Mulder walked into his office Friday morning and threw his coat on a chair,
not looking up. He sat down at his desk and looked to find Scully lying on his
desk giving him a seductive look.
Mulder: Scully, what are you doing?
Scully: Oh, um, nothing really. I felt like lying down but I don't have
a desk of my own.
Mulder: Well, could you move?
Scully: Why?
Mulder: Because you're on my desk and I need to work!
Scully:
Well, maybe you could join me...
Mulder looks frightened.
Mulder: Um...er..well..
Scully: There's a lock on the door...
She played with his hair. Mulder picked up the phone and dialed.
Mulder: Hello.....Skinner?
Phone (Skinner): Yes, Mulder?
Mulder: I have a problem here. Scully is lying on my desk and trying to
seduce me...* his expression changed* but she thinks I'm you!
Scully:
WHAT??!! That's not true!
Phone (Skinner): What?! She wants to screw
me?. . .COOL!
Mulder: Yeah...
Phone (Skinner): Couldja put
Scully on the phone?
Mulder gives the phone to Scully.
Scully:
Yes?
Phone (Skinner): Hey baby, what are you wearing?
Scully:
Uh... *grins* Mulder's underwear.
Mulder: WHAT??!!
He grabs the
phone back.
Mulder: Skinner, you perv!
Phone (Skinner): Uh-uh,
uh. (He moaned into the phone) Hey! You are the one that gave Scully your
undies!
Mulder: I most certainly did not.
Scully: SHUT UP!! I
don't wanna hear this any more!
Phone (Skinner): Mulder, I challenge you
to a duel! Whoever wins gets Scully.
Mulder: WHAT??!!
Phone
(Skinner): You heard me, a duel!
Mulder: In fencing?
Phone
(Skinner): No, in video games!
Mulder: What? Skinner, have you
completely lost your mind?
Phone (Skinner): Me? Mind? MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Mulder hangs up the phone and looks at Scully. She started to take off
her shirt.
Mulder: Scully! Good God stop it!
He ran to the door,
but it was locked.
Scully: *in a husky voice* Why? Don't you love me?
Mulder: Well, I am more attracted to women who are tall and long-legged.
Why do you think I read porno magazines?
Scully: For the same reason I
read them. Those girls are so damn HOT!
Mulder: Um, Scully, is there
something I don't know about you?
Scully: Do you want to know it all?
Mulder: No, I just wanna get outta here. Where is the key?
Scully took the key out of her pocket and slipped it into her underwear.
Scully: Come and get it!
Mulder: Sometimes I just don't
understand you. You like reading Playboy, yet you are trying to rape me.
Scully: It's called bisexuality. Bi-sex-u-al-i-ty.
Mulder:
AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Skinner's Voice: I'm coming in!
Skinner tries to break down the door. A thunk is heard; then a big bump.
Another voice is heard outside the door.
Unknown Voice: Skinner?
Skinner? Are you OK? Do I have to give you mouth-to-mouth?
Skinner's
Voice: I'd like that.
Scully looked through the door window.
Scully: Krycek! It's Krycek!
Mulder:* jokingly* 3-way!
Scully: Okay!
Mulder: Just kidding. I wouldn't do that...well
maybe me, Skinner, and Krycek.
Just then, a small bump is heard and the
door falls in. There stands a tanned warrior in leather armor with raven black
hair and piercing blue eyes. Next to her stands an Amazon Princess with reddish
blond hair and icy green eyes.
Mulder: Now that's my kinda woman.
A girl with short brown hair streaked with blond walks in.
Adia:
Mulder is MINE MINE MINE!!
Another girl with long blond hair walks in.
Tess: And Scully is MINE MINE MINE!!
Mulder looks frightened.
Mulder: Girls, girls, girls, no need to fight over moi!
Tess: I
don't care about you Mulder, Scully's my kinda man!
Mulder: Man?
Scully: I AM NOT A MAN!!
Tess: Yeah, I know, but I need to say
that. Who knows who's listening?
Gabrielle: NOOO!! I think us blondes
should be together!
Xena: Get off, brat-kid. Mulder is mine.
Scully: I don't love any of you!! I go for the
bitchy-Humanities-teacher-with-short-grey-hair-and-too-much-hot-pink- lipstick
type.
In walks Mrs. Howell.
Mrs. Howell: Here I am, at your
disposal.
Krycek and Skinner finally enter.
Skinner: Hey babes, I
got some beer, anyone wanna party?
All: YES!!!!
Mulder turned on
the CD player. The lovely, deafening sounds of Hanson played.
Mulder:
Scully, I told you to get rid of this CD!
Scully: What? That's YOUR CD!
Mulder looked embarrassed.
Mulder: No, the Moffatts are mine,
you got Hanson.
Scully: Oh really? Well why don't you put on YOUR Spice
Girls CD?
Mulder: Hey!
Random person #1: Lets have a toast to
our new couples!!
Random person #2: Good idea!
Adia: I toast to
Mrs. Howell and Scully! Where will you be eloping to?
Scully: Lets go to
Antigua, kay honey?
Mrs. Howell: Sure.
They skip outta the room
holding hands.
Krycek: Toast to Mulder and Xena!
Xena: We'll be
going to Amphipolis!
They skip outta the room holding hands.
Adia: Hey Tess, who are you marrying?
Tess: Um..Skinner, would
you marry me?
Skinner: Really? Sure!
Adia: Toast!!
Adia
leaves in search of John.
Skinner: Hey Tess, can we skip to the
honeymoon right now?
Krycek steps to the center of the room.
Krycek: Hey what about me?
Skinner: 3-way!!
Tess: Uh..on
second thought, I don't like you Skinner. Go find Dr. Ecke.
Skinner does
just that.
Random person #1: So, who's left?
Tess: Me,
Gabrielle, Krycek, and Adia, who is temporarily absent.
Two unknown
voices: Don't forget us!
In walk the evil sisters of doom: Tremante and
Callisto!
Tess: AAAHHHHHHHH!
Krycek: I really have an urge for
3-way!
Doom Twins: That's OK with us.
The Doom Twins and Krycek
skip outta the room holding hands.
Adia returns alone.
Gabrielle: Um, would you, um, um, um..
Tess: Words are failing
the great bard!!
Gabrielle: ...GET ME OUTTA THIS NUTHOUSE!!!!!!
Adia: Nuts! Did someone say nuts?
Tess: Nuts, nuts, nuts!
Amanda V/0: Nutrageous!
Tess: Okaay.....
Gabrielle runs
outta the room.
Tess: It's only you and me left...
Tess turns on
Mulder's computer.
Adia: Do they have AOL?
Tess: Yeah, they do.
They open it up and look at the screennames list.
Adia: FBI
Hottie, XXXFiles...
Tess: What the hell?
They closed AOL, and
Adia whipped out a disk from her pocket.
Adia: Anyone for Hollywood
High?
Tess: Umm....later Adia.
CSM and the Flukeman skip in.
CSM: Hey guess what? We're very turned on, we know you are too. And
there are 4 of us!!! Guess what that means???
Adia: AHHHHHHH!!!!!
Flukeman: Mass-orgy time!!
Tess: I just decided that I should
have married earlier!
Mulder, Scully, Xena, Gabrielle, Skinner, Doom
Twins, Mrs. Howell and Krycek: You're not too late! We all decided to split up
and marry again! So, ya lookin' for a guy or a gal?
Tess + Adia: Um,
none of you.
They run out. Mulder and Scully look at each other.
Mulder: Scully, why are all these people here?
Scully: I really
don't know, Mulder!
A crash of thunder is heard, and a flash of lighting
lights up the room. All the people in the room except Mulder and Scully
disappear.
Mulder: What the hell?
Scully: I think that they
weren't real.
Mulder: I'm glad. I wouldn't wanna marry anyone but you.
Scully: Really, Mulder?
He kisses her and starts unbuttoning her
shirt.
------------15 minutes later-------------
Skinner:
Special Agents Mulder and Scully, what the hell are you doing?
Mulder +
Scully: Each other.
Skinner: Um...er...um... well, just have the report
on my desk by the end of the day.
Skinner leaves the room.
Mulder: What report?
He looks on his desk and picks up a manilla
envelope.
Mulder: Blah, blah, blah... Hallucinations, people marrying
each other...what?!
Scully: What is it, Mulder?
She pulled her
skirt back on.
Mulder: This case, it's all a little too familiar.
Scully: Lemme see!
--------a couple minutes later---------
Scully: ME AND MRS. HOWELL!!?? That sounds nice........
Mulder:
Lets take some more Yahé!!!
Scully: OK!
People start
materializing out of nowhere.
Tess: Hi again!
Adia: We're back!
Tess: Actually, we never left...this has nothing to do with yahé.
Adia: We're real!
All: AND SO ARE WEEEEE!!!
Tess: Lets
take the party to my house!
All: Kay!
----------15 minutes
later-----------
Mulder: You wanna go for a swim?
Scully:
Skinny-dipping? As you wish.
THE END
OR IS IT????
Scully: Mulder, I'm pregnant!
Skinner: By whom?
Krycek: Raise
your hand if you screwed Scully.
Everyone raised their hands.
Tess: That helps. You know, we should all take pregnancy tests,
including you, Skinner....
Adia: baby, baby, BABY!!!!!!!!
Xena:
Also, you know what? I really dislike being screwed by those not in my preferred
gender. Lets clear up this mess. I call on you, you say either: Straight, Bi, or
Gay/Lesbo.
All: OK
Xena: STRAIGHT
Gabrielle:
lesbo
Mulder: I haven't decided yet...
Scully: All of the
above!!
Skinner: Whatever is more convenient at the time!
Krycek:
Gay all the way, hunks!!
Adia: Straight
Tess: Straight. . .when I
wanna be!
Adia: Guess how often that is..??!!
Mulder: Now
for the pregnancy tests...
Scully: and the pregnant ones need to get DNA
tested.
Xena: wait, wait, WAIT!!! You did not answer my question well. I
still don't know which of you I can screw... Lets do this a different way. Right
before you test, tell me who you'd screw! Kay?
All: Kay!
Scully:
I go first!!! MULDER! Only Mulder!
Mulder: SCULLY! Only Scully! (they
begin to make out
) Xena: KRYCEK, and maybe SKINNER
Gabrielle:
Scully, or Xena, or one of those cute high school girls!
Adia: um...Rick,
Bobcat, or Mulder!!! hehehehe
Tess: Krycek?? No... I believe in
abstinence.
Skinner: Anyone handy!
Krycek: DITTO!!
Mulder:
Aren't I the POPular one!
Tess: wait.....
Adia: It's OK, you can
say it. I didn't really believe that you were into Krycek or abstinence...
Tess: Well, I suppose you are right... I am only into male/female
abstinence. YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF DAMN STRAIGHTS!!!!!!!!! And I would screw
Scully or Gabrielle.
Gabrielle: Really?
Adia: And since those
people I mentioned are not around, I'll screw Skinner instead!!
Skinner:
Oh goody!
Adia: Just kidding.
She opens the closet and Rick
steps out!
Rick: Hey, whoa it was dark in there!! What's going on?
Scully: Someone got me pregnant and we are trying to figure out who.
Rick: I had better leave this nuthouse.
He leaves quickly. (Adia
slips out too.)
Skinner: Who cares who got you pregnant. Lets screw each
other! Adia?
Adia and Skinner go to a dark corner. Moaning is heard.
Scully: I am feeling very turned on.
Mulder: Me tooooo!
They find a dark corner and moaning is heard.
Gabrielle:*timidly* Tess?
Screams and laughter are heard. Adia
rips of her mask.
Adia (Krycek): It is I, Alex Krycek, and it was I who
did you, not the girl!
Skinner: Oh well, that's fine with me.
They go back to doing each other. Adia and Rick walk in, Adia holding a
shotgun. She points the gun at Skinner and blows (not like that) his ugly bald
head away. Rick kills himself randomly.
Krycek: My partner is dead, and
I'm not finished! Adia?
Adia: AHHHHH!!! Why don't you ask Tess??
Tess: No, I'm with Gabrielle!
Gabrielle: Really?
Krycek:
See, that leaves me with you!
Tess: See, being attached is really the
way to go!
Adia: I'm attached, I'm attached!
Krycek: To who?
Shivers skips in.
Adia: TO HIM!!!! Hey wait, no, that's not
Bobcat! Ewwww..
She takes out gun and aims it at him.
Krycek:
Wait, no, I'll take him!
Krycek and Shivers go to a dark corner and
moans are heard. Adia walks over to Rick's body, lays her hands on him and
chants. He gets up, unharmed.
Adia: MUHAHAHAH!
Rick: Whatcha do
that for? I wanted to DIE!
Rick proceeds to kill himself. Adia screws
the dead body. Meanwhile, there is a growing romance between Tess and
Gabrielle.
Xena: Hey Adia, how about doing it?
Adia: What'll ya
give me?
Xena: Nothing, I thought you wanted me!
Adia: Tess,
Rick's not dead, he's immortal.
Adia revives Rick again.
Rick:
Tess, stop using black magick on me!
Rick and Adia go into closet. Tess
locks them in there.
Xena: Wait, I wanna do 3-way!
She goes in
the closet. Moans are heard. Tess and Gabrielle kiss.
THE END
OR
IS IT???? Adia and Rick walk outta the closet and close the door. Moans are
still heard. Tess looks at them then at the closet with a weird look on her
face.
Adia: It's Xena, she likes doing herself.
Xena's voice:
I'm not alone!
Shiver's voice: I'm here!
CSM's voice: Me 2!
Krycek's voice: Me 3!
Tess: STOP INTERRUPTING US!!!!!!
Adia: Okaay……
She and Rick get to third before crashes are
heard. In comes Howell.
Mrs. Howell: I wanna screw Shivers!
Shivers: O.K.!
He starts undressing Howell. Scully and Mulder
come outta the shadows.
Scully: Hey! Wanna do 4-way with me and Mulder?
Shivers + Howell: SURE!!!
Clothes are now strewn all over the
floor. No one is fully dressed.
Scully: Wait! We can't do this, I'm
pregnant! Remember the poor kid will be deformed!
Mulder: She's right,
and I, being the father, hold some responsibility.
Scully: but we don't
know if you are the father!
Mulder: P-Tests everyone!
Tess: Not
me! I ain't pregnant.
She returns to Gabrielle.
Adia: Okay…I'll
go!
She goes and returns.
Mulder: Well?
Adia: NEGATIVE!
Me and Rick always use protection!
She does a little dance. Rick is
embarrassed.
Scully: Xena?
Xena does her thing.
Xena:
I'm pregnant… and the father is… SCULLY!!
Scully: AAHHHHH!!!!
Mulder: Scully, is there something that you need to tell me?
Scully: Okay, so I had a sex change! I didn't know that I could still
impregnate a woman.
Gabrielle turns white as a sheet.
Mulder:
Knowing that, Tess, you and Gaby should take P-Tests!
Tess: Kay
Gabrielle: I AM NOT GABY!!!!!
They go and return.
Tess:
umm….
Adia: Well?
Gabrielle: I am, Tess isn't.
Mulder:
and how did THAT happen??
Tess: Gabrielle, have you been screwing
someone else?
Gabrielle: umm…..
Tess grabs her shoulders and
shakes her.
Tess: I thought it was just us, you liar, cheater, scumbag!
Tess runs away.
Gabrielle: Wait, Tess!
Tess: Give me a
good reason!
Gabrielle: I got pregnant before we met.
Adia:
*discreetly* yeah right!
Tess: Oh, I'm sorry for those names I called
you, love…
Mulder: Enough with the mushy stuff, Scully lets do it!
Scully: Remember, USE PROTECTION!!
Mulder: I'm hungry, anyone
have any sunflower seeds?
Scully: Or nuts?
Adia: nuts, nuts,
NUTS!!!!!
Amanda v/o: Nutrageous!!!
All: Okaay….
Scully:
Hold on Mulder, I need to take that DNA test… I need to know who the father is…
She leaves the room and returns.
Scully: This is odd…
Mulder: What is it?
Scully: It says Krycek is the father, but I
never did Krycek!!
Mulder: That's what you think!
He rips off
mask.
Krycek: It is I, Alex Krycek, wait, haven't I said this before, oh
nevermind. It is I, Alex Krycek, not Mulder!
Scully: AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
Tess: Then where is Mulder? And who is Amanda? I wanna go home…
Gabrielle: Yes! Show me your house.
They leave along with Rick
and Adia.
Scully: I'm going into labor!!!
Mulder: *runs into
room* Scully, what happened? Krycek tied me up in Skinner's office and I bit
through the ropes to come and save you!
Scully: *panting*
I'm….fine….Mulder…get me to….Hospital…
Mulder: But I can deliver babies,
and plus, I wanna see you naked!
Xena: How the hell are you going into
labor if you got pregnant an hour ago?
Scully: I've been secretly
screwing Krycek for years now!!
Mulder: You don't mean that…
Scully: Yeah I do….AAHHHH!!!
Mulder: Push, Scully, push!!!!
Feet appear.
Xena: Lets do this the easy way.
She grabs
the feet and pulls the kid out.
Xena: It's a beautiful baby…
ALIEN???!!!!
Shivers: It's gotta be Mulder's child.
Scully: I'm
dying…
Xena: Cool!
Mulder: What!! Don't die! Ack!
He
screws Scully in an attempt to revive her.
Scully: I'm fine now. Thanks,
Mulder, for saving me!
Alien Baby: MUHAHA!!! I am an alien hybrid.
Xena: It can talk!
Alien Baby: No shit, my name's Samantha, who
are you?
Xena: I am the queen of the forest!
Alien Baby: Um….ya
Mulder: What a twist! My Scully giving birth to my sister!
Ashley v/o: INCEST!!!!
They all look around.
All: Okaay…
Alien Baby: Speaking of incest, screw me, SCULLY!!!
Scully:
WHAT??!!
Alien Baby: You heard me. You look yummy…
Mulder: Sorry
kid, she's mine.
Xena: I'm getting sick of this little soap opera. I'm
leaving.
She leaves. In walks Clinton.
Clinton: Hey everyone,
what're y'all doin'?
Shivers: I think that the appropriate question
would be 'Who are y'all doin'?'
Clinton: Kay, cool.
Mulder: *to
Scully* I told you he did Monica!
Scully: never said he didn't
Mulder: Yes you did.
Scully: No I didn't!!!
Adia walks
in with her shotgun, shoots Clinton, Alien Baby, and Krycek, then walks out.
Mulder: Hey! That's my kid you shot!
Scully: Oh well, we'll just
have to make a new one. . .
Adia returns.
Mulder: Wanna?
Adia: What? Ooo really? You got nuts!? Yumm. . .
(moans are
heard)
Mulder (Krycek): It is I, Alex Krycek.
Adia: Uhh. . . I
killed Krycek.
Krycek: Well, I came back, like your boyfriend.
Adia (Skinner): Well, it is I, Walter Skinner!
Adia: *walks in,
aims gun and kills Krycek again.* Now where's the real Mulder?
Mulder:
*muffled voice* Under here!
Adia looked to find Mulder up Scully's
skirt.
Adia: Ewww! Mulder, you should know you can't make babies with
your tongue! Where's Rick?
Rick: *enters room* Right here.
Adia
grabs Rick's hand and they go into the closet.
Scully: Hey, where are
Xena, Tess, and Gab?
Tess and Gab walk out of a dark corner.
Tess: We're right here. Xena went off to screw Ares.
Scully:
Quick, go find Rick and Adia. *Gab runs off*. With Xena gone, the immortality
spell is broken and Rick can finally DIE!!
Gab returns with Adia and
Rick. CSM shoots Rick to death and Adia shoots CSM to death.
Tess:
Finally! Rick is dead for good!
Adia: Um. . . no. What are you talking
about? Xena had nothing to do with the spell.
Rick: *gets up* I wish you
would stop doing that! *picks up gun and threatens to kill them all.*
Mulder: Hey I didn't do anything! Well, except Scully. hehehe. She's
gonna be pregnant with a NORMAL kid now.
In skips Chibi-Moon.
Chibi: HI! It's my birthday today! I'm seven!
Xena returns.
Shivers: Oh, you know what that means (wink wink nudge nudge) Let's give
her the customary birthday present!
Xena easily picks Chibi up, straps
her to a bed, and rips off her clothes. Shivers undresses.
Shivers: Me
first!
Xena: I wanna go! I have the banana!
Adia: No, she should
have her virginity taken by a man.
Tess: DAMN STRAIGHT!
Adia:
Straight? I'm the only straight one here! Poor Chibi! *unties Chibi and gives
her her clothes back.* Run, quick, before Shivers gets you!
Chibi:
*scared* Okay *runs out*
Shivers: Why'd you let her go
Adia:
Well, I certainly wouldn't want to lose my virginity to you!
Meanwhile
Xena has caught Chibi and tied her up again.
Xena: Now I get to use the
banana!
Chibi: AHHHH!!!
Adia: Let a man do her!
Tess: Why
don't you, Adia.
Adia: Good idea.
She pushes Xena out of the
way, unties her, picks her up and tosses her out the window.
Adia: Run!!
Xena: Now you made me mad!! *lunges at Adia*
Adia: *starts doing
freaky martial arts moves*
Shivers: Cat fight!!
Adia: *Claws at
Xena* DIE!! Oh, and Shivers, put some clothes on PLEASE!!
Xena easily
kicks Adia' ass. Shivers puts some clothes on, and everyone sits in a circle.
Tess: Let's play truth or dare!
All: Okay.
Scully:
Mulder, truth or dare?
Mulder: DARE!
Scully: I dare you to do
me!
Mulder: Okay! *they get to it.*
Adia: That's not fair!
That's not a good dare, they always fluck each other!
Tess: New rule!
You cannot say no to a dare. You two done yet? Your turn Mulder.
Mulder:
Xena, truth or dare.
Xena: Dare.
Mulder: Xena, I dare you to
kill Rick.
Rick: *rolls eyes*
Xena: Oh, goody! *kills Rick.*
Rick: *gets up*. You know, this is getting old!
Adia: Xena, your
turn.
Xena: Tess, truth or dare.
Tess: Dare.
Xena: I
dare you to screw Shivers!
Shivers: *strips down*. I'm ready baby.
Tess: Uh. . um. . it's against my principles to screw guys! In other
words, I'm a LESBIAN if you haven't noticed.
Shivers: Please??
Xena: You made the rule about turning down dares!
Tess: BUT GUYS
ARE GROSS!!
Shivers: But I'm not a guy, if you hadn't noticed!
All: We try not to look down there gaywad.
Shivers: But I'm so
gorgeous!
Adia: *pulls out shotgun* Any last words Shivers?
Shivers: I love Hanson! *BOOM*
Tess: Thanks Adia, that got me
out of a bAAAd situation! Redo your dare Xena.
Xena: I dare you to
screw. . . yourself!
Tess: No prob. *goes in closet and moaning is heard
then comes out*. Okay, I'm done. . . Adia. . . truth or dare?
Adia: Dare
Tess: I dare you to screw. . .
Adia: ENOUGH ABOUT SCREWING!!
Don't you people think about anything else?? AHHHH!!! *runs out of the room.*
Xena runs out and gets her.
Tess: I dare you to. . . wait, I got
a better idea!
Gab: What?
Tess: Let's form a club!
Adia:
*annoyed* I'd like to hit you all with a club, except you Rick. *smiles at
Rick.*
Xena: *ignoring Adia* About what?
Tess: What do you
think?
Adia: Nuts! Nuts nuts nuts!
Amanda v/o: NUTRAGEOUS!!!!!
All: Okkkkayy. . .
Tess: The name of the club should be. .
.
Adia: NUTS! uhh. . . never understanding. . the sex! Yeah, that's it.
All: What?
Adia: I dunno. *Alarm rings*
Rick: *Looks
around and then at his watch* OMG its 12:00!
Scully: Noon?
Mulder: What? Nude? *to Scully* I'd like to see you nude.
Rick:*ignoring Mulder.* No, midnight!
They try to open the door,
but it's been knocked down and put back up too many times, they can't get out.
Mulder: Slumber party!
All: Cool!
Adia: Let's play. . .
spin the bottle!
Tess: No, seven minutes in heaven!
The door
busts down and in walks Lei, Eric, Sarah, John, Tooms, and Marita.
New
People: We wanna play!!!
Others: *confused.* Okay. . .
Mulder:
*Takes paper from computer printer and rips it into small squares, tosses pens
to everyone and hands out the papers.* Okay everyone, write your name on the
paper I just gave you. *everyone does.*
Adia: Don't we need two bowls or
hats to put the papers in?
Mulder: We'll just use Scully's bra.
Scully: Sorry, not quite, use my shoes.
Mulder: *looks
disappointed*. Fine
Adia: Uh. . . guys, shouldn't we "clean up" first?
Everyone looks around to see dead bodies strewn amidst the clothing.
Tooms: Leave that to me! *he eats their livers, then falls asleep in the
garbage can.*
Scully: That did hella good!
Eric: What should we
do with the bodies?
Sarah: FLUSH THEM DOWN THE POTTY!!!
Tess:
Yep, that'll do. . . can we put them all in one shoe?
Lei: The bodies?
Tess: No, the papers! Flush the bodies down the potties. Hey, I rhymed.
hehe.
Sarah does and miraculously they all go down and don't clog.
Tess: So, let's play. By the way, I WONT go in with a guy.
Eric:
Then we will have some problems, won't we?
Adia: Then the girls who want
girls can go with the guys.
Mulder: This isn't gonna work! Let's just
play spin the bottle.
Tess: No, just pick two names.
Xena: The
first couple is. . . John. . . and Marita.
They go in the closet.
John: *Screams and runs out.* She bit me! She bit me! *he turns to her.*
You evil bitch! *slaps her then grabs Adia's gun and shoots her.*
All:
Whoa!
Xena: The next couple is. . .
The door busts down and Aram
walks in.
Aram: Yo, homies, what's going on?
Sarah walks up to
Aram and kicks him. Aram slaps Sarah.
Aram: Go away.*turns to the
group.* What you guys playing?
Mulder: *sarcastically* We're seeing how
many people we can kill in one day.
Aram: Really! Cool! *grabs Adia's
shotgun and shoots Sarah. Everyone cheers except Eric, he bends over Sarah's
body and cries.*
Scully: Adia, where did you get that thing anyway?
Shouldn't you have a license or something? I'm gonna have to arrest you!
Adia: Umm. . . no! *aims gun at Scully.*
Scully: Okay, okay,
never mind!
Eric runs into the bathroom and flushes Sarah down the
potty, then drowns himself in the toilet.
Gaby: Yay! One less player!
Scully: Oh, no Mulder! I'm going into labor!
All:
AGAIN!?
Scully: Yes, again! It must be Mulder's defective sperm.
Mulder looks embarrassed.
Xena: Looks like I'm needed again.
Xena walks over to Scully and pressed down on her stomach, the baby goes
shooting out. She looks at the baby.
Xena: Not again!
Alien
Baby: MUHAHA I have returned!!
Scully: What the hell?
Alien
Baby: You can't kill me! I'm like Rick!
Rick: *looks up* What?
Alien Baby: But don't worry, I'm not evil, that incest thing was a joke.
Mulder: Suuuure.*rolls eyes* Everyone wants my Scully.
Scully:
So, Alien Baby--
Alien Baby: Call me Samantha
Mulder: *angrily*
Why? You aren't my sister! You're my daughter! And how do you know about
Samantha anyway?? *starts to cry*
Alien Baby: Now that's an X-file in
itself! It involves black oil, Krycek's one arm, cornfields growing in the
middle of the desert, bees carrying a virus know to people as "Viagra", and of
course, our good friend CSM.
Scully: How odd. . . and can you tell me
how they are all related?
Alien Baby: No! MUHAHA!!
Scully: Look,
kid. All I want is a normal life with a normal job and a normal family, and what
do I get? A job where I chase around flying saucers looking for my partners long
lost sister and ending up being locked in my office with a bunch of freaks and
giving birth to my partners long lost sister!!!
X-files theme plays in
the background.
Scully: And that song is enough to drive one insane!
Adia: Sorry. *takes x-files cd out of the cd player *
Alien
Baby: *tearful* Well, that's not my fault, but I'll leave if you really want me
to.
Scully: Fine, go!
Tess: You're so mean!
Adia: Yeah!
Alien Baby: But you'll be sorry!
Tess, Adia, Alien Baby, and
Rick leave the room.
Scully: That was odd.
Xena: *tries the
door* It wont open!
Mulder: How come they got out?
Lei: Guys. .
. what's that sound?
Everyone looks around
Aram: It's coming
from the bathroom!
They all walk in the bathroom
Gabrielle: It's
coming from the toilet!
Xena: It sounds like a clock!
BOOM!! The
toilet explodes and they all die. A few minutes later, Tess, Adia, Rick, and
Alien Baby return.
Tess: Whoa
Adia: So, that's what you meant
when you said "you'll be sorry"
Alien Baby: Yep, I sent Sarah in with a
bomb, and when she died and was flushed, the bomb was activated with the fumes
of the septic tank. I knew everyone had only minutes to live.
Rick: So,
what do we do now?
Adia: Let's start a band!
Tess: Yes! I can
sing!
Rick: And I can play guitar.
Adia: Drums
Alien
Baby: I play some mean bass.
Everyone laughs and leaves.
A month
later, the world was amazed with the new group singing about conspiracies and
potties. The band made 10 #1 hit singles and their album went sextuple platinum.
The name of the band? Nuts and Yahé.
people love nuts!
