Here's more 'cause you guys wanted more! (Man, you sure are masochistic, aren't ya?)
Seriously though, I really appreciate your reviews! They are very encouraging and give me incentive to write more! Thanks!!!
WARNING: Even though the entire story averages a PG-13 rating, this one chapter alone deserves an R rating because of the Jerry Springer content. (Don't worry, there's no swearing!)
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Jerry Springer (what a disgusting thought!). I also do not watch that show, but I've read enough fanfic parodies that I've got a pretty good grasp on how the show goes. I'm also shamelessy parodying Wierd Al Yankovic's Springer Parody, 'Too Much Jerry Springer'.
Once again, I do not claim sanity. If I ever had it, no one bothered to tell me. *sigh*
Everybody is still on that 10 minute break. Bobby is alone on the kitchen set with the Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper sock puppets. He has also arranged various other condiments on the table.
ICEMAN (to nobody in particular): Today, live on Jerry Springer, Spices with Vices!!!! Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!
Bobby shakes the table a little so that the various condiments will look like a cheering crowd (or an angry mob - there's not really much difference when it comes to Springer).
ICEMAN: Today's guests have been on the Blue's Clues show for the last couple of years, but they are not the happy little family that they would have you believe them to be! What goes on behind the scenes? We'll find out today! Now, let's meet our guests, Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper!!!!
Bobby makes the sock puppets march up onto the table and sit down on little sardine tin chairs.
ICEMAN: We'll start with you, Mr. Salt. You claim that your wife, Mrs. Pepper, has been cheating on you?
MR. SALT PUPPET: Yes I do!
ICEMAN: Do you have any proof?
MR. SALT PUPPET: Zink about eet, Mistair Springer! 'Ow do you get paprika from salt an' pepper? Eet just does not make senze!
ICEMAN: What is your response to your husband's accusation, Mrs. Pepper?
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: 'E is a lying [BEEP]! I 'ave nevair cheated on 'im! 'E is the two timing [BEEP]!!
(Yes, Bobby is actually making the BEEP sounds.)
ICEMAN: Calm down, Mrs. Pepper, and please watch your language!
MR. SALT PUPPET: Yeah, you fat [BEEP]! Watch your beeg mouth!
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: You watch YOUR beeg mouth, mistair! 'Ow dare you accuze moi of cheating when my best frrriend admitted that you slept with 'er!!
Bobby makes the appropriate audience sounds.
MR. SALT PUPPET: Alright! I admit eet! I slept wiz your best frrriend, but only because Blue caught you sleeping wiz ze parsley!
More audience sounds as Bobby shakes the table more vigorously.
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: I slept wiz ze parsley cause you are so louzy in ze bed!
ICEMAN: Oooh, that was a low blow! (No pun intended)
MR. SALT PUPPET: Oh, yeah?! Well, I 'ave also been sleeping wiz your sistair, Cayenne!
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: Gasp!
MR. SALT PUPPET: And your other best frrriend, Thyme!
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: Oh, yeah?! Well, I 'ave been sleeping wiz your brothair, SeaSalt! And ze ketchup, and ze mayonnaise, and even ze barbecue sauce!
MR. SALT PUPPET: YOU [BEEP] [BEEP] [BEEP]!!! Well, I'm going to start sleeping wiz ze mustaird!
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: Dat mustaird doesn't love you!
Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper pause suddenly at the mention of the word, 'love'. They stare deeply into each other's sewn-on button eyes.
MR. SALT PUPPET: 'Ow could I forget just 'ow beeauteeful your eyes are?
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: 'An 'ow could I forget just 'ow handzome your eyes are?
The two puppets suddenly run into each other's...er...arms, and start making out passionately all over the table...
ROGUE: WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOIN' BOBBY?!!!
Bobby proceeds to jump six feet into the air from shock and hides the puppets behind his back as he lands.
ICEMAN: Er..uh..er...
ROGUE: Were those puppets doin' what ah think they were doin'?!
ICEMAN: Er..uh...that depends. What did you think they were doing?
ROGUE: You are one sick puppy, Bobby. Ah'm gonna pretend ah didn't see any o' this!
ICEMAN: But it was all in the interest of science!
ROGUE: What the hell does your playin' with perverted puppets got to do with science?
ICEMAN: Don't you want to know where you come from?
ROGUE: Come again?
ICEMAN: You, as in Baby Paprika! Where do baby spices come from? You certainly don't think the stork delivers them, do you?
ROGUE: Ah'm also gonna pretend that we ain't havin' this conversation, Bobby.
DIRECTOR (with icepack on forehead, otherwise seemingly recovered from stress): Alright everybody! Quiet on the set! We're going to film the next scene!
* * *
For the sake of your sanity (which I have permanently warped already) don't ask me where this came from. I don't know, I don't wanna know (and quite frankly, it scares me).
Seriously though, I really appreciate your reviews! They are very encouraging and give me incentive to write more! Thanks!!!
WARNING: Even though the entire story averages a PG-13 rating, this one chapter alone deserves an R rating because of the Jerry Springer content. (Don't worry, there's no swearing!)
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Jerry Springer (what a disgusting thought!). I also do not watch that show, but I've read enough fanfic parodies that I've got a pretty good grasp on how the show goes. I'm also shamelessy parodying Wierd Al Yankovic's Springer Parody, 'Too Much Jerry Springer'.
Once again, I do not claim sanity. If I ever had it, no one bothered to tell me. *sigh*
Everybody is still on that 10 minute break. Bobby is alone on the kitchen set with the Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper sock puppets. He has also arranged various other condiments on the table.
ICEMAN (to nobody in particular): Today, live on Jerry Springer, Spices with Vices!!!! Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!
Bobby shakes the table a little so that the various condiments will look like a cheering crowd (or an angry mob - there's not really much difference when it comes to Springer).
ICEMAN: Today's guests have been on the Blue's Clues show for the last couple of years, but they are not the happy little family that they would have you believe them to be! What goes on behind the scenes? We'll find out today! Now, let's meet our guests, Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper!!!!
Bobby makes the sock puppets march up onto the table and sit down on little sardine tin chairs.
ICEMAN: We'll start with you, Mr. Salt. You claim that your wife, Mrs. Pepper, has been cheating on you?
MR. SALT PUPPET: Yes I do!
ICEMAN: Do you have any proof?
MR. SALT PUPPET: Zink about eet, Mistair Springer! 'Ow do you get paprika from salt an' pepper? Eet just does not make senze!
ICEMAN: What is your response to your husband's accusation, Mrs. Pepper?
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: 'E is a lying [BEEP]! I 'ave nevair cheated on 'im! 'E is the two timing [BEEP]!!
(Yes, Bobby is actually making the BEEP sounds.)
ICEMAN: Calm down, Mrs. Pepper, and please watch your language!
MR. SALT PUPPET: Yeah, you fat [BEEP]! Watch your beeg mouth!
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: You watch YOUR beeg mouth, mistair! 'Ow dare you accuze moi of cheating when my best frrriend admitted that you slept with 'er!!
Bobby makes the appropriate audience sounds.
MR. SALT PUPPET: Alright! I admit eet! I slept wiz your best frrriend, but only because Blue caught you sleeping wiz ze parsley!
More audience sounds as Bobby shakes the table more vigorously.
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: I slept wiz ze parsley cause you are so louzy in ze bed!
ICEMAN: Oooh, that was a low blow! (No pun intended)
MR. SALT PUPPET: Oh, yeah?! Well, I 'ave also been sleeping wiz your sistair, Cayenne!
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: Gasp!
MR. SALT PUPPET: And your other best frrriend, Thyme!
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: Oh, yeah?! Well, I 'ave been sleeping wiz your brothair, SeaSalt! And ze ketchup, and ze mayonnaise, and even ze barbecue sauce!
MR. SALT PUPPET: YOU [BEEP] [BEEP] [BEEP]!!! Well, I'm going to start sleeping wiz ze mustaird!
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: Dat mustaird doesn't love you!
Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper pause suddenly at the mention of the word, 'love'. They stare deeply into each other's sewn-on button eyes.
MR. SALT PUPPET: 'Ow could I forget just 'ow beeauteeful your eyes are?
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: 'An 'ow could I forget just 'ow handzome your eyes are?
The two puppets suddenly run into each other's...er...arms, and start making out passionately all over the table...
ROGUE: WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOIN' BOBBY?!!!
Bobby proceeds to jump six feet into the air from shock and hides the puppets behind his back as he lands.
ICEMAN: Er..uh..er...
ROGUE: Were those puppets doin' what ah think they were doin'?!
ICEMAN: Er..uh...that depends. What did you think they were doing?
ROGUE: You are one sick puppy, Bobby. Ah'm gonna pretend ah didn't see any o' this!
ICEMAN: But it was all in the interest of science!
ROGUE: What the hell does your playin' with perverted puppets got to do with science?
ICEMAN: Don't you want to know where you come from?
ROGUE: Come again?
ICEMAN: You, as in Baby Paprika! Where do baby spices come from? You certainly don't think the stork delivers them, do you?
ROGUE: Ah'm also gonna pretend that we ain't havin' this conversation, Bobby.
DIRECTOR (with icepack on forehead, otherwise seemingly recovered from stress): Alright everybody! Quiet on the set! We're going to film the next scene!
* * *
For the sake of your sanity (which I have permanently warped already) don't ask me where this came from. I don't know, I don't wanna know (and quite frankly, it scares me).
