The concert went well. The fans loved us, as usual.
Sometimes, I long for us to be on the stage forever. It's only on the stage that I feel we're together again. Just the four of us.
Just Angel 'n' Devils.
Fujima, Mitsui, Hanamichi and me.
Rukawa wasn't in the picture and won't be.
But the moment the floodlights go out, the moment we step off the stage, the magic ended. The perfect picture is intruded upon, marred, destroyed.
I removed my make-up in the corner, feverishly wanting to avoid the others, wanting to block the image of Rukawa helping Hanamichi remove his make-up.
I also wanted to get out of here before Mitsui or Fujima could say anything.
I closed my eyes to remove the eye-shadow and felt someone touch me. Mitsui?
I opened my eyes. Wrong guess. It was Rukawa.
"Hey." I said softly.
He sat down next to me, uninvited. "Hanamichi says you're leaving the band?"
I nodded, attention focused on removing the glitter in my hair.
"I wish you would change your mind. It's such a pity for Angel 'n' Devils to lose you."
I whipped my head around to look at him.
"Didn't it feel good on the stage just now?"
During my mental debate, I had forgotten how much I love performing. The crowd, the noise, the exhilaration of being on stage, being the focus of so many eyes.
It's really sad that I would have to give this up.
Do I really want to give this up?
I turned to look at Hanamichi who had wandered over and was standing next to Rukawa. As I watch, Rukawa casually lifted his arm and wrapped it around the redhead's waist.
A master tagging his property.
I gritted my teeth and looked away. Standing up, I stretched and headed for the door. "Guys, I'm beat. I'll just go back to the hotel. You guys go on and party without me."
"What?" Fujima jumped up. "What will we tell the bosses?"
"Just tell them I'm tired." I replied, closing the door.
I headed straight for my hotel room. I wasn't lying when I said I was beat. Just not physically. I was emotionally and mentally tired.
I threw myself on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Was I ready to give up all we had achieved all these years? Was I ready to give up my fame and my love of performing?
A little voice at the back of my voice sneakily reminded me that I could always go solo.
I suppose I could. But it would be unfair to the guys.
We weren't like all those boy bands that seem to be sprouting up everywhere nowadays. We weren't handpicked by the record companies and thrown together.
We had come through all these years, bonded together by friendship.
It had always been just the four of us. Too bad it couldn't always remain that way.
It seemed just like yesterday when Hanamichi and I had met Mitsui at the bar. I could still remember the scene vividly. An enraged Hanamichi, a scruffy Mitsui with an attitude, and very nearly, a fight.
But when both of them had calmed down and we three started talking, we realized that we had a lot in common. And more importantly he was the keyboardist Hanamichi and I was searching for so that we could form a band.
And he brought along Fujima, a boyish looking guy with a fabulous voice and an even more fabulous talent for churning out songs.
And we were set. The four of us, ready to take on the music world.
A knock on the hotel door startled me. Shaking my head slightly at the amount of times I had been startled by interruptions today, I opened the door. Standing at the doorway was Rukawa, for once, without Hanamichi.
I stared at him. "What are you doing here?"
He stepped into the hotel room and closed the door. I frowned.
"Why aren't you at the party, Rukawa? Where's Hanamichi?"
He leaned against the door. "He's in his room, taking a shower."
"That explains where he is, not why you're here."
"I'm here to ask you why you're quitting."
"I never said I'm quitting." The moment I said it, I knew that I would never quit. I might leave the band, but I love performing too much to quit.
He made an impatient sound. "You know what I mean. Why are you leaving Angel 'n' Devils?"
"Why is it your business?"
He fixed me with a steely look. "If you're leaving for the reason I think you are, it is my business."
I felt vulnerable suddenly, standing there. It was just empty space behind me and for the first time in my life, I curse the big hotel rooms we've got.
He took one step closer to me. "Even if you threaten to leave, he won't go to you. He just doesn't love you. Don't you understand?"
I snapped. "I would never do that. I'm not you."
"I'll never do that either. I love him." He replied softly.
I flushed. "And I don't?"
I stared as he laughed. "I never thought you would say it out." Then he shrugged. "But it doesn't matter. I'm the one he loves, not you."
I clenched my fists. "You'll break his heart one day. You can have practically anyone you want. Why did you take him away from me?"
His gaze softened and as I watched, he reached out one hand to touch my face gently. "Akira. You still don't understand."
I was mesmerized, and instantly, I understood why he was such a superstar. "What don't I understand?"
"I didn't choose him just like that. I'm in love with him and he's in love with me."
I pushed his hand away. "It doesn't matter what you say now. It's not going to change a thing."
"I know."
I look at him suspiciously. "Are you shedding crocodile's tears?"
He opened the door. "No."
"You can't convince me that you're actually sad that I'll be out of the way."
Stepping out into the corridor, he said without turning back. "I'm sad that me and Hanamichi is the reason you're leaving the band."
"Why?"
"Because, believe it or not, I am a fan of your band. And I know that even though I know I'm part of the reason, I can't change the fact that the band will spilt. I'm not that selfless."
I rush out. "Don't give me that crap."
"Akira." A soft voice behind me called.
"Kenji?" I turned.
"Is what he said true? Are you leaving the band because of Kaede and Hanamichi? Are you that jealous?"
"I."
He grabbed hold of my wrists. "Is it true?"
I stare at the tears in his eyes that threatened to spill over. "Yes." I replied softly. "Part of the reason."
He let go of me and stepped back, anger and disgust flashing in his eyes. "I never knew you could be so selfish."
I watched silently, guiltily, as he turned and ran. "Fucking hell."
Sometimes, I long for us to be on the stage forever. It's only on the stage that I feel we're together again. Just the four of us.
Just Angel 'n' Devils.
Fujima, Mitsui, Hanamichi and me.
Rukawa wasn't in the picture and won't be.
But the moment the floodlights go out, the moment we step off the stage, the magic ended. The perfect picture is intruded upon, marred, destroyed.
I removed my make-up in the corner, feverishly wanting to avoid the others, wanting to block the image of Rukawa helping Hanamichi remove his make-up.
I also wanted to get out of here before Mitsui or Fujima could say anything.
I closed my eyes to remove the eye-shadow and felt someone touch me. Mitsui?
I opened my eyes. Wrong guess. It was Rukawa.
"Hey." I said softly.
He sat down next to me, uninvited. "Hanamichi says you're leaving the band?"
I nodded, attention focused on removing the glitter in my hair.
"I wish you would change your mind. It's such a pity for Angel 'n' Devils to lose you."
I whipped my head around to look at him.
"Didn't it feel good on the stage just now?"
During my mental debate, I had forgotten how much I love performing. The crowd, the noise, the exhilaration of being on stage, being the focus of so many eyes.
It's really sad that I would have to give this up.
Do I really want to give this up?
I turned to look at Hanamichi who had wandered over and was standing next to Rukawa. As I watch, Rukawa casually lifted his arm and wrapped it around the redhead's waist.
A master tagging his property.
I gritted my teeth and looked away. Standing up, I stretched and headed for the door. "Guys, I'm beat. I'll just go back to the hotel. You guys go on and party without me."
"What?" Fujima jumped up. "What will we tell the bosses?"
"Just tell them I'm tired." I replied, closing the door.
I headed straight for my hotel room. I wasn't lying when I said I was beat. Just not physically. I was emotionally and mentally tired.
I threw myself on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Was I ready to give up all we had achieved all these years? Was I ready to give up my fame and my love of performing?
A little voice at the back of my voice sneakily reminded me that I could always go solo.
I suppose I could. But it would be unfair to the guys.
We weren't like all those boy bands that seem to be sprouting up everywhere nowadays. We weren't handpicked by the record companies and thrown together.
We had come through all these years, bonded together by friendship.
It had always been just the four of us. Too bad it couldn't always remain that way.
It seemed just like yesterday when Hanamichi and I had met Mitsui at the bar. I could still remember the scene vividly. An enraged Hanamichi, a scruffy Mitsui with an attitude, and very nearly, a fight.
But when both of them had calmed down and we three started talking, we realized that we had a lot in common. And more importantly he was the keyboardist Hanamichi and I was searching for so that we could form a band.
And he brought along Fujima, a boyish looking guy with a fabulous voice and an even more fabulous talent for churning out songs.
And we were set. The four of us, ready to take on the music world.
A knock on the hotel door startled me. Shaking my head slightly at the amount of times I had been startled by interruptions today, I opened the door. Standing at the doorway was Rukawa, for once, without Hanamichi.
I stared at him. "What are you doing here?"
He stepped into the hotel room and closed the door. I frowned.
"Why aren't you at the party, Rukawa? Where's Hanamichi?"
He leaned against the door. "He's in his room, taking a shower."
"That explains where he is, not why you're here."
"I'm here to ask you why you're quitting."
"I never said I'm quitting." The moment I said it, I knew that I would never quit. I might leave the band, but I love performing too much to quit.
He made an impatient sound. "You know what I mean. Why are you leaving Angel 'n' Devils?"
"Why is it your business?"
He fixed me with a steely look. "If you're leaving for the reason I think you are, it is my business."
I felt vulnerable suddenly, standing there. It was just empty space behind me and for the first time in my life, I curse the big hotel rooms we've got.
He took one step closer to me. "Even if you threaten to leave, he won't go to you. He just doesn't love you. Don't you understand?"
I snapped. "I would never do that. I'm not you."
"I'll never do that either. I love him." He replied softly.
I flushed. "And I don't?"
I stared as he laughed. "I never thought you would say it out." Then he shrugged. "But it doesn't matter. I'm the one he loves, not you."
I clenched my fists. "You'll break his heart one day. You can have practically anyone you want. Why did you take him away from me?"
His gaze softened and as I watched, he reached out one hand to touch my face gently. "Akira. You still don't understand."
I was mesmerized, and instantly, I understood why he was such a superstar. "What don't I understand?"
"I didn't choose him just like that. I'm in love with him and he's in love with me."
I pushed his hand away. "It doesn't matter what you say now. It's not going to change a thing."
"I know."
I look at him suspiciously. "Are you shedding crocodile's tears?"
He opened the door. "No."
"You can't convince me that you're actually sad that I'll be out of the way."
Stepping out into the corridor, he said without turning back. "I'm sad that me and Hanamichi is the reason you're leaving the band."
"Why?"
"Because, believe it or not, I am a fan of your band. And I know that even though I know I'm part of the reason, I can't change the fact that the band will spilt. I'm not that selfless."
I rush out. "Don't give me that crap."
"Akira." A soft voice behind me called.
"Kenji?" I turned.
"Is what he said true? Are you leaving the band because of Kaede and Hanamichi? Are you that jealous?"
"I."
He grabbed hold of my wrists. "Is it true?"
I stare at the tears in his eyes that threatened to spill over. "Yes." I replied softly. "Part of the reason."
He let go of me and stepped back, anger and disgust flashing in his eyes. "I never knew you could be so selfish."
I watched silently, guiltily, as he turned and ran. "Fucking hell."
