IT'S A DOG'S LIFE
PART THE FIRST
A/N: This is my first official attempt at writing a story (well, at writing a story longer than a page and a half anyways). I suppose this story is the result of too many trips with my own dogs to the vet's office, and of inane speculation as to whether Padfoot has ever been. So, this is the rather silly story of Padfoot's trip to see the vet. Much much thanks goes to both Alphie and Thing1 (two of my favorite fanfic authors!) for patiently beta-reading every draft, and for their thoughtful and insightful comments. (And most especially for their encouragement. I thought I'd *never* finish. Heck, THEY thought I'd never finish!)
Thanks also to Thing, for the loan of three of her Original Characters. Katie Lupin is Remus' lovely wife. Malcolm is the Lupins' young son, and Liz Harker is a talented witch who, while working with Remus and Sirius, has for all practical purposes moved in with them at the Lupin house (and with whom Sirius has developed more than just a professional relationship).
Remus and Sirius of course belong to JK Rowling, as does their amazing wizarding world. Hope y'all enjoy this!
*************
"You're..joking." Sirius eyed Katie suspiciously.
The corner of Katie's mouth twitched ever so slightly. Sirius was almost certain of it. He glanced across to Liz, who was suddenly studying a photograph of a large shaggy black dog on the Lupins' mantelpiece very intently, and then back to Katie.
Katie returned his gaze evenly. "No. No, I am quite serious." Katie practically oozed a calm, professional demeanor.
Sirius coughed a short barking cough into his hand, and looked at Katie again. "You are certain?"
"Absolutely. I've even double checked my results" Katie paused carefully. "It's---kennel-cough."
Liz made a bit of an odd muffled noise.
"Very funny Miss Harker. Go right ahead and laugh, why don't you?"
Liz smirked. "Well, you have to admit,.." Liz began, and then stopped, seeing the rather wounded look on Sirius' face. She made a valiant effort to adopt an appropriately concerned expression. But when she turned back to the mantle, her eyes fell on the photograph of Padfoot again and she finally broke apart into a fit of helpless giggles.
Sirius pointedly ignored Liz and addressed Katie. "I have no idea what that is, nor why some people find it to be so damned amusing . Honestly, I don't care what it is. As long as you can cure it. I've coughed my bloody head off for days now." As if to emphasize this point, Sirius' last indignant words faded out as his voice caught again, and he doubled over in a fit of harsh coughs that seemed to rattle the furniture. He looked back at Katie with growing desperation in his now watering eyes, as he struggled futilely to stop the coughing.
Katie eyed Sirius sympathetically as he struggled to catch his breath. "Actually, Sirius, as much as I would like to help you .there is not much I can do. Well not directly. I can mix up some potions that might make you feel a bit better, but you really should have antibiotics. Magic achieves many wonders, but Muggles are not completely helpless you know, and in situations like this their medicine may be superior to ours.as much as I hate to admit it," she continued hastily, coming over to take Sirius' hand. "Please don't think for one minute that I am abandoning you to get through this on your own. I know you're miserable, Sirius." Katie exchanged a glance with Liz. "We all know you're miserable."
Sirius sighed heavily, and rubbed at his rather bloodshot eyes. "So what do you suggest we do?"
"There's a clinic I know of that asks few questions and does a tidy business treating the magical community." Katie began.
Sirius turned slightly ashen. "You know I can't very well show up anywhere I might be recognized. Questions or no, I am bound to be recognized by Muggles and wizards alike."
"The alternative is to ride it out. I'll do what I can to make you comfortable. I assure you, it's not likely to be fatal."
Sirius was seized again by a coughing fit, even as he shook his head frantically and gave her another fantastically pathetic pleading look.
Liz considered the photograph of Padfoot again. "Katie, you know, Padfoot would not be recognized.couldn't we get the proper medication for Padfoot? I mean.kennel cough is a dog disease isn't it? Wouldn't that help Sirius?"
Katie considered this-"It's possible, I suppose.."
*************
The previous week had been a particularly rough one. Remus and Sirius had been in London for several days. London missions were difficult enough for Sirius, as he was compelled to spend most of his time as Padfoot. He was still a wanted man, and could take no chance of being recognized. Still, he accompanied Remus as often as possible, and the two of them made a most effective team. This particular mission, however, had not gone off quite as well as they had hoped.
They'd had their doubts about this mission from the start. Their "target" seemed an unlikely sort. Not a particularly talented wizard based on the information they'd been able to garner. It seemed this fellow at least had the appearance of being little more than a Squib. Further, his personal hygiene made Severus Snape look good. But the League had received information that he was a supplier of illegal potions to some of Voldemort's forces, and there had been at least two discreet meetings between this fellow and Lucius Malfoy. They'd managed to determine the location of his laboratory in the basement of a rather run down Muggle apartment building. Remus had even succeeded in breaching the rather elementary wards protecting the laboratory to get a look around, while Padfoot stood watch.
Potions was never Remus' best subject. He'd recognized a few of the more innocuous ingredients assembled in the lab, and one or two not so innocuous ones. But he had not recognized any of the queer substances that were stored in unmarked crystal vials. It was neither enough to establish their quarry as a supplier of illegal potions, nor enough to rule it out. A more direct approach was needed.
After considering several options, Remus and Sirius decided to send an owl requesting a discreet meeting.
Dear Sir,
I have heard from an esteemed associate that you may be able to assist me in obtaining some rather rare and hard to produce potions, of which I find myself in need. Perhaps you would be willing to meet with me to discuss the nature of my order and terms of payment. I need not mention that discretion is of the utmost importance. I will be waiting for you at the Rabid Dog pub at half past five.
The Rabid Dog Pub was an eminently suitable place for private conversations. Tables in the back were tucked in private alcoves and the lighting in the pub was dim and hazy from a variety of rather noxious smoky substances favored by some of the more unsavory characters from both the magical and non-magical patrons of this establishment. This was the sort of place that questions were not asked, and faces were not recalled. Remus and Padfoot arrived at the pub shortly before the scheduled meeting. Just outside the front door, Remus exchanged a meaningful glance with Padfoot, and said, "Wish me luck".
Padfoot assumed a watchful position near the front entrance as Remus took a deep breath and marched into the bar with what Sirius recognized as his 'right, let's get this crap over with' face. Sirius knew Remus wanted to get home quickly. Katie had been rather crabby about choosing this night of all nights to go out. Sirius had heard something about this being an 'important anniversary' for them, but since their wedding anniversary wasn't for another 6 weeks or so, he was lost as to what she was referring to. Considering Katie rarely complained, it had to be something rather monumental, and Sirius hoped that this would all be over and done with soon. It was early enough that a table could still be had. From his vantage point near the front door, Padfoot observed the potion-seller's entrance into the pub and settled down to wait. Maybe there's something to this one, after all. Nervous looking smarmy git.
An hour slipped by. Then two. Padfoot was beginning to grow restless. It was not yet dark but the street had settled into a rather protracted twilight. Oddly enough, there seemed to have been little foot-traffic; he was of the understanding that this was an extremely popular spot. What few people he did see generally approached from the other side of the street, and moved very quickly past him into the pub. Padfoot stood up and stretched. His stomach growled insistently. He was just pondering whether a loud bark might be heard from within the smoky pub when he heard a voice behind him mutter, "Oh, geez, Jimmy, would ye lookit the size of 'im? 'Ee'll be eatin' us alive, 'e will!"
Jimmy was a bit more confident. "Nah.we got 'im outnumbered. An' outsmarted. You can sure see why they wanted 'im picked up! I wouldn't be crossing that doorstep ta git in, not with 'im right there. No sir, I wouldn't." Jimmy hefted a long pole with a noose on the end rather expertly. "Ho there, big boy." Jimmy edged closer. Padfoot showed a few teeth, and Jimmy slowed his advance. Too late, Padfoot figured out that Jimmy's more timid friend was also armed with a pole with a noose, and was also rather expert with it. Clearly, it was time to find out just how audible a bark was to someone inside the pub. Someone who'd had time to have a few Butterbeers.
Once properly summoned by raucous barking, Remus made his appearance outside the pub with surprising alacrity, Padfoot was pleased to note. Remus looked at the two men who held Padfoot at bay with their long poles with a startled expression just for an instant, then quickly assumed his most vague and harmless smile.
"Excuse me, is there a problem? It would appear that you have my dog there."
"Ah, yes, sir.your dog, eh? 'E's been threatening patrons out 'ere. We was sent to pick 'im up," Jimmy announced with authority.
"I do beg your pardon? He's threatened people? I assure you, my dog is extremely well-trained, and would do no such thing. Besides, he's a decided softy and rather slow, so I can promise you he would hurt no one. People just get a little startled by his size, that's all. If you will kindly remove that noose, I shall gladly take him home."
"Oh, sorry sir, we can't be givin' to ya to do that. 'as ta be taken in, 'e does. You'll have to pay the fine and be pickin' 'im up tomorrow at the pound".
Remus was becoming slightly alarmed at this-"Tomorrow? Surely you could simply hand him over to me, and we could just forget this?"
Jimmy drew up to his full height, and informed Remus very solemnly "There's rules, sir. We got to follow them. And those rules says if we got 'im confined, 'e goes in with us. Dog's noosed and going in wagon. You don't even 'ave tags on 'im, I can see, so that's more trouble for you, mate. You'll have to go down t'pound tomorrow, and pay the fines."
Remus made a gesture Jimmy couldn't quite identify in the dusky light. "But, you do not have him confined." Remus pointed out helpfully, as the noose fell slack.
"Oi!" began Jimmy's partner.
Remus moved quickly to grab Padfoot's collar.
"Is there a problem here?" They were joined suddenly by a rather large man in a dark blue uniform, who was idly fingering a stiff black baton which hung from his belt.
"Evenin' Sir" began Jimmy. "We're 'aving a bit a trouble with this gent 'ere. See, we got this here dog t'take in, and this fellow, 'e's tryin' ta keep us from doing our job."
"And dog's got no tags, neither," added the other one, looking very smug now that he had one of the Metropolitan's finest to back him up.
The Muggle policeman looked Remus over appraisingly as he clasped his hands behind his back. This was his regular patrol and he was fond of saying that the patrons of the Rabid Dog Pub brought nothing but trouble to the area with their strange manners and odd dress. He appeared to have just concluded that this particular man, clothed in what looked to be his mother's house dress at twilight with an unleashed and unlicensed monster of a dog in his company qualified as "exceptionally strange" and as such was likely to be trouble.
"Is there any particular reason, Sir, why 'your' dog does not have the proper identification?"
"He was rather naughty and managed to get out of his collar. I'm just on the way to rectify that, I assure you," said Remus, in his quiet voice, still smiling like this whole thing was nothing that anyone should get alarmed over. The policeman seemed rather unconvinced.
"I see. So you just popped in here for a quick pint whilst your ill- tempered dog sat out here unrestrained and threatening law abiding citizens, is that it?"
"Officer, I hardly think. Remus began.
"Just how much have you had to drink tonight? And I don't suppose you thought to carry your identification, either?"
Sirius could see that Remus was carefully considering his next move. However, what Remus could not see but Sirius had an excellent view of was that the policeman was now casually moving his hand towards what Sirius was pretty sure were Muggle handcuffs. (Sirius had recently learned all about such things from Liz, who kindly had offered to bring him up to speed on various forms of Muggle restraints, and how they could very effectively be used to fully incapacitate even a wizard).
"My good sir: I fail to see what exactly the problem is here . This is my dog, and I am here to take responsibility for him and can personally assure you that I will be taking him home directly. I can hardly imagine that this is the most pressing thing you would have to deal with in this quarter of town." If Remus thought this approach was a wise one, he was shortly about to learn otherwise. (Perhaps if Remus had considered the possibility that the officer might have been insulted by Remus' apparent slight of law enforcement's ability to prioritize perceived threats to the peace in this rather dark corner of London, he would have chosen other words).
"Well...Public Intoxication.. Interfering With a Public Servant Lawfully Performing his Job.Failure to Properly Register and Harness a Potentially Dangerous Animal. You will need to come with me down to the station. Now, we can do this peacefully, or." The officer was now sliding his baton out of his belt.
Before Remus could react, Padfoot took advantage of the fact that the noose had been loosened from around his neck and lunged menacingly at the officer, growling and snarling. Now, Moony! Go NOW!!! Jimmy and his partner, caught off guard, had to scramble to restrain the dog, who had pinned the officer squarely. None of the three Muggles even heard the peculiar *pop*, and when they finally noticed that the odd character in the robe had disappeared, they assumed he'd taken advantage of the chaos and melted away into the darkness. Oddly, the large black dog seemed more than willing to be escorted back to the wagon with Jimmy and his partner and was easily locked up for delivery to the pound. It was probably an over abundance of adrenaline that prompted Jimmy's quieter partner to draw out his tranquilizer gun and dart the massive dog with a strong sedative.
The officer was uninjured but none-too happy. "I want that animal held--- he's a threat to the public. AND I want the name of anyone who inquires after him!"
************
Remus had Apparated only a short distance away, into the dark doorway of an abandoned building. He watched as Padfoot received the tranquilizing dart, stumbled heavily, and was hefted up and locked into a large cage on the animal control wagon.
This evening had turned into a spectacular disaster on all counts. Their suspect had arrived as promised, and with wares to sell, and had settled into a discreet smoky corner of the pub with Remus. Remus' eyes still burned from the smoke, and it had made him surprisingly light-headed. He'd had a bit more to drink than was his custom, but he'd found the salty snacks provided at their table made him exceeding thirsty. And he couldn't seem to stop munching them. He appeared to have lost track of time while in the pub. But Remus had managed to determine that the greasy fellow they'd been following was not the dealer in deadly potions they'd suspected. Rather, it appeared he operated a tidy little underground business in the manufacture of potions that enhanced.certain aspects of intimate performance. Remus had quite nearly choked on his Butterbeer when it finally dawned on him what exactly he was bargaining for in this dim and hazy pub on a seedy street in Muggle London, while Katie spent this evening (this evening) at home with Liz and Malcolm for company.
Remus shook his head in an effort to clear it, and rubbed at his eyes. Alright, Moony. Been a while since you've had to rescue Padfoot from the clutches of Muggle Law Enforcement. Now, where might this "pound" be?
************
The building was impressively non-descript. And dark.
"You sure you don't want me to wait around?" inquired the Muggle cab driver. "You know they are not open at this time of night. If they do have your dog, you won't be getting him until morning."
"Thank you, that won't be necessary." Remus smiled grimly at the cab driver and counted out the proper amount of Muggle money to pay his fare.
"Suit yourself," shrugged the driver as he drove away, leaving Remus standing in an abandoned parking-lot.
Remus considered Apparating directly into the building. Prudence dictated that he first make sure there were no Muggles about. He therefore proceeded to the font of the building and peered in the windows. He knocked loudly. Nothing. Again he knocked. No response. Right then. Safe to proceed.Suddenly, a light came on inside the building at the end of a hallway. Then again, maybe not.
Remus waited while an elderly Muggle made his way down the hall to the front door and peered out at Remus. "Go away! Can't you see we are closed?"
"Good evening, Sir," began Remus, "please Sir---I need your help."
"Can't help you" the Muggle said shortly. "Come back in the morning." He turned to trundle slowly back up the hall.
Remus considered his options carefully. He already owed Arthur Weasley for the last time he and Sirius had run into trouble with Muggles, and he wasn't eager to add to that. But, reasoned Remus, a suggestibility charm is far less invasive than a memory charm. Far less to explain to the Ministry. Remus drew out his wand, and muttered a charm designed to incline the Muggle gentleman to believe what Remus told him. It wasn't a very strong charm, but it might be just enough.
"Please, Sir! It's quite important that you let me in." Remus called to the man. The Muggle stopped. He turned and looked back at Remus, who smiled hopefully at the man.
The old man muttered under his breath that he must be getting soft in his old age, but returned to the door, unlocked it and let Remus in.
"Thank you. Thank you very much. Um, I believe my dog, er, my wife's dog was brought in here a bit earlier. I'm afraid I can't show up at home without him. Can you, er, help me?"
The old man smiled knowingly at Remus. "Wife's dog, eh? Well, you are in a pretty pickle, then aren't you? C'mon back. Let's see if we can't find him."
Remus began to relax just a bit. At last something was going right this evening. The elderly gentleman led Remus down a hallway, and through a heavy door into a large dampish room with dozens of kennels, each seemingly filled with several dogs.
"Large dogs in the big kennels there and down that wall. Small ones over to your left."
Remus surveyed the rows of kennels. "Padfoot! Where are you?" He was answered by the riotous barking of at least three dozen dogs. Oh, that was just an excellent idea.
"Um, you may just have to look" The old man offered, helpfully.
Remus began walking the long rows of kennels. Almost every dog in the place was barking, and several growled, no doubt sensing the wolf in their presence. It was on the second to last row that he finally found Padfoot, in a solitary kennel. Remus noticed that this kennel was secured with a large padlock, and a sign that read "Vicious. Held for observation". Padfoot was crouched in the back of the kennel, head down.
"Thank heavens, Sirius" Remus began in a rush of relief. Padfoot didn't move. "Sirius." The great black dog slowly lifted its massive head, but his glazed eyes did not seem to see Remus. Remus dropped to his knee and aware of the caretaker watching him, whispered urgently, "Sirius!"
The black dog stared blearily at Remus and trembled slightly but did not otherwise move. What in the bloody hell did they do to him? Remus suddenly was deeply alarmed. Sirius appeared to be unable to transform himself, and clearly was in no shape to attempt to Apparate home. "Did you find your dog?" the old man inquired.
"Ah, yes. Yes, he's here. He appears to be ill, however." Remus eyed the lock on the cage. "Can you help me get him out?"
The old man looked doubtfully at the lock on the cage and at the sign hung over the door . "Vicious, is he? I heard 'em talking about this one. Say he attacked a police officer, and they are holdin' him for observation now. Ten days. See if he has rabies, you know. Then they'll probably destroy him."
Remus stared dumbly at the old man, stunned by how casually he had announced Padfoot's death sentence. "Destroy him?"
"Oh, aye, lad. Not much tolerance for vicious animals, you know. Especially since he attacked a police officer." The old man shook his head. "Fine looking beast, he is. I'm very sorry."
Remus ran a hand through his hair, thinking quickly. "I'm sorry to be a bother, but do you think I might visit your lavatory?" Remus did not have to fake a pale sick look to match the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach at the thought of what the Muggles intended to do with Padfoot.
The old man simply nodded and showed the way to a small bathroom tucked off the hall outside of the main kennel.
Once in the lavatory, Remus locked the door and Apparated immediately to the garden in front of his house-and smack into the middle of a rather impressively raging torrent of rain. Oh, just lovely. Impatiently slicking the wet hair out of his eyes, Remus worked his way through the wards protecting the house and charged in the front door, mindless of his rain-soaked cloak and the amount of water he'd tracked into the house. He startled Liz and Katie on the sofa in the front room, where they were sitting with Malcolm, who, at almost three, had been awakened by the storm and was now artfully wheedling "just one more bedtime story" out of Liz and Katie.
Alarmed, Katie began "Remus, what.."
Remus cut her off. "It's Sirius. Liz, I'll need you to come with me. He's-there's really not time to explain." Remus was uncharacteristically flustered. "Padfoot's in the animal shelter in London. He's unable to transform. I think he's been drugged."
"Drugged?" Liz and Katie both echoed.
"He was attempting to distract a Muggle police officer so I could get away from a rather sticky spot. I saw them hit him with a dart of some sort, and he fell. I've just come from where they are holding him. He looks like he'd been stunned. He's going to need help. I think we will need a Portkey to get him home."
Liz and Katie stared blankly at him for a moment. Then Liz jumped up abruptly, dropping the book she'd been reading to Malcolm, and left the room. Malcolm looked indignantly after Liz and then suddenly, recognizing that his father was soaked, laughed out loud and announced "Daddy! You are all wet!!! Did you shower with your clothes on?"
Remus smiled faintly at his son, and agreed, "It certainly looks that way, doesn't it?. I seem to have forgotten my umbrella. And you, my little Marauder, are up past your bed time." Remus knelt and kissed Malcolm on the forehead. "To bed, my little one."
Malcolm considered his father seriously. "Is Sirius coming home?"
"Yes. We are going to go get him and bring him home. You'll see him in the morning," Remus promised.
Liz returned with a leather leash and collar in hand. "We can charm this as a Portkey".
Liz was extremely skilled at charms, and had been working closely with Remus and Sirius for a couple of years now as part of Dumbledore's underground network. During that time, Liz and Sirius had become colleagues, close friends and now their relationship was deepening into something more serious, in spite of Sirius' continued status as a wanted man. Liz drew out her wand and began muttering the first part of a complex charm. Once this charm was completed at the other end, they would be able to transport Padfoot directly back into the study.
Meanwhile, Remus methodically began working through the spells to collapse the particular wards protecting Remus' study, so that Liz and Sirius would be able to use the Portkey to return directly into the house. Remus turned to Katie and said, "We'll be back very soon." He then grabbed Liz's hand and together they Apparated out.
Liz was slightly alarmed at the size of the space into which they'd Apparated. Normally, one Apparated into as large a space as was available. To do otherwise risked some rather-unpleasant-- accidents. The room they arrived in was little more than a closet with plumbing fixtures. "Remus!" Remus immediately put a finger over his lips and gave her a rather stern look for silence. Liz got it, and continued in a ghost of a whisper, "Warn me next time when you are about to have me materialize in the middle of a toilet tank!"
Remus flashed her the ghost of a grin-"I assure you, my spatial awareness is.above average. You were in no danger," he whispered back.
Liz took a deep breath and gripped the leash, deciding to save the panic for later. "Okay. Where do I find Sirius?"
"They've got him in a cage in the large room around the corner, about three down I think on the far right. Get him back home, and I will follow. I'll distract the Muggle caretaker."
There was a sharp knock on the lavatory door. "You okay in there?"
"Ah, yes. Just a moment, please" Remus called. He surveyed his soaked robes and tried a quick drying charm that really didn't appear to make much of a difference. He turned to Liz, and whispered, "Give me a minute to get him away from the door. You get Sirius and I will be home as soon as I can."
Liz nodded her agreement and gripped the Portkey tightly.
Remus slipped out of the lavatory, closing the door behind him quickly. "Sorry. Had a bit of trouble with the faucet. Quite a bit of water pressure you have there."
The caretaker eyed him up and down suspiciously. "What'd you do? Go for a swim?"
Remus laughed. "So, I suppose I shall have to come back tomorrow. Can you tell me who it is I will need to talk to regarding this? My wife's going to have a fit when I come home without him you know."
Liz waited in the small bathroom until she heard the door at the far end of the hall click shut and she could no longer hear Remus and the old man talking. Then she slipped carefully out, and around the corner and through a door into the large holding room. She quickly located the cage holding Padfoot, touched the padlock lightly with the tip of her wand and slipped into the cage with the large black dog. Liz knelt, and slipped the collar around Padfoot's neck, whispering soothingly all the while. Once the collar was in place, Liz muttered the charm that would complete the Portkey spell. The dogs in the cages on either side began barking wildly as Liz and Padfoot disappeared with a *pop *.
Liz experienced the familiar disorienting sense of being yanked abruptly through time and space by a invisible cord, and shut her eyes. When she opened them again, she was in Remus' study with Padfoot crouched by her side. The storm outside crashed menacingly.
"Sirius, it's alright. We are home." Liz began uncertainly, addressing the large black dog. Padfoot was trembling mightily and seemed unable to focus clearly.
Katie joined them, having evidently convinced Malcolm that it was bedtime and no further discussion of the matter was going to be entertained. Liz exchanged a worried look with Katie. "Sirius, Can you hear me?" Liz tried again.
Padfoot struggled as if trying to get to his feet, but succeeded only partially. After what seemed like an unnaturally long time, he finally transformed with a * pop * into Sirius Black, crouched on the rug and still trembling.
"Sirius!"
Sirius turned toward Liz' voice, eyes still wildly unfocussed. Liz gathered him into her arms, hugging him tightly. Sirius seemed to orient a bit, taking in where he was and that he was with Liz and Katie. He focused sharply on Katie. "Remus-" and struggled to get to his feet.
"Remus is fine. He'll be here shortly. You will stay put." Katie told him firmly. "Now, let's see what they've done with you." Katie peered into Sirius' rather glazed eyes, checked his pulse and looked him over for any visible signs of damage. "Well. You will be sleeping soundly tonight. But I don't think any lasting harm is done. Here. Drink this." Katie vigorously shook a bottle that she had produced from within her robes. Katie removed the top and offered it to Sirius, who drank it and immediately felt better for it.
Thunder crashed again, and the front door was abruptly thrown open. Seconds later, Remus appeared in the doorway to the study, freshly soaked.
Katie eyed the floor and then Remus. "Hmm. I'd just mopped it from your last appearance. This one's yours."
"I'll just reset the wards on the study, now that you're home, shall I?" Asked Liz sweetly. "I'd have done it sooner if I'd known you were going to insist on materializing outside in the rain anyway."
Remus pointedly ignored them both, at least outwardly. But the message was clear. Sirius was all right. "Padfoot?"
Sirius was on his feet now, and much steadier. He smiled weakly at Remus. "Saved your tail again, you know. It's getting to be a bit of a chore, Moony."
Remus smiled. "I'm lucky to have you watching my back, you know."
Sirius was rubbing distractedly at his robes. He shuddered and met Remus' eyes. "Well then. Quite a night. I think I will just go get out of these wet things. A shower, maybe." Liz, Katie and Remus exchanged a look. Sirius' robes were bone dry.
"Come on, then, Mr. Black. Let me help you." Liz said brightly, taking Sirius hand and guiding him up the stairs.
1 PART THE SECOND
"Remus, love, don't be an idiot. You were soaked to the bone last night. The least you can do is drink the potion. It's not that bad." Katie pushed the smoking goblet across the table toward Remus who was trying to coax Malcolm into eating his breakfast rather than playing with it.
"Ah. Then, you drink it. I can't stand the stuff! Besides, I assure you, I am quite well. It takes far more than a bit of rain to stop me." Remus disliked taking potions in general, but Pepper-up Potion was one he especially detested. It wasn't that it tasted all that bad, really. It was more the peculiar sensation of smoke escaping from his ears (a side effect of the potion) that he found so particularly distasteful.
"You could indulge me just a bit you know. How else am I to feel loved and needed if I can't play mother hen?" Katie persisted.
"My dearest Katie: That is your problem. I will not spend the morning walking about with my ears smoking, no matter how beautiful you are," Remus declared firmly. Then, more gently, "I am quite all right. Really." Remus took Katie's hand, kissed it tenderly and met her eyes. "I do appreciate your concern. Truly." Malcolm's spoon, laden heavily with oatmeal, thunked on the floor. Malcolm looked innocently back at his parents, as if he could not figure out what exactly had happened to it.
"Malcolm Lupin!" Katie started, giving Malcolm a dangerous look.
The creak of footsteps on the stairway announced Liz' arrival. "Good morning," Liz yawned sleepily. "Quite a night last night, eh?"
"How is Sirius?" Remus asked.
"Sleeping soundly." Thought I'd leave him to sleep as long as he could." Liz yawned again, gratefully accepted a cup of strong coffee from Katie, and took a long sip. Liz was normally the late sleeper of the household and tended to avoid conversation before her first caffeine infusion. But today was different. "Remus, what happened to Sirius last night?"
Remus shook his head, as he waived his wand at Malcolm's chair, to set up what he hoped would be an oatmeal-proof ward around it. "Not entirely sure. Maybe it was the effects of the tranquilizer they used on him that disoriented him. Or perhaps being locked up may have triggered some memories from Azkaban for him. Did he talk about it last night?" Remus retrieved a clean spoon for his son, and Malcolm set about testing the ward.
Liz shook her head. "He went up and took a long hot shower. Then went to bed. He was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow."
"Sirius is extraordinarily tough. It's amazing what he has been able to survive, let alone overcome. If being hit with a tranquilizer dart and being locked up in the dog pound has a bit of an effect on him, I suppose he is entitled," observed Katie.
The sound of movement from upstairs told them that the subject of their concerns would soon be joining them. Katie renewed her efforts to entice Remus into taking the Pepper-Up potion, which still bubbled smoke over the sides of the goblet. Remus continued to refuse.
Footsteps thundered on the stairs in what was unmistakably Sirius bounding down the steps. He stopped half way, paused a moment, and sneezed loudly.
Remus seized the opportunity. "There. You just may have a customer for your noxious potion" he announced to Katie. Remus pushed the potion toward Sirius as he appeared in the doorway "Ah, excellent timing, Sirius! My lovely wife has been trying to peddle this stuff all morning".
Sirius sniffled, rubbed at his nose with the back of his hand, and grinned amiably. "Mrs. Lupin, is this silly git here failing to recognize what a very lucky man he is again? I shall have to have a talk with him." Sirius scooped up the goblet of Pepper-up potion, sipped it, nodded approvingly at Katie and downed it in a single gulp. "Excellent vintage, as always, Mrs. Lupin," Sirius declared as smoke began to drift lazily from his ears. He sniffled again, and waggled his eyebrows at Liz, who grinned back at him.
"You tinks zee eyebrows, zey are sexzy, yes? And zee smoke?" Sirius waggled his eyebrows again, and shook his head to make little smoke swirls.
Liz giggled. Malcolm clapped excitedly.
"You are quite chipper today, Mr. Black!"
"And why shouldn't I be? I slept better last night than I have in ages! Katie, you must find out what those Muggle dog catchers put in that stuff." Sirius rubbed his backside thoughtfully, and added "and whether or not there's a less painful method of administering it."
Katie insisted on giving Sirius the once-over again, peering into his eyes, making him stand first on one foot and then the other, poking him here and there until she satisfied herself that there was no permanent damage.
Sirius winked dangerously at Liz. "I wasn't worried for a minute. It's rather exciting to be rescued by a woman so lovely as yourself."
Liz laughed. "How exactly did you get yourself into that particular predicament, may I ask?"
"Why, by saving Mr. Lupin's hide, of course. How do I always end up in 'predicaments'?" Sirius sighed dramatically. "It seems I made a promise to Katie-girl that I would always bring him home. It's gotten me in more trouble over the years. Don't be fooled by his calm demeanor. It's all a front. He is trouble from the word go."
Katie sat back and laughed. "Funny, that's not what Remus said. Do tell, Sirius. Your version of last night's events sounds ever so much more interesting."
Sirius described in detail how he'd faithfully stood watch outside the warm cozy pub where Remus pretended to be tailing a death eater operative while indulging in several Butterbeers on the job, how the Muggle dog catcher had attempted to capture him and how Remus, when summoned for help had promptly attempted to get his ownself arrested and might have too, had Padfoot not threatened to sink his teeth into the officer's rather ample behind, giving Remus an opportunity to Apparate away.
"You owe me for that one in a big way, Moony. In fact, dear Moony, I would like to register a complaint," Sirius declared. "We are supposed to be partners, yet there does not seem to be quite the equitable division of work here. We track a suspected Death Eater, but somehow it is YOU sitting by the fire in the pub sipping Butterbeer while I wait outside in the elements. You insult an officer of the peace, and I have to save you and somehow it is ME who spends the night behind bars. You practically drown yourself Apparating in the rain and I end up catching cold. It is not fair. I protest. I am afraid I cannot continue to work with you under these deplorable conditions." Sirius sniffled loudly.
Remus laughed, genuinely pleased that Sirius seemed to have made it through the whole incident with nothing more than a cold to show for it. "Rubbish. You are lucky to have me for your best friend, you know."
Sirius suddenly sobered. "Yeah. I know that. I really do know that."
Sirius looked thoughtful for a moment. "At least, we must have gotten some good information on this fellow we were tailing. You were in the bar for quite a while, after all. Anything useful? Is he supplying illegal potions for the Death Eaters? The connection to Lucius Malfoy could be quite useful to Arthur Weasley, if we can establish the nature of the potions this fellow is dealing in."
All eyes turned to Remus, who shifted uncomfortably. "Oh, yes. The potions are illegal. But I am afraid they will do Arthur little good. Beyond, perhaps, a good laugh. It seems that our little potions master has established himself as a skilled brewer of potions which." Remus seemed to be casting about for the proper words ".well, they enhance certain.aspects of.um, 'intimate performance'."
Liz and Katie stared with mouths agape at Remus. Finally, Katie asked the question: "You bought VIAGRA from a DEATH EATER?"
Remus looked blankly back at Katie, wondering if he should recognize the word.
Sirius coughed lightly and asked, "What's Viagra?"
Liz snorted and replied, "Something you will NEVER be in need of, Mr. Black."
***************
Three days later.
"Katie, he is driving me bonkers. You have to do something." Liz looked a bit frazzled. "I swear---you'd think the man was dying. Are all men like this when they are sick? Where do they learn this?"
Katie laughed. "They learn it from us. Give them soup and they milk it for all it is worth. Anyway, I thought you said he sounded sexy with that low gravely voice".
Liz frowned. "He does. Until he starts whining.that just about kills it. Honestly. Men are wimps. And the next time I ask him if he wants something and he just sighs and says 'soup, just soup' in that pathetic little voice I shall return with the bowl and dump it on him."
Katie laughed and Liz softened a bit. "He does look like he feels rather awful though. He was up most of last night coughing. Can't you do anything for him?"
Katie considered this. "I've given him most of the usual potions. They don't seem to be having too much of an effect though. Mrs. Noyes had a couple of suggestions-this seems to be no ordinary cough he's picked up."
*************
"Right then. I've called and made us an appointment." Liz announced as she stepped out of the fireplace, brushing soot off her shoulders, having just returned from Mrs. Noyes' shop in the village where there was a telephone. "The vet's name is Dr. McCarron. His office is in the village just over the bridge from the apothecary. Specializes in cats and dogs mostly. Should be perfect."
So far as Katie could tell, there was no reason this wouldn't work. Padfoot was very nearly the same weight as Sirius, so the medication dosage should be close to the same. Sirius was tall and lean, (though since he'd been staying with the Lupins, he'd filled out and could no longer properly be considered gaunt). Padfoot, however, was simply a massive animal. Katie could see little reason to wonder why someone had called the animal control department over such a large beast, but she said nothing to Remus and Sirius, who were both still pretty indignant over the incident.
So it was that, options carefully weighed, and patience thoroughly worn through, Liz, Katie and Sirius loaded into the Lupin's car and set off for the local veterinary office.
They pulled into a spot not far from the door of the squat gray building. A small rectangle of grass graced the front of the building, and the sign read "F. Robert MacCarron, Veterinary Surgeon".
Liz looked doubtfully at the building. "Are you sure about this, Sirius?"
Sirius gave Liz a rather flat stare. "The worst they can do is kill me," he said in a hoarse voice and broke into another coughing fit. "That just might be an improvement", he said morosely once he could speak again.
Liz politely resisted the impulse to roll her eyes, or to mention that Sirius seemed to have acquired the personality of Moaning Myrtle. She marveled that a man strong enough to have endured 12 years in Azkaban and have made it out with his sanity intact could be reduced to such an absolute baby by what was essentially a bad case of the sniffles. She'd had about all of the "helpless man" routine she could manage this trip, and suspected that she was about to convert rather abruptly from "supportive and sympathetic girlfriend" into someone a whole lot less patient. Soon. True, Sirius looked patently awful. And she supposed he felt about the same way he looked. But then again, he'd impatiently refused Katie's potions this morning, muttering that they were doing no real good and that he couldn't bear the taste any longer. Liz figured that if he wouldn't take his medicine, well, he deserved to suffer a bit.
So here they were. At the vet's office. At least this way, Sirius could obtain precious Muggle antibiotics and run no risk of being recognized by Muggles or wizards who might recognize him as a wanted man.
"Well. We are here now." Katie declared with resolve. "Let's do what we came for, and get you home, Sirius. Liz and I will be with you the whole time. I promise".
Liz looked around, and waved her wand slightly, muttering a charm that would wrap the Lupin's auto in an aura of utter uninterestingness. Charm in place, a Muggle could look directly into the car through the open window and not see what was about to happen.
"Ready?" Sirius nodded, and transformed into a large listless shaggy black dog. Liz fitted the collar on over his head. "Let's do it".
A bell tinkled when they opened the door and they were hit with an odd smell that seemed to be a mixture of alcohol and wet dog. Padfoot froze on the threshold.
"No time to back out now. We're here. Let's get what we came for." Liz gave Padoot's leash a light tug and he followed her cautiously into the clinic.
The woman at the front desk looked them over appraisingly. "Appointment?"
Liz nodded "Um, yes. I called earlier. Harker. Our dog is ill." Liz gestured at Padfoot, who obligingly hacked for the receptionist.
"New patient, then? You'll need to complete the paperwork, of course. What's his name?"
"Padfoot," Katie said. At the same moment Liz said "Snuffles". They exchanged a look.
"Well, which is it?"
"Padfoot. But we call him Snuffles." Katie smiled as if this were obvious.
"Here. Fill this out". She eyed the large dog rather suspiciously. As if she were not accustomed to seeing large animals in need of medical care. She seemed to consider the likelihood that this particular patient might have a personality as intimidating as his appearance, and she quickly ushered them into a small room. "You can wait in the exam room."
"Thank you" said Katie taking the offered clipboard with its form and she, Liz and Padfoot slipped into a small room with an exam table and no chairs.
Once safely alone in the exam room, Liz looked at Katie and they both laughed nervously. Padfoot whined softly.
Katie examined the form they were to complete. "Let's see here..Responsible party. Is that you or is it me?"
Liz shrugged. "Didn't Sirius say this was all Remus' fault?"
"So he did. Remus Lupin it is." Katie filled in Remus' name and relevant information at the top of the page.
"Okay, breed: what do you think he is?"
Liz surveyed the large black shaggy dog. "Looks rather a lot like a Newfoundland to me. Maybe has some Irish Wolfhound in him, judging by the shape of the muzzle. I don't know.Large Black Mutt?"
Katie laughed and wrote it down.
"Age.let's see.how is it you calculate dog years? Isn't it something like four years to every human year? Let's see.Sirius is 38. That would make Padfoot 9 1/2" Katie filled this in.
"What does this mean: 'Is your pet intact"? Katie eyed Padfoot.
Liz blushed. "I think that's asking whether or not he's been.you know. Fixed."
Katie grinned wickedly "Well, then. Has he?"
"Oh, you are positively awful! Of course he hasn't!" Liz assured Katie. "No.not remotely."
Their giggles were interrupted suddenly when the door to the room was opened and a short stout balding man with glasses appeared. "Hello. I'm Dr. MacCarron. New patient? What seems to be the problem?"
"He seems to have a bit of a cold." Liz offered.
As if to prove this, Padfoot coughed mightily. The vet looked at him with a bit of a grimace, then motioned for Liz and Katie to move Padfoot up onto the exam table. The ice cold exam table, Liz noted.. Padfoot clambered up and sat down carefully on the slick steal surface, then glared at both of the women over his shoulder before Dr. McCarron took hold of him with the strong authority of one accustomed to dogs and pulled him round to start examining him.
The vet was going carefully over Padfoot from nose to tail. "Hmmm, yes I see. Is he around other dogs, then?"
"No. Not normally anyway. He was picked up by the dog catcher last week though."
The vet clucked disapprovingly. "Running loose, was he?"
Liz bristled slightly. "Well, he does have rather a mind of his own you know."
The vet peered into Padfoot's ears and shined a light into each of his eyes. "Looks to be in excellent shape for a dog of 9. Are you sure of his age?"
"Um, well, isn't it four dog years to every human year? He is 38 in human years." Liz offered.
The vet gave her an odd look, but said simply "Well no, not strictly speaking. It's more like 7 years with dogs. You are thinking in cat years. Not that either measure is particularly accurate." The vet pondered briefly asking how it was Liz knew how the dog was 38 in human years, but decided not to even touch it. "This fellow is about middle aged. Not geriatric, mind you, but he's no pup. What do you feed him?"
Liz shrugged. "Pretty much what we eat".
The vet scowled. "Human food isn't a proper diet for a dog you know. He appears to be just a tad overweight." He prodded Padfoot's ribs disapprovingly. Padfoot growled indignantly. "He'll get fat if you don't watch it. When did he last have his shots?".
Katie and Liz exchanged blank glances. "Um. I don't know. My husband just brought him home a couple of years ago. I don't know what shots he might have had before that" Katie offered truthfully.
"Not been neutered.Running loose, was he? Do you ladies have any idea how many unwanted pups are born here each year? Irresponsible pet owners. Fail to keep their animals properly restrained. Fail to get them neutered." He shook his head disapprovingly. "I can assure you that the neutering will not change his personality a bit. Nor will he put on weight. If you feed him properly. You surely don't plan on breeding him do you?"
Katie looked to Liz to answer this one. Liz turned crimson. "Um, actually, we haven't really discussed that in too much detail just yet."
"Shall I schedule him for a snip then?" asked the vet matter-of-factly.
"Um, thank you, but I don't think he'd like that." Liz pretended to cough lightly behind her hand and inwardly marveled at Katie's ability to remain stone-faced while conversing with this man.
The vet gave them a disapproving glower over the top of his glasses. "You really should think about this. Here you have a large mutt. He's not suitable for breeding purposes."
Padfoot growled softly.
"And certainly", the vet continued rather pointedly, "neutering him would make him less aggressive and more manageable".
"I appreciate your concerns. We will consider the, um, option," replied Katie, quite firmly establishing that nothing of that sort would be happening today.
"Well," the vet said finally, "he appears to have a case of kennel cough. It's quite treatable with rest and antibiotics. And avoidable, I might add, with a proper round of vaccinations, which he should have every year." He gave Liz and Katie a long hard look over the top of his glasses. "If you will excuse me, I will return shortly with the medicines".
Katie and Liz looked at one another after the door closed and burst once more into fits of nervous giggles. Padfoot growled low and menacingly. When this had no effect, he barked at them, which only set him to coughing again. But he did manage to more or less silence Liz and Katie into quiet shaking fits of stifled laughter, as they tried hopelessly to gain control.
The door opened and Dr. McCarron returned. He had a tray with three syringes and a bottle of pills. Katie and Liz stopped laughing immediately.
"What's all this for?" asked Katie, somewhat apprehensively. Antibiotics were largely of standard manufacture, but Katie had not considered the possibility that Padfoot might receive vaccinations.
"The standard workup: Rabies, parvo, canine distemper," answered Dr. McCarron as he slipped the protective cap off of one rather large syringe.
"Is all this really necessary?" asked Liz
Padfoot whimpered slightly.
The vet appeared annoyed. "Ladies, it is the LAW". He grabbed the scruff of Padfoots neck and swiftly injected the contents of the first syringe into the large black dog, who gave a startled yelp.
Katie and Liz stated wide-eyed. "Are you sure." Katie swallowed. "they are quite safe?"
The vet appeared annoyed at first, but returned Katie's gaze evenly. "Yes. They are quite safe. I promise."
Katie looked rather helplessly at Liz, who shrugged and stroked Padfoot's head soothingly. "It's okay, Padfoot. This won't hurt. Much."
Padfoot glared balefully at Liz and Katie, but took the remaining two shots without a sound.
"Now, have either of you ever "pilled" a dog before?"
"I beg your pardon?" Liz asked blankly.
"Have you ever given a pill to a dog before? Do you know how to get him to take the medication?"
Katie bit back the urge to tell the vet that she would normally just hand him the pill and a glass of water, and instead said sweetly, "I'm sure I can manage."
"Well, I will just give him one now, and you will need to give him another tonight. Thereafter, follow the instructions on the bottle." The vet swiftly grabbed Padfoot by the snout and pried open his mouth expertly, popping a pink pill onto the back of Padfoodt's tongue. He held Padfoots muzzle closed and spoke soothingly to the dog, who looked patently horrified, but did eventually swallow the pill.
The doctor released his grip. "There's a good boy.you earned a treat!" the doctor said genially. He offered a biscuit from one of his pockets, which Padfoot rather sullenly refused.
They paid the bill and left the office. Once in the car, Katie and Liz lost it completely, and it was some minutes before Katie could stop laughing long enough to get the key in the ignition of the car.
For his part, Padfoot refused to transform back and sulked all the way home.
2 THE LITTLE PART AT THE END
A few days later, Sirius was feeling much better. There seemed to have been no adverse effects associated with the full round of canine vaccinations he'd received as Padfoot, and even the shoulder where he'd taken the shots didn't hurt anymore. Best of all, he seemed finally to have shaken the dreadful cough. Katie had even allowed him to play with Malcolm again, much to the delight of both Sirius and his youngest god-son. And, while Sirius hadn't yet been able to bring himself to laugh about his trip to the vet, he at least had come to terms with the fact that everyone else in the house did not seem to be able to stop laughing about it.
This morning, Sirius and Malcolm were on the floor in the front room with an assortment of small figures, Knights, and horses and the like, which Sirius had enchanted to move about, much to Malcolm's delight. Sirius was deeply involved in the elaborate telling of a story involving the mobile figures and held Malcolm's rapt attention. Remus had not yet come downstairs this morning, which was odd, since normally he was at least up before Sirius, and breakfast had been hours ago. Liz was on the couch, pretending to be quite absorbed in a text on blood curses, but Sirius was fairly sure he had her attention as solidly as Malcolm's with his tale.
Katie poked her head in. "Care for some tea, either of you? I am making some for Remus."
"Tea would be lovely. Need any help in the kitchen?" offered Sirius, as gallantly as any of the enchanted knights in his story.
Katie looked pointedly at Liz and said "As a matter of fact, yes I could use some help. Liz, why don't you come in here and help me while Sirius finishes his story. I am sure Malcolm would be most displeased if I were to take his favorite playmate away."
Liz had been around long enough to know something was up, and so she curiously followed Katie to the kitchen to help with the tea, while Sirius and Malcolm continued with the story.
Remus came into the room just as Sirius finished the story. Malcolm crowed happily and clapped, clearly delighted by his story-teller. "Tell it again, Sirius!" pleaded Malcolm, earnestly.
Remus coughed lightly, and both Sirius and Malcolm looked up from their play. "Daddy!" Malcolm beamed at his father. "Daddy, Sirius is telling me a story!" Malcolm exclaimed as he pointed at several of his enchanted toys wandering about on the rug.
Katie and Liz returned at this point with a tray loaded with teacups, cream, sugar and a steaming pot of tea and set them on the table.
"Tea time," Liz announced.
"Remus, love, how are you feeling?" asked Katie, solicitously as she fixed his cup of tea.
Remus coughed again, this time more forcefully, and gave Katie a wan smile. "I suppose wolves can get kennel cough, too, eh?"
Sirius' eyes widened slightly in alarm, and he looked to Katie for confirmation. Katie nodded solemnly. "It would appear so."
"Well. Fortunately, for you" offered Sirius "you at least can go to a Muggle doctor that deals in PEOPLE."
"Hmmm. No, I don't think so." Katie said as she considered the problem with a look of deep concentration on her face. "You see, kennel cough is a canine disease. I am not sure a human physician would know how to treat it."
Remus coughed again loudly, fearful that he was about to give himself up by laughing, and made a mental note of how skillfully Katie could lie.
Liz jumped in on cue. "Well, he certainly couldn't go to see the animal doctor like Sirius did. How do you suppose we could get another round of antibiotics from the vet?"
Remus took a long sip of tea and arranged his features into what he hoped would pass for a look of quiet desperation. "Sirius, you could do it. You could go to the vet again, and."
"No!" Sirius' expression was now one of complete and utter horror. "I will not go back to that.place. There has to be another way."
Remus now coughed violently (and very realistically, as he had actually just choked on his tea as he tried desperately to keep from laughing out loud).
Katie gave Sirius a look of sincere pleading. "Sirius, you know he'd do it for you."
Liz put her arm around Sirius. "We'll be right there. Just like last time. And you won't need to get shots again you know. That's only once per year. And I assure you, we won't let that horrible man get any where near you with a knife."
Sirius took a deep breath, and looked Remus squarely in the eye. Remus, his oldest friend, who had, at great risk to himself, taken Sirius in when he had no other place to go. Remus, who had named him, a convicted murderer, godfather of his only son. Remus, who had always been there and always would be. Sirius knew what he had to do. He squared his shoulders. "Alright. I'll do it. I won't like it, but for you, Moony, I will do it."
Remus returned Sirius' look evenly and solemnly.
"Gotcha!" Remus smiled.
Liz and Katie laughed.
Sirius considered them carefully, weighing his response. But Sirius had to admit, they'd gotten him, and good. He smiled. "Remember, Moony, payback is hell."
Sirus turned his attentions back to Malcolm. "Come, my little Marauder. I don't believe I've told you the story of "The Boy Who Cried 'Wolf'" yet, have I?"
THE END
PART THE FIRST
A/N: This is my first official attempt at writing a story (well, at writing a story longer than a page and a half anyways). I suppose this story is the result of too many trips with my own dogs to the vet's office, and of inane speculation as to whether Padfoot has ever been. So, this is the rather silly story of Padfoot's trip to see the vet. Much much thanks goes to both Alphie and Thing1 (two of my favorite fanfic authors!) for patiently beta-reading every draft, and for their thoughtful and insightful comments. (And most especially for their encouragement. I thought I'd *never* finish. Heck, THEY thought I'd never finish!)
Thanks also to Thing, for the loan of three of her Original Characters. Katie Lupin is Remus' lovely wife. Malcolm is the Lupins' young son, and Liz Harker is a talented witch who, while working with Remus and Sirius, has for all practical purposes moved in with them at the Lupin house (and with whom Sirius has developed more than just a professional relationship).
Remus and Sirius of course belong to JK Rowling, as does their amazing wizarding world. Hope y'all enjoy this!
*************
"You're..joking." Sirius eyed Katie suspiciously.
The corner of Katie's mouth twitched ever so slightly. Sirius was almost certain of it. He glanced across to Liz, who was suddenly studying a photograph of a large shaggy black dog on the Lupins' mantelpiece very intently, and then back to Katie.
Katie returned his gaze evenly. "No. No, I am quite serious." Katie practically oozed a calm, professional demeanor.
Sirius coughed a short barking cough into his hand, and looked at Katie again. "You are certain?"
"Absolutely. I've even double checked my results" Katie paused carefully. "It's---kennel-cough."
Liz made a bit of an odd muffled noise.
"Very funny Miss Harker. Go right ahead and laugh, why don't you?"
Liz smirked. "Well, you have to admit,.." Liz began, and then stopped, seeing the rather wounded look on Sirius' face. She made a valiant effort to adopt an appropriately concerned expression. But when she turned back to the mantle, her eyes fell on the photograph of Padfoot again and she finally broke apart into a fit of helpless giggles.
Sirius pointedly ignored Liz and addressed Katie. "I have no idea what that is, nor why some people find it to be so damned amusing . Honestly, I don't care what it is. As long as you can cure it. I've coughed my bloody head off for days now." As if to emphasize this point, Sirius' last indignant words faded out as his voice caught again, and he doubled over in a fit of harsh coughs that seemed to rattle the furniture. He looked back at Katie with growing desperation in his now watering eyes, as he struggled futilely to stop the coughing.
Katie eyed Sirius sympathetically as he struggled to catch his breath. "Actually, Sirius, as much as I would like to help you .there is not much I can do. Well not directly. I can mix up some potions that might make you feel a bit better, but you really should have antibiotics. Magic achieves many wonders, but Muggles are not completely helpless you know, and in situations like this their medicine may be superior to ours.as much as I hate to admit it," she continued hastily, coming over to take Sirius' hand. "Please don't think for one minute that I am abandoning you to get through this on your own. I know you're miserable, Sirius." Katie exchanged a glance with Liz. "We all know you're miserable."
Sirius sighed heavily, and rubbed at his rather bloodshot eyes. "So what do you suggest we do?"
"There's a clinic I know of that asks few questions and does a tidy business treating the magical community." Katie began.
Sirius turned slightly ashen. "You know I can't very well show up anywhere I might be recognized. Questions or no, I am bound to be recognized by Muggles and wizards alike."
"The alternative is to ride it out. I'll do what I can to make you comfortable. I assure you, it's not likely to be fatal."
Sirius was seized again by a coughing fit, even as he shook his head frantically and gave her another fantastically pathetic pleading look.
Liz considered the photograph of Padfoot again. "Katie, you know, Padfoot would not be recognized.couldn't we get the proper medication for Padfoot? I mean.kennel cough is a dog disease isn't it? Wouldn't that help Sirius?"
Katie considered this-"It's possible, I suppose.."
*************
The previous week had been a particularly rough one. Remus and Sirius had been in London for several days. London missions were difficult enough for Sirius, as he was compelled to spend most of his time as Padfoot. He was still a wanted man, and could take no chance of being recognized. Still, he accompanied Remus as often as possible, and the two of them made a most effective team. This particular mission, however, had not gone off quite as well as they had hoped.
They'd had their doubts about this mission from the start. Their "target" seemed an unlikely sort. Not a particularly talented wizard based on the information they'd been able to garner. It seemed this fellow at least had the appearance of being little more than a Squib. Further, his personal hygiene made Severus Snape look good. But the League had received information that he was a supplier of illegal potions to some of Voldemort's forces, and there had been at least two discreet meetings between this fellow and Lucius Malfoy. They'd managed to determine the location of his laboratory in the basement of a rather run down Muggle apartment building. Remus had even succeeded in breaching the rather elementary wards protecting the laboratory to get a look around, while Padfoot stood watch.
Potions was never Remus' best subject. He'd recognized a few of the more innocuous ingredients assembled in the lab, and one or two not so innocuous ones. But he had not recognized any of the queer substances that were stored in unmarked crystal vials. It was neither enough to establish their quarry as a supplier of illegal potions, nor enough to rule it out. A more direct approach was needed.
After considering several options, Remus and Sirius decided to send an owl requesting a discreet meeting.
Dear Sir,
I have heard from an esteemed associate that you may be able to assist me in obtaining some rather rare and hard to produce potions, of which I find myself in need. Perhaps you would be willing to meet with me to discuss the nature of my order and terms of payment. I need not mention that discretion is of the utmost importance. I will be waiting for you at the Rabid Dog pub at half past five.
The Rabid Dog Pub was an eminently suitable place for private conversations. Tables in the back were tucked in private alcoves and the lighting in the pub was dim and hazy from a variety of rather noxious smoky substances favored by some of the more unsavory characters from both the magical and non-magical patrons of this establishment. This was the sort of place that questions were not asked, and faces were not recalled. Remus and Padfoot arrived at the pub shortly before the scheduled meeting. Just outside the front door, Remus exchanged a meaningful glance with Padfoot, and said, "Wish me luck".
Padfoot assumed a watchful position near the front entrance as Remus took a deep breath and marched into the bar with what Sirius recognized as his 'right, let's get this crap over with' face. Sirius knew Remus wanted to get home quickly. Katie had been rather crabby about choosing this night of all nights to go out. Sirius had heard something about this being an 'important anniversary' for them, but since their wedding anniversary wasn't for another 6 weeks or so, he was lost as to what she was referring to. Considering Katie rarely complained, it had to be something rather monumental, and Sirius hoped that this would all be over and done with soon. It was early enough that a table could still be had. From his vantage point near the front door, Padfoot observed the potion-seller's entrance into the pub and settled down to wait. Maybe there's something to this one, after all. Nervous looking smarmy git.
An hour slipped by. Then two. Padfoot was beginning to grow restless. It was not yet dark but the street had settled into a rather protracted twilight. Oddly enough, there seemed to have been little foot-traffic; he was of the understanding that this was an extremely popular spot. What few people he did see generally approached from the other side of the street, and moved very quickly past him into the pub. Padfoot stood up and stretched. His stomach growled insistently. He was just pondering whether a loud bark might be heard from within the smoky pub when he heard a voice behind him mutter, "Oh, geez, Jimmy, would ye lookit the size of 'im? 'Ee'll be eatin' us alive, 'e will!"
Jimmy was a bit more confident. "Nah.we got 'im outnumbered. An' outsmarted. You can sure see why they wanted 'im picked up! I wouldn't be crossing that doorstep ta git in, not with 'im right there. No sir, I wouldn't." Jimmy hefted a long pole with a noose on the end rather expertly. "Ho there, big boy." Jimmy edged closer. Padfoot showed a few teeth, and Jimmy slowed his advance. Too late, Padfoot figured out that Jimmy's more timid friend was also armed with a pole with a noose, and was also rather expert with it. Clearly, it was time to find out just how audible a bark was to someone inside the pub. Someone who'd had time to have a few Butterbeers.
Once properly summoned by raucous barking, Remus made his appearance outside the pub with surprising alacrity, Padfoot was pleased to note. Remus looked at the two men who held Padfoot at bay with their long poles with a startled expression just for an instant, then quickly assumed his most vague and harmless smile.
"Excuse me, is there a problem? It would appear that you have my dog there."
"Ah, yes, sir.your dog, eh? 'E's been threatening patrons out 'ere. We was sent to pick 'im up," Jimmy announced with authority.
"I do beg your pardon? He's threatened people? I assure you, my dog is extremely well-trained, and would do no such thing. Besides, he's a decided softy and rather slow, so I can promise you he would hurt no one. People just get a little startled by his size, that's all. If you will kindly remove that noose, I shall gladly take him home."
"Oh, sorry sir, we can't be givin' to ya to do that. 'as ta be taken in, 'e does. You'll have to pay the fine and be pickin' 'im up tomorrow at the pound".
Remus was becoming slightly alarmed at this-"Tomorrow? Surely you could simply hand him over to me, and we could just forget this?"
Jimmy drew up to his full height, and informed Remus very solemnly "There's rules, sir. We got to follow them. And those rules says if we got 'im confined, 'e goes in with us. Dog's noosed and going in wagon. You don't even 'ave tags on 'im, I can see, so that's more trouble for you, mate. You'll have to go down t'pound tomorrow, and pay the fines."
Remus made a gesture Jimmy couldn't quite identify in the dusky light. "But, you do not have him confined." Remus pointed out helpfully, as the noose fell slack.
"Oi!" began Jimmy's partner.
Remus moved quickly to grab Padfoot's collar.
"Is there a problem here?" They were joined suddenly by a rather large man in a dark blue uniform, who was idly fingering a stiff black baton which hung from his belt.
"Evenin' Sir" began Jimmy. "We're 'aving a bit a trouble with this gent 'ere. See, we got this here dog t'take in, and this fellow, 'e's tryin' ta keep us from doing our job."
"And dog's got no tags, neither," added the other one, looking very smug now that he had one of the Metropolitan's finest to back him up.
The Muggle policeman looked Remus over appraisingly as he clasped his hands behind his back. This was his regular patrol and he was fond of saying that the patrons of the Rabid Dog Pub brought nothing but trouble to the area with their strange manners and odd dress. He appeared to have just concluded that this particular man, clothed in what looked to be his mother's house dress at twilight with an unleashed and unlicensed monster of a dog in his company qualified as "exceptionally strange" and as such was likely to be trouble.
"Is there any particular reason, Sir, why 'your' dog does not have the proper identification?"
"He was rather naughty and managed to get out of his collar. I'm just on the way to rectify that, I assure you," said Remus, in his quiet voice, still smiling like this whole thing was nothing that anyone should get alarmed over. The policeman seemed rather unconvinced.
"I see. So you just popped in here for a quick pint whilst your ill- tempered dog sat out here unrestrained and threatening law abiding citizens, is that it?"
"Officer, I hardly think. Remus began.
"Just how much have you had to drink tonight? And I don't suppose you thought to carry your identification, either?"
Sirius could see that Remus was carefully considering his next move. However, what Remus could not see but Sirius had an excellent view of was that the policeman was now casually moving his hand towards what Sirius was pretty sure were Muggle handcuffs. (Sirius had recently learned all about such things from Liz, who kindly had offered to bring him up to speed on various forms of Muggle restraints, and how they could very effectively be used to fully incapacitate even a wizard).
"My good sir: I fail to see what exactly the problem is here . This is my dog, and I am here to take responsibility for him and can personally assure you that I will be taking him home directly. I can hardly imagine that this is the most pressing thing you would have to deal with in this quarter of town." If Remus thought this approach was a wise one, he was shortly about to learn otherwise. (Perhaps if Remus had considered the possibility that the officer might have been insulted by Remus' apparent slight of law enforcement's ability to prioritize perceived threats to the peace in this rather dark corner of London, he would have chosen other words).
"Well...Public Intoxication.. Interfering With a Public Servant Lawfully Performing his Job.Failure to Properly Register and Harness a Potentially Dangerous Animal. You will need to come with me down to the station. Now, we can do this peacefully, or." The officer was now sliding his baton out of his belt.
Before Remus could react, Padfoot took advantage of the fact that the noose had been loosened from around his neck and lunged menacingly at the officer, growling and snarling. Now, Moony! Go NOW!!! Jimmy and his partner, caught off guard, had to scramble to restrain the dog, who had pinned the officer squarely. None of the three Muggles even heard the peculiar *pop*, and when they finally noticed that the odd character in the robe had disappeared, they assumed he'd taken advantage of the chaos and melted away into the darkness. Oddly, the large black dog seemed more than willing to be escorted back to the wagon with Jimmy and his partner and was easily locked up for delivery to the pound. It was probably an over abundance of adrenaline that prompted Jimmy's quieter partner to draw out his tranquilizer gun and dart the massive dog with a strong sedative.
The officer was uninjured but none-too happy. "I want that animal held--- he's a threat to the public. AND I want the name of anyone who inquires after him!"
************
Remus had Apparated only a short distance away, into the dark doorway of an abandoned building. He watched as Padfoot received the tranquilizing dart, stumbled heavily, and was hefted up and locked into a large cage on the animal control wagon.
This evening had turned into a spectacular disaster on all counts. Their suspect had arrived as promised, and with wares to sell, and had settled into a discreet smoky corner of the pub with Remus. Remus' eyes still burned from the smoke, and it had made him surprisingly light-headed. He'd had a bit more to drink than was his custom, but he'd found the salty snacks provided at their table made him exceeding thirsty. And he couldn't seem to stop munching them. He appeared to have lost track of time while in the pub. But Remus had managed to determine that the greasy fellow they'd been following was not the dealer in deadly potions they'd suspected. Rather, it appeared he operated a tidy little underground business in the manufacture of potions that enhanced.certain aspects of intimate performance. Remus had quite nearly choked on his Butterbeer when it finally dawned on him what exactly he was bargaining for in this dim and hazy pub on a seedy street in Muggle London, while Katie spent this evening (this evening) at home with Liz and Malcolm for company.
Remus shook his head in an effort to clear it, and rubbed at his eyes. Alright, Moony. Been a while since you've had to rescue Padfoot from the clutches of Muggle Law Enforcement. Now, where might this "pound" be?
************
The building was impressively non-descript. And dark.
"You sure you don't want me to wait around?" inquired the Muggle cab driver. "You know they are not open at this time of night. If they do have your dog, you won't be getting him until morning."
"Thank you, that won't be necessary." Remus smiled grimly at the cab driver and counted out the proper amount of Muggle money to pay his fare.
"Suit yourself," shrugged the driver as he drove away, leaving Remus standing in an abandoned parking-lot.
Remus considered Apparating directly into the building. Prudence dictated that he first make sure there were no Muggles about. He therefore proceeded to the font of the building and peered in the windows. He knocked loudly. Nothing. Again he knocked. No response. Right then. Safe to proceed.Suddenly, a light came on inside the building at the end of a hallway. Then again, maybe not.
Remus waited while an elderly Muggle made his way down the hall to the front door and peered out at Remus. "Go away! Can't you see we are closed?"
"Good evening, Sir," began Remus, "please Sir---I need your help."
"Can't help you" the Muggle said shortly. "Come back in the morning." He turned to trundle slowly back up the hall.
Remus considered his options carefully. He already owed Arthur Weasley for the last time he and Sirius had run into trouble with Muggles, and he wasn't eager to add to that. But, reasoned Remus, a suggestibility charm is far less invasive than a memory charm. Far less to explain to the Ministry. Remus drew out his wand, and muttered a charm designed to incline the Muggle gentleman to believe what Remus told him. It wasn't a very strong charm, but it might be just enough.
"Please, Sir! It's quite important that you let me in." Remus called to the man. The Muggle stopped. He turned and looked back at Remus, who smiled hopefully at the man.
The old man muttered under his breath that he must be getting soft in his old age, but returned to the door, unlocked it and let Remus in.
"Thank you. Thank you very much. Um, I believe my dog, er, my wife's dog was brought in here a bit earlier. I'm afraid I can't show up at home without him. Can you, er, help me?"
The old man smiled knowingly at Remus. "Wife's dog, eh? Well, you are in a pretty pickle, then aren't you? C'mon back. Let's see if we can't find him."
Remus began to relax just a bit. At last something was going right this evening. The elderly gentleman led Remus down a hallway, and through a heavy door into a large dampish room with dozens of kennels, each seemingly filled with several dogs.
"Large dogs in the big kennels there and down that wall. Small ones over to your left."
Remus surveyed the rows of kennels. "Padfoot! Where are you?" He was answered by the riotous barking of at least three dozen dogs. Oh, that was just an excellent idea.
"Um, you may just have to look" The old man offered, helpfully.
Remus began walking the long rows of kennels. Almost every dog in the place was barking, and several growled, no doubt sensing the wolf in their presence. It was on the second to last row that he finally found Padfoot, in a solitary kennel. Remus noticed that this kennel was secured with a large padlock, and a sign that read "Vicious. Held for observation". Padfoot was crouched in the back of the kennel, head down.
"Thank heavens, Sirius" Remus began in a rush of relief. Padfoot didn't move. "Sirius." The great black dog slowly lifted its massive head, but his glazed eyes did not seem to see Remus. Remus dropped to his knee and aware of the caretaker watching him, whispered urgently, "Sirius!"
The black dog stared blearily at Remus and trembled slightly but did not otherwise move. What in the bloody hell did they do to him? Remus suddenly was deeply alarmed. Sirius appeared to be unable to transform himself, and clearly was in no shape to attempt to Apparate home. "Did you find your dog?" the old man inquired.
"Ah, yes. Yes, he's here. He appears to be ill, however." Remus eyed the lock on the cage. "Can you help me get him out?"
The old man looked doubtfully at the lock on the cage and at the sign hung over the door . "Vicious, is he? I heard 'em talking about this one. Say he attacked a police officer, and they are holdin' him for observation now. Ten days. See if he has rabies, you know. Then they'll probably destroy him."
Remus stared dumbly at the old man, stunned by how casually he had announced Padfoot's death sentence. "Destroy him?"
"Oh, aye, lad. Not much tolerance for vicious animals, you know. Especially since he attacked a police officer." The old man shook his head. "Fine looking beast, he is. I'm very sorry."
Remus ran a hand through his hair, thinking quickly. "I'm sorry to be a bother, but do you think I might visit your lavatory?" Remus did not have to fake a pale sick look to match the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach at the thought of what the Muggles intended to do with Padfoot.
The old man simply nodded and showed the way to a small bathroom tucked off the hall outside of the main kennel.
Once in the lavatory, Remus locked the door and Apparated immediately to the garden in front of his house-and smack into the middle of a rather impressively raging torrent of rain. Oh, just lovely. Impatiently slicking the wet hair out of his eyes, Remus worked his way through the wards protecting the house and charged in the front door, mindless of his rain-soaked cloak and the amount of water he'd tracked into the house. He startled Liz and Katie on the sofa in the front room, where they were sitting with Malcolm, who, at almost three, had been awakened by the storm and was now artfully wheedling "just one more bedtime story" out of Liz and Katie.
Alarmed, Katie began "Remus, what.."
Remus cut her off. "It's Sirius. Liz, I'll need you to come with me. He's-there's really not time to explain." Remus was uncharacteristically flustered. "Padfoot's in the animal shelter in London. He's unable to transform. I think he's been drugged."
"Drugged?" Liz and Katie both echoed.
"He was attempting to distract a Muggle police officer so I could get away from a rather sticky spot. I saw them hit him with a dart of some sort, and he fell. I've just come from where they are holding him. He looks like he'd been stunned. He's going to need help. I think we will need a Portkey to get him home."
Liz and Katie stared blankly at him for a moment. Then Liz jumped up abruptly, dropping the book she'd been reading to Malcolm, and left the room. Malcolm looked indignantly after Liz and then suddenly, recognizing that his father was soaked, laughed out loud and announced "Daddy! You are all wet!!! Did you shower with your clothes on?"
Remus smiled faintly at his son, and agreed, "It certainly looks that way, doesn't it?. I seem to have forgotten my umbrella. And you, my little Marauder, are up past your bed time." Remus knelt and kissed Malcolm on the forehead. "To bed, my little one."
Malcolm considered his father seriously. "Is Sirius coming home?"
"Yes. We are going to go get him and bring him home. You'll see him in the morning," Remus promised.
Liz returned with a leather leash and collar in hand. "We can charm this as a Portkey".
Liz was extremely skilled at charms, and had been working closely with Remus and Sirius for a couple of years now as part of Dumbledore's underground network. During that time, Liz and Sirius had become colleagues, close friends and now their relationship was deepening into something more serious, in spite of Sirius' continued status as a wanted man. Liz drew out her wand and began muttering the first part of a complex charm. Once this charm was completed at the other end, they would be able to transport Padfoot directly back into the study.
Meanwhile, Remus methodically began working through the spells to collapse the particular wards protecting Remus' study, so that Liz and Sirius would be able to use the Portkey to return directly into the house. Remus turned to Katie and said, "We'll be back very soon." He then grabbed Liz's hand and together they Apparated out.
Liz was slightly alarmed at the size of the space into which they'd Apparated. Normally, one Apparated into as large a space as was available. To do otherwise risked some rather-unpleasant-- accidents. The room they arrived in was little more than a closet with plumbing fixtures. "Remus!" Remus immediately put a finger over his lips and gave her a rather stern look for silence. Liz got it, and continued in a ghost of a whisper, "Warn me next time when you are about to have me materialize in the middle of a toilet tank!"
Remus flashed her the ghost of a grin-"I assure you, my spatial awareness is.above average. You were in no danger," he whispered back.
Liz took a deep breath and gripped the leash, deciding to save the panic for later. "Okay. Where do I find Sirius?"
"They've got him in a cage in the large room around the corner, about three down I think on the far right. Get him back home, and I will follow. I'll distract the Muggle caretaker."
There was a sharp knock on the lavatory door. "You okay in there?"
"Ah, yes. Just a moment, please" Remus called. He surveyed his soaked robes and tried a quick drying charm that really didn't appear to make much of a difference. He turned to Liz, and whispered, "Give me a minute to get him away from the door. You get Sirius and I will be home as soon as I can."
Liz nodded her agreement and gripped the Portkey tightly.
Remus slipped out of the lavatory, closing the door behind him quickly. "Sorry. Had a bit of trouble with the faucet. Quite a bit of water pressure you have there."
The caretaker eyed him up and down suspiciously. "What'd you do? Go for a swim?"
Remus laughed. "So, I suppose I shall have to come back tomorrow. Can you tell me who it is I will need to talk to regarding this? My wife's going to have a fit when I come home without him you know."
Liz waited in the small bathroom until she heard the door at the far end of the hall click shut and she could no longer hear Remus and the old man talking. Then she slipped carefully out, and around the corner and through a door into the large holding room. She quickly located the cage holding Padfoot, touched the padlock lightly with the tip of her wand and slipped into the cage with the large black dog. Liz knelt, and slipped the collar around Padfoot's neck, whispering soothingly all the while. Once the collar was in place, Liz muttered the charm that would complete the Portkey spell. The dogs in the cages on either side began barking wildly as Liz and Padfoot disappeared with a *pop *.
Liz experienced the familiar disorienting sense of being yanked abruptly through time and space by a invisible cord, and shut her eyes. When she opened them again, she was in Remus' study with Padfoot crouched by her side. The storm outside crashed menacingly.
"Sirius, it's alright. We are home." Liz began uncertainly, addressing the large black dog. Padfoot was trembling mightily and seemed unable to focus clearly.
Katie joined them, having evidently convinced Malcolm that it was bedtime and no further discussion of the matter was going to be entertained. Liz exchanged a worried look with Katie. "Sirius, Can you hear me?" Liz tried again.
Padfoot struggled as if trying to get to his feet, but succeeded only partially. After what seemed like an unnaturally long time, he finally transformed with a * pop * into Sirius Black, crouched on the rug and still trembling.
"Sirius!"
Sirius turned toward Liz' voice, eyes still wildly unfocussed. Liz gathered him into her arms, hugging him tightly. Sirius seemed to orient a bit, taking in where he was and that he was with Liz and Katie. He focused sharply on Katie. "Remus-" and struggled to get to his feet.
"Remus is fine. He'll be here shortly. You will stay put." Katie told him firmly. "Now, let's see what they've done with you." Katie peered into Sirius' rather glazed eyes, checked his pulse and looked him over for any visible signs of damage. "Well. You will be sleeping soundly tonight. But I don't think any lasting harm is done. Here. Drink this." Katie vigorously shook a bottle that she had produced from within her robes. Katie removed the top and offered it to Sirius, who drank it and immediately felt better for it.
Thunder crashed again, and the front door was abruptly thrown open. Seconds later, Remus appeared in the doorway to the study, freshly soaked.
Katie eyed the floor and then Remus. "Hmm. I'd just mopped it from your last appearance. This one's yours."
"I'll just reset the wards on the study, now that you're home, shall I?" Asked Liz sweetly. "I'd have done it sooner if I'd known you were going to insist on materializing outside in the rain anyway."
Remus pointedly ignored them both, at least outwardly. But the message was clear. Sirius was all right. "Padfoot?"
Sirius was on his feet now, and much steadier. He smiled weakly at Remus. "Saved your tail again, you know. It's getting to be a bit of a chore, Moony."
Remus smiled. "I'm lucky to have you watching my back, you know."
Sirius was rubbing distractedly at his robes. He shuddered and met Remus' eyes. "Well then. Quite a night. I think I will just go get out of these wet things. A shower, maybe." Liz, Katie and Remus exchanged a look. Sirius' robes were bone dry.
"Come on, then, Mr. Black. Let me help you." Liz said brightly, taking Sirius hand and guiding him up the stairs.
1 PART THE SECOND
"Remus, love, don't be an idiot. You were soaked to the bone last night. The least you can do is drink the potion. It's not that bad." Katie pushed the smoking goblet across the table toward Remus who was trying to coax Malcolm into eating his breakfast rather than playing with it.
"Ah. Then, you drink it. I can't stand the stuff! Besides, I assure you, I am quite well. It takes far more than a bit of rain to stop me." Remus disliked taking potions in general, but Pepper-up Potion was one he especially detested. It wasn't that it tasted all that bad, really. It was more the peculiar sensation of smoke escaping from his ears (a side effect of the potion) that he found so particularly distasteful.
"You could indulge me just a bit you know. How else am I to feel loved and needed if I can't play mother hen?" Katie persisted.
"My dearest Katie: That is your problem. I will not spend the morning walking about with my ears smoking, no matter how beautiful you are," Remus declared firmly. Then, more gently, "I am quite all right. Really." Remus took Katie's hand, kissed it tenderly and met her eyes. "I do appreciate your concern. Truly." Malcolm's spoon, laden heavily with oatmeal, thunked on the floor. Malcolm looked innocently back at his parents, as if he could not figure out what exactly had happened to it.
"Malcolm Lupin!" Katie started, giving Malcolm a dangerous look.
The creak of footsteps on the stairway announced Liz' arrival. "Good morning," Liz yawned sleepily. "Quite a night last night, eh?"
"How is Sirius?" Remus asked.
"Sleeping soundly." Thought I'd leave him to sleep as long as he could." Liz yawned again, gratefully accepted a cup of strong coffee from Katie, and took a long sip. Liz was normally the late sleeper of the household and tended to avoid conversation before her first caffeine infusion. But today was different. "Remus, what happened to Sirius last night?"
Remus shook his head, as he waived his wand at Malcolm's chair, to set up what he hoped would be an oatmeal-proof ward around it. "Not entirely sure. Maybe it was the effects of the tranquilizer they used on him that disoriented him. Or perhaps being locked up may have triggered some memories from Azkaban for him. Did he talk about it last night?" Remus retrieved a clean spoon for his son, and Malcolm set about testing the ward.
Liz shook her head. "He went up and took a long hot shower. Then went to bed. He was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow."
"Sirius is extraordinarily tough. It's amazing what he has been able to survive, let alone overcome. If being hit with a tranquilizer dart and being locked up in the dog pound has a bit of an effect on him, I suppose he is entitled," observed Katie.
The sound of movement from upstairs told them that the subject of their concerns would soon be joining them. Katie renewed her efforts to entice Remus into taking the Pepper-Up potion, which still bubbled smoke over the sides of the goblet. Remus continued to refuse.
Footsteps thundered on the stairs in what was unmistakably Sirius bounding down the steps. He stopped half way, paused a moment, and sneezed loudly.
Remus seized the opportunity. "There. You just may have a customer for your noxious potion" he announced to Katie. Remus pushed the potion toward Sirius as he appeared in the doorway "Ah, excellent timing, Sirius! My lovely wife has been trying to peddle this stuff all morning".
Sirius sniffled, rubbed at his nose with the back of his hand, and grinned amiably. "Mrs. Lupin, is this silly git here failing to recognize what a very lucky man he is again? I shall have to have a talk with him." Sirius scooped up the goblet of Pepper-up potion, sipped it, nodded approvingly at Katie and downed it in a single gulp. "Excellent vintage, as always, Mrs. Lupin," Sirius declared as smoke began to drift lazily from his ears. He sniffled again, and waggled his eyebrows at Liz, who grinned back at him.
"You tinks zee eyebrows, zey are sexzy, yes? And zee smoke?" Sirius waggled his eyebrows again, and shook his head to make little smoke swirls.
Liz giggled. Malcolm clapped excitedly.
"You are quite chipper today, Mr. Black!"
"And why shouldn't I be? I slept better last night than I have in ages! Katie, you must find out what those Muggle dog catchers put in that stuff." Sirius rubbed his backside thoughtfully, and added "and whether or not there's a less painful method of administering it."
Katie insisted on giving Sirius the once-over again, peering into his eyes, making him stand first on one foot and then the other, poking him here and there until she satisfied herself that there was no permanent damage.
Sirius winked dangerously at Liz. "I wasn't worried for a minute. It's rather exciting to be rescued by a woman so lovely as yourself."
Liz laughed. "How exactly did you get yourself into that particular predicament, may I ask?"
"Why, by saving Mr. Lupin's hide, of course. How do I always end up in 'predicaments'?" Sirius sighed dramatically. "It seems I made a promise to Katie-girl that I would always bring him home. It's gotten me in more trouble over the years. Don't be fooled by his calm demeanor. It's all a front. He is trouble from the word go."
Katie sat back and laughed. "Funny, that's not what Remus said. Do tell, Sirius. Your version of last night's events sounds ever so much more interesting."
Sirius described in detail how he'd faithfully stood watch outside the warm cozy pub where Remus pretended to be tailing a death eater operative while indulging in several Butterbeers on the job, how the Muggle dog catcher had attempted to capture him and how Remus, when summoned for help had promptly attempted to get his ownself arrested and might have too, had Padfoot not threatened to sink his teeth into the officer's rather ample behind, giving Remus an opportunity to Apparate away.
"You owe me for that one in a big way, Moony. In fact, dear Moony, I would like to register a complaint," Sirius declared. "We are supposed to be partners, yet there does not seem to be quite the equitable division of work here. We track a suspected Death Eater, but somehow it is YOU sitting by the fire in the pub sipping Butterbeer while I wait outside in the elements. You insult an officer of the peace, and I have to save you and somehow it is ME who spends the night behind bars. You practically drown yourself Apparating in the rain and I end up catching cold. It is not fair. I protest. I am afraid I cannot continue to work with you under these deplorable conditions." Sirius sniffled loudly.
Remus laughed, genuinely pleased that Sirius seemed to have made it through the whole incident with nothing more than a cold to show for it. "Rubbish. You are lucky to have me for your best friend, you know."
Sirius suddenly sobered. "Yeah. I know that. I really do know that."
Sirius looked thoughtful for a moment. "At least, we must have gotten some good information on this fellow we were tailing. You were in the bar for quite a while, after all. Anything useful? Is he supplying illegal potions for the Death Eaters? The connection to Lucius Malfoy could be quite useful to Arthur Weasley, if we can establish the nature of the potions this fellow is dealing in."
All eyes turned to Remus, who shifted uncomfortably. "Oh, yes. The potions are illegal. But I am afraid they will do Arthur little good. Beyond, perhaps, a good laugh. It seems that our little potions master has established himself as a skilled brewer of potions which." Remus seemed to be casting about for the proper words ".well, they enhance certain.aspects of.um, 'intimate performance'."
Liz and Katie stared with mouths agape at Remus. Finally, Katie asked the question: "You bought VIAGRA from a DEATH EATER?"
Remus looked blankly back at Katie, wondering if he should recognize the word.
Sirius coughed lightly and asked, "What's Viagra?"
Liz snorted and replied, "Something you will NEVER be in need of, Mr. Black."
***************
Three days later.
"Katie, he is driving me bonkers. You have to do something." Liz looked a bit frazzled. "I swear---you'd think the man was dying. Are all men like this when they are sick? Where do they learn this?"
Katie laughed. "They learn it from us. Give them soup and they milk it for all it is worth. Anyway, I thought you said he sounded sexy with that low gravely voice".
Liz frowned. "He does. Until he starts whining.that just about kills it. Honestly. Men are wimps. And the next time I ask him if he wants something and he just sighs and says 'soup, just soup' in that pathetic little voice I shall return with the bowl and dump it on him."
Katie laughed and Liz softened a bit. "He does look like he feels rather awful though. He was up most of last night coughing. Can't you do anything for him?"
Katie considered this. "I've given him most of the usual potions. They don't seem to be having too much of an effect though. Mrs. Noyes had a couple of suggestions-this seems to be no ordinary cough he's picked up."
*************
"Right then. I've called and made us an appointment." Liz announced as she stepped out of the fireplace, brushing soot off her shoulders, having just returned from Mrs. Noyes' shop in the village where there was a telephone. "The vet's name is Dr. McCarron. His office is in the village just over the bridge from the apothecary. Specializes in cats and dogs mostly. Should be perfect."
So far as Katie could tell, there was no reason this wouldn't work. Padfoot was very nearly the same weight as Sirius, so the medication dosage should be close to the same. Sirius was tall and lean, (though since he'd been staying with the Lupins, he'd filled out and could no longer properly be considered gaunt). Padfoot, however, was simply a massive animal. Katie could see little reason to wonder why someone had called the animal control department over such a large beast, but she said nothing to Remus and Sirius, who were both still pretty indignant over the incident.
So it was that, options carefully weighed, and patience thoroughly worn through, Liz, Katie and Sirius loaded into the Lupin's car and set off for the local veterinary office.
They pulled into a spot not far from the door of the squat gray building. A small rectangle of grass graced the front of the building, and the sign read "F. Robert MacCarron, Veterinary Surgeon".
Liz looked doubtfully at the building. "Are you sure about this, Sirius?"
Sirius gave Liz a rather flat stare. "The worst they can do is kill me," he said in a hoarse voice and broke into another coughing fit. "That just might be an improvement", he said morosely once he could speak again.
Liz politely resisted the impulse to roll her eyes, or to mention that Sirius seemed to have acquired the personality of Moaning Myrtle. She marveled that a man strong enough to have endured 12 years in Azkaban and have made it out with his sanity intact could be reduced to such an absolute baby by what was essentially a bad case of the sniffles. She'd had about all of the "helpless man" routine she could manage this trip, and suspected that she was about to convert rather abruptly from "supportive and sympathetic girlfriend" into someone a whole lot less patient. Soon. True, Sirius looked patently awful. And she supposed he felt about the same way he looked. But then again, he'd impatiently refused Katie's potions this morning, muttering that they were doing no real good and that he couldn't bear the taste any longer. Liz figured that if he wouldn't take his medicine, well, he deserved to suffer a bit.
So here they were. At the vet's office. At least this way, Sirius could obtain precious Muggle antibiotics and run no risk of being recognized by Muggles or wizards who might recognize him as a wanted man.
"Well. We are here now." Katie declared with resolve. "Let's do what we came for, and get you home, Sirius. Liz and I will be with you the whole time. I promise".
Liz looked around, and waved her wand slightly, muttering a charm that would wrap the Lupin's auto in an aura of utter uninterestingness. Charm in place, a Muggle could look directly into the car through the open window and not see what was about to happen.
"Ready?" Sirius nodded, and transformed into a large listless shaggy black dog. Liz fitted the collar on over his head. "Let's do it".
A bell tinkled when they opened the door and they were hit with an odd smell that seemed to be a mixture of alcohol and wet dog. Padfoot froze on the threshold.
"No time to back out now. We're here. Let's get what we came for." Liz gave Padoot's leash a light tug and he followed her cautiously into the clinic.
The woman at the front desk looked them over appraisingly. "Appointment?"
Liz nodded "Um, yes. I called earlier. Harker. Our dog is ill." Liz gestured at Padfoot, who obligingly hacked for the receptionist.
"New patient, then? You'll need to complete the paperwork, of course. What's his name?"
"Padfoot," Katie said. At the same moment Liz said "Snuffles". They exchanged a look.
"Well, which is it?"
"Padfoot. But we call him Snuffles." Katie smiled as if this were obvious.
"Here. Fill this out". She eyed the large dog rather suspiciously. As if she were not accustomed to seeing large animals in need of medical care. She seemed to consider the likelihood that this particular patient might have a personality as intimidating as his appearance, and she quickly ushered them into a small room. "You can wait in the exam room."
"Thank you" said Katie taking the offered clipboard with its form and she, Liz and Padfoot slipped into a small room with an exam table and no chairs.
Once safely alone in the exam room, Liz looked at Katie and they both laughed nervously. Padfoot whined softly.
Katie examined the form they were to complete. "Let's see here..Responsible party. Is that you or is it me?"
Liz shrugged. "Didn't Sirius say this was all Remus' fault?"
"So he did. Remus Lupin it is." Katie filled in Remus' name and relevant information at the top of the page.
"Okay, breed: what do you think he is?"
Liz surveyed the large black shaggy dog. "Looks rather a lot like a Newfoundland to me. Maybe has some Irish Wolfhound in him, judging by the shape of the muzzle. I don't know.Large Black Mutt?"
Katie laughed and wrote it down.
"Age.let's see.how is it you calculate dog years? Isn't it something like four years to every human year? Let's see.Sirius is 38. That would make Padfoot 9 1/2" Katie filled this in.
"What does this mean: 'Is your pet intact"? Katie eyed Padfoot.
Liz blushed. "I think that's asking whether or not he's been.you know. Fixed."
Katie grinned wickedly "Well, then. Has he?"
"Oh, you are positively awful! Of course he hasn't!" Liz assured Katie. "No.not remotely."
Their giggles were interrupted suddenly when the door to the room was opened and a short stout balding man with glasses appeared. "Hello. I'm Dr. MacCarron. New patient? What seems to be the problem?"
"He seems to have a bit of a cold." Liz offered.
As if to prove this, Padfoot coughed mightily. The vet looked at him with a bit of a grimace, then motioned for Liz and Katie to move Padfoot up onto the exam table. The ice cold exam table, Liz noted.. Padfoot clambered up and sat down carefully on the slick steal surface, then glared at both of the women over his shoulder before Dr. McCarron took hold of him with the strong authority of one accustomed to dogs and pulled him round to start examining him.
The vet was going carefully over Padfoot from nose to tail. "Hmmm, yes I see. Is he around other dogs, then?"
"No. Not normally anyway. He was picked up by the dog catcher last week though."
The vet clucked disapprovingly. "Running loose, was he?"
Liz bristled slightly. "Well, he does have rather a mind of his own you know."
The vet peered into Padfoot's ears and shined a light into each of his eyes. "Looks to be in excellent shape for a dog of 9. Are you sure of his age?"
"Um, well, isn't it four dog years to every human year? He is 38 in human years." Liz offered.
The vet gave her an odd look, but said simply "Well no, not strictly speaking. It's more like 7 years with dogs. You are thinking in cat years. Not that either measure is particularly accurate." The vet pondered briefly asking how it was Liz knew how the dog was 38 in human years, but decided not to even touch it. "This fellow is about middle aged. Not geriatric, mind you, but he's no pup. What do you feed him?"
Liz shrugged. "Pretty much what we eat".
The vet scowled. "Human food isn't a proper diet for a dog you know. He appears to be just a tad overweight." He prodded Padfoot's ribs disapprovingly. Padfoot growled indignantly. "He'll get fat if you don't watch it. When did he last have his shots?".
Katie and Liz exchanged blank glances. "Um. I don't know. My husband just brought him home a couple of years ago. I don't know what shots he might have had before that" Katie offered truthfully.
"Not been neutered.Running loose, was he? Do you ladies have any idea how many unwanted pups are born here each year? Irresponsible pet owners. Fail to keep their animals properly restrained. Fail to get them neutered." He shook his head disapprovingly. "I can assure you that the neutering will not change his personality a bit. Nor will he put on weight. If you feed him properly. You surely don't plan on breeding him do you?"
Katie looked to Liz to answer this one. Liz turned crimson. "Um, actually, we haven't really discussed that in too much detail just yet."
"Shall I schedule him for a snip then?" asked the vet matter-of-factly.
"Um, thank you, but I don't think he'd like that." Liz pretended to cough lightly behind her hand and inwardly marveled at Katie's ability to remain stone-faced while conversing with this man.
The vet gave them a disapproving glower over the top of his glasses. "You really should think about this. Here you have a large mutt. He's not suitable for breeding purposes."
Padfoot growled softly.
"And certainly", the vet continued rather pointedly, "neutering him would make him less aggressive and more manageable".
"I appreciate your concerns. We will consider the, um, option," replied Katie, quite firmly establishing that nothing of that sort would be happening today.
"Well," the vet said finally, "he appears to have a case of kennel cough. It's quite treatable with rest and antibiotics. And avoidable, I might add, with a proper round of vaccinations, which he should have every year." He gave Liz and Katie a long hard look over the top of his glasses. "If you will excuse me, I will return shortly with the medicines".
Katie and Liz looked at one another after the door closed and burst once more into fits of nervous giggles. Padfoot growled low and menacingly. When this had no effect, he barked at them, which only set him to coughing again. But he did manage to more or less silence Liz and Katie into quiet shaking fits of stifled laughter, as they tried hopelessly to gain control.
The door opened and Dr. McCarron returned. He had a tray with three syringes and a bottle of pills. Katie and Liz stopped laughing immediately.
"What's all this for?" asked Katie, somewhat apprehensively. Antibiotics were largely of standard manufacture, but Katie had not considered the possibility that Padfoot might receive vaccinations.
"The standard workup: Rabies, parvo, canine distemper," answered Dr. McCarron as he slipped the protective cap off of one rather large syringe.
"Is all this really necessary?" asked Liz
Padfoot whimpered slightly.
The vet appeared annoyed. "Ladies, it is the LAW". He grabbed the scruff of Padfoots neck and swiftly injected the contents of the first syringe into the large black dog, who gave a startled yelp.
Katie and Liz stated wide-eyed. "Are you sure." Katie swallowed. "they are quite safe?"
The vet appeared annoyed at first, but returned Katie's gaze evenly. "Yes. They are quite safe. I promise."
Katie looked rather helplessly at Liz, who shrugged and stroked Padfoot's head soothingly. "It's okay, Padfoot. This won't hurt. Much."
Padfoot glared balefully at Liz and Katie, but took the remaining two shots without a sound.
"Now, have either of you ever "pilled" a dog before?"
"I beg your pardon?" Liz asked blankly.
"Have you ever given a pill to a dog before? Do you know how to get him to take the medication?"
Katie bit back the urge to tell the vet that she would normally just hand him the pill and a glass of water, and instead said sweetly, "I'm sure I can manage."
"Well, I will just give him one now, and you will need to give him another tonight. Thereafter, follow the instructions on the bottle." The vet swiftly grabbed Padfoot by the snout and pried open his mouth expertly, popping a pink pill onto the back of Padfoodt's tongue. He held Padfoots muzzle closed and spoke soothingly to the dog, who looked patently horrified, but did eventually swallow the pill.
The doctor released his grip. "There's a good boy.you earned a treat!" the doctor said genially. He offered a biscuit from one of his pockets, which Padfoot rather sullenly refused.
They paid the bill and left the office. Once in the car, Katie and Liz lost it completely, and it was some minutes before Katie could stop laughing long enough to get the key in the ignition of the car.
For his part, Padfoot refused to transform back and sulked all the way home.
2 THE LITTLE PART AT THE END
A few days later, Sirius was feeling much better. There seemed to have been no adverse effects associated with the full round of canine vaccinations he'd received as Padfoot, and even the shoulder where he'd taken the shots didn't hurt anymore. Best of all, he seemed finally to have shaken the dreadful cough. Katie had even allowed him to play with Malcolm again, much to the delight of both Sirius and his youngest god-son. And, while Sirius hadn't yet been able to bring himself to laugh about his trip to the vet, he at least had come to terms with the fact that everyone else in the house did not seem to be able to stop laughing about it.
This morning, Sirius and Malcolm were on the floor in the front room with an assortment of small figures, Knights, and horses and the like, which Sirius had enchanted to move about, much to Malcolm's delight. Sirius was deeply involved in the elaborate telling of a story involving the mobile figures and held Malcolm's rapt attention. Remus had not yet come downstairs this morning, which was odd, since normally he was at least up before Sirius, and breakfast had been hours ago. Liz was on the couch, pretending to be quite absorbed in a text on blood curses, but Sirius was fairly sure he had her attention as solidly as Malcolm's with his tale.
Katie poked her head in. "Care for some tea, either of you? I am making some for Remus."
"Tea would be lovely. Need any help in the kitchen?" offered Sirius, as gallantly as any of the enchanted knights in his story.
Katie looked pointedly at Liz and said "As a matter of fact, yes I could use some help. Liz, why don't you come in here and help me while Sirius finishes his story. I am sure Malcolm would be most displeased if I were to take his favorite playmate away."
Liz had been around long enough to know something was up, and so she curiously followed Katie to the kitchen to help with the tea, while Sirius and Malcolm continued with the story.
Remus came into the room just as Sirius finished the story. Malcolm crowed happily and clapped, clearly delighted by his story-teller. "Tell it again, Sirius!" pleaded Malcolm, earnestly.
Remus coughed lightly, and both Sirius and Malcolm looked up from their play. "Daddy!" Malcolm beamed at his father. "Daddy, Sirius is telling me a story!" Malcolm exclaimed as he pointed at several of his enchanted toys wandering about on the rug.
Katie and Liz returned at this point with a tray loaded with teacups, cream, sugar and a steaming pot of tea and set them on the table.
"Tea time," Liz announced.
"Remus, love, how are you feeling?" asked Katie, solicitously as she fixed his cup of tea.
Remus coughed again, this time more forcefully, and gave Katie a wan smile. "I suppose wolves can get kennel cough, too, eh?"
Sirius' eyes widened slightly in alarm, and he looked to Katie for confirmation. Katie nodded solemnly. "It would appear so."
"Well. Fortunately, for you" offered Sirius "you at least can go to a Muggle doctor that deals in PEOPLE."
"Hmmm. No, I don't think so." Katie said as she considered the problem with a look of deep concentration on her face. "You see, kennel cough is a canine disease. I am not sure a human physician would know how to treat it."
Remus coughed again loudly, fearful that he was about to give himself up by laughing, and made a mental note of how skillfully Katie could lie.
Liz jumped in on cue. "Well, he certainly couldn't go to see the animal doctor like Sirius did. How do you suppose we could get another round of antibiotics from the vet?"
Remus took a long sip of tea and arranged his features into what he hoped would pass for a look of quiet desperation. "Sirius, you could do it. You could go to the vet again, and."
"No!" Sirius' expression was now one of complete and utter horror. "I will not go back to that.place. There has to be another way."
Remus now coughed violently (and very realistically, as he had actually just choked on his tea as he tried desperately to keep from laughing out loud).
Katie gave Sirius a look of sincere pleading. "Sirius, you know he'd do it for you."
Liz put her arm around Sirius. "We'll be right there. Just like last time. And you won't need to get shots again you know. That's only once per year. And I assure you, we won't let that horrible man get any where near you with a knife."
Sirius took a deep breath, and looked Remus squarely in the eye. Remus, his oldest friend, who had, at great risk to himself, taken Sirius in when he had no other place to go. Remus, who had named him, a convicted murderer, godfather of his only son. Remus, who had always been there and always would be. Sirius knew what he had to do. He squared his shoulders. "Alright. I'll do it. I won't like it, but for you, Moony, I will do it."
Remus returned Sirius' look evenly and solemnly.
"Gotcha!" Remus smiled.
Liz and Katie laughed.
Sirius considered them carefully, weighing his response. But Sirius had to admit, they'd gotten him, and good. He smiled. "Remember, Moony, payback is hell."
Sirus turned his attentions back to Malcolm. "Come, my little Marauder. I don't believe I've told you the story of "The Boy Who Cried 'Wolf'" yet, have I?"
THE END
