I'm really, REALLY sorry that this has taken me so long. Life has sort of gotten in the
way. When I first began to write it, I didn't know what was going to happen. I hope you
like my decisions. It ended up much longer than I had intended but yet in some places it
doesn't seem long enough.

Disclaimer is still the same as in Chapters 1 and 2.

The demon unfurled his massive batlike wings and descended upon the crowd of
oblivious people below him.

That was the vision that had dissolved the group in Fred's bathroom into chaos. Dawn
had begun to scream hysterically at the monster that her friend had transformed into. She
had no way of knowing if his mind had changed as well. She voiced these concerns
within her outbursts but no one could actually make out her words. Giles took hold of
her arms and pulled her away from the pool.

Willow stared silently into the water. Outwardly she appeared calm but inside her mind
she desperately tried to establish contact with Spike. No one had any idea what kind of
affect this change would have on him. He could have become as much of a monster on
the inside as he appeared on the outside.

Fred looked up at Angel. "I was afraid something like this would happen," she said to
him in a surprisingly calm voice.

Angel looked into the water and watched as the demon stretched out his arms in front of
him and let out what looked like a silent scream. He then curled into a ball and collapsed
in a heap of scaled flesh. Then he didn't move at all.

Fred clasped Angel's hand. She knew the thoughts that went through his mind. He
understood the feeling better than anyone else there. He had once become a monster so
horrible the shame alone nearly consumed him. He recognized the movements of the
demon. Spike was losing himself to the monster. If he didn't gain control he would
destroy their only chance to get Buffy back.

Angel thought briefly that he could use his voice of experience to reach Spike but the
thought was nearly beaten to oblivion by his gut reaction to not help. Spike was the last
person in the universe he'd want to help.

He looked to Willow who only shook her head. "I keep trying to reach him but all he
keeps saying to me is 'go away'."


Spike yawned and laid down in the soft grass. The sun warmed his back and the wind
caressed him. He had never known such contentment. The best thing to top off this
perfection would be a nap.

An annoying little voice nagged him in his mind. It kept demanding that he talk to it but
answering would require more effort than he was willing to exert. He thought "go away"
very loudly and it became quiet.

"I was wondering when you were going to show up," a woman's voice spoke from above
him. It sounded vaguely familiar but his curiosity was not piqued enough.

If Spike could have spoken he would have told her the same thing that he told the voice
in his head. He stayed in his sleeping position, resisting any urge to awaken. He didn't
even use the necessary energy to look up at her and acknowledge her presence. He felt
too good. He didn't want to do anything to mess that up. It was his reality and he wanted
it to last forever.

A new voice entered his head. Why wouldn't they leave him alone? Couldn't they see
that he was trying to sleep? This voice sounded masculine, hesitant and full of
reluctance. It wanted to be talking to him as much as Spike wanted to be listening, but
yet it made no demands. "Just listen to me," it said. "I know what you're going
through." It spoke of losing oneself, of forgetting one's identity to a bestial nature. It
told him how he had to remember who he was and why he was there.

That was simple. He was Sleepy. He was here to take a nap. Why else would he be
here?

"Buffy," the voice said.

Buffy. The sound of it rolled around in his sleepy mind. He had heard that before. Was
it important?

Suddenly everything flooded back into his mind. Buffy. He had to find her and bring her
back.

Spike opened his eyes and a sound issued from him that resembled a yelp.

He was a dog. A small, yellow, fuzzy-looking dog. No wonder the voice spoke about a
bestial nature....

The voice!! Bloody damnation!! That was Angel. William the Bloody had become a
cute little lapdog. It's amazing Angel had been capable of holding in the laughter. His
only happy thought was that at least Xander wasn't there.

"I'm really sorry about this," the woman's voice spoke again from above. "There are
rules about this place and this was the best form they could provide."

Spike looked up into the warm eyes of Joyce Summers. Buffy's mother.

"It was this or a squirrel," she said, kneeling on the grass beside him. "I hope you agree
this is the best choice."

Spike opened his mouth to talk but found that he couldn't. Okay, so he had to be a dog.
Couldn't he have been a talking dog?

Suddenly Angel's voice came back into his head. He was trying to sound reassuring but
he wasn't pulling it off well. Spike thought that it seemed obvious that someone had put
him up to it. They must have been pretty frantic up there to think that it was a good idea
to have Angel try to talk him out of his disorientation.

Spike thought hard and clearly. "I'm fine. I'm alright now."

Angel's voice thankfully went away.

"Being a dog makes it pretty difficult for us to have a conversation," Joyce said
apologetically.

Spike was grateful that she didn't reach out to pet him. Part of him wanted her to. A
really, really small part which he hoped was just a side effect of his borrowed form.

"I'll do all the talking, okay?" Joyce asked.

Spike nodded and she smiled.

"Buffy's here. That's why you're here. If you haven't figured it out already, I'm the one
who called for you," she began.

Spike had just pieced that together but was grateful for her clarification.

"When she came here, I thought it was the right thing, that she deserved her time to rest,
her reward for fighting the good fight but....she doesn't act like someone who's life is
over." Joyce turned and looked over her shoulder. Spike followed her gaze to a lone
woman sitting on a park bench. Even though her back was to him, the curve of her waist
and the slope of her delicate jawline were unmistakable.

Buffy. She focused her attention on some children playing on a jungle gym several feet
away from her. They laughed happily and one of them waved at her.

"Watch me!" he called to her. "Look at what I can do."

Spike stood helpless as a small whine issued from him. The children. They were
Buffy's.


Back above the waters of the perflecting pool, the occupants of Fred's bathroom seemed
to find their respective versions of calm.

Dawn had reduced her hysterical utterances into an extremely intense look of concern.

Angel looked back at her. "He says he's fine. I guess we just need to let him do what
he's supposed to do."

Dawn grimaced. "But how can he? I mean, look at him! Buffy's not about to follow
that anywhere."

Giles had remained behind the young girl for reassurance. He relaxed into his more
'professor' like role and he reached up to adjust his glasses to establish this. "Yes, this
does seem to prevent a problem."

"Not necessarily," Fred interjected. "Remember that what she sees is different from what
we see. He probably doesn't look like that to her."

"But what does he look like?" Willow asked. "Something happened to him. When he
told me to 'go away' he didn't sound like Spike. I mean not in the way that I've heard
Spike say 'go away'. He was different."

Angel sighed. "Let's just hope that whatever he is, it's something Buffy will
understand."


"Hi Mommy," Buffy smiled up at Joyce. "Cute puppy."

Spike barked at the maligning comment.

Her mother sat down next to her on the bench. She took her hand into the shelter of her
own. "Buffy, it's time," she told her.

Buffy tensed and turned away, diverting her attention back to the children on the
playground. "We've been through this, Mom. I'm not going anywhere."

Joyce sighed heavily and clutched Buffy's hand in her lap. "Honey, look at yourself.
This is heaven. You're supposed to be happy."

Buffy looked back at her and forced an unconvincing smile. "I am happy, Mom. I'm
with you."

"This is not normal. Everyday you look back at what could have been. All of the things
that your life could have had if you hadn't come here." Her free hand pointed in the
direction of the children. "You can't spend eternity like this."

Buffy turned away again from her mother's intense scrutiny. She did not believe the
words she spoke. "I'm not going to. This is just temporary. I'll get used to it. I'll
adapt."

"You can go back, Buffy," Joyce told her.

"Like reincarnation? I don't think that's going to solve anything," she replied
dismissively.

"No. Reincarnation is for other people. Normal people. Not you." Joyce took Buffy's
chin and forced her daughter to face her. Avoidance had become an ill-mannered game
with her and she had finally had enough. She did hold her attention out of anger but of a
deep love. "Buffy, since I got here I have seen you for the first time as something beyond
my daughter. Something beyond even the Slayer. You are a force with a purpose and a
destiny that is too big and powerful to be denied. Even you see it. That's why you can't
find rest, even in heaven."

Unable to run away, Buffy's eyes welled with tears. She spoke aloud the frustration that
had tainted her paradise. "But it's not fair. Don't I deserve this? Haven't I done
enough?"

"Oh Sweetheart," she said consolingly pulling her daughter into her arms. "You've done
plenty and no one's denying that you deserve this. It's just that you're not ready. There
is still so much left that you can offer, so many more that you can save. Life still has
much to offer you."

For a long moment they sat together in each other's embrace. Finally, Buffy lifted her
head and began to wipe her tears away. "If I go, will I find what I'm looking for?"

"What are you looking for?" Joyce asked.

"Peace," she replied quietly as tears threatened her again.

"Maybe. I don't know. You're not going to know unless you take the chance," she told
her warmly. "One thing's for sure. You're not going to find it here."

Silence fell upon them once again as Buffy turned to watch her 'children' again. She
thought of the glory that she existed in and knew that no matter how much she dreamed
of what could be, none of it was real. Illusion can only feed the soul so much before it
begins to eat away at itself. Hers had been craving something since she had died,
something intangible that her mother had now put within her grasp. Slowly, the children
vanished from her sight. She didn't face Joyce as she asked, "So what do I do?"

Joyce smiled. "Just follow the dog. He'll lead you back."

Spike stood up at finally being acknowledged. He almost sat back down when he felt his
tail begin to wag and didn't know how to stop it. He had watched the exchange between
the two in respectful, although involuntary, silence. He never knew how Buffy had
suffered from all the things that had been denied her for the sake of her heritage. As a
demon he had never really missed them from his life, but she did. She felt the loss
everyday of her life as she watched her friends live their lives. They made sacrifices but
they always had the choice to leave. She couldn't. As long as she lived, she would
always be the Slayer. The only way she could leave that is through death. Could she find
a way to be the Slayer and be Buffy too? This death had brought her nothing but the
knowledge that she had failed. She had been a great Slayer but a terrible Buffy. She
comforted herself with illusions in the afterlife, would she be able to find them in her real
life? Now she had the chance to find out.

Would he, demon, dog, lover or friend be able to help her?

"Why a dog?" Buffy's blunt question ripped Spike from his thoughts. She frowned down
at him. He barked at her impudent dismissal of him and tried to stand with as much
dignity as his little furry body could muster.

Joyce read his body language and stifled a chuckle. "It's difficult to explain and besides I
don't want him to be angry with me."

"Why would you worry about a dog being angry with you?" Buffy asked still frowning at
Spike.

"I've already said too much," Joyce replied. She stood and began to lead them both on
their journey.

She stopped and turned to see that Buffy had not yet moved. Her daughter's eyes
threatened to brim over with tears again. "Honey, what's wrong?"

The tears could not be held back. Buffy fell to the grass as sobs shook her hard. "I don't
want to leave you, Mommy," she cried, "It feels like I'm losing you all over again."

She never had been hesitant to leave Heaven. Her mother had been the one reason she
stayed. The reason she came.

Joyce pulled her into her embrace again, cradling her as she had done when she was a
child. Age diminished from them and they were once again as mother and child and
Buffy clung to her, desperate not to leave, desperate for comfort. Joyce rocked her softly.
"Listen to me," she said softly, "I love you very much and saying good-bye is a painful
thing to have to do....but this is where I belong. My life is over and I'm okay with it.
You need to be too."

"But what if I still need you?" Buffy sobbed.

This time when Joyce spoke her voice was louder. "I have taught you everything that I
could have. I don't have any more lessons or bit of mother's wisdom left to offer you.
All I have left is my love and that is something I guarantee will be with you no matter
where I am." With one more reassuring hug she helped Buffy get to her feet again. She
kissed her daughter on the forehead and remained close, their heads touching. "Know
that I am here and I am fine and when it is your time, really your time, I'll still be here for
you."

Buffy finally smiled. She had found strength in this last moment with her mother. It was
the good-bye she never got in life. She threw her arms around her mother's neck. "I love
you, Mommy."

Joyce breathed deeply returning the embrace. "I love you too, Sweetie," she said. As
they parted she added, "Get back to you life."

Without warning Spike flung himself into Joyce's arms. For a moment he forgot he was
a dog, or for that moment he embraced the shamelessness of his form. He didn't know.
He didn't care. Joyce had always shown him kindness and respect and he was truly
going to miss her.

Joyce laughed as she scooped the little dog up in her arms. "Hey, that goes for you too."
Then she looked at him seriously. "You're here for a very special reason. I knew that I
could trust my daughter to you, not just here but back there as well. I'm counting on you
to watch out for her."

She laid him gently on the ground. Spike looked up at her and barked. His best effort at
telling her that he promised. With every fiber of his being he promised. So much to
convey in just one little bark.

Joyce smiled. "Consider that a task appointed to you from the Heavens. Maybe next
time you won't have to come here as a dog."

Buffy shook her head in confusion. "I'm not going to ask."

"You'll know soon enough," she replied. With a slight gesture, she urged her daughter to
go. "Take care."

Buffy raised her hand in a feeble farewell. She still felt reluctant to leave but she saw
that the dog began to get further away from her. She had no choice but to follow. Away
from Heaven. Away from Mom.

Back to Life.


Willow's eyes suddenly grew wide. "He's got her. He's ready."

Everyone came to life at her words. At Fred's instructions, Angel and Giles gently
unwrapped Buffy's body. Angel paused as he saw her revealed for the first time.
Beautiful. Perfect.

Fred brought him out of his reverie. "Place her body in the water. As he surfaces, she'll
know where to go," she said.

The sky around Buffy grew dark. As she followed the dog, the park faded away like a
radio signal dissipates as it's moved away from its frequency. She turned and strained to
see her mother one last time but the park had disappeared into a black fog. She choked
back tears that fought furiously to reach the surface and endeavored to stay with the dog.
Her guide back to the world of the living.

But the change of scenery would not leave him untouched. In a way unknown to Buffy
his form was tightly wound to the environments through which they moved. The dog
faltered in his steps and as she reached him, he was convulsing. Huge waves rippled
through his little body and he yelped in pain, helpless to stop them.

Buffy watched in horror as the dog began to change. Its body elongated, stretching in
grotesque directions. Its fur warped and darkened until it seemed to melt over the
distorted form before her, revealing a scaled skin to clothe the demon it had become.

A gigantic monster with batlike wings crouched on the dark ground before her. Its
movements were hesitant and confused. Buffy's first reaction was to turn and run back
the way she had come but she knew she couldn't.

Her mother trusted this creature. She had called him to take her daughter back.

She wouldn't run away.

"What's happening to me?" the demon hissed. It sounded terrified and confused. It
stared at its hands, horrified by its own transformation.

"You changed," Buffy answered quietly.

It turned its huge demonic head to face her. "...Buffy..." The whisper escaped its lips as
it looked at her in wonder. Slowly it reached for her, lost in a moment of recognition.

Buffy flinched at its outstretched hand. She couldn't help the fear that appeared in her
eyes.

It realized what it had done, what it had become. It turned away from her and howled in
misery and anger. "NOOO!!! It wasn't supposed to be this way!" It crumpled to the
ground in agony, hiding its face in its hands. "You weren't supposed to see..."

Buffy slowly moved towards the mourning creature. "What wasn't I supposed to see?"
she asked.

Sensing her closeness it turned away from her more. It lifted its head but only stared out
into the enveloping darkness. "Me," it answered. "I was supposed to come and lead you
back to the living. I was the only one who could do it. I was practically jumping for joy
when they told me. Not Willow. Not even Angel. Me. I thought I could be your hero. I
thought I could show you."

"Show me what?" she asked.

At this it turned to her. Tinged with sorrow and shame the distorted features revealed to
her something recognizable. "That you could count on me." Its eyes locked with hers.
She knew. Any other feeling that would have presented itself at this discovery was
pushed out of the way. She should have already known. She should have believed him
when he first told her. He loved her. Really loved her.

"But now you see me for what I am," he said. "I could always play at being the hero but
you would always know the truth."

Suddenly a light from ahead of them fell across Buffy's face.

"What's that?" she asked in a startled whisper.

He sighed and turned away from the light. "It's the way back. You don't need me
anymore. Go ahead. Everyone's waiting for you."

The light rippled like the surface of water. "Not everyone," she said. "You're not there."

Spike glanced up at her in surprise as she grabbed his scaled hand and began to pull him
after her. Her determined stride towards the light caught him off guard and he struggled
to get to his feet.

"What are you doing?!" he demanded loudly. "I was trying to be noble there!"

"Well you don't get to be," she said in a strong voice. "Not now. You were wrong,
Spike. I need you. You are the only one who knows what I left here. You're the only
one who knows why." She stopped and looked at his astonished demon face. "Maybe
with you around, I won't forget."


Buffy gasped for her first breaths of new life. Her eyes opened to find herself inside a
bathroom grasping desperately to the sides of a bathtub full of water. As Angel pulled
her out she could feel something move in the water beneath her.

She looked up at him with surprise. "Angel? What are you doing here?" she asked.

Relief filled his face. He began to smile and cry all at the same time. "I might ask you
the same thing." He could tell her that she was in his hotel in Los Angeles, that his friend
had built a perflecting pool to bring her back, but so many other things flooded his mind
that took precedence, like how he had mourned for her, how he had wanted to be the one
to save her, how happy he was that she was back. Too much for words. His face would
have to say it all for now.

Before anyone said anything else, Dawn had thrown herself at her sister. She sobbed her
profound feelings into Buffy's wet embrace. The others watched as they held each other.
Before their eyes Buffy had become the mother to the girl who clung to her.

Only one in that tiny room knew where she received that strength and power. He had
seen it with his own eyes. Spike sat on the edge of the tub, soaked through to the skin.
He had been forgotten by all but Fred who had remained to help pull him out of the
water. He watched the reunion with concealed satisfaction.

The intensity of the moment broke with the swirling sound of water running down the
drain of the tub.

Willow was the first to react. "Fred? What are you doing? The pool!"

Fred looked up at her with a frown and said matter-of-factly, "The pool won't work
anymore. The spirit is gone."

Buffy's eyes locked with Spike's. They both watched as the last of the water
disappeared and said a silent farewell to the spirit that had powered it.

The end.





Note: That was my first fanfiction and my first BTVS fanfiction. If you liked it, I'm
working on another. Please be on the lookout for it. It will be called "Blessed". It will
take place after "Flooded" but before "Once More With Feeling".