All Mixed Up                                                                                                                                                                   Vaughn reflects on Sydney, and their night together . . .                               

A/N: Follow up to "Forever"/"Deliver Me"/"Morning After".  Song by the Red House Painters                    

~*~*~*~*~*~

She called me. Not about an assignment or SD-6 or the CIA. She called me because she was upset, hurt, and needed a friend. She could have called one of her friends, I'm sure they would have been supportive. But she called me. Because she knew that I would understand.

She shadows me in the mirror
She never leaves on the light
And some things that I say to her
They just don't seem to bite

Talking with her on the pier, I saw how hurt she was, how much of a toll her role as a double agent was having on her. It had always been there, but to see her in tears, it just . . . I wanted to do so much more than just put my hand over hers. I wanted to hold her, to wipe the tear stains from her cheeks, to tell her everything would be all right. So I did.

It's all mixed up
It's all mixed up
It's all mixed up
It's all mixed up

I'm still not quite sure how we ended up here.  But somehow, I spent the night with Sydney Bristow in my arms.  Something I only dreamed about, but never dared to actually do it. Until now.

She tricks me into thinking
That I can't believe my eyes,
That I wait for her forever
But she never does arrive

We both know that this is a road that we can't go down together. It's too dangerous and it's completely forbidden. I'd be thrown out of the CIA for fraternizing with a subordinate. I'm her handler – I'm not allowed to love her. But it would be worse for her. If SD-6 found out she was . . . don't even go there Vaughn. But you know this how this will end if she gets caught. One or both of you will be dead.

It's all mixed up
It's all mixed up
It's all mixed up

It's all mixed up

Why couldn't you have met her like you met Alice? You could have a nice normal relationship . . . forget it, you know she'd still be with Danny if she was a normal girl. And you love her because she isn't. She not like Alice. 

She says to leave it to me
And everything will be all right

She says to leave it to me
And everything will be all right

Sydney's tough . . . she wants to take down SD-6 by herself. She doesn't care if it kills her – but you do, don't you Vaughn? You want to protect her. If you're lucky, you'll catch the bullet aimed at her in your own chest. If not, you'll have failed her and you know you'll be wanting to throw yourself in there with her.

She's always out making pictures
She's always out making scenes
She's always out the window
When it comes to making dreams

She's off limits to you. She deserves someone she can have a real relationship with, not one she has to hide. It will kill you, knowing she's with Will – or any other guy – but you know that's how it has to be. Will is safe. Will and Sydney are meant to be. You and her aren't. she knows it as well as you do, that's why she left this morning before you woke up.

You know you're going to break up with Alice. You've been having problems and this – staying out all night – will be the last straw for her. Besides she deserves better. She deserves someone who really loves her. Just like Sydney does.

Only some things weren't meant to be.

It's all mixed up
It's all mixed up
It's all mixed up
It's all mixed up