Hey guys, this is my first try on Hp Fiction and I hope you like it. I don't think it actually is, but you might consider it veeeery mild slash. My intention was to write a Harry/Draco slash fic, but it turned out an other way.
Change of heart
Here I am, watching you sleep. Smiling at the way it shows how you trust me. I could do to you whatever I wanted now, as you lie here with me, unaware of what happens around you. There were times, I would have used this opportunity to harm you with joy. Would have embarrased you, hurt you as badly as I could, because of my loathing you.
Yes, loathe you. That was how I felt about you. First I hated you, because you had everything I desired. You were famous, had friends who cared about you and of course everybody liked Harry Potter. Who wouldn't have? My feelings of pure dislike only increased when you didn't care for all the attention. It nearly drove me mad. You had what I had always wanted and didn't give a damn. I thought it just wasn't fair.
I bullied you, because I wanted to wipe that smile you always wore off your face. I did things to you which make me shudder when I think back to them now. At least being mean to you, gave me a srange statisfaction, as it brought me fame among the Slytherins.
And while doing the best to make you suffer, I nearly forgot why I was doing all this. What once had been hate, had slowly turned into simple envy.
Unconciously, I had seen that there was nothing to hate about you. You were nice to everyone. Not because you wanted them to like you, but simply because you were such a good person.
When I first realised this, I tried to convince myself that nothing had changed. That I still loathed you with every aspect of my heart.
But of course I failed. Along with that new realisation came another. There was even nothing you had, that a sane person would be envious about. I mean, no one would want Voldemort being after him, or people constantly sticking their noses in his buissness. And of course, that was why you never seemed happy about being the famous Boy-Who-Lived.
Now I had no reason to despise you anymore. Being mean to you had just become a habit, which didn't really make sense.
I suddenly felt GUILTY for treating you badly. I couldn't stand that. Everybody expected me to do horrible things to you and I didn't want to fail in their eyes.
But keeping things going like the were became soon impossible for me.
So I tried to hide, being the coward that I was. I avoided you. Sat as far away as possible from you in classes, didn't look at you If I wasn't forced to.
That too, became torture for me, soon. Now that I didn't hate you anymore, I wanted your appreciation. I didn't want you to hate me, even if I thought that this was what I deserved for having been such an asshole.
So I sought for you and told you how I felt. And of course you didn't believe me. I hadn't really expected you to, but it hurt me more than I had imagined. I knew you wouldn't just believe me only because I told you about my feelings. I think you were quite convinced I had none at all. So I let my actions speak for themselves.
I became distant to the other Slytherins. I didn't like any of them and the loss of their companionship (you couldn't call that friendship) meant nothing to me.
I was being friendly to your friends, which wasn't hard, since they were great people. I had just been too preoccupid before to notice that.
And slowly, painfully slowly you came to believe me. I had never felt happier before. You gave me a second chance, forgiving me after everything that had been between us. So we got to know each other. Just then did we see, how much we had in common. We both like quidditch, we enjoy planning pranks, we were both treated badly at home. When it got to our families we would comfort each other, because we alone knew how what it meant to have such horrible relatives.
You helped me stand up against the rest of the Slytherins, which now hated me ten times worse than they had ever anyone else.They saw me as a traitor, but that didn't matter to me. I now had you, as a friend, and even Ron and Hermione had stopped to think about me as their enemy.
You have come to trust me and that feeling is so new and chilling, I just feel like bursting. I would never betray your trust. You have given me everything I could have hoped for and only when I'm with you I feel complete. I love you as a friend, and maybe... Maybe just a little more.
I make a movement to stand up from the sofa we're slumped on, but you unconsciously grab my arm and mumble something in your sleep. Obeying your wish, I stay and lie down beside you and allow myself to drift off to sleep, hoping that it wasn't just a dream and you'll still be there next morning.
~The end~
So, that's it. I hope there weren't too many mistakes; English isn't my native language and I haven't had a Beta-Reader. If some reeeeaaaalllly kind person was willing to beta-read for me I'd be eternally thankful and send him lots of hugs and kisses. Ok, if I scared you off now, I take that back and show my thanks in a more subtle way^__^
By the way, If you like sickening sweet, fluffy stories check out my story 'doubts', it's supposed to be sweeter than than candy-floss.
Love Milly
