised even himself he could in fact beat someone to a bloody pulp with a hardback book. He almost giggled with glee. This was better than getting that Potter boy into trouble. He walked off in time for his tea.^^

Gilderoy lay there like a bloody peice of poop, grabbed his "Voyage with Vampires", and looked at himself on the cover. "You are a sexy bitch!"

Ok, don't ask what I was thinking. I was hella bored and I wanted Snape to do something! Oh and yes, please review^^ Or my monkey will spank your monkey...MWHAHAHA....