Chapter 17: Insults

I'm not witty. I'm aware of this. I tried, and I think I've discovered I have no sense of humour. Oh, and sorry if you get confused with the Buffy/Buffybot references. It makes sense to me, but… hmmm…

Chapter 17: Insults

As it turned out, Buffy and Spike weren't able to wait for very long. After about five minutes of nothing but Glory muttering about the restrictions of the world's designer fashions, and Buffy trying desperately not to laugh, someone else entered the room.

Spike could tell immediately that whoever it was that had just walked into that room, it was the same demon that had been following him all night. His senses started screaming at him, and from Buffy's reaction, he could see that hers were doing the same.

Spike couldn't see a whole lot through the whole in the wall, but Buffy had managed to shift her position slightly so that she could now see a good deal of the room while still being hidden. Giles, Xander, and Anya were all still sitting together, hands tied behind their backs. From the death glare that Xander was giving the new guy, Buffy guessed that it had been the demon that had captured them.

Glory was still lounging in her chair, but she'd stopped her whining. As for the new guy, well, if it hadn't been for her 'spider-sense' trying to jump out of her skin and attack the guy itself, she wouldn't have given him a second look. From her position he looked human, and completely harmless as well.

Spike was growling low in his throat, but she ignored him and went back to studying the man. Her senses told her that he definitely wasn't human, but that didn't always mean dangerous. More dangerous, anyway. He looked like the kind of guy who would go out of his way to help people.

Her eyes definitely needed a check-up.

Anyone working for Glory was evil. Pure and simple, no arguments. The poor, brainsucked saps around the front of the building didn't count. But she couldn't get anything on this guy, and it was driving her crazy. She moved back and motioned to Spike to take her position.

Spike shifted around to get a good look into the room, and almost froze in shock. "Son of a bitch," he muttered under his breath. "That bloody bastard!"

Buffy punched him lightly on the arm. "Spike, shut up!" Spike continued to curse under his breath, and Buffy had to punch him again to get his attention. "Who is he?" she whispered.

Spike growled. "He's a bloody lying bastard, it what he is. He's the guy that told the 'bit how to bring back your mum, the soddin' bugger. I thought he was a fucking good guy."

"Well, if he's working for Glory, he's definitely not of the good," replied Buffy. "How'd you know that, anyway?"

"Not now, pet," said Spike, hoping to move her attention elsewhere. "Now's not the time. His name's Doc, and his a mystical bugger who's real big on the dead and how to make 'em, well, not."

Buffy just raised an eyebrow. Spike's descriptions usually tended to be a bit more… colourful that that. He obviously had personal reasons to be pissed at this guy. She was going to have to talk to him when this was all over. If she got the chance. That wasn't a thought Buffy let herself dwell on, and she turned her attention back to Glory and the demon Spike had identified.

"He what?" Glory's voice came through the wall clearly, and she was obviously having anger issues.

Doc's voice was quiet, and his tone was almost kind, and slightly patronising. "He got away from me. I tracked him for an hour, but he got bored and headed in this direction. I assume he is in the building somewhere."

"Here?" Buffy could feel Glory smile. "Perfect."

Buffy felt Spike stiffen beside her. She grabbed his arm, just in case he was planning on bursting through that wall and doing something very stupid.

"Spike, don't," she whispered.

He shook his head. "He already knows I'm out here luv. I can sense him, and I'm damn sure he can sense me."

Buffy's eyes widened. "He knows we're out here?"

Spike shook his head again. "He knows I'm here. You he's probably confused about."

Buffy thought quickly for a second as the conversation continued in the other room. She looked up and Spike, and he grinned.

"New plan?" he asked.

"New plan."

-------------

Most people would expect that there wouldn't be many things that could startle a god. But then, when most people think of gods, they don't get an image of the fashion-victim, self-involved, neurotic headcase that Glory tended to be. Still, she's a god, so she should be like, hyper-aware of stuff, right?

Right?

Considering how high she jumped when the wall exploded and a bleach-blond mutated vampire came crashing through screaming bloody murder, Xander had to say no.

We don't even need to mention all the precedents.

From his position on the floor with Anya and Giles, all Xander could do was watch as Spike apparently went crazy. Glory was so shocked it was all she could do to fight him off, and the creepy grandpa-demon-man just stood there with a slight smile on his face.

It looked like Spike was attacking Glory for all he was worth, but Xander could see that his punches were wild and he had none of his usual form. He was vamped out, and through his mostly incoherent screams Xander could make out the occasional demand for Glory to leave Buffy alone. Or 'get the bloody hell away from her', in Spike's words, but it amounted to the same thing.

Xander chuckled slightly despite the situation, there was just something funny about the whole thing. Well, there was. But that was until Spike got whacked into a wall by grandpa's tail.

Wha-huh?

Tail? What tail? Xander looked at the demon-guy again, and couldn't see anything strange. Spike was slumped up against the wall, and Glory was still standing stock-still, open-mouthed in astonishment. Apparently she'd never had an insane vampire attack her before.

Surprising.

Glory finally snapped out of it and smiled. Now she'd get to torture the vampire. And in front of the Slayer too, when she finally woke up. Which she apparently had. Glory watched as Buffy stood up slowly on unsteady feet, and her smile stretched when she saw the vampire's expression as he looked at her. He knew he'd lost.

Finally, it got through to them. She was the god, she was more powerful, she now had the Key. And she was going to make it watch as she killed and tortured its protectors. Doc had been trying to tell her something before they were so rudely interrupted, but it probably hadn't been important. It was most likely only about his inability to find the Slayer's other friends, and they weren't a problem. It would have been nice to torture and kill them too, but you can't have everything.

She clapped her hands together to get everyone's attention. "Alright kiddies, here's how we play the game. You," she pointed to Spike, "go over with the rest of the help. And," Glory turned to Buffy, "you get to watch while I practice my maiming and dismemberment."

Buffy gave her no reaction, and it pissed Glory off immediately. She stalked over and grabbed Buffy by the hair, pulling her in so they were face to face. "What is wrong with you? Did you like, leave your personality somewhere, or what?" she whirled around when Spike sniggered, and noticed that the needling little fingers had started on her brain again. She dropped Buffy, and suddenly appeared in front of Spike.

"It's you, isn't it? You're the one doing this to me."

Despite himself, Spike backed up a few paces. The memory of what Glory had done to him last time she'd gotten her hands on him (and in him) was still fresh in his memory. Needless to say, he wasn't keen on a repeat experience. Still, he wasn't going to let some psychotic reject hellbitch push him around without giving as good as he got. Better, preferably.

"Maybe. But c'mon baby, can't you tell? Thought you were a god."

Glory swung at him, but he managed to duck in time. "I am a god, you miserable little worm. I'm so far above you you couldn't even begin to comprehend."

"Right, right. Only if I'm hanging by my ankles sweetheart."

Glory was stumped. "Huh?"

Spike smirked, and behind him Xander, Giles and Anya all tried not to burst out laughing. They'd managed to get themselves free, and were standing near the door, unwilling to leave but feeling the need for a close escape route. Spike threw a quick glance back at them, and almost laughed himself. "Blondie, if the whelp over there got it, you must be really stupid."

Glory growled, and this time Spike couldn't duck fast enough. Glory's hand shot out and grabbed him by the neck, lifting him easily off the ground. Spike kicked her a bit, but she didn't even acknowledge it.

"Oh bugger," he muttered. His hands grabbed hers, trying to force them apart, but he couldn't even move a finger. Good thing for him he didn't really need to breathe, or he would have been passing out about now. He struggled a bit, if only to make sure she didn't get bored, but it was proved unnecessary when the Buffybot walked calmly up behind Glory and hit her over the back of the head with a plank of wood.

Spike dropped to the ground clutching at his throat, and Glory turned to confront Buffy. She still hadn't been able to sense her coming up from behind, and she was starting to get suspicious. She'd always been able to sense the Slayer before.

Buffy attacked her, and she had no time to follow the thought. Those irritating little needles were still poking at her mind, and it made it difficult to think properly. It also dulled her reflexes slightly, allowing for a more even fight.

That's so unfair.

It wasn't difficult for Glory to hold Buffy off, but for some reason none of her attacks seemed to bother the Slayer at all. Another irritation was the fact that Doc was just standing there, watching the fight but making no move to defend her. He should be willing to give his life for her. And what was he doing? Standing there, totally unconcerned. Not that she needed the help, but he was supposed to worship her. What kind of follower stands there with a small smile on his face while he watches his god fight a being with the potential to destroy every reality?

Unless… those clever little bastards.

This would be a good time to note that Glory's logic system was somewhat… unorthodox. It was really something of a mystery to her why everyone didn't bow down and grovel before her. It confused her that humans wouldn't just line up to be brainsucked. Therefore, the fact that Doc wasn't doing his best to protect her meant that there was something wrong with the person she was fighting. There was no way she would ever come up with the idea that maybe he just couldn't be bothered.

All the indications that something wasn't right finally came together. They'd tricked her. They'd done something to confuse her so she wouldn't notice until it was too late. The Slayer wasn't the Key - she wasn't even alive. But there had to be some truth in it, or she would have seen through their deception. That meant there was only one person who could be the Key.

Somehow, Glory managed to come up with an answer that was even more off the mark than being convinced it was Buffy.

"It's the other goddamn Slayer," she growled.

The Buffybot paused in its attack, and the present scoobies looked perplexed. Spike stared for a minute, then almost collapsed laughing. Glory glared around and everyone in the room, and noticed that Doc had disappeared.

"Why that wrinkly little…" she muttered under her breath. She dismissed him from her mind, and turned to the vampire that was laughing so hard he had to support himself against the wall. "What?" she demanded.

Spike just laughed harder. It was hard to believe that they'd been so worried about someone this dense, no matter how powerful she might be. He was forced to drop to the ground as Glory's fist passed through the space his head had just accommodated, and he shuddered when he saw the hole she'd put through a solid concrete wall.

Glory smiled down at him. "It's nice to finally see you grovel at my feet, vampire."

"Grovel? Hardly," muttered Spike as he pushed himself to his feet. "I just happen to think the floor's a damn sight prettier than you are." He had to dodge again as Glory took another swing at him.

Glory growled as Spike leapt out of the way. She took a step towards him then stopped, deciding on a far more satisfying course of action. Faster than anyone could see she moved and appeared in front of Buffy. She grabbed her by the neck and held her a foot off the ground. The Buffybot didn't struggle, waiting for an order from Spike, but Glory didn't notice. She looked over to the scoobies and smiled.

"Everyone say goodbye to the annoying little Slayer," said Glory in a light voice. She turned her eyes back to Buffy, and her smile widened. "Hope you go to Hell, sweetheart." Using her free arm, Glory slammed her fist into the side of Buffy's head. She laughed when as she watched the head fall to the floor, but her laugher trailed off when she noticed something odd.

She bent over and picked up the head, letting the body fall to the floor. Turning it over in her hands, she inspected the wiring coming out from the neck.

"The Slayer's a robot. Did everybody else know the Slayer was a robot?"

Spike started laughing again. As unsettling as it had been to watch Glory virtually tear Buffy's head off, the fact the Glory had still not clicked as to what was going on… there wasn't anything he could do but laugh.

Glory growled and threw the Buffybot's head down with the body. In an instant she was in front of Spike again, and her hand was around his neck.

"I've had enough. I what to know what it is that you find so funny, and if I don't like your answer, you're going to make this place a little more dusty."

As Spike clawed at the hand around his neck he desperately tried to remind himself that he didn't need to breathe. But even so, Glory's grip was so tight that any more pressure would snap his neck like a twig. He wasn't sure if that was enough to kill him, but he was sure it would be damn painful.

"Right…right…" he managed to croak out. "I'll tell you… just… bloody… let… go."

Glory dropped him immediately, and Spike tried to count how many times he'd found himself kissing concrete since coming into the room. He repressed a chuckle at the strange thought, wondering if maybe it was those sorts of thoughts that made Harris act the way he did in a fight.

He stood up slowly, taking as long as possible. He was in for a repeat of his own personal lesson in torture, he just knew it. It was fairly understandable that he wanted to put it off for as long as possible.

He finally straightened and found he was looking Glory right in the eyes. She stood in front of him with her arms crossed, waiting for his explanation. Her eyes flashed in anger when he didn't speak straight away, and her fingers twitched as if she couldn't wait to dig them into him again. He held up his hands in supplication.

"I'll talk, I'll talk. Just gimme a sec… Damn, woman. I was laughing because…" he trailed off, trying to think of a good story. "Sod it," he muttered under his breath. "I was laughing because you're a bloody idiot. You're dafter than that bloody robot, and about half as pretty. You're a whining, miserable excuse for a god, and I'm not surprised those other hellgods you ruled with kicked your ass out of the entire bloody dimension."

It took Glory a moment to process the insult, but it eventually sunk in and Spike could see her face darken. It twisted with rage, and in an instant Glory had a stake in her hand, and her arm was moving forward to strike.

Spike would have tried to dodge or something, but he knew it would be no use. Glory wasn't going to miss this time. He kept his gaze fixed on Glory, determined to leave the world standing tall and proud.

Maybe he'd see Glory again in Hell. Well, he could dream.

His eyes trailed the stake as it swung towards his heart. He couldn't help but close his eyes as pain lanced through his body.

He hadn't known it was going to hurt this much.

End Chapter 17

Am I evil? Please… tell me I'm evil. I want to be evil, damn it!