Summary: Melinda meets Gerber, goes to the zoo and says her first real word, although it's not the traditional mama or dada.

Disclaimer: The WB owns the Charmed characters and the brilliant Helen Fielding owns the Bridget Jones's Diary idea. (unfortunately...I wish I thought of something this brilliant.)

June

8 June 2001

weight - big huge number due to excess baby food have eaten; alcohol - not much, unfortunately.; number of times have visited Toys R Us by myself - v. high number, lurve bouncing on pogo sticks.reminds me of childhood, strange though, that old 70s toys are now cool; times tried to feed Melinda some Gerber - loads; times Melinda actually ate Gerber - is negative number possible?

10.58am - Melinda is now old enough to eat 'solids', such as Gerber baby food. Am feeding her said food right now. Leo and I call it 'slop' because is sloppy and, quite frankly, disgusting. Have bought the least disgusting looking jars of all, although, every single one reminded me of vomit. In different shades of the rainbow, of course. Is gay pride baby food! Should have little parade of baby food jars, flying rainbow flags. No, no. Have gone too far.

11.05pm - Am wearing slop. So is Leo. So is Prubee (Melinda's Gund teddy). Is v. gross. Feel like kids on that TV show (think it was 'You Can't Do That On Television - random Canadian show with crazy Alanis Morrissette on it, before she was famous) when the kids got slimed at random. Or like Uh-Oh, other strange Canadian show where kids get slimed when they answer question-that-no-one-knows-answer-to wrong. Am rambling.

Was trying to feed Melinda apricot Gerber (because was least vomit-inducing flavour.wouldn't go near Pea.) and seemed as though whenever Melinda saw spoonful coming her way, clamped her little mouth shut. Hmph. Is v. smart child for knowing that baby food is nasty, however, baby Melinda needs to eat something. Pretended food was airplane, and made whooshing noises to try to get food in baby mouth. Didn't work. So, heehee, told Melinda that daddy liked the baby food, and when Leo wasn't paying attention, popped spoon into his mouth! Mmm mm good! Hehe. Leo made funny face, but had to pretend to like it because Melinda was staring intently at him. Hahahahahah! Was chuckling at Leo until he popped spoon into my mouth. No wonder baby Melinda hates the Gerber stuff. It's crap! But alas, pretended that I liked it. Then told Melinda that Prubee liked it too. Only problem is, Prubee has no mouth that opens and closes, so got apricot junk all over beautiful teddy. After Melinda saw that Prubee was 'eating' it, she ate it too. Obviously two spoonfuls was plenty for Melinda, because the next spoonfuls were thrown back at me and Leo. Gross gross gross!

11.45am - Got Melinda upstairs and into clean clothes and into little crib to sleep. Don't care if she was tired, I needed to have a shower. So did Leo. So we hopped in shower together and.yadda yadda yadda. Sound like Seinfeld episode, when everyone kept saying yadda yadda yadda to finish sentences and everyone got really pissed off. Will try that with Leo. Hehe.

12 June 2001

3.35pm - Just returned from lurvely day at the zoo. Was whole family outing, with exception of Prue. She hates animals. Hehe, actually, is not true, however she has been scarred for life by amusing (according to me and Pheebs) incident when we were young. Has not been back to zoo since. Hehe. Hehehe. Am laughing at funny Prue/zoo tale. Hehehe. Okay, okay, will tell. Want more people to laugh at Prue. Am so mean. Ah well.

So, were with Grams at zoo and were wandering around some continent.think it was 'South America' or something. Came across a cage with loads of big, black birds sitting on branches. Most of the birds were at the back of the cage, and we were at the front (of course.what would we be doing in the middle?!) So were just standing there, waiting for birds to do something interesting - they were pretty dull for a while there - when suddenly one bird flew really fast directly at the cage right in front of Prue. Let out huge 'CAW!' (bird, not Prue) and strange hissing sound. Prue screamed and jumped ten feet in the air. Turned and started running away. Me and Pheebs were on the dirty ground laughing and laughing. I actually had tears in my eyes! Grams didn't think it was funny, though, and ordered us up off the ground, or as she called it "The feeding ground for animal poop." Whatever that means, and made us go find the terrified beyond belief Prue. Finally found her, huddled in corner of gift shop. Figures we'd find her seeking comfort in retail centre.was my idea to search there first. Had to comfort her, etc etc, and then had to go home. Ruined mine and Pheebs's day at the zoo. And couldn't go back because Prue refused. Hahaha. Fun times. Hahah. Looking back at that.doesn't seem that funny.sorry bout that. Is funny to me, so must be funny to everyone else.at least pretend you like it.

Anywho, took baby Melinda to zoo along with Pheebs, Cole and of course, Leeeeo. Visited new, limited-time-only Chinese Panda exhibit. Saw pannnnda called Quing Quing, and Leo bought little panda stuffed animal for Melinda. Told Leo Melinda didn't need new stuffed animal, but Leo didn't care. He figured that Prubee was drenched in baby food, so Melinda needed new teddy. Whatever. Anywho, were headed out of zoo when we came across big black bird cage from Prue's nightmares. Pheebs and I got so excited when we saw it that we ran over to it screaming, like crazy freaks! Cole and Leo and even Melinda looked quite embarrassed an pretended they weren't with us. Ah well. Were laughing soooo damn hard. Finally Leo and Cole had to pull us away from cage. Laughed all the way home. Got home and found Prue watching TV. Me and Pheebs burst in and started yelling at her about bird. Were laughing and yelling and Prue got really mad so she went upstairs. Haha. Hahaha. Should've bought baby Melinda a stuffed bird. Too bad Prue isn't afraid of pandas! Hmm.maybe can do something about that!

15 June 2001

1.15pm - Have just returned from new favourite store, Toys R Us, with present for Melinda. Well, actually, is present for me, but am pretending is for Melinda. Bought her new Fisher Price 'Play With Letters Desk'. Is so fun!!! You take a letter and roll it across the screen and it says the letter, and when you write a short word with the letters it will say that word!!! Prue told me that was being stupid because was a toy for ages 3 and up and Melinda is only 6 months. Using brand new toy, told Prue to 'Sh- ove.it.' Haha, love new toy. Is genius way to insult sisters!!! Am really going to enjoy this. Can be all like 'I didn't say anything, it was the Fisher Price toy!' Hahaha.

18 June 2001

2.25pm - Shit. Shitballs. Have been playing so much with letters desk that has influenced Melinda. Is good, because that means that Fisher Price learning stuff actually serves a purpose to children, rather than their a.d.d. parents, but bad because.well.of me. So have been playing with letters desk for last three days, and kept writing poo because is easy word to write and to say (for the machine) and is fun to call Leo and Prue and Phoebe a 'P-oo.' However, actions have paid off in bad way. Today, Leo and I were sitting at breakfast table with Melinda and Phoebe, and Melinda said her first word!!! Was so cute; she actually spoke!!! I was so excited and jumping up and down, but Leo was not. Want to know why? Well is because Melinda's first word was 'poo'. Oopsies. Phoebe thought it was hilarious and called Prue at work to tell her. Leo gave me disapproving stare and told Melinda that she shouldn't say that. I told Leo that it probably wasn't a real 'word', just some random baby ramblings. But then Melinda got me into even more trouble and said it again. Damn you Melinda!!! Damn your cuteness!!! So now Leo is convinced that was my doings and consequently, am forbidden to go to Toys R Us!!!! Is not fair!!! Wah wah wah. Nearly cried, actually, which is quite sad. Feel like child deprived of candy and chocolate on Halloween, however Toys R Us is not once-a-year thing, is more like once-a-day thing. Grrr.must convince Leo that can contain self when am in Toys R Us. Maybe can arrange probation type agreement. Yes, yes. Need Toys R Us.need Fisher Price.

3.00pm - Ooh! Just thought of something!! Can use Fisher Price's website!! Hahahahhahahha. Am master.

3.10pm - Shit. Forgot that because of Phoebe's-resume-debacle am not allowed to use laptop. Why am I banned from so many things? Why?! Why?! Stop the insanity!!!

20 June 2001

4.30pm - Is not fair!!!!! Leo took Melinda to Toys R Us today!!!!!!!!! Went to P3 to do some work (needed to be productive and make money to spend during sneak attacks on Toys R Us) and came home to find Leo and Melinda playing with new Fisher Price toy!! Am so irreversibly mad. Still get to play with toy, but didn't get to choose it and didn't get to go to Toys R Us, so am v. v. mad. Anywho, Leo brought box to me and pointed out, plain as day that the toy he bought was for ages 6 months and up. Meaning it was not beyond Melinda's brain capacity and that she could play with it. Probably means will be absolutely no fun for me. Poo. Am going to sulk in the hopes that Leo will come and try to make me feel better. Highly doubt it because he is sorta mad at me, but is worth a shot.

5.15pm - Leo still hasn't come. There are two ways I can go with that, but please, minds out of the gutter. For Melinda's sake. So, I trotted downstairs to see why Leo was still there, and found most delightful thing. Leo had bought the Bee Bop Buildin Twirlin Whrirlin Garden for Melinda!!!! Was sooooo excited!!! Picked up fascinated-by-spinning-coloured-plastic child and set her down in her playpen. Sat in front of brand new toy and played.was mesmerizing. Until Leo got Melinda out and made me play with her and toy at the same time. Meh..still got to play with toy, which is cool enough for me!

25 June 2001

8.30pm - Leo and I are getting along much better now. Were never not getting along, just now is better. We're back to shagging v. regularly, which is goooood for me, and he is helping me with my addiction to Toys R Us. Told me that he wanted to check me into Betty Ford Centre, but they didn't deal with my kind of addiction. Hardee har har. Leo's so funny. Actually, he is, but I was not amused at his attempt at a joke. But we made up and shagged, so is all good. From now on, I must go with him to Toys R Us and we will carefully read age labels on the Fisher Price toys. Isn't what I really wanted, but as long as I get to spend time with my darling baby Melinda, my sexy husband Leo and my obsession, Toys R Us, I'm as happy a woman as you'll ever find.