Clark nervously opened the door of the spaceship into a small Midwestern town.
He screamed. "AAGH! KRYPTONITE! KRYPTONITE!"
"It's just eye-searing Technicolor," I told him, brandishing my Gelly Roll pens.
Clark shrugged. "Okay. But why am I suddenly a teenager? And why am I calling myself Clark instead of Kal-El?"
"I'm too lazy to go back and edit," I said. "Wander outside now. This is taking forever."
He wandered outside. "Hello? Is anybody there?"
There was an odd noise, sort of like the noise you get when you pour a whole Pixie Stick into your mouth at once, only more melodic, and a soap bubble floated down and landed right in front of Clark.
"Hello," it said. "I am Bo Duke, the Good Queen of the Midwest." It pointed its wand at Clark's spaceship. "Your ship destroyed the Lionel Luthor, Wicked Executive of the Midwest, for which we are all eternally grateful. It also killed a bunch of other people, but they don't count because they're just extras."
Clark raised an eyebrow. "Dad, why are you wearing a Glinda dress? Do you want to tell me something?"
Jonathon Clark looked very embarrassed. "I borrowed this from your mother's closet. Don't tell her, okay?"
From offscreen came a yell. "John, where the hell is my Glinda dress?"
Bo Duke quickly went through his spiel. "Get the little green glowy necklace off of the Wicked Executive and put it on, then get out of here and STOP SNIFFING MY CROTCH!!!"
This was actually directed at Krypto, who had just discovered the joy of sniffing people's crotches. Dogs on Krypton don't get to sniff their owner's crotches because the red sun takes away the smell.
Clark whacked Krypto on the nose. "Stop sniffing his crotch."
Krypto looked disappointed. "Ruh-roh." No, wait, that's Scooby-Doo. Sorry. You know what, let's just take Krypto out of the whole story. I didn't even want to use him in the first place. Let's put in Bizarro Number One. I always liked him.
Clark whacked Bizarro on the nose. "Stop sniffing his crotch."
Bizarro looked pleased. "Clark say to stop sniffing his dad's crotch, so I will keep sniffing his crotch."
Is this getting stupid? Okay, forget about the whole crotch thing.
Bo Duke disappeared with a little pop just as MamaKent came storming onto the set. "Dammit, where—" She stopped when she saw Clark. "Where are all the Munchkins?"
Clark shrugged. "I think they were all squashed by the meteors and stuff."
"ANGST!" I yelled. "ANGST TIME!"
Clark broke down weeping. "Oh, it's all my fault, I killed them all because my spaceship squashed them…"
"Enough," MamaKent said. She snapped her fingers. Clark was wearing a pretty little gingham dress.
Clark looked down at himself. "Um…Dad may be into cross-dressing, but I'm really not."
MamaKent shrugged. "All right." She snapped her fingers and the dress turned into the Superman outfit. "Better?"
Clark flashed her the thumbs-up and one of his Famous Disappearing Sexy Smiles.
MamaKent put her finger on her chin. "Wait. You said that your dad was into…So THAT'S where my dress went! KTLPZYXM!" She disappeared.
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