Summary: Piper's learning to be a lot more careful now that she's got Melinda around.

Disclaimer: The WB owns the Charmed characters and the brilliant Helen Fielding owns the Bridget Jones's Diary idea. (unfortunately...I wish I thought of something this brilliant.)

March

3 March 2001

weight - slimming down ever so slowly.and not because of magic. Ha! Can still be slim without magic. Am on my way to being yummy mummy!; cigarettes - never ever (have I ever felt so low.Shht, no more All Saints.); alcohol - can drink now! Can drink now! Hahahahhaha! Is v. hard to own club full of booze and not drink. However, have not been at said club for a while now, but still; number of 'taking care of baby' books have read - 0; number of times wished had read a 'taking care of baby' book - not enough space to write number, but rest assure, is v. high.

11.58 am -- Melinda is v. gorgeous, once again. Have spent entire morning with her, playing with toys and baking. However, cannot feed Melinda baked goods because, well, Melinda has no teeth. Well, not many, that is. Would be v. mean to say to little baby 'Oh look, here's a delicious cookie, eat it up!' and laugh hysterically while baby tries to grip cookie with tiny uncoordinated hands and bite with nearly non-existent teeth and then cry when realizes cannot eat something yummy. Oh would be terribly cruel. Who would even think of that?!?! Not me. Of course not. So baked goods were made with Melinda's help and then saran-wrapped and popped in fridge for later. Put flour on Melinda's face to make her look like real baking chef and fit in with kitchen and match mummy. She looked so cute! Tee hee! Then she sneezed. Tee hee! So adorably cute when she sneezes!! Her little nose scrunches up and her eyes press shut and she makes little fists and a cute little noise. Ahhh, want to cuddle her all day long. Want to cuddle Leo too. Ooh, could cuddle both at same time. Ew.want to cuddle Melinda in different way than want to cuddle Leo, so cannot do simultaneous cuddling. Will cuddle Melinda now since Leo is not here. Where is delectable husband?? Oh well, will not call him because he will get v. mad at being called away unnecessarily from v. important white-lighter tasks. (Is probably up in white-lighter land dry cleaning his ugly robe, but must not make assumptions.) Come on, baby Melinda.

1.30 pm -- Lurve Melinda's toys. Oh, and lurve Melinda too, but lurve her toys lots. Am a v. good mummy for buying so many lurvely toys! Am v. proud of self! Melinda has one thing that is a big plastic box with different shaped holes in it for different shaped blocks. Personally believe is too 'mature' for baby Melinda, but I quite enjoyed it, so is all good. Also like the Fisher Price symphony music making thing. You know, the thing on the 'Malcolm, meet Mozart.' commercial? Tee hee, Melinda, meet Mozart. Or better yet, Piper, meet.famous dead composer #1. Haha, am so funny. Example: bought Melinda v. nice Gund teddy, and named it for her. Named it Prubee, which is combination of Prue and Phoebe. However, Prue and Phoebe were not amused. But I was, so that's all that matters. Ha!

5.15 pm -- So, was coo cooing with baby Melinda when adorable hubbie Leo orbed in. Yay! Was all excited. Leo was v. excited too. But we both got a little too excited. Forgot that baby Melinda was lying in crib in next room and well, we sort of, um.yeah..bed.mmmmm. Grrr. Well.Shagged. Shag shag shag!!! Ahhh..was so nice. First shag since baby Melinda was born. Were both lying in bed after when we heard small cries. Gahhhhhhh!!!!! Jumped up and put robes on and tended to baby Melinda. Eep! Must not put shagging above Melinda on priority list! Well..not while she's a baby anyway.

8.45 pm -- Leo got a bit grossed out with me at dinner. Was just me and him eating because Prue is running the club and Phoebe is out doing god knows what with demon-boy Cole. So was telling Leo about today with Melinda, and told him that she was smiling loads. This time, though, she was smiling for real because she was happy, not like before. Leo didn't remember anything about before. Hmph. Reminded him that for the last month, Melinda has been smiling loads, and we'd be all like 'Awww!' but then she'd ruin it by being all gassy! She'd just suddenly let one loose.'Pfft.' Yuck. But today she wasn't doing that! Only smiling, nooooo gas. Could just say Awww! without having to follow it up with Yuck! But Leo did. Said yuck and gave me dirty look. Told him that it was cute. He said yes, but not at dinner. I found it v. amusing. He did not. But I did. Haha. But then I made it up to him and we had another lurvely shag. Lurvely lurvely. But still, haha.



8 March 2001

1.15 pm -- Was being all internet-savvy today to pass time. Got v. bored of Melinda's block game, didn't feel like being Fisher Price composer, and was too lazy to go buy more flour for cookies, so went to explore online extravaganza of information. Rummaged through drawers to find paper that Phoebe gave me with loads of baby info website things and after hours (actually was only a few minutes, but surely felt like hours to baby Melinda.) found miniscule paper. Took a few moments to remember how to work internet, but remembered.am not amnesia mummy. So, typed in http://www.babynames.com because wanted to know what Melinda's name means. Was v. interesting. Melinda means 'sweet' in Latin. Is so true of my baby Melinda!! Such a sweeeetie! Ha, am such a knowledgeable and name-savvy mummy. Liked that. Then checked out 'drawbacks' section for Melinda. Hmm. was not as entertaining. Found teasing nicknames like Smelly Melly and Melonhead, so will surely never tell any of Melinda's classmates about site. Must prevent bad nicknames from spreading. Would be v. upsetting to Melinda if some fruit in her math class called her Smelly Melly. I know the feeling. Was called Pippy Longstocking and Pipey in school and absolutely detested kids for it. Wanted so badly to kick them in the nuts, but restrained self. Just laughed at them. Left the kicking to Phoebe. Phoebe was also the one who got into trouble. Felt bad, especially cos Phoebe hated me for it.but tee hee. Hee hee. Ha ha. Boys never called me Pippy or Pipey again.and boys were terrified of Phoebe, even tho she was three years younger. Haha. Was quite amusing seeing trying-desperately-to- be-macho boys running from petite brunette child with a mean kick. Haha. Anywho, back to baby names. Got quite caught up in babynamer.com and researched my name, Prue, Phoebe, Leo and Cole. Hehe. Here is what they mean: Piper - flute player.grrr. Boring meaning.; Prue (Prudence): cautious and intelligent. v. Prue.; Phoebe - bright, shining one.so Phoebe; Leo - a lion.well in the bed he is.grrrr.; Cole - from the name Nicholas. Hmmm interesting definition there. How come everyone (with exception of Cole.probably b/c is a demon) has cool meaning for their name, and the meaning actually fits with their personality??? Is not fair. Hmph. Am going to go off and cry in a corner.

10 March 2001

3.30 pm -- Have created fabulous new game for baby Melinda. Leo does not approve, but frankly, do not care because game is so intensely enjoyable. Okay, for game, I pick up a Melinda toy and throw it into the air and freeze it, then unfreeze, then freeze, then unfreeze until it gets dangerously close to Melinda's head, and then I snatch it out of the air. Melinda giggles for the first while, but then she gets scared when object looms near over her head. Leo doesn't like the game because he thinks that one of these times I'm not gonna freeze it fast enough and it's gonna hit baby Melinda. So I told him I'd never ever do anything to hurt baby Melinda.again. But I have an excuse for creating new and dangerous games. Is because am alone in house all day with beyond tiny baby. No sisters around and no hubbie around. Gave Leo pouty lip that he cannot refuse and he gave me giant hug. Hehe, love how Leo is so whipped by me. Leo whispered lurvely thing into my ear. Said he will make it up to me and that we will go somewhere nice, alone. Oooh!!! Am so excited for post-baby mini-break!!! Hopefully Pheebsies and Pruesies won't mind taking care of baby Melinda for a weekend while I go romp in the clouds.well, perhaps not the clouds.I hear those things aren't very stable. nevertheless, will go off on lurvely mini-break with gorgeous sex-god husband and have wail of a good time. As much as lurve Melinda, lurve Leo and want to spend quality non-baby time with him. Gah, though, must visit doc to ask if it's okay to leave Melinda for two days while she is so young. See? Am taking maternal initiative and am not being neglectful and selfish. Am so proud of self! Ahhh, am the best mummy. And have the best hubbie!! Oooh ooohh...

13 March 2001

4.30 pm -- Would have had most marvelousest mini-break ever with most delectable of husbands ever, but no. Apparently delightful mini-break with husband is not written in the stars (like LeAnn Rimes/Elton John song). This is what happened. Leo orbed us to romantic picnic spot in St. Tropez. Was beautiful. Waves crashing, sand beneath our feet and gorgeous sunsets. Could have shagged husband right there, but there were people around. Mind you, was nude beach (as are all beaches in Europe) so would not have been too risqué. However, shagging waited until the hotel room that night. Ooh, lurvely! Had gorgeous dinner in v. v. expensive restaurant (haha, Leo paid. Oh wait, am married to Leo now, so technically I paid, considering Leo has no source of income. Shit! Order-most- expensive-menu-item-because-am-not-paying plan backfired!) After lurvely dinner of caviar, lobster and decadent chocolate soufflé with grand marnier and berries, and selection of French cheeses (see what I mean about ordering expensive menu items?!) went back up to room to change into robes to go to hot tub/Jacuzzi/sauna complex in hotel. Were just about to leave, wrapped in each other's arms (and robes.mmm.) and were interrupted by telephone. Didn't answer because would ruin the moment, but the message left on the machine ruined the moment, so.whatever. After three rings, European style answerphone clicked on and could hear darling sister Phoebe's voice on other end. Completely frantic, was yelling, "Piper! Leo! Come home! Demon! Melinda!" Accompanied by much incoherent ramblings. Leo looked at me and I looked at him and he orbed us out of our room. Poo. Wanted to go in sauna and get Leo all steamy.mmmm. Ahh, ahh, back to reality. Orbed home and found Prue and Phoebe in attic with BOS cradled in Prue's arms and Melinda cradled in Phoebe's arms.

I reached out for Melinda and Phoebe handed her over. Kissed Melinda and hugged her and whispered that would never leave her again. Forgot to add the 'only if Leo is going in sauna' bit, but felt was not necessary. Melinda would understand. Phoebe and Prue told us that nasty demon attacked, but were able to fend him off. Was v. difficult because did not have freezing or blowing uppy power. Demon would surely attack again, but would not be v. hard to vanquish because was simple power of three spell. Why do all spells (or at least all spells that interrupt mini-breaks) have to be power of three spells? Grrr. BOS is out to get me.

Gave sweet innocent Melinda to Leo, who took her downstairs (away from nasty demon vanquish) and waited for demon to return. Was not long. Froze demon and said annoyingly rhyming vanquish spell. Demon exploded into million bits, yada yada, same old, same old, celebrate, celebrate. Went down to find Melinda fast asleep in Leo's arms. So damn cute. Had to take picture. Told Leo to put Melinda back in crib while we went back to hotel to get our stuff. Wouldn't dream of continuing vacation now, because Melinda needs us. Actually, do dream of continuing vacation, if only sauna bit, but regretfully cannot. So you see, is hopeless. Will probably never get demon-free, baby-free, worry-free, interruption-free mini-break. Hopefully will someday get sweaty Leo in sauna. Would be a shame to miss that. Hmmm, maybe should get Leo to build sauna in basement as birfday present. Sure, birfday is in June, but.Leo will like sweaty sauna outcome just as much as me, so is no harm. Mmm.will dream of sauna. Yes, yes.

25 March 2001

2.25pm -- After spending few weeks back at home with lurvely little baby Melinda, have decided that will not go away from her for a long time. She needs me and Leo, and we need her too! But also think that Melinda needs a daycare, to keep her out of demon's hands. Cannot, however, predict demon attacks, so is not super good plan. Maybe will send Melinda to daycare for only one day a week. Will allow me to get groceries/go shopping/exercise down to yummy mummy status/shag Leo/oh.did not just say shag Leo. Oh bad. Would never put shagging Leo before Melinda, said that before. Oops. Backtrack, would not shag Leo while Melinda's at daycare. Bad bad.

5.50pm -- Told Leo about daycare idea and Leo thought was bad idea. "What if demons track her to the daycare and attack her there?" he asked. Hmm. would be quite bad, because would a) reveal that we are witches and b) put Melinda in danger because daycare lady would not be demon trained witch and capable of protecting darling little Melinda. Wish there was some sort of witch daycare service. But there is no such thing.perhaps should bring idea up with Elders. Leo also thought that was a bad idea. Nevermind. So, scrap daycare idea and scrap witch-daycare Elder idea. Poo. Well, little Melinda, looks like you're staying right here, with us. Where you belong. Just don't put up a fuss when I take you shopping, and please, please don't barf on the clothes. Again.