Thanks for all the reviews. I'm kind of taking a lot of liberties with
vampire lore in this chapter, and I'll be taking more later on, but nothing too
extreme. And BTW, I apologize for any spelling mistakes or bad grammar that I
missed. And again, I don't own any of the characters.
Chapter 3: Confusion
Giles was sorting through a pile of new books that had just arrived that morning when Buffy and Spike burst through the door, Buffy panting for breath, and Spike somehow managing to look like he'd been running for his life with death at his heals. And, Giles reasoned, Buffy had come in behind Spike, so that was actually entirely possible.
"Oh Giles," called Buffy in a sing-song sort of voice. "We have a problem…" she stopped, and looked at Spike, who'd been about to interrupt. "Well, sort of." She amended.
Giles closed the book he'd been looking at, and looked up at Buffy. "Oh?"
"Yep. Spike here… he's suddenly decided that he likes sunlight. Actually…" Buffy paused, and looked slyly over at Spike. "I think he decided that he wanted to get a tan, and for some reason, the sun seems to be accommodating him."
Spike just glared at her. "Wasn't like that." He mumbled. Giles took no notice.
"What exactly do you mean, Buffy? Spike, the last time I checked, was a vampire. As a rule, vampires and sunlight generally don't go together."
"Well, Spike's made a new friend."
Giles was still slightly confused at Buffy's half cryptic comment. "You mean, the sunlight doesn't hurt him?" Buffy nodded. "Well, that's new. I wonder why that's happened."
"So do we, mate." said Spike. "That's why we're here, ain't it? To find out?"
"Well," said Giles, adjusting his glasses, "I suppose so. But I do need to know the full story. Buffy's, uh, 'cliff notes' usually leave a lot to the imagination, and we really do need to be precise."
Spike suddenly felt a little embarrassed. If Giles wanted the entire story, then he'd have to say why he'd wanted to kill himself. He didn't really feel like he wanted to explain any of that, not even to Buffy, and definitely not to her watcher. 'Good thing bloody Xander's not here,' thought Spike. 'That would be even more damn humiliating.' He smirked. 'He's probably off having a morning shag with his vengeance demon before she comes in to work.'
As if cued by his thoughts, Anya chose that moment to walk through the door. Giles looked at her, mildly surprised. "Anya, you're in early. You don't need to be here for another hour yet." She just shrugged.
"Xander had to start construction early today, and I didn't want to hang around the apartment by myself. It's boring. I thought I may as well come in." Anya looked toward Buffy and Spike. "What are they doing here?"
Buffy smirked at Spike over Anya's direct manner. He rolled his eyes, secretly relieved that he didn't have to explain what he was doing trying to 'get friendly with the daylight'. "We're here for information," said Buffy. "We thought Giles would be the best person to ask. He usually knows stuff. Although, I think we managed to completely stump him with this one."
"Maybe I can help," said Anya, looking interested. "There's no money to play with before the shop opens anyway. I need something to do."
This time Buffy rolled her eyes at Spike, and he half smiled in response. "Sure Anya," said Buffy, "help would be good. Just from your 'personal experience' I don't suppose you know of any instant cures for that condition that vampires have where they turn to dust in sunlight, do you?"
Anya shook her head. "Nothing can stop a vampire dying in sunlight. It's the same for crosses and holy water. It's the demonic nature of a vampire and the way it corrupts a human that can't deal with the sunlight or holy stuff. I guess that maybe if the demon left the original human body sunlight might not hurt it any more, but I don't think it would really matter, since… well, the human body would just be dead again."
Giles nodded as Anya spoke. He knew this, but he didn't see how it helped the situation. Spike was obviously still a bit more alive than dead, but there was something he was missing. He could feel it sitting at the back of his mind, hiding behind some neatly stacked and filed memories. He hated it when that happened. It was so annoying, and usually led to missing some vital fact about what some monster was, or how to kill it. Something was out of place, like it had dropped behind a shelf in his mind and he couldn't quite reach it to see what it was.
Buffy was lost in thought. She had been half listening to Anya, but the rest of her mind was focused on what she'd overheard at the cemetery. She knew that she'd have to talk to Spike about his chip, and find out if it really wasn't working any more. Buffy didn't know how she really felt about that, and she didn't know just what to think about Spike any more either. She realised since she'd told him that she trusted him, she had actually trusted him. Sure, it had only been about an hour, but in that hour she'd been with Spike the entire time and not once looked at his with suspicion or hostility. That worried her a little.
Spike, for his part, was also lost in thought. He was thinking about what Buffy had said that morning when she'd dragged in out of the sunlight. '…denying your heritage… I wonder… Only one way to find out.' He walked over to where Buffy was standing, and she looked up at him a little startled. He put his hand out to her neck, and was surprised when she didn't move. 'Maybe she does trust me.'
"Spike, what…" Buffy began, but stopped when she felt Spike's cool hand on the front of her neck. 'I said I trust him, I said I trust him…' her resolve not to hit Spike was wavering as she felt him begin to push a little. Something dug into her collarbone. 'That must be my cross,' she thought. 'Why is he…' the thought trailed off as Buffy realised what he was doing. She looked up at him, and saw him grinning at her. "It doesn't hurt?"
Spike grinned wider. "Nope." His hand was still at her throat. She punched him in the ribs, and Spike dropped his hand.
"Did that?"
"What the bloody hell was that for?" demanded Spike, his hands clutched to his ribs. She hadn't hit him that hard, but she had still hit him. "I thought you said you trusted me."
"I did," replied Buffy, "and I do. But just because I trust you doesn't give you the right to touch me." Spike looked hurt, though he tried to hide it. She could see it in his eyes, and she felt bad for a moment until she forcefully reminded herself that she had to be mean to Spike sometimes. Couldn't let him get any ideas. Buffy gave herself a mental shake. 'Never going to happen. Better that he knows that.'
Giles gave a silent sigh of relief when Buffy punched Spike. He was getting used to having Spike around, but he still wasn't entirely comfortable with the situation. If Buffy decided that she would trust Spike, fine, but as long as that was all that it was. Giles was of the opinion that Spike only thought he was in love with Buffy, and as soon as Buffy let him get close, he would be able to get over his obsession. And since Buffy never let anyone she didn't care about get close to her, Spike would only hurt her. 'And I'll be damned before I let that happen,' thought Giles to himself. 'If Spike betrays her trust, I'll stake him myself.'
Spike's voice brought Giles' mind back to the present. It seemed he'd missed part of the conversation, which appeared to have rapidly degenerated into an argument between Buffy and Spike. Anya was sitting at the table watching them, clearly enjoying herself. Giles took a seat next to her, and she filled him in.
"Basically Buffy's angry at Spike because somehow it's all his fault that he can now move around during the day, which means she now has to watch him twice as much. Spike's upset because she said that she trusted him, and keeping him under constant watch isn't really trust. They got that out in about thirty seconds. The last three minutes has just been straight trading insults, with Spike getting punched occasionally."
Giles shook his head in resignation. Those two would never get along, which meant constant headaches for the rest of them.
"Oh, don't worry." said Anya brightly. "I think they enjoy it. It covers the fact that they're repressing orgasm thoughts about each other."
"Once again, thank you Anya, I think that's possibly the most disturbing thing you could have said." Giles looked at Spike and Buffy. "I still don't understand exactly what's happened here. Right now, I don't care as long as Spike behaves himself. I think I'd just like to take some painkillers and get away from those two. Just… tell me the details later, I can wait. And tell them to come back this afternoon and we'll try and work out what's going on."
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10 minutes later…
"Buffy, Spike, can you either shut up or leave? I have to open the shop, and Giles won't like it if you scare away customers. Giles said come back tonight."
Buffy and Spike fell silent and looked at Anya. Spike grinned and turned to Buffy. "Well, I see we took the first option then, didn't we luv?" Buffy rolled her eyes at him and walked out of the store, muttering something about having to check on Dawn and get to a class and not having time for smartass vampires.
"Excuses excuses," said Spike under his breath. "Just 'cause she was losing." Anya cleared her throat to get Spike's attention. "What?"
"Could you leave too? You'll scare the customers away by just being here. Some of them do know what vampires are. They might run away without buying anything. Or one of them might stake you, and that might scare away the rest of the customers."
"They could try," growled Spike. Anya glared at him. "Fine, fine. I'm going. Like to see what this town's like during the day anyway."
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As Buffy raced home from the magic shop, she let her mind wander over the events of the morning. Spike had survived direct sunlight, crosses didn't hurt him, and she'd overheard him admit that his chip wasn't working any more. And she'd decided to trust him. Buffy was still unsure about whether this was a good or bad thing. Trusting Spike? When he was apparently unrestrained and even stronger than before?
She didn't know what to think about the chip. Spike had said he was completely smashed when he hit a guy, so maybe he'd just been too drunk to feel the pain. Or the guy could have had a bit of demon in him. It wouldn't be so uncommon, after all, this was Sunnydale. Spike without a chip could be dangerous. He'd admitted to her mother that he still hadn't even tried to hurt anyone, but how long would that last?
How long until the bloodlust inherent in all vampires was too much for him?
Buffy remembered Spike's love for violence. He'd gone crazy when he had first gotten the chip and thought that he couldn't hurt anyone or anything. He'd been stoked when he discovered he could still hit demons. Killing demons fulfilled his desire for a fight. That was something else that worried her.
How much of Spike's desire to help them came from his love of the fight? How long until he remembered how much fun he'd had hurting humans?
Spike had changed, though. She had to admit that, at least to herself. He'd helped out even when there wasn't violence involved, and he'd protected Dawn. Protecting Dawn earned him big points. She suspected that he only did it get credit, but he did actually seem to like her. Dawn definitely liked him. And it was good to have someone else around who was strong enough to protect her.
She had trusted him to protect Dawn and her mother before, and if she could trust him for that, then everything else should have been easy. But ever since finding out that Spike had a thing for her, trusting him had become more difficult.
When he'd been helping out because he didn't have anything else to do, she'd trusted him more. He couldn't suddenly change his mind and decide that he wanted to hurt humans again. That chip in his head was security. But now, she didn't know if the only reason he wanted to help was because of her. Because he wanted to be near her. Buffy was fully aware that she treated Spike like crap most of the time.
What would happen when he decided that he wouldn't take it any more?
Would he suddenly change sides in the middle of a dangerous battle?
Would he betray her?
What she'd seen that morning had led her to believe that he wouldn't, but she still couldn't help running possibilities through her mind. She was confident enough to tell him that she trusted him, but she still worried about how long he would wait for her. Buffy refused to even consider the idea of being with Spike. She couldn't have a relationship with another vampire. She had loved Angel, and it had been a disaster.
He'd left her.
Even if she ever did feel something for Spike, Buffy knew that she would keep it to herself, and do her best to repress and forget about it. If Spike loved her now, and she let herself be with him, the only way it would end would be painful for her. She was a Slayer, and Slayers were generally not known for long lifespans. She would either die young, although she planned to put it off as long as possible, or she'd somehow survive and hopefully let the other Slayer take over as head girl with the pointy wooden things.
But if she survived, she would age. And if she was with Spike, he probably wouldn't want to stick around.
He'd leave.
And history would repeat itself. Again.
As she approached her house, Buffy cleared her head of any thoughts of being with Spike. She didn't feel that way about him, and she was determined that she never would. Spike was a vampire, and a demon to the core.
Unlocking the door to her house, Buffy decided that while she might let herself trust Spike, she would never let herself love him.
End Chapter 3
As a heads up, I was writing this before I saw the end of season 5, so
Glory is around but the plot's going to be different. Which is good, I guess,
since if it wasn't I'd totally be ripping off the show. Welcome to my world,
people.
