Author's note: Good Lord. I'm writing humor. Head for the hills, kids, the world's ending. As for the fic itself, I just thought I'd try a (mostly) non-angsty look at the Aerith/Tifa friendship. And regarding the shopping: I always work on the assumption there's more to any given town (or game world as a whole) than you see in the game itself. I also assume that these people periodically bathe and change clothes, even if we don't see it. So, for the sake of my sanity and respect for Tifa, I have to pretend that she buys and wears pants as soon as she's able.


Girl Talk


The hotel offered a "Plate Breakfast," which means, basically, various pastries and beverages. Don't ask me why they connect that with Midgar plate-dwellers. I'd just assumed it meant the obvious, breakfast on a plate, until I heard Barret grumbling. "They just associate it with, I don't know, class and sophistication?" Aerith was offering, in conciliatory tones.

"I'll show them class," he growled, stomping off with a croissant in hand.

"Is he going to yell at the waitress?" I asked, sitting down with a plate full of donuts.

"Ooh, they didn't have those out when I went by!" she noted, staring at my plate.

"Help yourself," I offered, but now she was craning her neck to watch him. "He's in the lobby. He's eating the croissant! Looking around... he's... going outside. Down the street... into the diner!"

I snickered. "Guess he showed them."

"Sure looks like it. I'm sorry, Tifa. I wasn't trying to upset him..."

"Oh, it's okay. He's just really not a morning person. I mean really, really not a morning person." Never has been, and the events of the past few days haven't helped any. I've tried to be considerate, but if he doesn't even like what they call the breakfasts, there's only so much I can do. It's not like he's the only one with problems right now.

"He's not an afternoon person, either. Or an evening person... he may get better around midnight, I haven't checked."

"Cloud!" she greeted him happily, as he pulled out a chair.

"He's not as bad as all that," I defended. "He just... takes things seriously."

"Uh huh." He started on his own donuts. "I'm sorry I'm hard on him, Tifa."

"Oh, well, you're allowed. I mean, it'd be better if you guys could get along..."

"I know. I'm going to try," he said, a bit defensively.

"That's good," I replied, awkwardly. I never know how to talk to him anymore.

"I think I may take him and Red with me when we head out. Will you two be okay on your own?"

"We should be, yeah," I said.

"I will, of course, require all your best materia," Aerith added.

"All of it?"

"Just the good stuff. That one I was using to learn the monster spells, I want that."

We filtered out to the town square eventually, where we met up with Red (who'd decamped to the diner on his own, before the rest of us even started) and Barret. "I want us to buy some stuff, okay?" he asked, though he didn't make it sound as if it were up for vote. "I'm sure this town will have better weapons than we could get in the slums, and I want to get some new materia, stuff like that. And once that's done I want to head out south of here." I didn't ask how he knew where to go. He must have just gone out last night to ask around about Sephiroth.

"Cloud, Tifa and I are going to go off on our own. You don't need to buy weapons for us, we'll get them ourselves."

"You're what now? Why?"

"We need to go shopping."

"You can do that with the rest of us, can't you?"

"For girl things," she enunciated.

"Oh. Oh, well, uh, yeah. You guys have money? Uh, have fun."


"Wow. How do you do that?" I asked her as soon as we were out of earshot of them.

"Do what?"

"Fluster him like that. I think he was blushing."

"Was he really? And I missed it! That sucks." She kicked a pebble out of her path.

"I think he was. So how do you do it?" I didn't even think about the weirdness of this conversation. She had that effect on me.

"I dunno. It just happens. I flirt with him, and he gets all cute and embarrassed."

"You're lucky. I don't think I ever learned how."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous. Flirting just comes natural. You could do it too, you just need to learn to relax around him."

"I dunno..."

"No, for real. He likes you, Tifa, I'm sure of it." This was when the weirdness started to dawn on me, but she looked completely sincere, even happy.

"Yeah, but I don't know how to talk to him anymore, it's been so long. I mean, the other day, he stayed with us in Seventh Heaven and when I asked him how he slept, he said he slept well because I was there or something like that."

"Well, see, he was flirting with you! What'd I tell you?" She definitely looked happy. I pushed the thought of the weirdness aside. It was nice to have a friend.

"He was?"

"Yeah. Maybe not very well, because that line doesn't make much sense, but he was trying. What'd you say?"

"I dunno. I got all embarrassed."

"You two flirt like twelve-year-olds. He might as well pull your hair and run off."

"No, that's eight-year-olds."

"Whatever. But when he says stuff like that, don't get embarrassed, just try to embarrass him back. Like, I dunno, 'Most guys complain I keep them up all night.' Something like that."

"Aerith! I couldn't say that!" I stared at my feet, feeling my face burn.

"Oh, c'mon! It's not that bad!"

I sputtered helplessly for a bit.

"Okay, okay. I guess you should just be yourself. It's about the only way. The shy thing really appeals to some guys, too. Ooh, Lorelei's! We have to go in here."

"We do?"

"Well, yeah. I want a new dress, something easier to move around in, and you said you did too."

"Yeah, but at Lorelei's?"

"Why not? Their stuff's really well-made. Mom had a coat from there, her husband bought it before they got married, and it's lasted twenty years."

"Well, coats don't wear out like other stuff."

"Yeah, but twenty years? Plus, I just wanna buy something there. 'This is my dress, I got it at Lorelei's.' Haven't you ever wanted to do that? And we've got money enough now."

"You ever wondered why monsters carry money?"

"I figure they have their own economies. Little monster farms, monster markets, monster construction crews... stop laughing, it could happen! Or there's that most of it was in coins. Maybe they just like it 'cause it's shiny."

"There's that, too. Who can resist the shiny?"


She wanted a fresh bra, and I could use a regular one, even though I still needed a new sports bra or five and insisted that such a thing could only be purchased at a sporting goods store. She peered at the label on my selection, as we went to check out. "Thirty-four B? Tifa, you're joking."

"No, for real."

"Seriously? You look bigger."

"I know. I think it's because I have a narrow back and a small waist. Mom was same way when she was young."

"Yeah, I can see how that'd work. And your height helps too, probably. I know my tiny bosom looks a little more impressive on me than it did on a friend of mine who was tall."

"What, you swapped?"

"We wore the same bra size. Smartass."

After that, we needed clothes. She was a born shopper. I tried on five cuts of jeans in my size, selected my favorite and got two pairs of it, and bought a few new shirts and some changes of socks and underwear. She, on the other hand, tried on what seemed like every dress in the store. I left to buy my sports bras and found that she was still undecided when I came back. She did claim to have narrowed it down. Now, she wanted my opinion on them, and actually invited me into the changing room (not just a booth – it was a nicer store than I was used to) rather than just emerging to model them. It looked ominous. "You look disgustingly good in absolutely everything, so can we go now?" I snapped.

"Jeez, Tifa, what did I do wrong?"

"I'm sorry. I'm just tired. And don't you ever get bored with this?"

"Not really. I just like playing with clothes, seeing how I look in different things."

"I guess I just never got the hang of that."

"It saves you some time, I'm sure. Are you still mad at me?"

"Of course not. I'm sorry I snapped."

"That's okay. I'm really close to being done now, just help me out a little. Do you think I should stop wearing pink? Maybe go for something a little more mature?" She kept twisting, twirling, looking at herself in the mirror.

"Well, maybe not with red." I cast a significant glance at her old outfit, crumpled in the corner.

"I like that jacket," she huffed, hands on hips.

"Well, maybe you should wear it with something else. Maybe a black dress, or something."

"Like this other one!"

She started to shuck off the pink dress she was wearing, and I turned away. "What? I've got on underwear, we're all girls here."

"I know. Just, I like privacy for myself so I tend to figure that's how everyone would feel. I always hated changing in front of people. Developing early and changing for gym class..."

"I guess that'd have to suck, being surrounded by the envious masses." She sounded a bit sulky, but then she stuck her tongue out at our reflections and giggled.

"Well, they didn't ACT envious." They'd tease me about not having boyfriends, ask me probing questions about periods and deodorant because anything related to puberty was potentially both embarrassing (for me) and funny (for them.) All my friends were guys, which did not make them like me any more. It got better once some of the other girls caught up, but I still quit taking gym classes as soon as the school would let me. Zangan made me work harder than they did, anyway.

"Trust me. Envy. It is very hard to view enormous breasts —"

"Enormous?"

"Hush. — as a curse, when yours are... not."

"Believe me, I'd trade in a heartbeat. It's a hassle in fighting, and guys never look me in the eyes. Plus, it comes with a nice big ass."

"Which I also grew up envying. Not your specific ass, but that shape in general."

"Really? I always wanted to be thin." It had crossed my mind that other girls might like all the attention I got from guys, but I never wanted them to treat me that way.

She laughed. "Oh, God. You know what? We're fourteen again."

"Are we? I never really had female friends, growing up."

"Oh, no wonder you turned around when I was changing. I just meant how girls are always 'I look horrible, I want to look like you.' 'No, I look horrible.' I quit after a while, and so did most of the people I knew. Of course, most of them were either hookers or pregnant and married by that time, but I figure we would have quit anyway. And really, I like my looks, it's just weird having you around looking like I always wanted to."

"Yeah, I know how you mean. I'm still working on being okay with my, y'know, chest."

"Why'd you dress that way, then?"

"Well, helped bring people into the bar."

"See!" She brushed past me, retrieving the jacket from the pile and pulling it on.

"But not all guys like big boobs! And that dress does look good on you."

"Even with the jacket? I mean, the loose skirt's good if I need to run, but does it look okay with the jacket?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Good! Okay, this, and the pink, and... hang on, I want you to see this. I know I like the pink, but I'm not sure about this red one."

"Are you going to wear your jacket with it, too?"

"No, no, I'm not a total fashion moron. Okay. Ready to go."


"Aerith?" I asked, when we'd stocked up on socks and underwear and medical supplies and were headed, finally, toward the weapon store.

"Yeah?"

"Why were you giving me flirting advice?"

"Why not? We're friends, right?"

After a day? I didn't say that. I said "I guess. But we're both interested in Cloud, and..."

"Yeah, but if I weren't interested in Cloud I'd give you advice, and I'd give you advice if you were interested in someone else, so I'm just acting like I would otherwise."

Which made perfect sense, if you leave out reality. "I don't think I get it."

"I dunno how to explain it. It makes sense to me. I mean, I like him, you like him, we can all be mature about this, right?"

"Yeah. I think. I hope."

Silence, for a while, at least in our little bubble of space, though the crowds around us produced the usual white noise. "Tifa?"

"Yeah?"

"Does he... well, you knew him before. Does he act like he used to?"

"I... don't know, exactly. I mean, it's been several years." Eight. Five. Eight. Traumatic events can affect the memory. Maybe he was there and I didn't remember. Maybe I'm going crazy. "People can change a lot in that time."

"Yeah, I guess that's true," she said reflectively, as if I'd somehow come up with something profound.

"Why do you ask?"

"Well... he reminds me of my ex-boyfriend. It's almost eerie sometimes. That's part of why I'm always teasing him or flirting with him, I mean beyond the obvious reasons, because the guy he reminds me of never reacted like that. It's kind of reassuring to see him not acting like him, you know?"

"Um... I can't say I've ever had that particular experience."

"I'm probably just being silly. I mean, it's been several years since I saw Zax, so I'm probably just exaggerating Cloud's resemblance to him." Zax. The name seemed to ring a bell – it wasn't exactly an ordinary one, but I couldn't place the memory. I prodded at it, trying to bring back details. Sunlight, outdoors, with the chill of early morning on my bare legs. "Hi, I'm Zax Helmerich." A large, warm, callused male hand. A confident smile, friendly and edged with flirtation, a lot like the one on Cloud's face when he gave me the flower or when he was talking to Aerith this morning. Blue eyes, shining with what I'd recognize now as mako's effects. "Tifa?" I blinked, realizing she was several feet ahead of me, looking at me with some concern. "Are you okay? You just stopped."

"I'm sorry. Just thought of something."

"Must have been important," she said, looking at my face as if for clues. If she could figure anything out, more power to her.

"I... dunno. Just something for me to think about. I'm sorry."

"Something about Cloud?" she suggested.

Not exactly, I wanted to say. Maybe. "What do you mean?"

"Well, we were just talking about him."

"Actually, you were talking about this Zax. Were you two serious?" The lighter tone didn't sound too convincing, but she played along.

"Well, I thought so at the time. I mean, I was seventeen, how serious can you be? I was all wrapped up in him, sort of, I don't know, in love with being in love, probably. I mean, I liked him and all, but I don't know if it would have worked out then. He was older than me, and not really the settling-down type, I don't think. He really was a great guy, though."

"What did he look like?"

She gave me a curious look, but continued. "Tall, broad-shouldered – great body – dark hair. Blue eyes. Tifa, is something...?"

"I think I met him once."

"When?" She sounded oddly excited, and I had a moment of hope myself. Maybe she knew something I didn't.

"About five years ago."

"Damn it!"

"What?" Maybe not.

"I thought maybe you could tell me... about five years ago, he left on a mission and I never heard from him again. He died about two weeks ago, I felt him return to the Planet." Two weeks. And when did you meet Cloud again, Tifa Lockhart? And why are you keeping this a secret from everyone? "I don't know what happened in between then and now, and I always wondered."

"I... don't know. I'm sorry." I really don't. Nothing I know about this amounts to anything. Sharing the little I know would only make her feel worse and wouldn't help in the slightest. Let her have fun, flirt with him. Might as well have this be enjoyable for someone.

"It's not your fault. Come on, we better buy our new weapons and get going if we're going to try to catch up with the others by nightfall." She picked her bags back up, started forward, glanced over her shoulder at me to make sure I was okay. I picked up my share of the loot and followed. No point standing around like an idiot.

"So, let's talk about your exes now, huh?" she suggested.