Chapter 2: Trust
Buffy hadn't realized that it was so close to sunrise. She had been sitting behind a statue listen to Spike rant longer than she had expected. 'What's he doing?' she thought. 'He can't have been serious? He's not really going to kill himself is he? That moron, it's just like him, make me feel all guilty that he went and killed himself…' Buffy continued abusing Spike in her head, not noticing the sun rising higher and higher.
"Right," Buffy muttered, "he's not getting out of it that easily. I'm gonna…" she trailed off as she turned to look at Spike, just in time to see the rays of the morning sun wash directly over him.
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Buffy raced over to Spike and hauled him onto his feet, intending to drag him over to the shade of a nearby tree in a desperate effort to get him out of the sun in time. She expected Spike to try and resist, so when he didn't, she overbalanced and dropped him again, and landed herself flat on her butt.
Spike hadn't realized that there was anyone nearby. So he was really surprised when someone grabbed him by the collar and tried to lift him up. He was even more surprised when they dropped him again and he landed flat on his face.
"Bloody hell." He muttered to himself as he stood up and brushed himself off. "Can't a vampire even kill himself in peace in this town…" Spike stopped when he noticed who it was that had grabbed him. "Slayer? What are you doing here."
Buffy was still sitting on the ground where she had fallen, looking up at Spike. 'He looks even better in daylight.' She thought. 'Waitaminnute…. DAYLIGHT?!' Buffy was thoroughly confused and beginning to get a little panicky. 'Daylight… Spike… alive…'
"What the hell?" she burst out as she jumped to her feet. "Spike, what in the hell's going on here? Why… why are you… why aren't you…"
Spike was a little pissed at having his brilliant suicide ruined, but he was also concerned. The way the slayer was looking at him… what was wrong with her? "Why aren't I what, pet?" he asked. There was something going on that he couldn't figure out. He could tell that she hadn't gotten any sleep, but for some reason Buffy looked more beautiful than he had ever seen her. The way the sunlight accented her face… 'What? Sunlight? What the hell?'
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Buffy and Spike stood completely still, shocked into immobility as they stared at each other in the morning sunlight. Buffy was the first to recover, and she grabbed Spike and hauled him under the shade of a nearby tree, unsure how long his sudden resistance to sunlight was going to last.
"Spike, what the hell's going on?" she hissed. Spike didn't answer, he was still staring out into the now well lit cemetery, unable to clearly process anything. Buffy tried talking to him a few more times, and then gave up in exasperation, and did what she normally did when she wanted his attention. She punched him.
Spike came out of it as he was knocked to the ground. He was unclear on the details, but he wasn't dead, and the slayer had just tried to save his life. He got to his feet and looked at Buffy. "What just happened luv?"
"That's what I was going to ask you." Replied Buffy. "You were in direct sunlight. Why aren't you dead?"
"I've got no idea," said Spike. "And you really don't have to sound so sodding disappointed either. I'm sorry I let you down again. I can't even bloody kill myself right enough for you."
Buffy was stunned by the hurt in his voice. "I didn't say I wanted you to be dead Spike. But you're not, and you should be. I mean, you're a vampire. Sunlight kills vampires. So, you should be dead, and you're not. I think that's got to be the most extreme case of denying your heritage I've ever seen." She gave a short laugh, but relented when Spike gave her a sour look. "Why were you trying to kill yourself anyway?" she asked. She'd heard what he'd said to himself, or to her mother, but she wanted to see what he'd say to her.
"Cause I'm sick of being a bloody demon, pet. I'm sick of being hated by the demon world, and I'm sick of being hated by you. I don't fit anywhere, at least on this earth, so I figured I might as well get out of it. Maybe see your mother again, or my family. Anything's got to be better than being the sodding pathetic freak I've become here."
Buffy stared at him, amazed that he'd been truthful to her, and shocked at the depth of hate he had for himself. She had never known that he felt this way until tonight. Hearing Spike confessing to her mother had cleared up a lot of the doubts that she had had about him and his willingness to be one of the 'good guys'. "Spike, you're not pathetic." Said Buffy quietly, almost embarrassed that she was trying to be nice to him. "You've been helping us, and that's a good thing. It makes you less pathetic." Buffy smiled. "Think about it. Any other 'big bad' with a chip wouldn't have come to us. Angelus probably would have gotten someone to tear his head open and go rummaging around in his brain to get it out."
Spike laughed, and Buffy suppressed the twinge of guilt she still felt whenever she thought about what Angel had become. "The point is, you didn't just lie there and take it. You've adapted. You've made something of yourself. Now you're on our side, and I don't think that's at all pathetic."
Spike managed to smile. After all, this was the slayer being nice to him. But the depression that had settled in his unbeating heart wasn't that easy to shake off. "But I'm meant to be a vampire, pet." He said, rejecting her argument. "Vampires don't usually just swap sides. I'm a turncoat. I'm the thing everybody hates, and nobody trusts."
Buffy reached out and lifted Spike's head so he was looking her in the eyes. "I trust you, Spike."
"What?"
"I said I trust you."
Spike let out a short bark of laughter. "Since when Slayer? What happened to 'I want you out of my life, I want you off this planet'? You don't trust me, you'd just feel guilty if I killed myself."
Buffy was shocked at his bitterness. She'd been listening to him ranting all night, but she hadn't realised that he valued what she thought of him that highly. She took a deep breath, beating down the reflex to be mean to him. "Spike, I do trust you. I didn't, before. I didn't trust you because I thought that you were only going to help us as long as you have that chip in your head. I thought you were only helping us to get you're nightly dose of violence. You never told me that you actually wanted to be on our side." Buffy deliberately avoided mentioning that she'd heard him saying his chip didn't work any more. She didn't want him to know she'd overheard what was meant to be a private conversation, something he probably hadn't wanted her to hear.
He looked at her, and Buffy could literally see the hope in his eyes. "Do you mean it, luv?" he asked. "Cause I won't be able to take it if you don't. You don't need to like me or nothing, but you mean it? You'll trust me?" Spike could hear the pleading in his voice, knew that he really was getting to the pathetic side of things now, but he couldn't help it. If Buffy trusted him, then he finally had a purpose again. He was on a side.
"I mean it Spike." Buffy smiled. "Now there's just one other thing." She paused, and looked at him with a glare that she usually reserved for when she threatened to stake him. "You. Sunlight. Alive… well, sort of. Why, how, since when?" Spike just shrugged. "You've got no idea?" Buffy asked.
Spike shook his head. "Not a clue, Slayer. Delayed reaction?" He walked over to the edge of the shade they were under, and stuck his hand out into the sunlight. He left it there for about a minute, turning it over, looking at it, waiting for it to burst into flame. He pulled it back and looked at Buffy, who just raised her eyebrows. "Guess not."
"Do you think you'd survive a walk to the Magic Box?" asked Buffy. "Put your newfound UV resistance to the test? I think this is turning into research territory. You always manage to make life difficult for us Spike." She smiled, showing him that she didn't really mean it. "Come on, let's go see Giles."
Spike winced as Buffy grabbed his arm and pulled him into the full sunlight, still almost expecting to turn to dust. Once they were out of the cemetery, he broke into a run, deciding that he didn't want to test his luck for too long. Buffy caught on to what he was thinking, and laughed as tried to catch up to him. Spike, however, was running at full vampire 'I don't want to die, I don't want to die' speed, so she had only just managed to get within tagging distance of him by the time they reached the door to the magic shop.
End Chapter 2
