Summary: Piper gets a little carried away while seeking mild revenge on her
sisters.
Disclaimer: The WB owns the Charmed characters and the brilliant Helen Fielding owns the Bridget Jones's Diary idea. (unfortunately...I wish I thought of something this brilliant.)
May
5 May 2001
weight - AM YUMMY MUMMY!!! Have finally made it to slim status without using magic. Am so thrilled. Think will celebrate with decadent chocolate cake. Oh shit! Wrong, wrong. Bad Piper. Bad bad Piper. But cake is already baking in oven. Oh well, can cheat once and a while; alcohol - plenty, however Leo thinks is bad idea to drink in front of Melinda. Like she knows what alcohol is. Pfft; pictures taken of Melinda while on picnic - three rolls. Hey, was all Prue taking the pics! (well, first roll was.second roll was me and third was Leo.oops)
7.35pm -- Was gorgeous day today, so decided to head off to Golden Gate Park for sunny picnic. Lurve picnics, however hate the fact that since am only family member who can make non-fatal-if-ingested food, get roped into making entire picnic. Melinda eats barely anything except milk, but Phoebe, Leo and Cole could join together to become the Three Little Pigs! I swear, if we come a cross a straw house, it'll be down in no time at all. Huffing and puffing. Gah. Anywho, am rambling, so, made gorgeous mixed greens salad with feta cheese and grilled veggies. Then had bazillions of yummy little sandwiches with stuff in em like turkey and ham and cheese and cucumbers and peanut butter and yeah, that was about it. No eggs though, because eggs make me yak. Then for dessert had really yummy cherry pie with Ben and Jerry's Vanilla ice cream.. Also had fruit like berries and melons. Was quite a nice picnic.
So, were sitting around having fun and Prue pulled out her camera and starts snapping piccies. First some of Phoebe and Cole, but she had to stop because Melinda got jealous. Started screaming and waving arms at Prue. Is quite the little attention craver we have on our hands. But is so cute. So, Prue ended up finishing roll with me, Melinda and Leo. Had some really cute ones, like with Melinda on her back on grass and Leo and I tickling her tummy, and with Leo playing airplane with her. Then Prue went behind me and took one of me breastfeeding Melinda. How rude. Must have picture burned because is quite inappropriate! Must get sweet revenge on Prue.perhaps will sabotage darkroom. Yes, yes. Good idea.
6 May 2001
12.15pm -- Sabotaging darkroom was v. bad idea. Not only am I covered in chemicals, also have one pissed off turkey of a sister. Shit. Must get Melinda out of the house before she has to face the wrath of Prue. Will go tell Leo to save baby Melinda; he'll like that.allows him to act all noble.
12.45pm -- Prue got called away on photography assignment so am safe. For short while, that is. Sent Leo and Melinda off to play. Have absolutely no idea where Leo took Melinda, but hope they are having fun. Oh, just thought of something. If Leo took Melinda 'up there' will be extremely, irreversibly pissed off. Would not be fair in the slightest. Would have to hurt Leo. Then would get to kiss him better, which is quite nice indeed, but would still be v. v. mad at him. Hmph. Am going on laptop computer. Will click away problems, although not in Sin-of-Gluttony style. Bad bad.
12.55pm -- Ooh! Have found Phoebe's resume! Was snooping.I mean 'investigating' files in 'My Computer' folder and found file called 'Phoebe's Resume - Open and die.' Am going to open it. Hehe, do not seriously think Phoebe will kill lil ole me! Click!
1.15pm -- Am just going to change a few minor details. "Languages. Oh, Pheebs, you can speak more than just English! How's about French, Dutch, Swedish, Latin? You should look like you're 'worldly', shouldn't you?" Snicker. What about..Oh, perfect. Achievements. "Pheebs, you've gotta look well rounded! Grade 8 Royal Conservatory of Music Oboe Certificate, Grade 5 RCM Counterpoint Certificate, Duke of Edinburgh Gold Award, Red Cross Life Saving Certificate.that looks good." Then Phoebe yelled down to me, "Piper! I hear clicking; are you on the laptop?" Answered yes. "Okay, can you do me a favour and print my resume? I have a job interview in a half hour and I'm running late. Just open 'My Computer/C drive/Phoebe's Junk, right click on the file called Phoebe's Resume - Open and die and select the print option. And DON'T read it! Thanks a bunch!" Snicker snicker. Hehe, hope Phoebe doesn't notice the few 'changes' on her resume. Probably won't, since she's in a hurry. Well then, can add more! How about.
1.30pm -- Hehe. Heheh. Am so funny. Am also probably v. screwed. Sent Phoebe off with resume with said 'exaggerations-of-the-truth' as I like to call them. Some may call them blatant lies, but exaggeration and truth are much nicer words. Also added things like SCUBA Certificate, avid church- goer and church volunteer, loom-weaver (you know, those loom things you see in Pioneer Villages.hehe) and other fun things. Just hope Phoebe's prospective job doesn't consider 'witch' as an offensive or unfavourable pastime. Kidding. Did not put witch on Phoebe's resume. Was actually High Priestess, but who's keeping track?!
7 May 2001
2.30pm -- Oh am so totally irreversibly screwed. Only two people love me; Leo and baby Melinda. Well, actually, Prue isn't v. mad anymore because I promised to help her mix new chemicals and clean darkroom. Still sucks that she is getting revenge on my revenge. Must come up with less destructive revenge that doesn't involve any cleaning on my behalf. Oh poo. But yes, Phoebe is v. v. v. mad at me. Firstly, let me tell you that her interview was for a personal assistant position to some huge executive of an international pharmaceuticals company. So, she tells me that the meeting went like so: Pheebs walks into room with three big scary interview people and hands them my revised resume. They look it over and raise eyebrows and smile big, so Phoebe gets excited. Had obviously not re- read resume. Dummy. Have been advised to always re-read resume, although do not have to do so myself because own faboo club and do not need a job. But back to Pheebs. So, middle interview person looks up at Phoebe and asks her this: "Ahebeosobe worebrp beil bvreieps rbewosl?" Or the like. Do not speak Dutch, so do not know. But, interview people thought Phoebe spoke Dutch (because, remember, put Dutch as a language on Phoebe's resume..teehee.) But Phoebe obviously doesn't know Dutch, and so was v. confused. Told them she had no idea what they said, and they asked 'Oh, is your Dutch a little rusty?' Phoebe said, 'No, I don't speak Dutch.' They said, 'But your resume says you do.' She said 'No it doesn't.' They weren't happy because it looked like Phoebe fudged her resume to make herself look 'worldly', but in fact was not Phoebe who did it, remember, it was grand resume master Piper!!!! ( Anywho, interview people shook their heads and moved on. Asked her how she thought her looming experience would contribute to her job. Above dialogue ensued again. Then there was the High Priestess bit. Phoebe's most pissed about this bit. Smallest interview person told Phoebe she was getting married and didn't want a conventional wedding, so asked Phoebe to be the High Priestess at her wedding!!! Hehehehheheheh!!!! Oh that makes me laugh. So Phoebe told her once again that she couldn't do that, asked for her resume back and left the room. Got home seething and tracked me down. Am in so much shit! Oh, but is so worth it, hearing what happened. Phoebe called me evil, but I think in Dutch that means GENIUS!!! For that is what I am. Anywho, now have to do Phoebe's laundry because she is making me. So is Prue. Both sisters don't know what has gotten into me, but is just because have never had all these wonderful mischief making opportunities!!! Is purely sisters' fault for giving me all these chances to screw up their stuff. Do they really expect me to sit back and watch perfect opportunities pass?!?!?! I think not. Must go now. Am going to go find Leo and Melinda, because cannot afford to screw with Phoebe and Prue's lives anymore. Have a feeling the next chore will be cleaning the bathrooms, and will NOT do that.
10 May 2001
3.45pm -- So, Leo found out about giant darkroom/resume sabotages from big- mouthed sisters, and made me take them for lunch. Poo. Had to pay for five people. Well, Melinda didn't eat much, so actually only four. Told Cole he couldn't come, because am v. cheap. Haha, not really, but that's what he probably thinks. Anywho, went with Prue to little ATM machine conveniently located in restaurant because needed cash for later when was taking Melinda to buy a new toy (more about that in a minute) and Prue needed cash for some photography stuff. Didn't ask because didn't want to bring up me and her photography in same sentence. So, put my card in ATM machine and little screen lit up and said 'Hello, Piper.' Was really quite nice to know that although ATM is ripping me off by making me pay $2.00 transaction fee, can still be polite in the process. So, yadda yadda, took money out and let Prue go. But lo and behold, Prue stuck her card in and little screen lit up with the words 'Hello, \' Hahahahhahahahahahahha!!! Hello backslash!!!! Hahhahahahahhahahah!!!! Ran back to table and gleefully shared our little ATM encounter, but no one thought it was as funny as me. Well, maybe Melinda thought it was funny, she giggled well enough for me. So cute. But yeah, was not amused at the fact that family wasn't amused at my amusement. And now the word amused has completely lost it's meaning. Ah well.
3.50pm -- Oh yes, so went to gigantic Toys R Us shop for Melinda to find a new toy. I picked out the new Fisher Price Rock and Bach guitar/violin thingy, but Leo put it back because it is for children aged 3 to 5. Melinda is only four months. Shit. I really want to play classical violin and rock out with the guitar!! Poo! Leo picked out a new rattle. Whoopdeedoo! Am going to come back another day to buy Rock and Bach. Poo to Leo. Big big Poo.
25 May 2001
9.25am -- Finally got time to buy my Rock and Bach! Am so excited!!! Got it home and took it to my room and tore into package like four-year-old. Shoved AA batteries in it (ruddy thing should come with batteries.perhaps shall complain to Fisher Price.later. After I play with Rock and Bach.). So yes, scrounged around for batteries (if anyone wants to watch TV, they must change channels the old fashioned way now.sorta sabotaged the remote.) and started jammin' with the Rock and Bach. Must've been making a helluva lot of noise because Leo came in bouncing Melinda on his hip, wondering what was wrong with me. Thought had suddenly joined rock cult like Twisted Sister or Korn or the like. Tried to hide Rock and Bach but Leo saw and gave me disapproving stare. Actually, he thought it was quite cute, and told me so. Hehe. Told him I'd serenade him with Bach violin bit, but as soon as I started he ran out of the room covering Melinda's ears. Can't imagine why. Hum dee dum. Will just play for self.
28 May 2001
6.50pm -- Things nearly back to normal with sisters. Am just banned from basement where darkroom is and laptop computer. But do not need to go to basement and do not really need computer. Ah well, will find other way to sabotage sisters (just don't tell them.) Will eventually be banned from whole house, but baby steps. All in good time.
Disclaimer: The WB owns the Charmed characters and the brilliant Helen Fielding owns the Bridget Jones's Diary idea. (unfortunately...I wish I thought of something this brilliant.)
May
5 May 2001
weight - AM YUMMY MUMMY!!! Have finally made it to slim status without using magic. Am so thrilled. Think will celebrate with decadent chocolate cake. Oh shit! Wrong, wrong. Bad Piper. Bad bad Piper. But cake is already baking in oven. Oh well, can cheat once and a while; alcohol - plenty, however Leo thinks is bad idea to drink in front of Melinda. Like she knows what alcohol is. Pfft; pictures taken of Melinda while on picnic - three rolls. Hey, was all Prue taking the pics! (well, first roll was.second roll was me and third was Leo.oops)
7.35pm -- Was gorgeous day today, so decided to head off to Golden Gate Park for sunny picnic. Lurve picnics, however hate the fact that since am only family member who can make non-fatal-if-ingested food, get roped into making entire picnic. Melinda eats barely anything except milk, but Phoebe, Leo and Cole could join together to become the Three Little Pigs! I swear, if we come a cross a straw house, it'll be down in no time at all. Huffing and puffing. Gah. Anywho, am rambling, so, made gorgeous mixed greens salad with feta cheese and grilled veggies. Then had bazillions of yummy little sandwiches with stuff in em like turkey and ham and cheese and cucumbers and peanut butter and yeah, that was about it. No eggs though, because eggs make me yak. Then for dessert had really yummy cherry pie with Ben and Jerry's Vanilla ice cream.. Also had fruit like berries and melons. Was quite a nice picnic.
So, were sitting around having fun and Prue pulled out her camera and starts snapping piccies. First some of Phoebe and Cole, but she had to stop because Melinda got jealous. Started screaming and waving arms at Prue. Is quite the little attention craver we have on our hands. But is so cute. So, Prue ended up finishing roll with me, Melinda and Leo. Had some really cute ones, like with Melinda on her back on grass and Leo and I tickling her tummy, and with Leo playing airplane with her. Then Prue went behind me and took one of me breastfeeding Melinda. How rude. Must have picture burned because is quite inappropriate! Must get sweet revenge on Prue.perhaps will sabotage darkroom. Yes, yes. Good idea.
6 May 2001
12.15pm -- Sabotaging darkroom was v. bad idea. Not only am I covered in chemicals, also have one pissed off turkey of a sister. Shit. Must get Melinda out of the house before she has to face the wrath of Prue. Will go tell Leo to save baby Melinda; he'll like that.allows him to act all noble.
12.45pm -- Prue got called away on photography assignment so am safe. For short while, that is. Sent Leo and Melinda off to play. Have absolutely no idea where Leo took Melinda, but hope they are having fun. Oh, just thought of something. If Leo took Melinda 'up there' will be extremely, irreversibly pissed off. Would not be fair in the slightest. Would have to hurt Leo. Then would get to kiss him better, which is quite nice indeed, but would still be v. v. mad at him. Hmph. Am going on laptop computer. Will click away problems, although not in Sin-of-Gluttony style. Bad bad.
12.55pm -- Ooh! Have found Phoebe's resume! Was snooping.I mean 'investigating' files in 'My Computer' folder and found file called 'Phoebe's Resume - Open and die.' Am going to open it. Hehe, do not seriously think Phoebe will kill lil ole me! Click!
1.15pm -- Am just going to change a few minor details. "Languages. Oh, Pheebs, you can speak more than just English! How's about French, Dutch, Swedish, Latin? You should look like you're 'worldly', shouldn't you?" Snicker. What about..Oh, perfect. Achievements. "Pheebs, you've gotta look well rounded! Grade 8 Royal Conservatory of Music Oboe Certificate, Grade 5 RCM Counterpoint Certificate, Duke of Edinburgh Gold Award, Red Cross Life Saving Certificate.that looks good." Then Phoebe yelled down to me, "Piper! I hear clicking; are you on the laptop?" Answered yes. "Okay, can you do me a favour and print my resume? I have a job interview in a half hour and I'm running late. Just open 'My Computer/C drive/Phoebe's Junk, right click on the file called Phoebe's Resume - Open and die and select the print option. And DON'T read it! Thanks a bunch!" Snicker snicker. Hehe, hope Phoebe doesn't notice the few 'changes' on her resume. Probably won't, since she's in a hurry. Well then, can add more! How about.
1.30pm -- Hehe. Heheh. Am so funny. Am also probably v. screwed. Sent Phoebe off with resume with said 'exaggerations-of-the-truth' as I like to call them. Some may call them blatant lies, but exaggeration and truth are much nicer words. Also added things like SCUBA Certificate, avid church- goer and church volunteer, loom-weaver (you know, those loom things you see in Pioneer Villages.hehe) and other fun things. Just hope Phoebe's prospective job doesn't consider 'witch' as an offensive or unfavourable pastime. Kidding. Did not put witch on Phoebe's resume. Was actually High Priestess, but who's keeping track?!
7 May 2001
2.30pm -- Oh am so totally irreversibly screwed. Only two people love me; Leo and baby Melinda. Well, actually, Prue isn't v. mad anymore because I promised to help her mix new chemicals and clean darkroom. Still sucks that she is getting revenge on my revenge. Must come up with less destructive revenge that doesn't involve any cleaning on my behalf. Oh poo. But yes, Phoebe is v. v. v. mad at me. Firstly, let me tell you that her interview was for a personal assistant position to some huge executive of an international pharmaceuticals company. So, she tells me that the meeting went like so: Pheebs walks into room with three big scary interview people and hands them my revised resume. They look it over and raise eyebrows and smile big, so Phoebe gets excited. Had obviously not re- read resume. Dummy. Have been advised to always re-read resume, although do not have to do so myself because own faboo club and do not need a job. But back to Pheebs. So, middle interview person looks up at Phoebe and asks her this: "Ahebeosobe worebrp beil bvreieps rbewosl?" Or the like. Do not speak Dutch, so do not know. But, interview people thought Phoebe spoke Dutch (because, remember, put Dutch as a language on Phoebe's resume..teehee.) But Phoebe obviously doesn't know Dutch, and so was v. confused. Told them she had no idea what they said, and they asked 'Oh, is your Dutch a little rusty?' Phoebe said, 'No, I don't speak Dutch.' They said, 'But your resume says you do.' She said 'No it doesn't.' They weren't happy because it looked like Phoebe fudged her resume to make herself look 'worldly', but in fact was not Phoebe who did it, remember, it was grand resume master Piper!!!! ( Anywho, interview people shook their heads and moved on. Asked her how she thought her looming experience would contribute to her job. Above dialogue ensued again. Then there was the High Priestess bit. Phoebe's most pissed about this bit. Smallest interview person told Phoebe she was getting married and didn't want a conventional wedding, so asked Phoebe to be the High Priestess at her wedding!!! Hehehehheheheh!!!! Oh that makes me laugh. So Phoebe told her once again that she couldn't do that, asked for her resume back and left the room. Got home seething and tracked me down. Am in so much shit! Oh, but is so worth it, hearing what happened. Phoebe called me evil, but I think in Dutch that means GENIUS!!! For that is what I am. Anywho, now have to do Phoebe's laundry because she is making me. So is Prue. Both sisters don't know what has gotten into me, but is just because have never had all these wonderful mischief making opportunities!!! Is purely sisters' fault for giving me all these chances to screw up their stuff. Do they really expect me to sit back and watch perfect opportunities pass?!?!?! I think not. Must go now. Am going to go find Leo and Melinda, because cannot afford to screw with Phoebe and Prue's lives anymore. Have a feeling the next chore will be cleaning the bathrooms, and will NOT do that.
10 May 2001
3.45pm -- So, Leo found out about giant darkroom/resume sabotages from big- mouthed sisters, and made me take them for lunch. Poo. Had to pay for five people. Well, Melinda didn't eat much, so actually only four. Told Cole he couldn't come, because am v. cheap. Haha, not really, but that's what he probably thinks. Anywho, went with Prue to little ATM machine conveniently located in restaurant because needed cash for later when was taking Melinda to buy a new toy (more about that in a minute) and Prue needed cash for some photography stuff. Didn't ask because didn't want to bring up me and her photography in same sentence. So, put my card in ATM machine and little screen lit up and said 'Hello, Piper.' Was really quite nice to know that although ATM is ripping me off by making me pay $2.00 transaction fee, can still be polite in the process. So, yadda yadda, took money out and let Prue go. But lo and behold, Prue stuck her card in and little screen lit up with the words 'Hello, \' Hahahahhahahahahahahha!!! Hello backslash!!!! Hahhahahahahhahahah!!!! Ran back to table and gleefully shared our little ATM encounter, but no one thought it was as funny as me. Well, maybe Melinda thought it was funny, she giggled well enough for me. So cute. But yeah, was not amused at the fact that family wasn't amused at my amusement. And now the word amused has completely lost it's meaning. Ah well.
3.50pm -- Oh yes, so went to gigantic Toys R Us shop for Melinda to find a new toy. I picked out the new Fisher Price Rock and Bach guitar/violin thingy, but Leo put it back because it is for children aged 3 to 5. Melinda is only four months. Shit. I really want to play classical violin and rock out with the guitar!! Poo! Leo picked out a new rattle. Whoopdeedoo! Am going to come back another day to buy Rock and Bach. Poo to Leo. Big big Poo.
25 May 2001
9.25am -- Finally got time to buy my Rock and Bach! Am so excited!!! Got it home and took it to my room and tore into package like four-year-old. Shoved AA batteries in it (ruddy thing should come with batteries.perhaps shall complain to Fisher Price.later. After I play with Rock and Bach.). So yes, scrounged around for batteries (if anyone wants to watch TV, they must change channels the old fashioned way now.sorta sabotaged the remote.) and started jammin' with the Rock and Bach. Must've been making a helluva lot of noise because Leo came in bouncing Melinda on his hip, wondering what was wrong with me. Thought had suddenly joined rock cult like Twisted Sister or Korn or the like. Tried to hide Rock and Bach but Leo saw and gave me disapproving stare. Actually, he thought it was quite cute, and told me so. Hehe. Told him I'd serenade him with Bach violin bit, but as soon as I started he ran out of the room covering Melinda's ears. Can't imagine why. Hum dee dum. Will just play for self.
28 May 2001
6.50pm -- Things nearly back to normal with sisters. Am just banned from basement where darkroom is and laptop computer. But do not need to go to basement and do not really need computer. Ah well, will find other way to sabotage sisters (just don't tell them.) Will eventually be banned from whole house, but baby steps. All in good time.
