Heero Yuy, Seventh Grade Teacher? Omake 2c
Spring Break - Part 3!
Disclaimer: if $char = "Heero Yuy"; "Duo Maxwell"; "Trowa Barton"; "Trunks"; "Goten";
then { print("These do not belong to Kala Mekiv, they are property of their
respective owners.") } How's that for a disclaimer?
Note #1: Does anyone have *any* recall on this story?
Note #2: No, seriously, who actually REMEMBERS this story?
Note #3: It helps to have read the first two sections of the story, or else you won't have *any* idea what's going in this story... In a way, it's like Lain: It's all connected. :x
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"Wow, Heero!" Relena exclaimed as she got out of the car Heero was "permanently borrowing" from Quatre and looked at the private beach they had gone to. Heero smirked and went to the trunk to get a picnic basket and some other miscellaneous things. Little did this happy little couple realize that this quaint little beach was far from being as "private" as they wanted it to be.

***

Hiding behind a near-by sand dune, two men and two demi-Saiyajin boys stuck their heads out, one above the other like a totem pole. Goten's face was hidden behind the camcorder that was plastered to his head, trying to get some interesting shots of the couple standing less than 200 feet away from them. Trowa, wanting a better view of Heero and Relena, held his infamous unibang away from his face. Duo, standing right below him, was covering his mouth to prevent him from blurting something out. Trunks, equipped with a microphone, turned it on and began another one of his narrations to the "documentary."

"The final day of our documentary. Last time, the Yuy creature took his potential mate to an expensive French restaurant, where they dined on fine, spicy dishes." Trunks said, managing to stifle a chuckle. "Apparently, the Peacecraft female isn't as interested in Heero as she previously thought, so the Yuy creature is going to do something horrible. Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in known history, we are about to witness what happens when a female turns down the Yuy creature." Trunks wanted to continue, but Duo bonked him on the head.

"Young grasshoppa, you have much to learn," Duo said, grinning. Trunks rubbed the spot on his head where he was hit and gave the Deathscythe Hell pilot a Vegeta death glare. Duo sweatdropped, and continued grinning like an idiot. "Heero's not going to kill---oh no, here he comes again." Trowa, Duo, Trunks, and Goten moved their heads back behind the sand dune as Heero and Relena walked by.  Goten focused the camcorder closer on the couple and gasped.  Shoved into Heero's belt was a machete that appeared to have been thoroughly cleaned and sharpened. 

"Trunks-kun!  Look at this!" he whispered excitedly as he handed the machine over to his best friend.  Trunks aimed the camcorder on Heero and Relena and watched from the view screen and saw the machete.  Quickly, he poked Trowa and Duo to get their attention and pointed to the image on the view screen.

"Holy Shinigami!" Duo exclaimed. "Where in the nine hells did Heero get THAT thing!?"

"It looks like he's been going through my stuff again," Trowa replied as he sighed.  Trunks, Goten, and Duo stared at Trowa, wondering where he had acquired such a weapon, and WHAT in the world he needed it for.  "I got it from Wufei when I had to fight him during the Mariemaia Incident two years ago."

Trunks sighed. "So, if our teacher is murdered, we can accuse you of providing the murderer with a weapon?"

'Whoa, buddy," Duo said, trying to restrain Trowa from killing the little demi-Saiyajin, even though he realized that nothing Trowa could do would have any effect on the boy.  "Look, I still think this idea that Heero is going to kill Relena over the break is a little farfetched---HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, HE'S HOLDING IT NOW!!"  Four pairs of eyes glued themselves onto the camcorder's view screen and jaws dropped in horror at the image of Heero having the machete raised high above his head.  He was chanting something, but none of the four people there could hear what he was saying, as they were too far away for the microphone to pick up anything.

***

"In the name of God, ye not guilty!" Heero shouted, holding the machete above his head. The blade came flying down at seemingly extraordinary speed as a woman's scream broke through the silence of the beach...

***

Two men and two demi-Saiyajins screamed in horror at the image they saw. They watched as the machete Heero Yuy, pilot of Wing Zero and Wing Gundams, the 'Perfect Soldier', the most hated seventh grade history teacher at Peacecraft Academy, plunged the sharpened machete into....

Into the center of the largest watermelon that any of the people present had seen in their lives. Relena squealed with delight as some of the juice leaked out of the fruit and splattered onto her pastel colored bikini top. Heero raised the machete up again, and stabbed it into the watermelon repeatedly. He was getting far to much pleasure out of this task, since he laughed like a maniac while he plunged the large knife into the heart of the watermelon again and again, giving himself a bath in watermelon chunks and juices in the process.

"Oh my GOD!" Duo covered his eyes, believing that Heero was really stabbing the former Queen of the World. Trowa, Trunks, and Goten were in stiches as they watched Duo bawl like a baby over Relena's "death".

"So, Trunks-kun...does this mean we've just wasted a whole week stalking Mr. Yuy for nothing?" Goten asked in an innocent voice. Trunks sighed and nodded. The other boy broke into tears, exclaiming that he could have spent this whole week eating his mother's fine food instead of wasting time with Trunks and his stupid ideas. Trowa, who had been trying to convince Duo that Relena did NOT die, looked up and noticed the disappointment on the faces of the two boys. He whispered something to Duo, and the proverbial light bulb flickered on above the braided American's head.

"Boys," Duo said. Trunks and Goten stopped their moping and looked up at the man they considered their practical joke god. "You said you were doing this documentary so that you could have something good to show the students in your class?"

"Yeah," Trunks replied sadly. "But since there's nothing going on between them right know except for the fact they're busy making out, what does it matter?" Duo grinned, pointing the camcorder in the couple's location and let out a wolf whistle. He watched as the Trunks and Goten's principal and history teacher were making out...and beginning steps for doing something other than making out. Duo managed to pry his eyes away from the free porno that was being recorded in front of his eyes to get to his point.

"Weeeeeeelll....I happen to know of a guy who can do some amazing things with video tapes. He has video editing equipment at his place, and if we give him this stuff, I'm sure he'll be more than happy to help you make one hell of a documentary for show and tell in school." Duo said with a evil grin on his face. The boys' faces lit up in excitement and begged Duo take them and their tapes to this friend of his.

***

Seven hours later...

"Domo arigatou, Mr. Marquise!" Trunks said as he, Goten, Trowa, and Duo left the Peacecraft mansion. Zechs had a room in the mansion that was dedicated solely to one of his greatest hobbies: video production. He had the latest in video editing equipment and was thrilled to help two seventh grade boys, Trowa, and Duo make a total ass out of his former (?) rival. With the videodiscs that the boys had provided him, Zechs managed to splice clips for all the discs to make into one very interesting documentary for all to see. He was quite proud of his handiwork.

"Eh, it's no problem, kid," Zechs replied with a sadistic grin. He was SO going to enjoy this.

***

"But sir, you HAVE to let us show this to Lady Une!" Trunks snapped. He and Goten were trying to present some "evidence" to the chief Preventer about the "disapparence" of Relena Darlian Peacecraft. The entire place was in Chaos, since no one knew where the Vice Foreign Minister had disappeared to, nor did they know with WHOM she had disappeared with. Wufei crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the two demi-Saiyajins from behind his desk.

"Why should I allow you weaklings to give this pathetic videodisc to my supervisor? For all I know, this is simply a recording of that weakling show Pokémon," Wufei growled, then he noticed Trowa and Duo walking in right behind the children, and released a low growl. "Maxwell, please tell me...."

"YES, I had something to do with it." Duo interjected. Wufei rolled his eyes in disgust, and turned around in his swivel chair so that he was facing the back wall. He really had no desire for one of Maxwell's jokes right now, especially since everyone he knew was getting their butts chewed out for not keeping an eye on Relena. "Wufei, what if we told you that with this videodisc, we can tell you exactly where Relena disappared to?"

"Maxwell, I know it's something that you concocted with Barton, these kids, and Marquise." Wufei growled, still facing the wall. Duo sighed, then marched towards Lady Une's office without Wufei's blessing. Wufei saw the group going ahead using his peripheral vision and sighed.

"Those idiots are going to be the death of me."

****

Heero and Relena walked up to the door of the lavish mansion. Together, they had spent two days at the beach, enjoying each other's company. Relena needed a break from the world that surrounded her, and was happy that she was able to get such a chance with the man she loved, Heero. Heero just needed a break from "those two idiots", better known to the world as Duo Maxwell and Trowa Barton, his beloved roommates. 'Now, here's my chance...' Heero decided as he stared into Relena's ocean blue eyes.

"Relena...I'm glad I got to spend the last couple of days with you," he began. Relena smiled in response, and wrapped her arms around the Perfect Soldier's waist.

"I know," she giggled. "I'm really glad you managed to take me away for a few days from this guilded rat cage. And, I'm happy I was able to spend time with you. There's something I need to tell you, Heero, I--"

"No," he interrupted. "Let me go first....Relena, I lo--"

"PUT YOUR HANDS UP, YUY!" boomed a highly pissed off voice over a loudspeaker. Heero raised his hands to the air as Relena screamed, wondering what the hell was going on. Suddenly, out of the bushes and surrounding trees, Wufei, Zechs, Trowa, Duo, and several Preventer agents appeared. Heero was now throughly confused.

"What the hell is going on here, Wufei?" Heero asked, giving the Chinese Preventer his patented Death Glare.

"You, weakling, are under arrest," Wufei calmly stated. Heero growled.

"Alright, you're pissed off because I kicked your ass at Le Chambord a few nights ago, aren't you?" Heero mused. Wufei recalled that night and growled once more, then slammed Yuy against the door face first.

"I'm not in the mood for your crap, Heero," Wufei stated as he pulled out a pair of handcuffs. "Heero Yuy, you are under arrest for the kidnapping and attempted murder of Miss Peacecraft."

"WHAT!?!?!?!?!?" Heero bellowed. He could not believe this was happening to him.

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law..." Zechs stated as Wufei hauled one highly pissed off Japanese man off into the car. Relena had long since fainted and did not see them taking her beloved to jail. Trunks and Goten, hidden in some bushes near where Duo and Trowa were standing fully dressed in their uniforms, laughed so hard that they cried.

"Oi, Trunks-kun," Goten said inbetween his bouts of laughter. "Everyone in class is REALLY going to enjoy this on Monday!"

"Hai," Trunks managed to reply as he continued laughing at his teacher's misfortune. Even though they never said it outloud, both of the demi-Saiyajin agreed that this spring break had been the best one they ever had.

* OWARI *

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Well, I finally managed to finish this freaking omake. It only took me a little over a year to do so, ne? ^.~ Well, hopefully now I can finish the normal SGT? storyline, since there's really only like....two chapters left to do. ^.^

Questions, comments, flames, offerings of Gundanium to Heero? Give them all to me at paradox@vauss.com, or simply review below! I'd really like to know what everyone thinks of this insane story. ^.^