You wanted more, so here's more!
SCENE TWO. (I apologize for my insanity. Then again, I never did claim I was sane, now did I?)
DIRECTOR: Alright Scott, are you clear on what you're supposed to do?
CYCLOPS: Yes. I'm supposed to get the notebook from Side Table Drawer.
DIRECTOR: Hallelujah! Alright, let's get this scene over with. Lights, camera, action!!!
CYCLOPS: Okay kids, you know what we need to play Blue's Clues with, don't you?
KIDS: Your notebook!
CYCLOPS: Right, my notebook. Let's just go over to Side Table Drawer and get our....
pause. pause. pause.
DIRECTOR: Yes, go on.
CYCLOPS: Do I HAVE to say 'handy dandy'? It's just so lame!
BEAST (under his breath): Just like you?
DIRECTOR (slumping in his chair): Yes Scott, you HAVE to say handy dandy. It's in the script.
CYCLOPS: But how about, 'extremely useful', or 'nicely bound', or...
JEAN: SCOTT!!!
CYCLOPS: Alright, alright! Okay kids, let's go get our 'handy dandy' notebook.
Scott jogs up to Professor X who is sitting by the thinking chair.
CYCLOPS: Side Table Drawer, can we have our notebook please?
PROFESSOR (with huge fake smile plastered on his face): Sure Steve! I just LOVE Blue's Clues!
The professor whips out the notebook and hands it to Scott.
CYCLOPS: Gee thanks Side Ta...er...where were you hiding that notebook, Professor? You don't have a drawer.
PROFESSOR (still with fake smile): You don't wanna know.
DIRECTOR: CUT!!! For the last time, STICK WITH THE SCRIPT, PEOPLE!!!
CYCLOPS: Oh, sorry. Anyway, now we have our 'handy dandy' notebook to play Blue's Clues with!
PROFESSOR: Did I mention just how much I LOVE Blue's Clues?
DIRECTOR: CUT!!! You said that already!
PROFESSOR: But it's the only line I've got! Can't you give me just a few more lines?
BEAST (grumbling): At least you CAN talk.
DIRECTOR: Just sit there like a good little piece of furniture and don't say a thing, ALRIGHT?!
PROFESSOR (sulkily): Fine.
DIRECTOR: Can we PLEASE continue without any more unnecessary improvisations?
A chorus of mumbling compliances fills the stage.
DIRECTOR: GOOD! Now on to the next scene!
Scott and Hank are now in the kitchen.
CYCLOPS: Hi Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper! How are you today?
We see Bobby crouched behind the table, a sock puppet on each hand. He's making the puppets talk with a very crappy french accent in high-pitched squeaky voices, and is also having one hell of time trying not to laugh.
ICEMAN (Mr. Salt): Allo...mmph...Steve and Blue!
(Mrs. Pepper): Bonjour, Steve...mmph...and Blue!
BEAST (whispering): One more smirk and you will sorely regret it, Robert!
ICEMAN (whispering): But I'm 'smirking' at Scott!
BEAST (still whispering): Oh! Then by all means, smirk away!
CYCLOPS: I heard that!
DIRECTOR: Shut-up, Scott! I TOLD you to stick with the script!!!
CYCLOPS: But...but...it wasn't my fault...!
JEAN: SCOTT!!
DIRECTOR: Just get on with it! (looks around) Now where's Paprika?
Behind the stage, we see Rogue wearing a bonnet and sporting an oversized baby bottle.
ROGUE: Why do ah have ta play the l'il brat?
GAMBIT (trying to coax her): But chere, you perfect for de part!
Rogue glares dangerously at him.
GAMBIT (adding hastily): 'Cause you so cute an' pretty, an' dem big, green eyes would melt anyone's heart, chere!
ROGUE: Ah sugah, that was sweet o' ya ta say! Alright, ah'll do it!
GAMBIT (breathing a sigh of relief and muttering under his breath): An' you play de brat 'cause no one dare laugh at YOU, chere.
Rogue flies onto the stage.
DIRECTOR (holding a REALLY BIG cup of extra-strong coffee): There you are! Finally! Now let's get this show on the...
PROFESSOR (from off-camera): Did I mention just HOW MUCH I LOVE....
DIRECTOR: JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!
Everyone votes to take a ten minute break to give a chance for the director to calm down (and for me to think about what happens next).
* * *
SCENE TWO. (I apologize for my insanity. Then again, I never did claim I was sane, now did I?)
DIRECTOR: Alright Scott, are you clear on what you're supposed to do?
CYCLOPS: Yes. I'm supposed to get the notebook from Side Table Drawer.
DIRECTOR: Hallelujah! Alright, let's get this scene over with. Lights, camera, action!!!
CYCLOPS: Okay kids, you know what we need to play Blue's Clues with, don't you?
KIDS: Your notebook!
CYCLOPS: Right, my notebook. Let's just go over to Side Table Drawer and get our....
pause. pause. pause.
DIRECTOR: Yes, go on.
CYCLOPS: Do I HAVE to say 'handy dandy'? It's just so lame!
BEAST (under his breath): Just like you?
DIRECTOR (slumping in his chair): Yes Scott, you HAVE to say handy dandy. It's in the script.
CYCLOPS: But how about, 'extremely useful', or 'nicely bound', or...
JEAN: SCOTT!!!
CYCLOPS: Alright, alright! Okay kids, let's go get our 'handy dandy' notebook.
Scott jogs up to Professor X who is sitting by the thinking chair.
CYCLOPS: Side Table Drawer, can we have our notebook please?
PROFESSOR (with huge fake smile plastered on his face): Sure Steve! I just LOVE Blue's Clues!
The professor whips out the notebook and hands it to Scott.
CYCLOPS: Gee thanks Side Ta...er...where were you hiding that notebook, Professor? You don't have a drawer.
PROFESSOR (still with fake smile): You don't wanna know.
DIRECTOR: CUT!!! For the last time, STICK WITH THE SCRIPT, PEOPLE!!!
CYCLOPS: Oh, sorry. Anyway, now we have our 'handy dandy' notebook to play Blue's Clues with!
PROFESSOR: Did I mention just how much I LOVE Blue's Clues?
DIRECTOR: CUT!!! You said that already!
PROFESSOR: But it's the only line I've got! Can't you give me just a few more lines?
BEAST (grumbling): At least you CAN talk.
DIRECTOR: Just sit there like a good little piece of furniture and don't say a thing, ALRIGHT?!
PROFESSOR (sulkily): Fine.
DIRECTOR: Can we PLEASE continue without any more unnecessary improvisations?
A chorus of mumbling compliances fills the stage.
DIRECTOR: GOOD! Now on to the next scene!
Scott and Hank are now in the kitchen.
CYCLOPS: Hi Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper! How are you today?
We see Bobby crouched behind the table, a sock puppet on each hand. He's making the puppets talk with a very crappy french accent in high-pitched squeaky voices, and is also having one hell of time trying not to laugh.
ICEMAN (Mr. Salt): Allo...mmph...Steve and Blue!
(Mrs. Pepper): Bonjour, Steve...mmph...and Blue!
BEAST (whispering): One more smirk and you will sorely regret it, Robert!
ICEMAN (whispering): But I'm 'smirking' at Scott!
BEAST (still whispering): Oh! Then by all means, smirk away!
CYCLOPS: I heard that!
DIRECTOR: Shut-up, Scott! I TOLD you to stick with the script!!!
CYCLOPS: But...but...it wasn't my fault...!
JEAN: SCOTT!!
DIRECTOR: Just get on with it! (looks around) Now where's Paprika?
Behind the stage, we see Rogue wearing a bonnet and sporting an oversized baby bottle.
ROGUE: Why do ah have ta play the l'il brat?
GAMBIT (trying to coax her): But chere, you perfect for de part!
Rogue glares dangerously at him.
GAMBIT (adding hastily): 'Cause you so cute an' pretty, an' dem big, green eyes would melt anyone's heart, chere!
ROGUE: Ah sugah, that was sweet o' ya ta say! Alright, ah'll do it!
GAMBIT (breathing a sigh of relief and muttering under his breath): An' you play de brat 'cause no one dare laugh at YOU, chere.
Rogue flies onto the stage.
DIRECTOR (holding a REALLY BIG cup of extra-strong coffee): There you are! Finally! Now let's get this show on the...
PROFESSOR (from off-camera): Did I mention just HOW MUCH I LOVE....
DIRECTOR: JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!
Everyone votes to take a ten minute break to give a chance for the director to calm down (and for me to think about what happens next).
* * *
