The next thing she was aware of was light filtering through closed eyelids and the feel of a rubbing gently against her cheek. She opened her eyes slowly, letting the world in a little at a time. Her vision adjusted to the light and she was able to make out the figure standing over her.
"Zell?" she croaked. Her throat felt like sand paper.
"Hey," he said smiling widely. "Welcome back."
He suddenly became aware that he still had his hand on her cheek. He blushed furiously.
"Um…you were um…crying…in your sleep," he stammered. "I was just…you had…on your face and I…"
Zell…Zell, its okay," she smiled. "Thank you."
He smiled back. "Sure, no prob."
She momentarily cast her gaze downward, biting her lip hesitantly, unsure if she wanted to ask. Zell read her expression and answered the question that was burning a hole in her tongue.
"He's alive Rinoa," he said reassuringly. "He's still alive."
"Is he conscious?"
"Um..no. Dr. Kadowaki said he was in a coma. They aren't sure why. We weren't able to draw Bahamut, once someone becomes unconscious the draw spells aren't effective…but they said they didn't see any immediate threat right now at leaving him in."
She turned her head away.
"Hey Rin, its not your fault," he said. "As far as I can see you saved him with that sleep spell. Squall is tougher than cursed spikes, he'll be just fine…don't you worry."
She returned her gaze to the young martial artist. "Its good to see you again, Zell."
"Yeah, its good to see you too," he said as his eyes glistened.
She rose up off the infirmary bed into a sitting position and outstretched her arms towards him. "So give me a hug already," she smiled.
"Yeah, okay," he moved close and hugged her tightly.
"How long have I been out?"
"A few hours."
Hours that had felt like years.
"I seen him Zell," she said softly over his shoulder. "I talked to him. Maybe…maybe, it was a dream, but, it felt so real."
"Really? What'd the old sourpuss have to say?" He laughed good-naturedly.
She closed her eyes remembering, and then smiled.
"He said he was coming home."
Zell patted her back before releasing his embrace. He sniffed and turned away from her. She watched as he brought a hand to his eyes and wiped at them furiously. He looked back over his shoulder. "I'm gonna go tell everyone you're awake, they'll be so happy to see you. We've all been taking shifts with you and Squall. Been hoping you guys would come back around."
He waved a hand. "Be right back."
He returned a short time later with Irvine, Quistis and Selphie in tow. The reunion was filled with joy and relief that quickly became short-lived with the thoughts of their still fallen comrade looming like a dark blanket in the back of their minds. She told them of what she saw. After everything they had been through together, nothing, no matter how farfetched, was impossible. Their world had lost the impossible long ago. It renewed hope as the five of them gathered in the commander's room located far down the corridor of the infirmary. And there they waited, for hours upon end. They waited until duties forced them elsewhere. They had lives and they had responsibilities and of course she didn't blame them. She supposed they were doing exactly what Squall would have wanted them to do. But she refused. She could look at him and just hear his disapproval. "What a waste of time, wasting your life waiting for someone else." He could call it devotion, call it stubbornness, whatever he liked. But damn it all, she made a promise and she was going to see it through till the end, whichever way it chose to go.
And so she had said, and so it had remained, for 14 days. The only time she left his side was when Quistis or Selphie would come in and drag her out for some fresh air. Though it was never a long period of time it was nice to get out of the sterile smell of the room and away from the monotonous and slow beep of the EKG that was a constant onslaught on her ears. Zell would stop by occasionally and drag her to the cafeteria to eat or drop off the occasional hotdog or cup of coffee. Irvine would stop by when he had some free time and keep her company. Sometimes he'd talk, sometimes he just brought a deck of cards and they'd spend the time in silence playing a wide variety of games. It kept her sane. All of their efforts did. She was so grateful for them, for being there, for taking care of her, something she had forgotten in her own efforts.
Squall remained exactly the same. No decline in his condition, but no improvements. She did everything that she knew to do. She would talk to him, plead with him, and when the mood struck her, she'd get angry and yell at him. Hoping that he would just shoot straight up out of the bed and yell right back. It'd be music to her ears. She'd give anything to hear his voice again. She would read to him. Magazines and books, whatever she could get her hands on. It didn't help that they were in a military facility as most of the books were weapons and tactic manuals. God they were so boring. She decided to stop reading those. Much more of that and she'd be slipping into a coma herself.
She was nervous every time one of the doctors came in to examine him. Scared of what they might say. Even more scared of what they might not say. She had heard what was being said. They had told her nothing. But word gets around. There was more and more talk of extracting the GF manually from his brain. Quistis had sat down with her and explained the whole situation. She told her that guardians could only remain dormant for so long in an unconscious mind before it starts taking over, consuming more than just memories and eventually taking over parts that control basic functions of the body. Ultimately killing its host. The surgery however was extremely difficult and to date had not been completely successful. Survivors were left paralyzed or complete vegetables. She knew he would prefer death to that.
There would be nothing she could say though. She had no authority or say-so where his well-being was concerned. He was property of Balamb Garden. And no matter how much of a hero he was, no matter how many lives he had saved, no matter how much she cared for him, he was still just that, military property. And she knew that no amount of pleading from a young and inexperienced sorceress would change anything. Dreams and hope meant very little on a professional level. On that level, reality reigns. And the reality was, he wasn't getting better.
It wasn't going to stop her though and she held fast to her efforts. Losing sleep as well as her touch with reality. She still had faith in him, and prayed that he didn't lose his way again. Keeping her hopes up was now all she knew to do. She held to it like a lifeline until it broke, taking her resolve with it. Doubt entered. And for the first time in fourteen days, she cried. It was an aching and painful sound that ricocheted back from the thick white walls. Reaching no other ears but her own. She cursed herself for crying. Crying was a tool of the defeated. She wasn't defeated. She refused it. She didn't want to lose him. But there was no one telling her to "just stay close." During the night she was alone here. And she was afraid
Rinoa grabbed his hand and held it as she had done so many nights before. Closing her eyes as her fingers glided along its contours, feeling the calluses and scars of a hundred battles. She brought it up to her lips, and she kissed it. The tears rolled off her cheeks and ran down the length his forearm. She wished he would give her some sort of sign, anything to tell her that he knew she was here with him. She wanted him to know that he wasn't alone.
Carefully, as not to disrupt the various wires and tubes attached to his body, she pulled her chair closer to the bed. She put his arm gently around her neck and then draped her own arm across him. She hugged close to him and rested her head against his chest. She wondered if he would mind this little interruption of his personal space. She caressed the folds of the thin hospital gown he wore, lightly tracing imaginary pictures on his abdomen.
"If this bothers you just tell me okay?" she said. Hyne, how she wished he would. He wished he would tell her anything. Tell her that black was white; tell her that the world was flat. She didn't care, the faintest whisper from his lips, and she would believe him. But there was no stirring, no voice, and no recognition of anything. She sighed.
"Have you lost your way again?" she asked quietly. "Is there something I'm forgetting? Something I haven't tried? I need to know. I can't read your mind, I can't read that expression. I can't see your eyes." Her voice began fading. She had forgotten how good it felt to lie down and sleep. She was so tired.
"I feel like I owe you so much," she continued. "I don't think I could ever repay you for what you've done for me. I've learned so much. I thought I knew all there was before I met you. Now I know I didn't know a damn thing."
"I need to see you again. There's so much I want to say, and I don't know how. I don't even know if I can. I've never felt this way before. It scares me almost as much as seeing you lying here. I can't help but feel I've been nothing but a burden for you and I'm sorry. I wish I knew what I could give you in return." She paused, and considered for a moment before continuing.
"You have my heart…for whatever that's worth."
The rest of her words faded into a series of mumbles as sleep claimed her within its grasp. Sleep that held her so tightly that she was completely unaware of the hand around her arm clasping with fingers ever so slightly and pressing against it to hold her tighter. A solitary pair of eyes glistened in the green glow of the machines as a small voice muffled by an oxygen mask gave her an answer, only heard by the darkness surrounding them.
"More than you know."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*confetti! Woo!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The end! Whew, that took longer than expected. But I hope that you enjoyed it, and thanks so much for reading, and for the reviews, they mean a lot to me as well! A big thanks to ashbear who was always on hand to read chapters for me and getting my hands to typing with encouragement to finish this, cuz I have been SLOW. Hehehh. And for just being her awesome self. She's a wonderful author and a great friend, and I really must plug her stories here, so go read them now, if you haven't because they are so wonderful!! Gonna be working on Sorted Laundry now, yes that multichaptered saga that has no multichapters. Its been sitting on spin cycle for months. They've been down in that laundry room for far too long. And now I'm rambling…sorry bout that..anyway, peace, love and pancakes! (with syrup) take care everyone!
