AN: Oog, more slash parody! I've read a lot lately about Harry and Draco getting happy together, with varying degrees of approval depending on their varying degrees of character realism. I think, however, that the only way Harry and Draco, or Snape and Draco, or Snape and Harry would get happy together is if they were really happy to begin with. Any of these poor maltreated characters mine, you ask? Nope, they're all JKR's. I'll perform the iObliviate/i charm on them after I'm done so they don't remember what I've done to them. If only other fanfic authors would be so kind. Catch the nerdy Greek reference and get House points.


Hermione pointed to the flyer, done in mind-bending colors of green and blue. "Well, it looks like a big party," she said, biting her lip dubiously. "But look, if we go tonight we'll be all worn out for the first day of school tomorrow!"

"Get off your high horse 'Mione. The first day is just the feast and the Express. No classes." Ron chewed on licorice as bright as his hair as he lay on Hermione's bed. The three of them-Ron, Hermione and Harry-were staying at the Granger's for the week before they returned to Hogwarts. It was a rare treat for the three to spend their winter holidays away from their beloved school, and while they missed the freedom of living at the school, they relished the opportunities to play in the Muggle world.

They had picked up the flier on a weekend trip into Camden. Ron was thrilled by the Tube, but Harry and Hermione were too busy keeping Ron quiet about "eckeltricity" to really enjoy London to their fullest. Every other second Ron was shouting "Brilliant! They light up the whole square like this? With these little bulby-things?" while pointing at Christmas lights, or muttering how his dad would be green with jealousy at Ron's experiences.

Ron had snatched the flier out of a brightly dressed young woman's hands and immediately prodded it to try and make the illustrated dancers on the page move. "Move you bloody..."and stopped, as he realized the girl was staring at him, her pink and purple hair falling in her face.

She giggled, and said, "No, they won't move until after you come to this." She pointed at the flier and raised one eyebrow.

"Well I'll be there then!" said Ron with a big grin.

"Great, I hope to see you, Red." She winked at him and wandered off to where a group of her friends were standing. She handed out a few more fliers while Ron had stared, a little bemused, at her slim figure.

Harry grabbed the flier from Hermione's hand while Ron blew bubbles through the licorice, fresh from his older siblings' line of prank and novelty candies. "He's right, Hermione. It really won't hurt to go." Hermione still looked doubtful.

"Please 'Mione!" Ron wheedled. "This is my last chance to go to a Muggle party! Pleeeeeeee-"

"All right," Hermione said with a scowl. "If we get into trouble though I'm blaming both of you."

Ron and Harry turned to each other, big grins stretched across their thin faces. "That seems fair enough to me," said Harry. And it was settled.
-------

It was late, well past midnight, but none of the three had any thoughts of returning back to the Grangers'. Hermione was a huge success at this party--or 'rave' as Ron noticed the Muggles kept calling it--after relaxing. All three had had little pellets of Muggle candy. Ron and Harry both privately agreed that they tasted foul, but very shortly both were feeling too ecstatic to complain.

Hermione had Transfigured some boy's belt into a string with a clasp on it for her wand. Crying "Lumos! Lumos!" she spun her wand about her head, creating patterns with the light as she spun. She sat on a boy's shoulders--possibly the same whose belt she had stolen, although she wasn't too clear on this--and made him glow with a tap of her wand. "iLux in corpori/i!" she hollered. "Euoi euoi!" she cried. Hermione was quite thrilled to be at the party whatever misgivings she had felt earlier.

Ron was pretty jolly pleased as well. A bevy of girls ranging from thin to voluptuous were following him around, begging him to toss his hair under the blacklight, a peculiar Muggle device which made all other colors glow eerily. Ron was more than accommodating. He twisted and turned under the bright lights, watching his hands move, his pale skin glowing. "I can feel it in me!" He yelled. "It's so warm!" The girl he had met earlier that day gyrated near him, glowing bands of light encircling her arms and neck.

"Nice to see you here, Red, " she said loudly. He could scarcely hear her over the thumping music. "Are they moving yet?"

Ron was excited. "I didn't even think of that!" He pulled the tattered flyer out of his pocket and tapped it with his wand. Lo and behold, the exaggerated figures on the page flickered and danced before Ron's eye. "Bloody brilliant," he whispered. The girl slid closer to him, and the streaks of blond in her multi-colored hair shone in the blacklight. Their mouths met, and Ron stared, enchanted, at the movement of her hair as her mouth slid down his body.

Harry too was having a marvelous time. He was sandwiched between a slender girl with orange hair and a burly young man who delightedly kept grabbing Harry's ass. There must have been some Charm put on this place, thought Harry. I feel spectacular.

At that moment, a group of men in black robes, hoods pulled over their faces walked into the rave. They began walking amongst the Muggles, looking as if they were trying to blend in...badly. They danced awkwardly, and took the candies handed to them. The Muggles didn't notice anything unusual about black robes being worn to their party, although Harry overheard the orange-haired girl laugh about the Gothic Invasion. Harry watched with innocent interest as the black-robed strangers ate the candies.

Harry became slightly alarmed as two Black Robes grabbed a glitter-encrusted
raver, but soon, the two were merely giving each other back rubs while the abductee hugged them both. After they began singing the Care Bears' theme song Harry lost interest, but he grinned widely as he saw a familiar face. A silver-blond thin boy was staring at his hands and hugging himself alternately.

"Draco!" Harry yelped with joy. He wrapped his arms around the slim boy who hugged him back.

"Oh Harry," Draco said with tears shining in his blue eyes, "I've been so mean to you. Can you forgive me?" Draco embraced Harry heartily.

"Of course Draco! You know," Harry too was crying now, "I love you!"

"I love you too Harry Potter!"

The two boys hugged and ground their hips together. "I've never felt so good,
Harry," said Draco. "Is there a Cheering Charm on this place or something?"

"I don't know." Harry pulled Draco closer. "And I don't care!" shouted Harry before he began licking Draco's arm, wrapped around his shoulders. They each began licking the other, on their neck arms and face. Finally tongue met tongue and Harry and Draco kissed deeply and passionately.

_____

The ride on the Hogwarts Express for the final term of Harry's seventh year was unusually quiet. Draco seemed unusually inclined to sit in a compartment, completely alone, downing bottles of water. He looked unusually pale and slightly nauseous to boot.

Harry sat with his two best friends, who were no comfort to the shattered psyche of the Boy Who Lived. Hermione was still coming down and kept trying to rub herself, cat-like, against either boy. "I'm feelin' so reeeeeal..." she sang to herself. Ron was nursing a bottle of water as well, while Harry jus lay on his seat and shuddered as Hermione nuzzled herself against his shoulder.

"What are you so upset about, Harry?" asked Ron. He rubbed his temples as if his head hurt immensely. Harry barely made eye contact with Ron and gave an immense shudder, which shook his whole body.

"So...dirty.."whispered Harry.

Hermione didn't notice. She waved her sparkling hands and sang to herself.

"Feelin' so reeeal..."


FIN

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Hogwarts and Draco and other associated goodness belong to JK Rowling. The song belongs to Moby, who is also divine in his scrawny vegan stature. E and glitter belong to the world.