They took a hike, following the directions given to them by 'Monterey'. And in about an hour they were able to see the beach. On the beach they saw something that looked like a, well, thing on the horizon.
As they approached the black "Thing" became clearer and clearer to them. The little Prince squinted at it and asked, "Hey, Jacques. Do you think that could be....Duo?"
The monster stared out in the direction that Little Prince Milliardo was pointing. "It very well could be." He agreed. "It doesn't look like any of the sea monsters I'm familiar with."
And indeed it turned out that our little hero was correct in his assumptions. The happy-go-lucky God of Death came trudging up the beach towards them and collapsed at their feet.
"Man, am I lucky that river runs into this ocean." He panted, pulling a clump of sea weed off of his shoulder.
The little Prince came up to him and helped to pull off the kelp and other various sea creatures off of the Shinigami as he told his story.
"But," Duo said, standing up and brushing himself off. "I guess it's time for us to pay a visit to our friend Trowa."
So, after that heart-rending reunion, the duo, now turned trio, set off towards the little orange house on the beach just a little ways ahead of them.
As they came to the cottage they stopped to admire the white trim and little flower boxes on every window.
"Wow," Jacques sighed, as if he were truly in Heaven. "This Trowa guy sure knows how to decorate. Geez, that's my kind of man."
Duo shook his head and the little Prince just wondered what Jacques had meant by that before he reached up and knocked on the front door.
"Yes?" A boy answered the door. He stared at the group on his doorstep with one green eye--you see, the other was covered with his strange unibang. "I'm sorry. I don't really want anything, right now."
"Wait!" The little prince called before Trowa could shut the door. "We're not selling anything. We just have a message for you from your friend."
The boy opened the door again and stared at them hard. "I don't have any friends. Now please, leave me in peace.
"Oh, but you do!" The happy-go-lucky Shinigami said in earnest. "He gave us this note to deliver to you." And so he began to relate their story so far to the young green-eyed man.
Trowa's one visible eye widened at the sheer speed and amount of words that came pouring from the God of Death's mouth. And at the end of the tale he nodded in understanding. "I see." Said Trowa. Though Little Prince Milliardo wondered how he could see much of anything through his unibang. "Come in."
At this invitation the trio entered the little orange house, Duo and the little Prince glancing around casually with Jacques 'Oooing' and 'Ahhhing' behind them.
"Pardon the mess," Trowa said as they entered the kitchen. "I was baking cinnamon bread when you arrived. I used to be in the circus, but now I love cooking." He offered them tea, but the little Prince politely refused--much to Duo's sorrow.
Little Prince Milliardo handed their host the letter that he had carried all this time. The former circus performer accepted it with a murmured word of thanks and slit open the envelope.
When he was finished reading the letter, he looked up. His one visible eye was filling with tears, which he quickly wiped away--seeing as they weren't too good for his idiom. "Thank you. Quatre said that he wanted me to come and keep him company in his house at the edge of the Big Dark Forest of Death on the boarder of the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Bread and Biscuits Too. You've brought us back together again." And with that Trowa got up and escorted them out.
As they were walking back towards Over the River and Through the Woods, Milliardo looked back and saw Quatre the woodcutter's unibanged friend nailing a "For Sale" sign to his front porch.
"I'm glad that turned out nicely." Jacques said as they wandered through the now darkened streets of the little town.
"Yeah," The Happy-Go-Lucky Shinigami agreed. "Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy."
Little Prince Milliardo did not hear their conversation, for he was too busy staring up at the starry night sky. He wondered, as he often did since the undertaking of this journey, where his friend could be and if he--or for that matter, she--was somewhere looking for him. He really was lonely and, though this little escapade was interesting and certainly an adventure, he was quite eager to get to the other end of this trip.
The trio continued to walk on to the west. They walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and--well, you get the picture. On and on and on they went, never stopping for more than a drink of dirty water. The little Prince was now seriously contemplating the possibility of his feet falling off and then where would he be? He was very tired. In fact, he was downright pooped. On top of that, they were all starving.
So, the tired, hungry, foot-weary, group--quite literally--dragged themselves across an open field, frying in the sun towards the relative shelter of the nearby forest. Feeling hopeless, the half-asleep little Prince trudged on and tried to ignore the gnawing hunger that was eating away at his stomach. Being too polite to complain, little Milliardo took his mind off of hunger and sleep deprivation, and thought about his castle in the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Bread and Biscuits Too. He remembered how the sun shone, the birds chirped, the happy people, and the delicious pasteries. His mouth began to water. But before he could go any further on that delectable train of thought, the beginning notes of a familiar song penetrated the mists of his hunger-hazed brain.
*Bicycle! Bicycle!*
They were at the edge of the forest. At first they thought perhaps it was a hallucination brought on by their hunger and lack of sleep, but when they heard a second line....
*I want to ride my bicycle! I want to ride my bike!*
Several search lights popped on and revealed a mysterious boy with jet black hair. Little Milliardo marveled at the tightness of the boy's ponytail and exactly how much gel it had taken to make it so smooth and shiny.
*I want to ride my bicycle! I want to ride it where I like!*
The song stopped and the boy, all dressed in black, wearing a mask somewhat like Zorro's leapt from the stump where he had been standing and landed in front of them, cape and all.
"Hey Wufie!" Duo said happily.
the boy glared daggers at the God of Death. "It's Wufei, baka. I am Wufei, God of Justice, and *echm* alsogodofbicycles."
The little Prince hadn't heard the muffled ending of his title. "The God of Justice and what?" He asked with big innocent eyes.
Wufei looked perturbed. "and bicycles! Okay! I'm the God of Justice and bicycles! Are you happy now?"
The Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death, whom had always been happy, grinned broadly, and Jacques tried to stifle his laughter by clearing his throat. The little Prince just glared at his companions in shock at their rudeness.
The God of Justice and bicycles pouted. "This is my forest," he said. "And in most cases I would not only prevent anyone from entering, but I would also bring them all to Justice."
The little Prince's heart sank.
"But since Fairy Une--damn onna--made her point quite clear when she said that the group with the Happy-Go-Lucky Shinigami was to pass through here with my protection, I guess I'll have to let you go. I won't, however, allow you to go on your own. I know you'll get lost and then I'll have to deal with you in my forest forever. So, I've decided--though much against my own will--to accompany you to make sure Maxwell doesn't deface any of my trees."
"You can't take a joke can you?" Duo pouted.
"And since I'm such a nice guy, Fairy Une decided that I would lend you some of my 'specialty' bikes." Wufei scowled, mumbling unintelligibly under his breath and crossing his arms.
So, they all climbed upon the 'specialty' bikes the God of Justice had given to them. as soon as they began peddling through the woods the bike began, and the trio, now turned quartette, found out why they were called "specialty bikes".
"Welcome to Wufei's Wonderful World of Justice! I'm tour guide Barbie and I'll be taking you through this magical land of strength and justice. The commonly used definition of Justice is...."
The little prince sighed. This was definitely going to be a long trip.
2 hours and 317 Justice facts later, the group crossed the border of the country "Candyland". This land was full of candy and reminded the little Prince of the movie "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory".
They were immediately confronted by a horde of little orange skinned, green-haired midgets wearing overalls. Somehow, they seemed familiar to the little Prince, but he couldn't quite put his finger on where he had seen them last. The midgets glared at them and began to whisper in a little circle.
Dismissing this as one of the strange rituals of the native life in Candyland, they peddled off.
Unbeknownst to our little hero and his band of assorted minor--but still crucial to the story--characters, they were being watched. And not only watched but followed by Who-Knows-Whatsits into the dark depths of Lollipop Forest. Spooky, ain't it?
" '....With liberty and JUSTICE for all.' Justice quote number two: 'I stand for lo~ve and JUSTICE...' And now for a short break from our sponsor."
The farther the companions got into the strange forest the stranger it became. Until, all of a sudden POOF! the lights went out, leaving them all in the dark.
Staring around, they could only see each other's eyes blinking and seemingly floating at different heights above the ground without any bodies to hold them up. Well, of course they had bodies but......well, you just couldn't see them very well. Which brings up another good question: If you can't see the person's body, is it really there? Or is it only there when you can see it? Anyway, they stood there--the people, not the eyes. Of course not the eyes! Eyes don't have legs!
"Um, excuse me Mr. Narrator, sir," the Prince interrupted the Narrator's rather confused train of thought. "But, as a group of people particularly concerned as to what happens at the end of this story, the others, including me, were wondering if this was a really important tangent to follow. And--being that it isn't--we would like to know if we could kind of....sort of.....you know....move on? Just so we can eventually come to the end of this starry and I can get myself a new friend. No hard feelings? Okay, so, um...yeah. I'll be going now."
Yes, well. On with the story!
Blink, blink. "There are only a few possible reasons why this could have happened. A.) The Earth has suddenly begun to spin much faster on its axis than it is typically thought to be moving. B.) We've ridden all the way to the other side of the Earth--somehow skipping over the oceans--to where it's always dark in the daytime and sunny in the nighttime. C.) The author is really bored and running out of decent ideas. Or D.) Life is actually really a low budget movie and they had to cut the lighting."
"That was four." Jacques blinked/said--you could still see only their eyes--to Wufei.
"What do you mean 'That was four'?"
"Well, you said there were just a few reasons why this could have happened, but you stated four reasons."
"It's true," The little Prince chimed in, having listened very carefully in his grammar lesson about words meaning amounts.
"So?"
"Here. I'll explain it to you buddy boy," Duo said. "When you say 'few', you're actually saying three. Get it?" The Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death explained.
"Well," Little Milliardo pondered. "It could be one of those 'in the eyes of the beholder' things where it depends who's saying it."
"That's a very good hypothesis, but there's a system to numbers." Jacques explained, all the while they were pushing their bikes through the pitch-black forest. "A single or 'a' means one. A couple means two. And a few means three. That's just the way it's always been."
BANG!
"Shoot!" Duo yelped in pain.
The group stopped. All were wondering about the fate of their wounded comrade.
"Dammit! I think I ran into a safety sucker!"
Wufei promptly sweat dropped and, consequently, fell over--bicycle and all.
Emerging from the depths of the Lollipop Forest, the little Prince and his companions passed a sign with a sandy haired queen calling the name HEEEEEERRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! out of an airplane and a glaring king who was pointing a gun at her and saying "Omae o korosu." Somehow, the picture gave the little Prince the chills. It was almost as if he were looking into the future.....
The little quartette was now heading down a strange road decorated with brightly colored squares. Past a little house made of peanut brittle--they had to pull Duo away forcefully--from which came the sounds of a well-enjoyed meal and a little girl in a gaudy red cape sat on the front porch. Past a field full of trees bearing sugar plumbs which were being harvested by many thousands of fairies dancing in time to music by Tchikowiztsky. Over Gumdrop Pass and Rainbow Trail. Past Queen Frostine's Ice Cream Sea. Through yet another forest--this time the Peppermint Forest. And even up and over the Big Rock Candy Mountain. When suddenly they heard Duo's voice over the incessant chatter of tour guide Barbie.
"Eek!" He meeped. Frozen as if someone had pushed the pause button on the VCR of Life.
Careful not to step on the square which Duo was standing in, they read the sign posted next to it. "Darn! It looks like you're Stuck in Molasses Swamp. And you were so close to saving the King and country, too. Well, I guess you'll just have to stay here until a red card is drawn. There's only five in each deck so, good luck. Bwahahahahahahahah! You'll need it! Signed: The new king(not to mention, Perfect Soldier), Heero Yuy"
"Oh, yeah! I remember now! Fairy Une told me that in order to end all this we have to save good King Kandy, of Candyland! Then we save a country and collect your buddy all in one story." Duo said using the only muscles that were strong enough to withstand the freezing effect.
Somewhere a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away(maybe even a parallel universe).....
"Man! I'm stuck in Molasses Swamp!" A little boy cried looking hopelessly at the game board in front of him.
His sister laughed evilly. "Hahahah! I've got Queen Frostine! I'm catching up! And remember, there's only five red cards in a deck and we've already drawn four. Hahahah!"
Unbeknownst to the little boy, there is an entire alternate universe depending on him. A prince needs a friend, a Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death needs to be freed from the Molasses Swamp, a monster named Jacques needs to be home in time for the annual monster mash, a God of Justice and Bicycles needs a way in which to fulfill his life-long dream of world wide Justice, an entire kingdom needs to be saved! And it all depends on this little boy's luck of the draw.
Bobby reached out to pick up the next card.....
"Darn! It's purple!"
His sister reached out to take the next card.
In Candyland the little Prince Milliardo opened his eyes. "I have a bad feeling about this."
The girl picked up her card. Everyone held their breath.
"HA! HA! Looks like I won, Bobby!"
"AWWWW!!! No fair! Let's play again."
Back in Candyland, little Milliardo began to cry. He sat and cried and cried.
"What's wrong, Lil' Prince?" Asked Jacques, putting his arm around the boy's shoulder.
"Well," He sobbed and hiccuped at the same time, resulting in a strange and a sore throat for the little Prince. "You may or may not know this, but I came all the way out here looking for a friend that was given to me by Fairy Une, the good fairy of the wishing star. I've spent days and nights in the cold. I've been rained on. I've been sunburned. I've been covered in mud. I've been covered in poison ivy. And not once have I gotten to wash my hair! Look at this! Just look! I've got split ends! Wufei's damn bicycles won't shut up. I've come all this way and some brat in another universe takes it all away from me. Now poor Duo's stuck in a swamp and it's getting dark. I'm afraid of the dark!" the poor little Prince bawled and Jacques continued patting him on the back--as much for comfort as it was to keep him from choking to death.
"Wait a minute!" Milliardo said brightly. "I still have that extra wish from Fairy Une! Let's see. It's got to be around here somewhere." He pulled leaves and cheese--pocketed from 'Monterey Jack's'--a couple Popsicle sticks, a live lizard, a pair of clean white gloves, and finally, Fairy Une's business card.
"You can use me cell phone, lil' Prince." Jacques offered. "I've got me an awesome long distance plan."
Hurriedly, the little Prince--though had he noticed her number was on speed dial it would have taken him less tries to get it right--punched Fairy Une's number into the phone and hit 'send'.
"Hello. Une here. To those who occasionally share my bed it's Lady Une. To others it's Fairy Une. What can I do for you?"
"Yes," The little Prince blushed at her introduction. "This is, um, Milliardo Peacecraft. I'm calling about my wish."
"Who?"
"Um, Little Prince Milliardo?"
"Oh yeah. Nice to see you're still alive. Not many people can say that after taking a trip with a Happy-Go-Lucky Shinigami. I'll be right down."
And in seconds Fairy Une appeared--with yet another blinding flash of light, though by then the little Prince was getting used to it--in front of them clad in a new string bikini, her hair pulled neatly back into buns and her glasses flashing in the last lights of the day. Even Wufei, the famed "Celibate God" had to stop and stare.
"Hey! Justice Boy! Close your mouth. If you're not careful a bird'll come and make a nest in it. Now let's make it snappy, Prince. I've got some military plans to go over with Napoleon in an hour and I still haven't finished tanning."
"Well," The little Prince said timidly. "I wish for Duo to be released from the swamp." He thought about it more carefully. "On this side."
Fairy Une stared hard at the trapped Happy-Go-Lucky Shinigami and laughed. "Okay. Wise decision. Maybe you'll be a king after all. That is, if you lose that nasty habit of crying when something happens. Alright, your wish is granted, now hurry up and save the kingdom so you can get your friend and I can stop worrying about you." And with the seventh eye-damaging flash of bright light in this story--and yet another scramble for the poor astronomers in California who were now trying to chart the strange new star they had called "Big Bertha"--Fairy Une disappeared. Sadly, never to return again in this story.
With all his companions free and ready to go, little Milliardo lead the charge up to Licorice Castle. As they approached it, though, the anger and excitement that had once filled him was now beginning to fade and be replaced with mortal fear. The castle was big and scary and now doubt dark. When they arrived at the heavy front door it opened revealing a large throne room. Inside there was the boy king who was holding the gun on the sign.
At first, little Milliardo thought that perhaps the evil king was dead, for all he did was sit and glare at them. But then he spoke. "Omae o korosu." He said and struggled to reach something, but couldn't since he was tied at the wrists.
The king had wild hair and cold eyes, but what really fascinated the little Prince was the way the boy named Yuy could wear spandex shorts and yet not seem to be in any sort of pain. That and the fact that it seemed he had been typing Help! notes on his laptop for quite some time now with his nose and sending them out to all his friends.
"Maxwell," He hissed. "It's about time you got here! Where have you been? I haven't seen you on MSN or ICQ for at least a week now."
The Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death thought for a second, which was quite a long time all considered, and then smiled. "Yep. I've been on a journey with this little Prince for the past week. Sorry." He shrugged. "Now to get you out of here-"
"Not so fast, Darkly Clad One!" Came a voice. Everyone in the room, including some of the servants who had been wandering aimlessly about since the capture of Yuy, stopped and whipped around to see who it was.
Indeed, it was the sandy-haired queen from the sign. Clad all in burgundy, she approached from within the shadows. "I, am Queen Relena. Queen of the WORLD!!!! And Yuy is mine. As well as the country of Candyland and soon the entire universe. All will be under my control and through my guidance the world will become one pacifist nation." She cackled evilly and somewhere in an alternate universe little Bobby and his sister heard this and went running inside screaming about the horrible sound.
"Um, she's definitely demented." Was all that Jacques and Wufei could think of to add to the conversation.
"I heard you were prince of a powerful country, little Milliardo. Marry me and I will give you your friend." A cage appeared out of nowhere and displayed a gorgeous boy with ginger brown hair and big cerulean eyes.
Little Milliardo was immediately fascinated--if not a tiny bit infatuated--by this strange little boy. Could that be the friend that Fairy Une had promised him? He shook himself from his daze and tore his eyes away from the little boy. There were important legal and moral things to take care of first. "Don't be sick, Relena! I wouldn't marry you if you paid me to and for a few simple reasons. A.) You are definitely not my type. B.) You're basically and idiot. C.) You need to get some help with those problems you have. And D.) You're my little sister for God's sakes!!!! That is not only illegal, but it is also a morally and ethically wrong thing to do--and besides, that's just plain nasty! Let's just go home and get your medication and then everything will be alright again, Relena."
Relena looked confused. "You said four, Big Brother."
"What?!"
"Well, you said that there were a few reasons why you wouldn't marry me and you listed four reasons. Doesn't 'few' mean three?"
Jacques' face brightened up. "That's exactly what I was saying before. How can you say a few when you really mean several?"
"I understand perfectly how you feel. All the time I'm walking around with my invisible friend Betsy and she says the she's going to a few stores and then she takes me to four and I just wonder who taught everyone how to count these days."
Jacques and Relena wandered off out the door deep in conversation about the outrageous misuse of the word 'few'.
It turned out that Heero Yuy was actually the king of Candyland.
"My middle name is 'Kandy'." He admitted in a press conference later that month.
And the boy in the cage? Well, he was set free the moment little Milliardo could do so. He turned out to be a duke by the name of Treize Khushrenada and was older than the little Prince by five years, but that was fine by the fourteen year old monarch. He was just happy to have a friend. So, Prince Milliardo took his newfound friend back to the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Bread and Biscuits Too, where the sun shone, the birds chirped, the people were happy, the pastries where quite the best tasting things on Earth, and Treize was adored by every girl in the kingdom. But he already had a friend and he never planned to get married--single life was much better. So, hopefully they would spend the rest of their lives together in friendship for all eternity, but that's another story, isn't it?
THE--
Wait! Don't you want to know what happened to the group? Of course you do. Well, Relena and Jacques found a happy life together forever discussing the different forms of number words and their misuse. When Milliardo became king of the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Bread and Biscuits Too, he made Wufei his official Purveyor of Justice and Wufei in return formed the famous Bicycle Brigade which dealt out some serious justice to people around the countryside. After moving in with Quatre, Trowa pursued his interest in cooking and eventually opened his own five star restaurant called "The Heavyarms Cafe". When asked where he got the inspiration for the name of his restaurant he just shrugs and says it was as if someone from an alternate universe with his personality was telling him to call it that. Monterey Jack became the official supplier of cheese to both Milliardo's palace and "The Heavyarms Cafe" he also opened the first ever school for the hearing-impaired-because-of-loud-noises school in Over the River and Through the Woods. The Happy-Go-Lucky Shinigami, Duo, taught at three different Christian schools before settling down with Fairy Une who was at that time a pop superstar in the making. Later she would release five very successful CD's and live forever as a pop legend. Frank the Bridgekeeper was eventually fished out of the ocean by some whalers and after a brief period of fame because of his survival, he became the host of one of the best rated game shows, "Bridge of Death". And finally those Oompa Loompas. After winning the court case for midgets rights they all went on to be famous politicians one of which was later appointed as the first ever midget Supreme Court Justice. And so ends our fine tale. I do hope you enjoyed it. And perhaps someday little--though he isn't really little anymore--Milliardo will make another wish, even though that would be just plain greedy since he already has everything. And then we'll have another adventure in this land, but until then....Wufei was right. This is just a really low budget movie and we can't afford to continue it any longer.
END
As they approached the black "Thing" became clearer and clearer to them. The little Prince squinted at it and asked, "Hey, Jacques. Do you think that could be....Duo?"
The monster stared out in the direction that Little Prince Milliardo was pointing. "It very well could be." He agreed. "It doesn't look like any of the sea monsters I'm familiar with."
And indeed it turned out that our little hero was correct in his assumptions. The happy-go-lucky God of Death came trudging up the beach towards them and collapsed at their feet.
"Man, am I lucky that river runs into this ocean." He panted, pulling a clump of sea weed off of his shoulder.
The little Prince came up to him and helped to pull off the kelp and other various sea creatures off of the Shinigami as he told his story.
"But," Duo said, standing up and brushing himself off. "I guess it's time for us to pay a visit to our friend Trowa."
So, after that heart-rending reunion, the duo, now turned trio, set off towards the little orange house on the beach just a little ways ahead of them.
As they came to the cottage they stopped to admire the white trim and little flower boxes on every window.
"Wow," Jacques sighed, as if he were truly in Heaven. "This Trowa guy sure knows how to decorate. Geez, that's my kind of man."
Duo shook his head and the little Prince just wondered what Jacques had meant by that before he reached up and knocked on the front door.
"Yes?" A boy answered the door. He stared at the group on his doorstep with one green eye--you see, the other was covered with his strange unibang. "I'm sorry. I don't really want anything, right now."
"Wait!" The little prince called before Trowa could shut the door. "We're not selling anything. We just have a message for you from your friend."
The boy opened the door again and stared at them hard. "I don't have any friends. Now please, leave me in peace.
"Oh, but you do!" The happy-go-lucky Shinigami said in earnest. "He gave us this note to deliver to you." And so he began to relate their story so far to the young green-eyed man.
Trowa's one visible eye widened at the sheer speed and amount of words that came pouring from the God of Death's mouth. And at the end of the tale he nodded in understanding. "I see." Said Trowa. Though Little Prince Milliardo wondered how he could see much of anything through his unibang. "Come in."
At this invitation the trio entered the little orange house, Duo and the little Prince glancing around casually with Jacques 'Oooing' and 'Ahhhing' behind them.
"Pardon the mess," Trowa said as they entered the kitchen. "I was baking cinnamon bread when you arrived. I used to be in the circus, but now I love cooking." He offered them tea, but the little Prince politely refused--much to Duo's sorrow.
Little Prince Milliardo handed their host the letter that he had carried all this time. The former circus performer accepted it with a murmured word of thanks and slit open the envelope.
When he was finished reading the letter, he looked up. His one visible eye was filling with tears, which he quickly wiped away--seeing as they weren't too good for his idiom. "Thank you. Quatre said that he wanted me to come and keep him company in his house at the edge of the Big Dark Forest of Death on the boarder of the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Bread and Biscuits Too. You've brought us back together again." And with that Trowa got up and escorted them out.
As they were walking back towards Over the River and Through the Woods, Milliardo looked back and saw Quatre the woodcutter's unibanged friend nailing a "For Sale" sign to his front porch.
"I'm glad that turned out nicely." Jacques said as they wandered through the now darkened streets of the little town.
"Yeah," The Happy-Go-Lucky Shinigami agreed. "Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy."
Little Prince Milliardo did not hear their conversation, for he was too busy staring up at the starry night sky. He wondered, as he often did since the undertaking of this journey, where his friend could be and if he--or for that matter, she--was somewhere looking for him. He really was lonely and, though this little escapade was interesting and certainly an adventure, he was quite eager to get to the other end of this trip.
The trio continued to walk on to the west. They walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and--well, you get the picture. On and on and on they went, never stopping for more than a drink of dirty water. The little Prince was now seriously contemplating the possibility of his feet falling off and then where would he be? He was very tired. In fact, he was downright pooped. On top of that, they were all starving.
So, the tired, hungry, foot-weary, group--quite literally--dragged themselves across an open field, frying in the sun towards the relative shelter of the nearby forest. Feeling hopeless, the half-asleep little Prince trudged on and tried to ignore the gnawing hunger that was eating away at his stomach. Being too polite to complain, little Milliardo took his mind off of hunger and sleep deprivation, and thought about his castle in the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Bread and Biscuits Too. He remembered how the sun shone, the birds chirped, the happy people, and the delicious pasteries. His mouth began to water. But before he could go any further on that delectable train of thought, the beginning notes of a familiar song penetrated the mists of his hunger-hazed brain.
*Bicycle! Bicycle!*
They were at the edge of the forest. At first they thought perhaps it was a hallucination brought on by their hunger and lack of sleep, but when they heard a second line....
*I want to ride my bicycle! I want to ride my bike!*
Several search lights popped on and revealed a mysterious boy with jet black hair. Little Milliardo marveled at the tightness of the boy's ponytail and exactly how much gel it had taken to make it so smooth and shiny.
*I want to ride my bicycle! I want to ride it where I like!*
The song stopped and the boy, all dressed in black, wearing a mask somewhat like Zorro's leapt from the stump where he had been standing and landed in front of them, cape and all.
"Hey Wufie!" Duo said happily.
the boy glared daggers at the God of Death. "It's Wufei, baka. I am Wufei, God of Justice, and *echm* alsogodofbicycles."
The little Prince hadn't heard the muffled ending of his title. "The God of Justice and what?" He asked with big innocent eyes.
Wufei looked perturbed. "and bicycles! Okay! I'm the God of Justice and bicycles! Are you happy now?"
The Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death, whom had always been happy, grinned broadly, and Jacques tried to stifle his laughter by clearing his throat. The little Prince just glared at his companions in shock at their rudeness.
The God of Justice and bicycles pouted. "This is my forest," he said. "And in most cases I would not only prevent anyone from entering, but I would also bring them all to Justice."
The little Prince's heart sank.
"But since Fairy Une--damn onna--made her point quite clear when she said that the group with the Happy-Go-Lucky Shinigami was to pass through here with my protection, I guess I'll have to let you go. I won't, however, allow you to go on your own. I know you'll get lost and then I'll have to deal with you in my forest forever. So, I've decided--though much against my own will--to accompany you to make sure Maxwell doesn't deface any of my trees."
"You can't take a joke can you?" Duo pouted.
"And since I'm such a nice guy, Fairy Une decided that I would lend you some of my 'specialty' bikes." Wufei scowled, mumbling unintelligibly under his breath and crossing his arms.
So, they all climbed upon the 'specialty' bikes the God of Justice had given to them. as soon as they began peddling through the woods the bike began, and the trio, now turned quartette, found out why they were called "specialty bikes".
"Welcome to Wufei's Wonderful World of Justice! I'm tour guide Barbie and I'll be taking you through this magical land of strength and justice. The commonly used definition of Justice is...."
The little prince sighed. This was definitely going to be a long trip.
2 hours and 317 Justice facts later, the group crossed the border of the country "Candyland". This land was full of candy and reminded the little Prince of the movie "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory".
They were immediately confronted by a horde of little orange skinned, green-haired midgets wearing overalls. Somehow, they seemed familiar to the little Prince, but he couldn't quite put his finger on where he had seen them last. The midgets glared at them and began to whisper in a little circle.
Dismissing this as one of the strange rituals of the native life in Candyland, they peddled off.
Unbeknownst to our little hero and his band of assorted minor--but still crucial to the story--characters, they were being watched. And not only watched but followed by Who-Knows-Whatsits into the dark depths of Lollipop Forest. Spooky, ain't it?
" '....With liberty and JUSTICE for all.' Justice quote number two: 'I stand for lo~ve and JUSTICE...' And now for a short break from our sponsor."
The farther the companions got into the strange forest the stranger it became. Until, all of a sudden POOF! the lights went out, leaving them all in the dark.
Staring around, they could only see each other's eyes blinking and seemingly floating at different heights above the ground without any bodies to hold them up. Well, of course they had bodies but......well, you just couldn't see them very well. Which brings up another good question: If you can't see the person's body, is it really there? Or is it only there when you can see it? Anyway, they stood there--the people, not the eyes. Of course not the eyes! Eyes don't have legs!
"Um, excuse me Mr. Narrator, sir," the Prince interrupted the Narrator's rather confused train of thought. "But, as a group of people particularly concerned as to what happens at the end of this story, the others, including me, were wondering if this was a really important tangent to follow. And--being that it isn't--we would like to know if we could kind of....sort of.....you know....move on? Just so we can eventually come to the end of this starry and I can get myself a new friend. No hard feelings? Okay, so, um...yeah. I'll be going now."
Yes, well. On with the story!
Blink, blink. "There are only a few possible reasons why this could have happened. A.) The Earth has suddenly begun to spin much faster on its axis than it is typically thought to be moving. B.) We've ridden all the way to the other side of the Earth--somehow skipping over the oceans--to where it's always dark in the daytime and sunny in the nighttime. C.) The author is really bored and running out of decent ideas. Or D.) Life is actually really a low budget movie and they had to cut the lighting."
"That was four." Jacques blinked/said--you could still see only their eyes--to Wufei.
"What do you mean 'That was four'?"
"Well, you said there were just a few reasons why this could have happened, but you stated four reasons."
"It's true," The little Prince chimed in, having listened very carefully in his grammar lesson about words meaning amounts.
"So?"
"Here. I'll explain it to you buddy boy," Duo said. "When you say 'few', you're actually saying three. Get it?" The Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death explained.
"Well," Little Milliardo pondered. "It could be one of those 'in the eyes of the beholder' things where it depends who's saying it."
"That's a very good hypothesis, but there's a system to numbers." Jacques explained, all the while they were pushing their bikes through the pitch-black forest. "A single or 'a' means one. A couple means two. And a few means three. That's just the way it's always been."
BANG!
"Shoot!" Duo yelped in pain.
The group stopped. All were wondering about the fate of their wounded comrade.
"Dammit! I think I ran into a safety sucker!"
Wufei promptly sweat dropped and, consequently, fell over--bicycle and all.
Emerging from the depths of the Lollipop Forest, the little Prince and his companions passed a sign with a sandy haired queen calling the name HEEEEEERRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! out of an airplane and a glaring king who was pointing a gun at her and saying "Omae o korosu." Somehow, the picture gave the little Prince the chills. It was almost as if he were looking into the future.....
The little quartette was now heading down a strange road decorated with brightly colored squares. Past a little house made of peanut brittle--they had to pull Duo away forcefully--from which came the sounds of a well-enjoyed meal and a little girl in a gaudy red cape sat on the front porch. Past a field full of trees bearing sugar plumbs which were being harvested by many thousands of fairies dancing in time to music by Tchikowiztsky. Over Gumdrop Pass and Rainbow Trail. Past Queen Frostine's Ice Cream Sea. Through yet another forest--this time the Peppermint Forest. And even up and over the Big Rock Candy Mountain. When suddenly they heard Duo's voice over the incessant chatter of tour guide Barbie.
"Eek!" He meeped. Frozen as if someone had pushed the pause button on the VCR of Life.
Careful not to step on the square which Duo was standing in, they read the sign posted next to it. "Darn! It looks like you're Stuck in Molasses Swamp. And you were so close to saving the King and country, too. Well, I guess you'll just have to stay here until a red card is drawn. There's only five in each deck so, good luck. Bwahahahahahahahah! You'll need it! Signed: The new king(not to mention, Perfect Soldier), Heero Yuy"
"Oh, yeah! I remember now! Fairy Une told me that in order to end all this we have to save good King Kandy, of Candyland! Then we save a country and collect your buddy all in one story." Duo said using the only muscles that were strong enough to withstand the freezing effect.
Somewhere a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away(maybe even a parallel universe).....
"Man! I'm stuck in Molasses Swamp!" A little boy cried looking hopelessly at the game board in front of him.
His sister laughed evilly. "Hahahah! I've got Queen Frostine! I'm catching up! And remember, there's only five red cards in a deck and we've already drawn four. Hahahah!"
Unbeknownst to the little boy, there is an entire alternate universe depending on him. A prince needs a friend, a Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death needs to be freed from the Molasses Swamp, a monster named Jacques needs to be home in time for the annual monster mash, a God of Justice and Bicycles needs a way in which to fulfill his life-long dream of world wide Justice, an entire kingdom needs to be saved! And it all depends on this little boy's luck of the draw.
Bobby reached out to pick up the next card.....
"Darn! It's purple!"
His sister reached out to take the next card.
In Candyland the little Prince Milliardo opened his eyes. "I have a bad feeling about this."
The girl picked up her card. Everyone held their breath.
"HA! HA! Looks like I won, Bobby!"
"AWWWW!!! No fair! Let's play again."
Back in Candyland, little Milliardo began to cry. He sat and cried and cried.
"What's wrong, Lil' Prince?" Asked Jacques, putting his arm around the boy's shoulder.
"Well," He sobbed and hiccuped at the same time, resulting in a strange and a sore throat for the little Prince. "You may or may not know this, but I came all the way out here looking for a friend that was given to me by Fairy Une, the good fairy of the wishing star. I've spent days and nights in the cold. I've been rained on. I've been sunburned. I've been covered in mud. I've been covered in poison ivy. And not once have I gotten to wash my hair! Look at this! Just look! I've got split ends! Wufei's damn bicycles won't shut up. I've come all this way and some brat in another universe takes it all away from me. Now poor Duo's stuck in a swamp and it's getting dark. I'm afraid of the dark!" the poor little Prince bawled and Jacques continued patting him on the back--as much for comfort as it was to keep him from choking to death.
"Wait a minute!" Milliardo said brightly. "I still have that extra wish from Fairy Une! Let's see. It's got to be around here somewhere." He pulled leaves and cheese--pocketed from 'Monterey Jack's'--a couple Popsicle sticks, a live lizard, a pair of clean white gloves, and finally, Fairy Une's business card.
"You can use me cell phone, lil' Prince." Jacques offered. "I've got me an awesome long distance plan."
Hurriedly, the little Prince--though had he noticed her number was on speed dial it would have taken him less tries to get it right--punched Fairy Une's number into the phone and hit 'send'.
"Hello. Une here. To those who occasionally share my bed it's Lady Une. To others it's Fairy Une. What can I do for you?"
"Yes," The little Prince blushed at her introduction. "This is, um, Milliardo Peacecraft. I'm calling about my wish."
"Who?"
"Um, Little Prince Milliardo?"
"Oh yeah. Nice to see you're still alive. Not many people can say that after taking a trip with a Happy-Go-Lucky Shinigami. I'll be right down."
And in seconds Fairy Une appeared--with yet another blinding flash of light, though by then the little Prince was getting used to it--in front of them clad in a new string bikini, her hair pulled neatly back into buns and her glasses flashing in the last lights of the day. Even Wufei, the famed "Celibate God" had to stop and stare.
"Hey! Justice Boy! Close your mouth. If you're not careful a bird'll come and make a nest in it. Now let's make it snappy, Prince. I've got some military plans to go over with Napoleon in an hour and I still haven't finished tanning."
"Well," The little Prince said timidly. "I wish for Duo to be released from the swamp." He thought about it more carefully. "On this side."
Fairy Une stared hard at the trapped Happy-Go-Lucky Shinigami and laughed. "Okay. Wise decision. Maybe you'll be a king after all. That is, if you lose that nasty habit of crying when something happens. Alright, your wish is granted, now hurry up and save the kingdom so you can get your friend and I can stop worrying about you." And with the seventh eye-damaging flash of bright light in this story--and yet another scramble for the poor astronomers in California who were now trying to chart the strange new star they had called "Big Bertha"--Fairy Une disappeared. Sadly, never to return again in this story.
With all his companions free and ready to go, little Milliardo lead the charge up to Licorice Castle. As they approached it, though, the anger and excitement that had once filled him was now beginning to fade and be replaced with mortal fear. The castle was big and scary and now doubt dark. When they arrived at the heavy front door it opened revealing a large throne room. Inside there was the boy king who was holding the gun on the sign.
At first, little Milliardo thought that perhaps the evil king was dead, for all he did was sit and glare at them. But then he spoke. "Omae o korosu." He said and struggled to reach something, but couldn't since he was tied at the wrists.
The king had wild hair and cold eyes, but what really fascinated the little Prince was the way the boy named Yuy could wear spandex shorts and yet not seem to be in any sort of pain. That and the fact that it seemed he had been typing Help! notes on his laptop for quite some time now with his nose and sending them out to all his friends.
"Maxwell," He hissed. "It's about time you got here! Where have you been? I haven't seen you on MSN or ICQ for at least a week now."
The Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death thought for a second, which was quite a long time all considered, and then smiled. "Yep. I've been on a journey with this little Prince for the past week. Sorry." He shrugged. "Now to get you out of here-"
"Not so fast, Darkly Clad One!" Came a voice. Everyone in the room, including some of the servants who had been wandering aimlessly about since the capture of Yuy, stopped and whipped around to see who it was.
Indeed, it was the sandy-haired queen from the sign. Clad all in burgundy, she approached from within the shadows. "I, am Queen Relena. Queen of the WORLD!!!! And Yuy is mine. As well as the country of Candyland and soon the entire universe. All will be under my control and through my guidance the world will become one pacifist nation." She cackled evilly and somewhere in an alternate universe little Bobby and his sister heard this and went running inside screaming about the horrible sound.
"Um, she's definitely demented." Was all that Jacques and Wufei could think of to add to the conversation.
"I heard you were prince of a powerful country, little Milliardo. Marry me and I will give you your friend." A cage appeared out of nowhere and displayed a gorgeous boy with ginger brown hair and big cerulean eyes.
Little Milliardo was immediately fascinated--if not a tiny bit infatuated--by this strange little boy. Could that be the friend that Fairy Une had promised him? He shook himself from his daze and tore his eyes away from the little boy. There were important legal and moral things to take care of first. "Don't be sick, Relena! I wouldn't marry you if you paid me to and for a few simple reasons. A.) You are definitely not my type. B.) You're basically and idiot. C.) You need to get some help with those problems you have. And D.) You're my little sister for God's sakes!!!! That is not only illegal, but it is also a morally and ethically wrong thing to do--and besides, that's just plain nasty! Let's just go home and get your medication and then everything will be alright again, Relena."
Relena looked confused. "You said four, Big Brother."
"What?!"
"Well, you said that there were a few reasons why you wouldn't marry me and you listed four reasons. Doesn't 'few' mean three?"
Jacques' face brightened up. "That's exactly what I was saying before. How can you say a few when you really mean several?"
"I understand perfectly how you feel. All the time I'm walking around with my invisible friend Betsy and she says the she's going to a few stores and then she takes me to four and I just wonder who taught everyone how to count these days."
Jacques and Relena wandered off out the door deep in conversation about the outrageous misuse of the word 'few'.
It turned out that Heero Yuy was actually the king of Candyland.
"My middle name is 'Kandy'." He admitted in a press conference later that month.
And the boy in the cage? Well, he was set free the moment little Milliardo could do so. He turned out to be a duke by the name of Treize Khushrenada and was older than the little Prince by five years, but that was fine by the fourteen year old monarch. He was just happy to have a friend. So, Prince Milliardo took his newfound friend back to the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Bread and Biscuits Too, where the sun shone, the birds chirped, the people were happy, the pastries where quite the best tasting things on Earth, and Treize was adored by every girl in the kingdom. But he already had a friend and he never planned to get married--single life was much better. So, hopefully they would spend the rest of their lives together in friendship for all eternity, but that's another story, isn't it?
THE--
Wait! Don't you want to know what happened to the group? Of course you do. Well, Relena and Jacques found a happy life together forever discussing the different forms of number words and their misuse. When Milliardo became king of the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Bread and Biscuits Too, he made Wufei his official Purveyor of Justice and Wufei in return formed the famous Bicycle Brigade which dealt out some serious justice to people around the countryside. After moving in with Quatre, Trowa pursued his interest in cooking and eventually opened his own five star restaurant called "The Heavyarms Cafe". When asked where he got the inspiration for the name of his restaurant he just shrugs and says it was as if someone from an alternate universe with his personality was telling him to call it that. Monterey Jack became the official supplier of cheese to both Milliardo's palace and "The Heavyarms Cafe" he also opened the first ever school for the hearing-impaired-because-of-loud-noises school in Over the River and Through the Woods. The Happy-Go-Lucky Shinigami, Duo, taught at three different Christian schools before settling down with Fairy Une who was at that time a pop superstar in the making. Later she would release five very successful CD's and live forever as a pop legend. Frank the Bridgekeeper was eventually fished out of the ocean by some whalers and after a brief period of fame because of his survival, he became the host of one of the best rated game shows, "Bridge of Death". And finally those Oompa Loompas. After winning the court case for midgets rights they all went on to be famous politicians one of which was later appointed as the first ever midget Supreme Court Justice. And so ends our fine tale. I do hope you enjoyed it. And perhaps someday little--though he isn't really little anymore--Milliardo will make another wish, even though that would be just plain greedy since he already has everything. And then we'll have another adventure in this land, but until then....Wufei was right. This is just a really low budget movie and we can't afford to continue it any longer.
END
