Oh, Really?
Chapter Two of 'The Ladies' Man'
by Marie McKinnon

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed. If I get reviews for this chapter, I'll thank you
all by name. *makes big puppy eyes and begs on hands and knees* That being finished, this
chapter starts just after Lily walks away from the dormitory. She's just insulted James and turned
him different colors. You know all that if you've read the first chapter, but I decided to go back
over it anyway, in case I forget. So she tutted when James said something, and went back to her
dorm. He heard her and now is continuing his dialogue.

*

"What was that?" James demanded.

"I didn't hear anything, you're probably just imagnining things," Remus said. "As usual."

"I'm not imagining things! Somebody tutted, like McGonagall does when she thinks
you're being stupid on purpose."

"You were being stupid on purpose. After all, you asked Evans to the ball," Sirius said.

"I asked her? You made me ask her! If anything, you're the stupid one! And now I'm
purple!"

"It becomes you," Remus joked.

"Oh, really? Would you like to have purple skin as well?"

"No, sorry, I think it's just a James Potter fashion statement. I'm much too pale for it to
work."

"Ha ha ha. That was so funny I forgot to laugh. I'm going out there and finding out who
was here. If it was Evans she's in such deep trouble, girls aren't allowed up here."

"Oh, really? I didn't know girls weren't allowed up here, why didn't you tell me?" Sirius
retorted, dripping sarcasm. James rolled his eyes and left the dorm, hoping to catch the culprit as
they went down the stairs.

He paused at the top of the stairs and summoned his Invisibility Cloak. A large row over
someone with purple skin was all he needed. Silently, holding his breath because it was too loud,
James crept down the boys' staircase and tiptoed up to the girls' dormitories. The door to Lily's
dorm was closed. Wishing for the ability to become insubstantial, he pushed it open. It silently
glided over the carpeted floor. James let out a breath. Just as the door was wide open, it creaked
loudly. A lump on one of the beds popped up. For an instant he thought he was visible; it felt
like the lump was looking right at him. It was Evans.

"Just a wind, then," she said aloud. "Wait, a wind inside a castle? That's impossible.
You're going crazy, Lil. First Potter asks you to the ball, then doors get blown open without
wind. What's next, a flying pig?" One of Hagrids new creatures, a pig with wings, flew past he
window. "Okay, okay, I take it back. But it's still weird. Why would Potter ask me anyway?
Does he not hate me as much as I thought he did?" She got up and crossed the room to shut the
door, but paused to say "That's just silly. I'm the only girl in Gryffindor that he hasn't dated, so
I'm the only one available to ask to the dance. That's the answer. Potter's just an obnoxious
b******. Keep saying that. Potter's a b******. Potter's a b******. Potter's a--"

THUMP

Inevitably, Lily had walked right into James. They both fell down, James knocking his
head into the door and letting the Cloak slip off. Lily just sat down hard and glared.

"You're a b******, you know that, Potter?"

"Oh, really? I hadn't guessed," he said sarcastically. "You were tutting at us, weren't
you? C'mon, fess up, we know it was you."

"Oh, really? If you knew, why are you asking?"

"Cause the other guys don't believe me. I have no idea why they were laughing at me.
I'm not stupid!--"

"Oh, really? That's a new one. Did the fact that your skin is purple ever occur to you?
You're purple, you know that, right?"

"Oh, really? I'm purple? I never would've guessed! And who do you suppose turned me
purple in the first place?"

"I did, of course," she grinned.

"Oh, really? What if you suddenly turned purple? I don't think you'd like it very much!"

"Oh, really? Doesn't everybody like being purple?"

"I most certainly don't!"

"Oh, really? I'm very surprised, you seemed overjoyed."

"You're b****, Evans."

"Oh, really? In that case, I suppose you wouldn't mind green polka dots..." She flicked
her wand before James could protest. It looked like he'd caught a very bad case of chicken pox.
Flustered, he put his Cloak on again and dashed to his dormitory.

"Prongs, you've got spots," laughed Sirius when James took the Cloak off.

"Oh, really?"

Disclaimer: I now have a polka-dotted James and an angry Lily. Wonder what happens next? I
don't own the colors purple or green or the words 'oh, really?' Sirius, Remus, James, Lily,
Gryffindor, Hogwarts, etc. belong to Her Imperial Majesty Joanne Kathleen Rowling. REVIEW
OR I'LL -- I'LL -- I'LL EAT YOU FOR LUNCH! With ketchup this time...