This chapter crosses with Angel (the series). No spoilers, just needed to
borrow Angel for a bit.
Chapter 10: Revelations
Spike stood shocked, unable to move, as he watched Buffy bolt out of the house. This was something he'd never expected. He'd been waiting, knowing that she would eventually drop her barriers, but he had had no idea just how scared she was of opening her heart again.
He'd thought that once Buffy admitted to herself that there was something between them, everything would just fall into place, and his life would finally mean something. He'd be helping, giving her strength, watching her back, totally reliable.
Well, that was naive.
That wasn't who he was, and Buffy knew that. He was trying to be something he wasn't, and it was because that was what he thought she wanted.
He was wrong.
He'd changed for her, true, and he wasn't the same person he used to be. That was obvious, and everyone could see that Spike had changed. Spike could feel it in himself. He was different now, and he was something other than evil. He would always protect Buffy and the Nibblet, and even their friends. He would do that out of love for them.
That wasn't the problem.
The look in the Slayer's eyes just before she fled had told Spike everything he needed to know. She was afraid of him. She was afraid of falling in love with him. Not because of who he used to be, but because of who he was turning into.
She'd loved a monster before. That had never been the problem. Since she'd started seeing him as a person, the horror in Spike's past hadn't been what was bothering Buffy. She could deal with that. For a Slayer, some darkness really was a necessity.
Spike realised in an instant that he had been lying to himself. He might have changed, but that didn't make him automatically solid and dependable. He couldn't give Buffy strength.
She didn't need it.
That was the core of the problem. He'd been turning into Riley of all people, thinking that was what the Slayer needed. He was so far off track that he almost laughed at himself.
Buffy didn't need someone to give her strength. She didn't need solid and dependable. That wasn't what she wanted. What she really needed was someone who was strong enough that she didn't have to protect them. Someone she didn't have to constantly worry about. She needed someone with a bit of bite, someone who wasn't predictable.
That was what had thrown Spike off in the first place. She already had enough surprises in her life, who could have thought that she needed more? The core of the issue was that she needed something good to balance out the bad. She needed some welcome surprises, things to make her enjoy her life.
All he had to do was be himself.
Spike was stunned. He'd just worked out something that had been plaguing him ever since he had met Buffy. Somehow he didn't think even she fully comprehended the nature of her fear. He'd seen the truth in her eyes, but she was too afraid to even think about it.
Spike smiled to himself. The Slayer might be afraid, but she would have to work this one out on her own. Spike had complete faith in her that she would, once she'd calmed down. Once she thought about it, and he stropped acting like a prat, she would be his.
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Willow sat on the couch in the training room at the magic shop, and watched as Buffy beat the crap out of the punching bag. Buffy only fought like that when she was having issues about something, and Willow wasn't sure whether or not Buffy wanted to talk about it.
She couldn't even hazard a guess as to what the problem might be. Buffy had so much going on in her life right now that it could be any number of things. Glory, Dawn, Joyce, Spike, those guys with swords that kidnapped Xander… it could be anything.
After running through her mind everything she could think of, Willow settled on two choices. It was either Dawn or Spike, or possibly both. Buffy had been dealing with her mother's death, and anything about Glory or those knights would have something to do with Dawn anyway, so they could be discarded as categories.
"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Willow as Buffy threw a particularly had punch, breaking the hook that held the bag to the roof.
"Not really." Buffy's tone backed up the statement.
"Well, would you mind telling me what it is? 'Cause I feel awfully chatty, and I don't think you're interested in hearing about what I had for breakfast this morning."
Buffy smiled slightly. "Try me."
Willow shifted up on the couch so Buffy could sit down. "Actually, I didn't have time to eat this morning, so that's a dead end. Care to add something? I know you're dying to."
"Add what? That you're too nosy for your own good?"
Willow grinned. "I know. It's a flaw. I can't help it, so you're just going to have to satisfy my curiosity."
Buffy sighed. "You're not going to give up, are you?"
"Nope. We'll argue about it for a while, but eventually you'll tell me what's going on, so why don't we just skip that part?"
Buffy leant back on the couch, thinking. She had to talk to someone, and Willow was her best friend, but it was just so hard. She'd never felt this afraid in her entire life, not even when she'd known the Master was going to kill her. She'd been out of her mind with fear then, but this was different.
Willow seemed to understand, and tried to lead the conversation. "Is it about Dawn?"
Buffy shook her head.
"Spike?"
Buffy's head whipped up, and Willow knew she had the answer. "What's he done, Buffy?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?" Willow's tone was sceptical.
Buffy grimaced. "Well, he's done something, but it wasn't his fault, not really."
"What's that?"
Buffy's voice was a whisper. "He's making me fall in love with him."
Willow was shocked. Of all the answers she was expecting, that hadn't been one of them. She knew Buffy didn't really hate Spike, and she'd noticed something growing between them, but she'd never expected Buffy to come out and say it like that. After all the protesting she'd done that she didn't like Spike, this sudden reversal was totally unexpected.
Buffy looked at Willow with a sardonic grin. "Weird huh? That's not what's bothering me though."
Willow finally found her voice. "What is it then?"
"I don't know what's going on."
"What?"
"I don't know how this happened. I told myself, I swore, that I would never love him. I treated him like dirt, I beat him up every time I got the chance, I even uninvited him from my house. How could he possibly still be in love with me?"
"It wouldn't be that hard."
"What?"
"I said it wouldn't have been that hard. You're a wonderful person, and very easy to love. Just look around you. Me, Xander, Giles. We've been here since the beginning, and we've loved you since then too. You're a special person Buffy, and not just because you're the Slayer. Spike just saw the same things we do, and he couldn't help himself."
Buffy smiled slightly, unsure how to respond. Along with Spike's comment that morning, what Willow just said was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to her. In the emotional state she was in, she almost felt like crying.
"Look at me Willow," she said, "and then look at this from another perspective. How many times do you think I've told Spike I hate him?"
Willow shrugged, unsure where this was going. "Don't know. You don't see him every day, so say maybe four times a week for the past three years, that's…"
"Not helping," said Buffy with a small laugh.
"Yeah, but I got you to laugh didn't I?"
Buffy smiled. "Yeah, I guess you did, at that. Anyway, Spike's changed now. He's a completely different kind of vampire, but he's still the same person that he was before, when he only had the chip. Since he changed… do you know I don't think I've told him I hate him once since then? Well, not and try to make it sound like I mean it, anyway. What does that say about me?"
Willow didn't say anything, and Buffy sighed. "I don't know either, I was hoping you could tell me. The closest thing I can relate the feeling to is racism. I'm like… speciesist or something."
Willow laughed, but relented when Buffy gave her a hurt glare. "Sorry, I couldn't help it. Buffy, that's ridiculous. You had a relationship with a vampire before, and it didn't turn out well. You were just afraid of getting burnt, that's all. Spike's whole 'no soul' thing was probably putting you off too." Buffy didn't look convinced. "Let's face it Buffy. Most vampires aren't up for long term relationships with humans either. Vampires and humans would probably tend not to work real well together, I'm sure you can see why."
Buffy almost retched at the image that came to mind. She shuddered.
"See my point?" asked Willow.
Buffy nodded. "So where does this leave me then? What am I meant to do?"
Willow shrugged. "It's up to you. Spike's always been different, and so have you. You're both special, so I don't think normal rules really apply to you. Do whatever you feel is right."
"So you're not going to try and talk me out of liking him or anything?"
"Buffy, have you been listening to me at all?"
"Sorry."
"Something else is bothering you."
Buffy looked at her feet. "Can't put anything past you, can I?"
Willow shook her head. "Nope."
Buffy sighed. "You remember I said I was afraid?" Willow nodded. "Well, it's not because of the vampire thing. I don't really think that's a problem, I think I'm just… trying to run away from my problems or something."
"So why are you afraid?"
Buffy was silent, and her answer, when it came, was a whisper. "I'm afraid he'll leave me."
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Spike pulled up his car in front of an old building that looked like it had once been a hotel of some sort. He'd told Buffy he would take care of the money, and just because he wasn't going to captain cardboard's mirror image any more didn't mean that he was going to back out of a promise.
He got out of the car and silently prayed that this was going to go better than he thought it would. He didn't have much hope for it, however. He gritted his teeth and forced himself to go inside. He wasn't afraid, but this was going to be a very unpleasant meeting.
Stepping inside, he immediately got the attention of everyone in the room. They all knew him here, and on reflection, he realised that coming inside from full daylight might not have been the best way to show up. He didn't even get a chance to open his mouth before he was tackled from the side, and pinned to the floor.
He looked up into Angel's growling face and grinned. Then again, maybe this would be more fun that he thought. Buffy would soon be his, and he didn't have any of those pesky vampire weaknesses any more. Angel didn't have anything on him.
If anything, Angel's growling intensified at Spike's grin. Spike tried to push him off, but he had absolutely no leverage, and Angel refused to budge.
"What are you doing here, Spike?"
Spike noticed that Cordilia and two guys he didn't know had come over, and they were all holding various weapons; crosses, stakes, the black guy even had some weird looking axe. Spike couldn't help himself - he began to laugh.
"What's so funny?" growled Angel.
"Sorry, mate," said Spike, still laughing. "It's just… the weapons. Am I really worth all that?"
"All that and more, Spike." replied Angel, but he pushed himself off and let Spike get to his feet. "Answer my question, Spike. What are you doing here, and where did you get another ring?"
"Ring? What ring?" Spike held up his hands.
Angel was surprised. When he'd seen Spike come in from direct sunlight, he'd automatically assumed that Spike had found another gem of Amarra or something. His eyes flashed quickly to Spike's neck, wrists and ears, anywhere he could wear a piece of jewellery, and found nothing. "All right. I give up. How'd you do it?"
"Do what?" Spike was having fun.
"Don't mess with me Spike." Angel was growling again. "Why didn't the sunlight kill you?"
Spike shrugged, and Angel grabbed him by the collar. "Geez, mate. You're not in a good mood this morning, are you? Long night? You should try sleeping, it's so much easier at night than during the day…" He trailed off as Angel's expression changed to something he didn't recognise.
"How did you get hurt?" his tone was soft, and slightly dangerous.
Spike was completely taken aback. Almost all the bruising and cuts on his face were gone, and the only serious injuries he had that hadn't healed yet were a few broken ribs and a big hole in his chest. Spike shrugged it off, and tried to make Angel forget about it. he kept his tone nonchalant as he said "It's no big deal. We heal quick, remember. I just got into a fight with someone I should have avoided."
Angel knew Spike was lying, or at least not telling the entire truth. "Was it Buffy?"
Spike was completely unprepared for the question. Thinking quickly for a second, he realised that Angel probably didn't know much, if anything, about his relationship with the Slayer and her friends. He wondered if he even knew about the chip.
"Nah, it wasn't the Slayer. She doesn't really try and hurt me any more, a good punch in the face is about all I can expect these days." From the look on Angel's face, Spike guessed that he hadn't really been kept in the loop. That was something he was going to have to take care of. "Peaches, we've got some stuff to talk about."
Angel looked uncertain, but Cordilia interrupted and didn't give him a chance to say anything. "Great. Since having soulless vampires visiting to chat is becoming a regular occurrence around here these days, I guess you can have a seat, and I'll get you something to eat."
Angel was about to ask what she was talking about when he remembered Harmony. He just shrugged at Spike's questioning glance, and gestured toward the lounges in the large foyer. The black guy that Spike had noticed before went off with Cordilia, muttering something about not even being sure about killing vampires any more.
The other guy stayed with their group, and Angel introduced him as Wesley. The name struck something in Spike's memory, but he couldn't think where he'd heard it before.
By the time they'd all settled themselves on the couch, Cordilia and the black guy (who Angel had identified as Gunn) returned. Cordilia handed Spike and Angel mugs of warm blood, and Spike quickly smelt it to make sure it wasn't human blood. Satisfied that Angel hadn't been robbing blood banks, Spike took a sip and noticed Angel's surprise that he wasn't objecting to drinking animal blood.
Getting comfortable on the couch, Spike began to relate his story, although he was careful to gloss over the nature of his relationship with Buffy. He wasn't really in the mood for Angel to try and kill him. He told them about the chip, and helping the scoobies. He also gave them a quick account of what Glory was up to, but he didn't mention Dawn. The less people that knew about that the better.
"… so I was trying to kill myself…" he hadn't told them why, "… so I'm waiting for the sun to rise, and then the Slayer comes along, and I'm standing there talking to her, and then we both realise that I'm standing in direct sunlight. So anyway, she drags me off to talk to the Watcher, and he comes up with this theory that my body isn't rejecting me any more, or something like that. So I'm like some new breed or something. I've got all the perks, and none of the weaknesses."
Angel's eyes were slightly sceptical, but he held his peace and gestured to the cup. "But you still drink blood."
Spike nodded. "Did I leave that part out? I still need blood, 'cause I'm still a vampire, but I don't like human blood any more. Just the thought of it makes me sick."
"And you're totally okay with this?" asked Cordilia. "I mean, I remember when you were trying to kill Buffy, and you were like 'go death and destruction' and all that. And now you've what, just given up or something?"
"Not really," Spike smiled. "I'm still me. Got to have a certain number of kills a week, or it's just no fun." Angel's expression turned dangerous, even though Spike hadn't told them the chip was no longer working. "Not like that, mate. I told you I'm working for the Slayer now. I'm doing what you do. Killing all those nasties out there that try and eat the kiddies."
That got smiles from everyone except Angel. "You still haven't told us why you're here, Spike. It can't just have been to catch us up on the news. What to you want?"
"Control of my finances."
"What?"
"You remember. My family was rich, and we took over all that when they died." He couldn't bring himself the say the complete truth. "And I know that you inherited all the assets of all the people we killed. I seem to remember you having a taste for the rich. At least a quarter of that money belongs to me, and I need it."
Angel was suspicious. "What for?"
"To help out some friends of mine, alright?" Spike was getting angry. "It's really none of your business anyway. Actually, and I'm not being greedy or nothing, but I should really get half, since I doubt Darla and Dru are going to show up and ask for their share."
Angel sighed. Spike obviously wasn't going to tell him anything, and he wasn't going to ask any more. Spike had already made him seem like a fool this morning, and he wasn't going to give him any excuse to do it again.
"Fine," he said. "I'll set up an account for you and wire the money into it. You'll be able to access it by tomorrow."
Spike nodded, and got up from the couch. He handed his mug back to Cordilia. "Thanks for the meal, pet." He looked at her for a second, remembering. "You're different than I remember." Cordilia looked startled. "That was a compliment, by the way. You were friends with Harm, right?" Cordilia nodded. "I'm sorry about that."
Cordilia didn't know what to say. She couldn't tell if Spike was sympathising with her because Harmony was a vampire, or because she'd been friends with her. She was too confused to register the other meaning behind his comment.
Spike nodded to the rest of the group before he turned and left, getting into his car and heading back to Sunnydale.
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Glory was in a very good mood. Her minions had just informed her that the Knights of Byzantium had kidnapped the boy the Slayer was such good friends with, and he hadn't been killed. This to Glory pointed to one thing. He wasn't the Key, and that narrowed her list of likely suspects to one.
Issuing orders as she sorted through her closet, Glory smiled to herself. Soon she would have the Key, and soon she'd be able to go home. And the Slayer wouldn't be able to do squat. She pushed aside the unnatural feeling of doubt that plagued her mind about the decision, deciding that even if the witch wasn't the Key, killing her would send a message. It was time to remind the Slayer exactly how powerless she really was.
This was going to be fun.
End Chapter 10
Don't say anything about my use of cliches. I'm very aware of them, but
sometimes they're useful, and we all just have to deal. Are you dealing? I'm
dealing.
