Scene 6: Back in the Narrator's Office
(We find Giles narrating while Anya watches the T.V. She is getting bored of audience participation fast and wants to get out of there. She wants to get Giles to remember who he is and help her.)
Giles: And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet and that they had found the assistance that their plight required. ...Or had they?
Anya: Shut up, Giles!
Giles: Who is this man you speak of. I am a criminalogist named.... um, named um...... oh G-d, I don't have a name!
Anya: Don't be an idiot! Everyone has a name. Yours is Giles. Say Giiiiillllleeees.
Giles: Hey, I may have no neck (rocky horror joke) but I am able to prononce Giles.
(Feels his neck.)
Oh my G-d, I have a neck! Maybe what you're saying is true.
Anya: It is. Now, you are a watcher. Well, you used to be. Buffy is the slayer, Xander is my fiancee, Willow is our friend and Spike is, well he's, um..... He's a vampire who can't hurt people because of a chip in his head who has nothing better to do but follow Buffy around. (Pants for breath). Oh and by the way, I'm an ex demon who's afraid of bunnies.
Giles: Yes, I'm beginning to remember.
Anya: So now do you believe me?
Giles: Not really, but we can discuss it after I'm done narrating.
Anya: Dammit! (Thinks for a minute). Hey Giles or narrator dude or whoever the hell you want to be called, what happens when the movie ends?
Giles: What movie?
Anya: The one you're in right now!
Giles: We're not in a movie. This is my job.
Anya: Yeah, perfectly normal to be talking to a camera about something that happened 25 years ago!
Giles: What! 25 years? Oh my... That would mean we're in the year 2000.
Anya: Well 2001, but who's counting? Once you've reached 1000 years old, you begin to loose track of time. (Continues to watch T.V.)
Scene 7: Spike's Monologue
(Back in the castle, Spike is roaming around doing the butler chores of Riff Raff. However, it doesn't take him too long to drop the broom and look out of the window. He sings his little solo in "There's A Light," and goes downstairs)
Spike (muttering to himself): Hmmm, looks like we have visitors. Oh, shit, I think they're earthlings. That means that the master's going to have some new playmates. Lucky bastard. It's not like he doesn't have enough fun screwing around with Columbia and his creations, but to do so with my sister, well..... I'll get him back. Maybe I'll have a little fun. (Looks out of downstairs window and sees Buffy and Xander. This gives him an idea.) Hmmm, I know! These earthlings would be the perfect distraction! Then I can get my sister, Magenta and we can kill that notorious Frank N Furter once and for all!
(Looks out of window once more)
Hmmm, those earthlings look awfully familiar. Oooo, the blond one is a hottie. Very hot. Okay, new plan. Screw the blond and have that guy with her go up to the lab and keep Frank busy. Then, I can lock her up in a cage, kill Frank and everyone else other than my sister and then we'll go back to our planet. The blond can be our sex bunny. Sounds good.
(Thinks again)
Wait a minute, there's a reason why they look familiar....
(Starts to remember everything that happened)
Jesus, Willow's spell! This means that I'm stuck as Riff Raff until we get out of here. Wait, do the others realize what happened?
(Sees Willow tap dancing in the other room. Then, he looks outside and sees Buffy and Xander holding hands and skipping)
No, I guess not. I guess only creatures of darkness remain immune. Well, this means that Buffy can't slay! She's completely helpless. Oooooo! I wonder, does my chip still work?
(He goes into the room where Willow is tap dancing and pushes her. She yells at him to watch it. His head doesn't feel any pain)
Yes, yes, yes! Thank you Willow! Hey, I wonder what happened to Anya.
(Anya's watching on T.V. and had heard everything)
Anya: I'm right here, you putz!
(Spike hears Anya)
Oh bloody hell! Her screaming will give me enough of a headache. Aw well, she can't do anything else. Operation "Get Revenge on Buffy and Eat Some Humans" is now starting.
Nothing will get in my way!
(Drusilla walks in the room)
Hey, Drusilla. (Thinks for a second). Drusilla!
Drusilla: Who's Drusilla, my pet? Is that another one of the master's conquests.
Spike: Um, no love. Just a name I heard of on T.V.
Drusilla: Hey, the master's busy preparing for his creation. Do you want to go do something naughty?
(Spike thinks for a second. He decides to play along and pretend to be Riff Raff for now, for as long as she wasn't reminded of her true identity, she'd think she was Magenta.)
Spike: Oh, don't you know it baby. (The doorbell rings.)
Damn, it's the bell. Hey, we can pick up on this later.
Drusilla: Alright, Riffy. (Leaves the room)
Spike: This is perfect! I'll get revenge on Drusilla as well! Ooooooo, it just doesn't get any better than this.
(Doorbell rings once more)
Well, I guess I'd better go play butler. Oh Buffy, you have no idea what's in store for you!
Anya: I bet I can guess (groans)
(To be continued.)
