Unforgettable - Part 2
By Jill

The precinct hadn't changed very much, Angel noticed the moment he and Spike
stepped through the swinging doors, only half an hour after their unexpected
meeting with Cordelia at Angel's apartment. She wouldn't meet with them in
public she'd told them, and that they should get used to her dropping by
like that. Angel groaned at the mere thought. Well, he would have to get
used to it. Cordelia was the assistant DA and not some snotty law student
anymore, he could tease. Plus she was still Buffy's friend and although she
hadn't mentioned their break-up, he'd heard the underlying accusation that
if it wasn't for him, Buffy wouldn't have looked at Riley Finn.

It wasn't fair, of course. Riley Finn had never been part of the deal, only
later he'd become one. Unexpected and for that so much more painful. Angel
hadn't just lost the woman he loved, but to a man who he thought to be his
friend, whom he'd told about his feelings towards Buffy, whom he'd trusted
and who had betrayed him. So much for friendship, Angel thought, frowning at
the name tab on Riley's desk with disgust. Then a sardonic smirk crossed his
features. His so-called friend had gotten Buffy, but he had lost her too,
after only four short years. What a bummer.

The office rooms were still empty, but for the ever-present Captain Rupert
Giles, who was already sitting in his private office, a lamp illuminating
his desk, he was reading files, hadn't heard them so far.

"This is really a very... shabby... room," Spike remarked, crossing his
arms.

Angel grinned at his comment, "Not that the one in New York was so much
better."

"No," the blond sighed, and then nodded towards Giles' office. "That the big
boss?"

"Yeah," his friend replied. "We really should say hello." Saying it, he
already walked towards the closed door and after knocking he entered.

Giles looked up from the papers he'd been reading, his face breaking into a
smile as if seeing a long lost son, "Angel, how good to see you," he stood
and extended a hand, shaking the other man's warmly. "And that has to be Mr.
Stevens?"

"Yeah, that's me," Spike said, extending his hand as well. "But please,
everyone calls me Spike."

"Spike?" Giles raised a brow, but didn't comment it. "It's good you're
early. I would like to have a word with you before everyone arrives. Please,
close the door."

Grinning Spike sat, looking at the older man speculatively, "Which part of
good old England do you come from?"

Giles smiled, "Oxfordshire," he replied, "And you?"

"What do you think? London, of course. No breed's alike."

The Captain's brow rose again, "What brought you over?"

Spike shrugged, and then grinned, "Fell in love, didn't work out, got stuck.
As simple as that."

"Or not," Angel said, giving his friend a long, knowing look. Spike's
break-up with his girlfriend had been everything but easy. The blond might
look like a womaniser, and he was certainly behaving like one too, but deep
down he had been deeply hurt by Cathleen's refusal to marry him, and now
avoided relationships that could become too serious. His entire flippant
attitude, and his open charm was nothing but a shield to prevent himself
from being hurt again.

"Yeah, or not," Spike agreed on a released breath, clearly not liking his
friend's insight. "Well," his light smile back in place he looked at Giles,
"What did you want to talk to us about?"

The Captain looked back and forth between the two men, and crossed his arms
in front of his chest and leaned back, "I'm not happy with this
investigation," he began and when he saw Angel was about to speak he held up
a hand, "but of course I understand it's necessary." Releasing a breath he
hadn't even realized he'd been holding, he shook his head, "I still can't
believe that one my officers might be playing dirty. God, this makes me
feeling so sick. Most of them I know many years, some of them," he focused
on Angel, "are like children to me."

"I know," the dark-haired man nodded. This time a long look passed between
Angel and Giles, a look Spike didn't quite understand, but he made a mental
note to ask his friend later.

Taking a deep breath, the Captain took a file from the table and handed it
two the two officers. "Maybe we should start with you reading this," he
suggested.

*

"But this is good news." Buffy looked at her redheaded friend when they
entered the precinct five minutes later.

"It is," Willow said hesitantly, "It really is, but... not now. You see Oz
and I... we always... Buffy?" She stopped when she saw her friend wasn't
following her anymore and turned. "What is it?"

Buffy stood very still, her body rigid, her breath shallow, her eyes fixed
on Giles' office, where you could see the people sitting there in the light
of his desk lamp. Willow followed the blonde's look and froze as well. "Oh
Buffy," she sent her girlfriend a compassionate glance, then stepped towards
her, "But we already knew he would be here."

"I know," Buffy managed to croak, "But... for the first time it's real. I
can't lie to myself anymore and say it's just a bad dream."

"Yeah," the redhead agreed and took the blonde's arm. "Come on, let's get
going. The others should be here in a moment and you wouldn't want anyone to
find you staring like this, would you?"

"Staring at whom?" came a voice from behind them.

"What do you think?" Willow turned slightly and glared at her childhood
friend. It had to be Anya's influence, the redhead decided. Xander's wife
was the most tactless person she'd ever met, and somehow it seemed to rub on
Xander as well.

"Oh, the ex is back," he said, his voice holding a certain note. "Who's the
blond guy?"

"I suppose it's William Stevens."

"Oh, they're here," Drusilla, accompanied by Faith, were entering the
precinct as well. The raven-haired woman's face lit up, while her brunette
partner wrinkled her nose.

"Well, let the drama unfold, I say," Faith joked and sauntered to her desk,
ignoring the newcomers completely. She wasn't the kind of person to
participate in mass hysteria. Okay, so it wasn't exactly hysteria, four
people staring through a glass window, but still she didn't like that. She
would greet Angel later in private.

"Spoil sport," Xander grinned at her retreating back. She snorted over her
shoulder, but he could see her shoulders moving with silent laughter.

"Hey," Drusilla put a hand on Willow's shoulder, "the guy with Angel, is
that William Stevens?"

"I would think so," the redhead replied, eyeing the black-haired woman very
closely. "Why?"

"Oh," Drusilla battered her lashes, then quickly looked to the ground, "No
special reason."

"Drusilla?" Willow's voice held a certain warning.

"What?" the other woman asked. "I think he's cute, that's all."

"Cute?" Buffy and Willow asked unison, something similar to panic in their
eyes. "Dru, you know, the last time you thought a guy was cute..." Buffy
trailed off.

"You always think they're cute," Xander added pointedly.

"Oh, shut up," she said, "How could I know that last guy was a drug dealer?
No, I couldn't." It hadn't been her fault, had it? So, okay, she fell in
love easily, and out of it, and yeah, it had caused problems, mainly her
crying the whole night, calling her friends at four o'clock in the morning,
throwing away all her clothes, because they reminded her of her lost love.
But, hey, life was short, and where was the fun if no one was falling in
love. Maybe, one day she would find the one who'd stick, she thought and
couldn't help the bitter feeling that rose inside of her. She suppressed it
quickly and tilted her head. "Still, he's cute. He dyes his hair."

"You like guys who dye their hair?" Xander asked disbelievingly. "Don't you
think it's a bit ... uh ... unmanly?"

"No, absolutely not," Drusilla replied, "It's fun and-"

"Cute, we know," Willow finished her sentence, making a dismissing gesture
with her hand.

The same moment the three men inside the office rose from their chairs and
only a second later the door opened and stepped out into the main room.
"Ah," Giles smiled at the officers who had arrived by now. "Good, you're
here. Most of you will remember Angel, but this gentleman," he pointed at
the blond, "is William Stevens who has asked to be called Spike," he added
with a grin.

"Ooooh, that's so cute," Drusilla whispered, making the others roll their
eyes.

*****

It was strange being in the same room with him again, Buffy thought half an
hour later. Not that he was crowding her. Not at all. On the contrary, he
was avoiding her. Well, not really avoiding her, but he hadn't talked to her
so far. He had been talking to Faith and Kate, had embraced with Drusilla,
shaken hands with Xander and the others, but there wasn't one word exchanged
with her.

Well, it wasn't really right. He hadn't talked to Riley either. But then,
Riley had ignored Angel from the moment he stepped into the precinct, and
was glaring at him from time to time. Not that she expected them to shake
hands.

Buffy remembered Riley's face when Giles had told them about Angel's return
to L.A. and to their precinct. To call it anger would've been too mild. It
had been hostility, hatred, and another myriad of negative emotions she'd
given up trying to count. It was hard to believe that Riley and Angel had
once been best friends, almost as close as brothers. It had changed when
Riley had shown an interest in Buffy. She hadn't known it at first, and it
had needed two more years for her to figure out why Riley had been
interested in her in the first place.

It had been the beginning of the end of their relationship. Jealousy was
never a good foundation for a marriage. And Riley had been so eaten up by
it. God, she thought, running a hand through her hair and glancing quickly
at Angel, who was currently talking to Darla. Darla? Buffy narrowed her
eyes, assessing the situation. They *had* been lovers once, so it could be
possible that... And that's a very bad thought Buffy, she scolded herself.
Don't even go there. It'll just lead into dangerous territory.

"Hey there."

She jerked around and found Spike sitting at the edge of her desk, smiling
at her.

"Hey back," she replied and forced a smile on her lips. This was Angel's
friend and she would keep up appearances in front of him - even if it killed
her. "What do you want?" she asked a little bit too sharp, instantly
scolding herself for it. So much for good intentions.

He raised a hand in a gesture of peace, "Maybe I should come back later?" he
suggested.

She rolled her eyes, "Sorry, I'm just not at my best today."

"Yeah," he said, looking pointedly at Angel, "I know what you mean. He
wasn't in a very good mood either this morning."

One of her eyebrows rose in understanding, "So you... know?"

"I do," he answered, "or rather, I know the facts. That you were together
once, that you split and you married another guy who happened to be Angel's
friend and partner. But that pretty much sums it up." He gave her a warm
smile, "He isn't the kind of guy to run around and brag."

"I see," she smiled tightly, "It was quite messy," she said, busying herself
with some files on her desk. "You know each other long?"

"Since the day he came to the big apple," he told her. "He's been my partner
ever since." He paused for a moment, then added, "Never had a better one."

"That's... good," she replied without looking at him, but he could still see
the frown on her forehead. She was so tense he was afraid she would crack if
someone as much as touched her. Spike's separation from Cathleen had been
messy too, mostly because he loved her and she - after two years - had
discovered she didn't, but he sensed that there was a lot more to Buffy and
Angel than he knew.

"And that guy is the one you married," he said casually nodding towards
Riley.

She looked up, followed his eyes and nodded, "Not that it's any of your
business, but yeah."

He knew a dismissal when he got one. Well, he'd heard enough for now anyway.
But of course, being Spike, the guy who always had the last word, he
couldn't just leave. So he put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it.
Leaning forward he said quietly, "I heard you're divorcing him. Good for
you." Then he turned and went back to his desk.

Buffy stifled a gasp and looked after him. Then her eyes wandered to Angel
who was now sitting at his desk, reading a file Giles had given him, and was
still ignoring her. It was hard to believe that a person like Angel, who had
always been so quiet and earnest, could work with someone like Spike, but
obviously they had - for a long time. Much longer than the time she and
Angel had spent as a couple. And deep inside Buffy felt herself envying
Spike for that.

*

She hadn't changed much. Physically. Angel didn't look up from the page he'd
been reading for the last ten minutes. He hadn't understood one word. He
didn't need to look at Buffy. He'd seen her before and remembered every
detail. She was still incredibly beautiful. Her blond hair longer than it
had been four years ago, her figure more mature, she had blossomed into a
grown-up woman, a real knockout.

But he had also seen the sadness in her eyes. They were still those
hazel-eyes that had haunted his dreams for so long, yet they were different,
older, but it wasn't just caused by age. And Angel didn't like seeing it, he
found himself wishing they hadn't changed at all. That they still shone with that innocent laughter that had drawn him to her, wishing to keep it there, to protect her from the rough reality called life.

Well, she'd chosen Riley for the job and regarding her eyes he'd done a
pretty lousy job. Why did he care anyway, he asked himself. They hadn't seen
each other for over four years. She wasn't his damned business anymore. Why
would sad eyes threaten to make him throw all his resolutions out of the
window? He had sworn to himself, not to fall for her again, not to care. But
somehow that sadness was almost more attractive than her youthful innocence.
God, he was a fool.

Angel put the file down and looked up, catching her in a lively conversation
with Spike. They were laughing, Spike leaning forward, his killer smile
firmly in place. Angel could feel the irritation stirring in him. He didn't
like seeing Spike with her, like two old buddies - or even more.

Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to stay calm. This was Spike. His
friend and partner. Spike would never... And damn he was doing it again.
Trusting a friend and partner. But Spike wasn't Riley and Angel certainly
wasn't the gullible idiot anymore he'd been once. If nothing else, Riley's
betrayal had taught him that even long time friends could be false and that
a smile didn't have to mean anything. Angel had become a better detective
for this, even if he hadn't become a happier man.

He saw Spike squeeze Buffy's shoulder, then leave her desk. He quickly
looked back down onto the file. He could feel her staring at him. What had
Spike said to her? His last comment had left her shaken and stunned.

His blond partner came over and sat down on his chair, whistling slightly.
When Angel looked up, Spike grinned at him.

"What?" the dark-haired man asked.

"Oh, nothing," his friend replied, his face all innocence. "She's nice," he
said and his grin widened when he saw Angel narrow his eyes. "Hey, I mean
that in a strictly friendly way. I'm not interested in her that way.
And speaking about interest," he tilted his head, his eyes wandering to a
certain dark-haired woman who was talking to a blond. Then his gaze came
back to rest on his partner, "Didn't you say you were once Miss Peterson's senior officer?" When he saw Angel raise his brows, he continued, "I'd really like to know more about her."

*****

"Tell me again what we're doing here," Spike whined as he got out of the car
Angel had parked in front of a nightclub called "The Splash".

"Investigating," the dark-haired man replied coming around the car and to
stand beside his friend.

Spike's eyebrows rose, "Investigating?" he echoed.

"Yeah. The Splash is *the* bar all the officers attend after duty hours. No
better place to meet everyone. Everyone is here. Or they were, but according
to Darla they still are."

"Ah, Darla."

Angel gave his friend an irritated look, "What does that mean?"

"What?"

"The 'Ah, Darla' in that tone of voice," the dark-haired man clarified.

"Nothing," Spike shrugged, walking towards the entrance of the club. "She's
a hottie."

"Yeah, she is, and she's also old news. We were over long before I met
Buffy. Now we don't even qualify as friends any more. But we know each
other and respect each other as police officers." At least that was what Angel
hoped.

"If you say so."

Angel stopped abruptly, holding the other man's arm, "Would you care to
explain?" there was a definite edge in his voice. He didn't like what his
friend was implying.

"Hey, no need to get cranky," Spike raised his hands in a gesture of
surrender, "I know that there's nothing going on, from your side at least.
But I also have eyes and she's far from over you."

Angel looked as his friend for a long moment, then frowned, "You have to be
imagining things," he murmured. No way, could Darla still be interested in
him. No way! He knew his former lover only too well, and if Spike was right,
it would only complicate things.

"No, I'm not. I saw the way she was watching you this morning. Sure, she
tries to hide it, but believe me, I see it if someone is interested."

Angel's frown deepened. Spike sounded sure and he had enough experience in
that field to judge people, women in particular. "Oh shit," he muttered and
ran a hand through his hair. "Just what I need." There was no way he wanted
to get involved with Darla again. He met her on his first day at the Police
Academy. She'd been an instructor and older than him. They had fallen in
lust quickly and strongly and it had lasted for about three months. Then
their ways had parted for a while, with her going back to active duty. They
had met again when Angel had left the Academy, but none of them had been
interested to repeat their former involvement, or so Angel had thought -
until now.

Angel couldn't shake off the uneasy feeling of Spike's revelation all
evening. Spike wasn't usually wrong about these things. If Darla was still,
or again, interested in him, it could mean trouble. The reason for their
split-up had been her growing possessiveness of him. First Angel had felt as
if she was watching him, and then there had been the incident with one of
his classmates at the Academy.

They had been talking over a cup of coffee when Darla had entered the
cafeteria and raged like a madwoman at him, implying he was betraying her.
Angel was more than irritated by her behavior but she'd apologized and for
two weeks everything had been fine. Then, Angel had found a bug in his phone
and a little bit of investigation had revealed that Darla had planted it to
check up on him. After that he had refused to see her again. She'd pleaded,
whined, begged, and screamed but he didn't change his mind and a week later
she'd been called back to active duty. Still, Angel wasn't able to shake off
an uneasy feeling whenever he was around her. Although, as he'd told Spike, he
respected her as a colleague.

"Hey, good to see you."

His head jerked around and a smile spread over his face when he saw who had
been talking to him. "Faith," he said, hugging her close.

"It's good to see you," she grinned and pulled back. "It's been freaking
long since you left. I could hardly believe it when old Giles told us you'd
be back. This town just wasn't the same without you."

"Really?" he grinned as well, noticing from the corner of his eye that Spike
was just approaching Dru, who was sitting at the bar sipping her campari
soda. He forced his mind back on Faith. Dru was a grown up woman, and it
wasn't his job to look out for her anymore. After all she'd been fine the
past four years without him. "I never thought you the type to settle on one
man."

She laughed out loud, a throaty, generous sound, "Yeah, well, you know me.
The world is full of men, why settle on one?" Her eyes sparkled with
mischief and she nodded towards the bar, "Seems your partner has it for Dru.
They'd make a nice couple, don't you think."

"Maybe," Angel replied evasively, then again forcing his mind away from the
couple at the bar, nodded at the table, "You don't mind if I join you?"

"No," she shook her head, and gestured invitingly at a vacant seat, "On the
contrary. Sit down."

After the waitress had taken their orders, Faith leaned back and crossed her
arms, "Now, tell me, what have you done on the other side of the country.
Solved a lot of cases? Broke a lot of women's hearts?"

"Yes and no," he replied, relaxing a little bit. He and Faith had never been
anything but friends. He felt comfortable in her presence, and liked her
from the start. "New York is really different from L.A."

"Yeah, I know," she said, and smiled at the waitress who was serving their
drinks. "We went to New York quite often when I was still living in Boston."

"Yes, I remember," Angel sipped from his soda. He'd never been much for
alcohol. A glass of wine here and there and a beer some times, but he had
never cared for whisky or any harder drinks. "What about you? Lots of
exciting men in your life?"

She raised a brow at him, "You were always good at evading questions," she
remarked, "but I let it go - for now. The men in my life," she sighed
dramatically, "let's put it that way. Mr. Perfect never came along."

"I see," he couldn't help the grin that spread across his face, "So you
content yourself with investigation."

Her answering grin was matching his, "If you want to put it that way. Yeah.
And it's rather time-consuming, you know. Lots of interesting subjects
around." She wiggled her brows and winked.

He laughed good-naturedly, "Oh, it would never work with us, Faith. I'd
never be able to keep up with your pace. I like my life quiet and steady. I
like to spend evenings at home, watching a baseball game. You're too active
for my taste."

Another dramatic sigh came from her, "Oh well," she shrugged, "That means
I'll just have to continue looking around." Her eyes fell on someone
entering the club, and her expression sobered instantly, "Well, at least,"
she said, sipping from her drink, "I've been over the worst of them already.
It can only improve after that."

Angel looked at her quizzically, and then turned following her eyes. It had
been four years, and there had been times in New York when Angel had thought
he could forget all the things that had happened before he'd left L.A., but
now he was sure it was far from over. His body tensed the moment he
discovered the subject of her words.

Riley sauntered into the bar, a curvy blond on his arm, her eyes adoringly
on his face. She looked young and was obviously in love with the older
detective. "Seems he's favoring kindergarteners these days," Faith said
dryly, taking another sip from her drink. "No wonder. A grown up woman would
figure him out in a flash. There's a nice body, I have to give him that much,
but it's not worth it."

Angel turned back to face the dark-haired woman, the hair in his neck
standing up straight. He would never be able to relax in Riley's presence.
Too much had happened between the two men. To think that they had once joked
about girls, shared the first forbidden drive in his father's car, joined
the police force together. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

"Ever seen the girl before?" he asked.

"No," Faith shook her head, "he changes them so fast, it's impossible
to keep up with it. I think even babies like her find out quickly what sort
of guy he is. Considering everything, it took Buffy a long time to realize
what was going on." Catching what she'd just said, she reached out to cover
his hand with hers, an apologetic smile on her face, "Sorry. I just put my
foot in my mouth. This should be a relaxing evening, didn't want to remind
you."

As if he needed a reminder. Buffy had never been out of his thoughts, not
one day had passed in New York, that her image hadn't entered his mind. Her
laughing eyes that looked so sad now, sometimes he even wondered if he could
feel the silky strands of her hair with his fingers. "It's okay," he managed
to say, then took a large gulp from his soda.

"Uh oh, I'm getting bad vibes, here," Dru looked from Angel to Faith and
back when she sat down at their table. "Are we interrupting something?" She
gazed at Spike, who was sitting down beside her.

"It looks as if we just came in time," he replied grinning, "my friend Angel
here tends to get too serious sometimes. I usually have to save him then."

"It's just the company in here," Faith said, nodding towards Riley and the
blond girl, "Doesn't help to improve the evening."

"Ah," Drusilla nodded understandingly. "Don't let him spoil the evening,
he's nothing but an idiot. Never understood what you found in him," she was
looking at Faith now who groaned.

"Sure, remind me of that. Now *you're* spoiling the evening. If I could cut
out a part of my life, it would be definitely the part where I was too blind
to see beyond a well-trained body. But, hey, look at the bright side, at
least I'm over it, and unlike others I never married..." she trailed off,
instantly wanting to kick herself for the slip when she saw Angel's face
that had just been relaxing tense again.

Spike had seen it too, and he reached out, putting a hand on his friend's
shoulder, "Don't let him get to you, man. He isn't worth it."

"My words exactly," Faith agreed, giving Angel another apologetic look. She
was really doing it tonight. Now she only had to find a dog and kick it to
make her performance perfect, she thought. "As Dru said, he's an idiot. Not
worth another thought."

"Yeah," Angel released a breath. "I really thought I was over it."

"You never get over these things," Spike said, understanding in his eyes.
"They stay with you. All you can do is, live with them, learn and avoid the
same faults in the future. But if it's any help. I really dislike the guy.
There's something about him..." he trailed off, exchanging a look with his
friend. There was a certain expression in their eyes. They were looking for
a dirty cop, and it could be Riley Finn.

The problem was Angel wasn't sure if he'd really like it. Sure, lots of
things had happened between Riley and he, Buffy being the most important of
them, but there were those good times as well. Maybe it had all been a lie
where Riley was concerned, but that didn't mean, you could just forget them
and pretend they never had happened. There were all the evenings they had
been studying together, the first night they'd gotten drunk at college. No,
Angel wasn't sure if he liked the idea of Riley being the man they were
looking for.

Forcing himself back to the present, he turned towards Dru, "You've grown
up," he said, smiling, "Heard a lot of good things about you, officer."

"Oh," she raised a brow, "well, I had a good teacher," she said, smiling as
well.

"Glad to hear that," Angel commanded his body to relax and to ignore the man
still standing only a few feet behind him at the bar, "heard you received a
commendation for rescuing a kid."

She blushed slightly at that, "Yes, I did. But it really wasn't anything
big. I just did my job."

"She did a lot more than that," Faith disagreed, "You should have seen her,
Angel, she wouldn't give up when everyone else thought the boy was dead. And
she found him. It was great."

"Don't exaggerate," Drusilla said a bit uncomfortable with all the
attention, "I'm just glad we found him and that he's now back with his
parents. He was lost at the fair," she explained the two men who didn't know
all the details. "The fair was near a river and they all thought he'd fallen
into it and drowned, but I couldn't shake off the feeling that he was still
alive. Finally we found him hanging on the roller coaster. He'd climbed up
and couldn't get down again."

"So Dru just climbed after him and brought him back down," Faith added,
giving her partner a sideways glance. "She really earned her commendation
for the bold climbing. I think I'd have fainted up there."

"So you're not just beautiful and bright but brave too," Spike looked at Dru
with admiration in his eyes, "What a combination."

She blushed again, this time delicately, "Stop that," she whispered. "I'm
not worth all this. I'm just a woman who did her job. And I'm not
beautiful."

"Leave that up to me," Spike replied with a wink, enjoying the fact that her
blush deepened. God, but she was lovely. He felt the same stirring in his
groin he'd already felt this morning, but now it was accompanied by
something he had experienced once, and he wasn't sure he liked to feel it
again.

Angel's voice was casual when he suddenly asked, "Buffy never comes here?"

"No, not anymore," Faith told him, "With their divorce going on and Riley
hanging around all the time," she shrugged, "She doesn't really care to see
him after work. Besides, I think she went to Willow and Oz's tonight
with Xander, his wife and probably Cordelia."

"Oh?" Angel raised a brow.

"Yeah. They're celebrating. Willow's just discovered that she's going to
have a baby."

*****

"I'm so glad you all could come tonight," Willow exclaimed, her gaze
wandering over the little crowd assembled in her and Oz's living room.

"We're glad to be here," Cordelia assured her with a smile. "It's what
friends are for. To share the good and the bad times. And this is definitely
a very good one. Do you know already what it's going to be?"

"No," Oz shook his head, "It's too early to say it. But we aren't sure if we
even want to know."

"Why not?" Anya looked at the expecting parents with puzzlement, "But if you
don't know what you're getting how will you get the people buy the right
things? I mean you don't want your little boy grow up in pink, do you?" She
thought about her own baby that was being taken care of tonight by her
mother-in-law and shuddered. No way she wanted to imagine him in pink.

Willow raised a brow at Xander's wife, "I really think that's old-fashioned.
Like giving only dolls to girls or never one to a boy. Whatever the child
is, it will have blue *and* pink clothes and it will get to play with
whatever she or he prefers."

"Hear, hear," Doyle grinned at the redhead and raised his glass, "But
congratulations, whatever it is. Maybe it'll get a playing pal soon," he
added and wiggled his brows at his fiancée.

"Oh, no, buddy," Cordelia shook her head, "I just got the new job. No way
I'm giving it up for a baby. I agreed to marry you, but a child will
definitely have to wait for a while."

Doyle looked at her, and then shrugged.

"Trouble in paradise already?" Xander inquired, raising a brow.

"Xander," Anya elbowed him in his ribs, making him yelp.

Willow watched her friends and smiled to herself when her eyes fell on Buffy
who had been very quiet the whole evening. She was sitting in the back,
sipping at her coke, not really following the conversation going on. The
redhead exchanged a short glance with her husband who nodded at her and then
left the table to join her best friend for a moment.

"Heavy thoughts?" she asked approaching the blond.

Buffy's head snapped up, her startled eyes on the other woman, and then she
forced a smile on her lips, "No. Sorry, I haven't been real fun to have
around tonight. I shouldn't have come."

"Nonsense," Willow said firmly and sat down beside her. "We love to have you
around. What's the matter? Talk to me," she urged gently.

"It's really not important."

"But it is if it makes you sit quietly in the dark, zoning out everything
and everyone."

The blond ran a hand through her hair, and put her glass down, "Am I that
readable?" she asked, shaking her head, a sad laugh escaping her mouth.
"It's just hard," she admitted finally, "you're all so happy. Such wonderful
couples. Anya and Xander are on cloud number nine with their little boy,
Cordy and Doyle seem to be perfect for each other, as hard to believe as it
is," she had to laugh at that for a moment, "and now you and Oz... It just
shows me what a failure my life has been."

"Oh Buffy," Willow reached out, putting a hand over her friend's, "that
sounds as if it's over already. You're just 30. Your life has barely begun."

"Oh yeah?" the blonde's voice was full of sarcasm, "That's not how I'm
seeing it. I screwed up royally, Willow. I pushed Angel away, and then I
fell on Riley. What would you call it? Good judgment?"

"No," the redhead said calmly, but firmly, "No, I wouldn't. But that doesn't
mean your life is over. You need to put it behind you and move on. It could
be worse you know. You could have been one of the women who wake up at 50
only to realize the things you know at 30."

Slowly a smile spread over the blonde's features, "You really know how to
make me feel better, Willow. I'm sorry," she said, "sometimes self-pity
overwhelms me."

"And rightfully so," the redhead assured her. "You had some very rough
times. But now you're straightening things out. You'll be divorced soon.
You're still young and have a lot to look forward too." She quickly looked
down then back at Buffy, "And maybe there's even a chance to get things back
together with Angel?"

"Angel?" Buffy considered it for a moment, and then remorsefully shook her
head, "No, I don't think so Willow. Besides. It's been over four years. I
hurt him. A lot. Why on earth would he still have feelings for me? No," she
shook her head again, "whatever has been between us once. It's over. And we both
know it. It ended four years ago, and it's the best for everyone if it stays that way. None of us wants to repeat past mistakes." She took her glas and sipped, missing the doubtful expression on Willow's face

*****

Tuesday, August 22nd, Los Angeles

Summer in L.A. could be nice. If you were rich, didn't have to work and
could spend your days at the beach. If you weren't born with a golden spoon
in your mouth it could be a bitch. The air was hot, the smog thick and you
had to kick yourself to get up and things done.

Buffy Summers-Finn - for another four weeks - was no exception. The idea of
getting up each morning, only to spend another day in a badly aired precinct
or a police car that had seen better days, wasn't all that tempting. But as
she wasn't one of the filthy rich people living at Beverly Hills she had no
real choice.

At least she liked her job. Most of the time. She liked being a police
officer, liked getting the bad guys. What she didn't like was typing
reports, interviewing witnesses or interrogating suspects, although the
latter could have its appraise. Especially if your mood wasn't the best.

She hadn't been in a good mood for a long time, she mused while she tried to
get the old percolator into gear. Riley had taken the new one the day he
moved out of the apartment. No, her mood hadn't been good for a long time.
Not for a very long time. More than four years, if she was brutally honest
with herself. Yes, there had been times, right after she'd just married
Riley where she thought herself happy and content, but looking back now she
knew it had been nothing but fake.

Don't go there, she scolded herself and closed her eyes, taking a deep
breath. Four weeks, she had to get through four more weeks, not even quite,
and then this nightmare would be over. Riley wouldn't be her husband anymore
and she would be Buffy Summers again. She could go on with her life and
pretend it never happened.

Of course she didn't believe it for a second.

Nothing would be the same again. The scars the last four years had left on
her were invisible but nonetheless deep and at the moment she wondered if
they would ever heal. Willow had said she was 30 and still young, but she
felt old, worn out and tired, oh so tired.

She felt tears welling up in her eyes and swallowed hard, her hands gripping
the counter until her knuckles went white. God, she'd been such a fool. If
she could just turn back time and change... But no, you couldn't do that, time
moved on and so would she - maybe - eventually. She would leave all that
behind her, and concentrate on her work for a while and maybe, given
enough time, she would get her life back together.

With a sweep of her hand she wiped a tear away that had slipped from her
lashes and determined, pushed herself off of the counter and poured some
cereal into a bowl. She would get through this, she wouldn't break just
because Angel had returned to L.A., looking as wonderful as she remembered
him, and making her long for things she could no longer have.

The milk almost slipped from her hand when the doorbell rang suddenly. A
frown appeared on her forehead as she gazed at the clock. Who in the hell
was coming to see her at seven o'clock in the morning? Not that she was in a
hurry. She usually left for work at half past seven, but she liked to have
this time to herself, because the day was still young.

A second ring told her that whoever was standing in front of her door would
obviously not go away. With a sigh she put the milk down and went to open
the door and almost fainted at the sight of Angel Reardon.

"Angel," her voice was strangely breathless.

No smile appeared on his face when his eyes wandered over her form, not
missing a detail of her night robe, the bunny slippers she usually wore at
home or the tousled hair. Neither did he miss the fact that she didn't wear
anything underneath her robe. "Hi, Buffy," he said, his eyes locking on
hers.

She felt a blush creeping up her neck and instantly cursed herself. She was
thirty years old and was blushing at the sight of an attractive male. She
was pathetic. But she wasn't the kind of woman who usually entertained
lovers in her apartment and was used to meet men half-naked first thing in
the morning. She almost laughed out loud at the thought. Lovers. Her sexual
experience was almost non-existent.

Before Angel there had been her high school sweetheart who had persuaded her
that sex after the prom was expected. And Buffy, being the idiot she'd
obviously been all her life, hadn't had the heart to say no. In college
there had been another - even more idiotic - sexual encounter, before she'd
finally met Angel. He'd been the first lover to stay with her longer than one
night. Then there had been Riley and then... nothing.

So she couldn't help the embarrassment she felt at finding Angel at her
doorstep. "Well, hi," she managed, cursing herself again. **Great going
Summers. Now he thinks you're a complete idiot.**

He cleared his throat, and then gestured at her outfit, "I'm sorry to
disturb you this early, but... well, I thought we could... talk?"

"Talk?" she asked, raising a brow.

He had to grin at her confusion and Buffy almost fainted at the change in
him when he did so. He was incredibly handsome but a smile on his face did
things to it that made her heart beat faster and a familiar, but long
forgotten, warmth began to settle between her legs. "Yeah, you know," he
said, jamming his hands into his pockets, "Talk. Moving lips with sound
coming out of your mouth. Talk."

"Yeah, I know about talking," she replied, angry with herself. **Get a grip
on yourself, Summers. You're a grown up woman. Grown up women don't drool
over men on their doorsteps. Not even if the man in question is Angel
Reardon. *Especially* not if the man is Angel.**

"Good," he slightly inclined his head and when she did nothing, he asked,
"So, can I maybe come in? It's much easier to talk in private."

"Oh. Sure, come in," she stepped aside to allow him to enter, then closed
the door behind him. **Casual, Summers. Act casual.** Turning towards the
kitchen she asked, "You want some coffee? I just started it, and if the
machine did its work it should be ready by now. Otherwise I can only offer
cereal. I forgot to buy bread yesterday."

"Just coffee, thanks," he replied and looked around. He had never seen her
apartment before, but guessing at the size of it, she and Riley must have
lived here. It was too big for one person, and maybe also too expensive?
Angel pushed the thought aside. He hadn't come to investigate her, but - as
he'd told her - to talk. Somehow they had to settle the tension that had
been in the air the previous day or the coming weeks would be hell.

"Take a seat in the living room," she said from the kitchen while he heard
her filling two cups, then loading a tray. "I hope you still drink your
coffee black?" there was a slight question in her voice and so he took the
cup with a nod.

"Old habits die hard," he told her, sipping from the dark, strong brew. Her
coffee still tasted as he remembered. He'd always loved her coffee. But then
he'd loved so many things about her, and was so madly in love, so blind
and... "Nice apartment," he remarked.

She shrugged, "It's alright, but I'm looking for a smaller one. Too many bad
memories," she said without a hint of self-pity, "and it's getting too
expensive. Cops don't earn this kind of money."

So much for that, Angel thought, surprised by the relief he felt at her
remark. He and Buffy were over, and he'd just come to make piece, so why was
it so important to him that she wasn't involved in the case he was
researching? Not that she was on Cordelia's list anyway. But Cordelia was
Buffy's friend and certainly not objective where the blond was concerned.

"Don't I know it," Angel smiled and took another sip of his coffee. "My
parents almost fainted when I told them that I was leaning towards law
enforcement. But I was determined to become the best cop, there was nothing
they could say to change my mind."

"Yeah," Buffy nodded, understanding exactly what he meant. God, this was so
unreal. Here she was sitting, half-naked, in her living room talking to a
man she never thought she'd see again. And now they were making small talk.
"So why did you want to talk to me?"

He sighed and put his cup down. "What do you think? We didn't part on the
best of terms four years ago and yesterday," he shrugged, "let's just say it
was tense. So I thought, I'd come by to tell you that I'm not angry anymore.
Or anything. Whatever happened between us four years ago is over. There's no
sense in blaming anyone for it. It's old news. Over and done with. So maybe
we can forget about it and just be... colleagues?"

If he'd stabbed her, he couldn't have hurt her more, Buffy thought. Old
news. So that was how he felt about their affair, relationship, or whatever
it had been. Old news. Over and done. But whom was she kidding? Of course it was
over. Hadn't she told herself the very same just before. With some effort she
managed to keep her expression blank, "Of course," she said and God, didn't
her voice sound light and without emotion? Maybe she'd missed her calling.
Maybe she should've become an actress instead. And maybe she could just lie
down and die.

"Good," he smiled at her, "I'm glad you think so," he said, "It would've
been awkward, to say the least, if we wouldn't manage to act like adults
around each other. I'm glad you feel the same way."

**Yeah, sure. And maybe I could just try to not exist at all,** Buffy
thought, surprised that she was still able to breathe. What the hell was
happening to her, she wondered. She had managed to avoid thinking about him
for four years and now his words were cutting her soul wide open, and
hurting her the way no one else could hurt her. "Yeah, I do," she managed,
"Feel the same way, I mean."

Something flickered through his eyes, but it was gone so quickly that she
had no time to discover what it was. With a nod Angel got up, "Alright. That
was pretty much all I wanted to talk about," he said, "Thanks for the
coffee." When she was about to get up as well, he shook his head, "No, just
enjoy your breakfast. I'll find the way out. Thanks for your time."

And then with a last nod he was gone, leaving Buffy to her coffee and cereal
that suddenly tasted like sand.

****

Angel closed the door of his car then let his forehead fall on the steering
wheel and exhaled a long breath. His whole body trembled with the effort the
past few minutes had been. With the effort of being so close and trying keep
his cool.

It had taken his breath away to see her standing in the doorway like that.
Her skin still warm from a good night's sleep, her hair tousled as if a
lover's hand had roamed through it. Only that there hadn't been a lover,
she'd been alone and her eyes had again looked so sad, it was all he could
do not to reach out, take her into his arms and hold her until all sadness
was gone and replaced by the sparkle of happiness he'd seen in them all those
years ago.

His body had hardened instantly at the sight of her, because sadness or no,
she was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He wanted to sweep
her up in his arms and carry her to bed and make love to her for days and
days. But of course that was nothing but a foolish daydream that would never
come true again. Time couldn't be turned back, past mistakes were done and
he had to live with them forever.

But, God, he wanted her. Still wanted her the same way he'd wanted her from
the first moment he'd seen her. He would never forget the afternoon when
she'd entered his office. He'd known he was lost then and obviously some
things never changed. His mind might have made an effort to forget what no
longer could be, his body certainly hadn't done the same.

The way she'd turned towards the kitchen, her hips slightly swinging under
the morning robe, Angel had instantly wished he hadn't come at all. But it
had been too late then and he had to go through with it. And boy, had he
played his part well. He hadn't missed the hurt in her eyes. Or maybe it was
just his imagination. Why would his words hurt her? She preferred to marry
Riley, to not give him a second chance when he'd gone to her in the church
and pleaded her to listen to him.

No, it had to be his imagination. She'd chosen Riley after all. She had
ended all their dreams with her final decision to marry his former best
friend. She had given up on them long before he had. Not to forget that he'd done
his part in all this as well. She'd lost far more than he four years ago. A
young, smiling face briefly flickered through his mind, but Angel quickly pushed
it away.

Taking a deep breath, he started the car and his face hardened in
determination. He might still want her, but he was an adult and he would be
damned if he let his hormones rule his life. Wanting was one thing. It could
be strong, but he had learned to control his sexual appetite. Love. Well,
love was another matter. Love could be so strong, it could make a man do
crazy stuff, and it could make a man lose control.

Pulling the car onto the road, Angel vowed that he would never let love rule
him again.

*****

Buffy was still walking around in a daze when she entered the precinct about
an hour later. She'd driven on autopilot and even her greetings to her
colleagues and friends were automatic. Angel's words had hurt her more than
she'd believed possible. Over and done. Old news. Her mind repeated it again
and again, and by noon a severe headache was hammering behind her temples.

She was glad Willow had been busy the whole morning. The last thing Buffy
wanted at the moment was to talk about Angel's early visit. All she wanted
was to forget it ever happened. Of course, she never got what she wanted.
With Angel only two desks away she had the constant reminder around all the
time.

When a heavy file finally hit her desk she stifled a groan, only to stiffen
when she looked up at the person who'd put it there. Her eyes narrowed
instantly, "What's this?" she asked.

"A file," Riley replied acidly, "or does it look like something else?"

"I can see it is a file," Buffy gritted out, "What I want to know is why
would you give it to me?"

"Maybe you should read it," he proposed and turned away, not bothering to
explain.

"Jerk," she muttered under her breath, then reached for the file and opened
it. Her breath caught in her throat when she read the first words. 'Case
Mike Danicki' it said. Buffy felt her hands start to tremble and she had to
force herself to breathe properly. Nervously she licked her suddenly dry
lips and her eyes darted towards Riley who was smirking at her.

Attached to the file was a picture that showed a young, smiling man who was
gazing up at her with the same hazel eyes Buffy used to see when she looked into
the mirror each morning. Her heart clenched in pain, her stomach began to squirm
and the pounding behind her temples intensified. Massaging them for a moment, she
didn't see that Angel was watching her with concern.

With as much grace as her trembling legs would allow she stood and walked
over to his desk, "Would you care to explain?" she demanded, her voice loud
enough for the officers near by to hear. Faith stopped her typing and eyed
Buffy curiously. Kate Lockley did the same and Angel didn't even bother to
hide his interest in the scene. But Buffy didn't care. At the moment, she only
hoped she would survive this moment.

Riley shrugged, "I had this old file in my desk. Thought I should give it to
you first before turning it over to the archive," he said still smirking.

Her eyes narrowed another bit, "Maybe you didn't know it until now, but you
are the lowest form of life on this planet, Riley Finn," she told him glad
that her voice sounded cool and controlled although her knees were shaking
badly.

He shrugged again, "I just thought it would be of interest for you. Never
thought it'd get to you like this." But the expression in his eyes told
another story. They were calculating, and he was obviously hoping to hurt
her any way possible. God, how could she have ever thought herself in love
with him?

And it had hurt her. He knew exactly how she felt about the Danicki Case,
he'd been there after all, and later she'd emptied out her soul to him and he'd
held her, told her he understood. Bastard. But, by God, she wouldn't give him the satisfaction to see her pain. Straightening her spine, she walked back to
her desk, picked up the file, then returned to Riley's desk and placed it in
front of him. "Thanks," she said, her voice carefully controlled, "How
thoughtful of you. But this case is closed." With a last look she turned and
went for the bathroom.

She was shaking so badly when she finally closed the door behind her that
she sank to the ground, not able to stand anymore. She hated Riley so much,
if she'd a gun she would be able to shoot him right now. And not care. To
think she'd sent Angel away...

A sob rose in her throat, choking her, and in panic anyone might hear her,
she pressed a hand to her mouth. No, she would not lose it in here. She had
to keep control, keep her cool.

"Oh God." Her moan sounded like that of a wounded animal. "Oh God, oh God,"
she moaned again, hating her own weakness, her vulnerability. She closed her
eyes, pressed her hand harder on her mouth, her whole body trembling, she
was on the edge of falling apart.

And then suddenly there were arms around her, she was lifted off the ground
and settled in someone's lap, a familiar hand was stroking her hair and
pressing her head into a warm, hard chest. "Shhh," a once beloved voice
soothed, while the hand continued stroking her hair. "It's okay, baby," the
voice went on. "It's okay, I know. I'm sorry. That son of a ..."

One arm tightened around her and that drove her over the edge. The trembling
increased and then sobs came from her mouth, only muffled by Angel's shirt
and his chest. And he just kept holding her and continued stroking her, and
speaking to her. "It's alright, baby, don't hold back. Just cry. I'm here,"
his voice whispered, "I'm here and I'm not going away. Just cry."

"Oh God," the words tore from here throat. "Oh God, Angel," she moaned,
throwing her arms around his neck. She didn't care what had happened to make
him materialize beside her this very moment, she just held onto him, to the
man she'd once loved more than she thought possible, the man she'd sent away
on the her wedding day. And maybe the only person who could truly understand
what she was going through. "How could he?," she asked. "How could he do it?"

She didn't have to elaborate. Angel knew what she meant. "I don't know," he
answered honestly. "I don't know him anymore. I thought I did once, but I
was wrong. Maybe if..." he sighed. There was no point in maybes. "I would
really like to beat him into a bloody pulp," he added savagely.

"Oh yeah?" she couldn't help the smile that was tugging at the corners of
her mouth. "Don't make me laugh, Angel. You never were the violent type.
Riley was, but he hid it perfectly," the smile was suddenly very sad again.
"It seems like we all thought he was someone else."

"Yeah," he replied, looking at her with concern. "Are you feeling any better
now?"

Sniffling, she wiped her wet tears, and nodded, "Yeah, better." Suddenly
embarrassed she became very aware of the fact that he was sitting on the
tiles in the women's bathroom and she was sitting in his lap. "I'm sorry,"
she apologized, feeling her cheeks grow hot. "I didn't intend to cry all
over you," she tried to joke and gestured at the wet spots on his shirt.

"Oh well, I take it as a payback for my visit this morning," he gave her a
half-smile that had her heart constricting painfully. God, how she used to
love to kiss his mouth when he smiled. And it would soon spin out of control
and they would end... She closed her eyes for a moment and pushed the images
of better times away.

"Okay, then," she managed one of her own smiles and scrambled away from him,
then stood. He stood as well. "Thanks for coming to my rescue."

"No need to thank me." His eyes were sad and honest. "After all it was my
fault you ever got into the position that Riley could hurt you today." He smiled
sadly and was already turning away when she caught his arm.

"Angel..."

"No," he shook his head, "don't. After all it was the bullet from my gun that
killed your brother."

... to be continued