Okay! I got this brilliant idea from my good friend Hikaru that's uber cool!! It's just a short little thing, but I hope you enjoy it. I sure did.
Disclaimer: I don't like meat.
Disclaimer (the sequel): I don't own Eva, nor do I wish to, cause if I did I'd be messed up as Anno.
Eva Dating Game.
"Okay and welcome to Nerv Channel (TM) presents The Dating Game!" Misato yelled as she strolled across the stage in a shimmering blue dress. "Today's contestants are, Bachelorette number 1: Asuka Langley Soryou! Bachelorette number 2: Rei Ayanami! And bachelorette number three is Toji Suzahara!"
"Suzahara?!" Ritsuko said unbelieving.
"Hikari right out refused to be a contestant!" Maya whispered to her teacher.
"Now, introducing our handsome bachelor.....Shinji Ikari!" Misato cheered as the aforementioned boy timidly walked onto the stage, spotlight following him.
"Well, say something to our viewers about how lucky you are that Nerv selected you to be the bachelor!" The major read from the cue card. //Damn Nerv propaganda....//
"Um.....I'm....well.....I'm really indifferent about it." Shinji said uncertainly.
Misato smiled from ear to ear. "That a boy Shinji-kun." She whispered into his ear. To the audience she yelled, " Now here's our host......Gendo Ikari!" Everyone expected to see Gendo jog onto the stage and give Misato a small hug....well, actually they were expecting him to walk slowly onto stage a lace his hands in front of his face.
What Gendo did was just rise from a hydraulic lift under the stage, hands already clasped and glaring from his tinted glasses.
"Yes." He said as some few brave people clapped softly. "Begin the dating test sequence immediately."
"Shinji, have a seat and get your questions ready." Misato said cheerfully.
"Um....I dropped my question cards in the toilet......" Shinji mumbled.
Misato slapped a hand to her face. "Oh, jeeze......" She looked up to the commander.
"Irrelevant." He said. "Proceed."
The lights flashed once and Shinji was put in the spotlight. Next to him was a wall where three girls were waiting, or so he thought.
"Um.....bachelorette number one.....w-what do you consider fun?" Shinji asked nervously.
From the other side of the wall Asuka snorted. "Well, personally I like piloting my Eva, but I also enjoy putting that wimpy coward Shinji to shame."
Shinji urked and continued, beginning to sweat. "Bachelorette number two...um....same question.
"," Rei stated firmly.
"Bachelorette number two?" Shinji asked concerned.
"I will do what I am ordered to." Rei said.
"Riiiiiiiiight. Well, Um......Bachelorette number three what do-"
"I'm hungry! Where that dinner you promised?! I'm thinking steak, or maybe some ramen....a vat of ramen...."
"Yeah, that's good." Shinji moved on, wondering what kind of drugs Nerv had given to the 'contestants'.
"Well, bachelorette number one.... what would you consider fun on a date?" Shinji asked, a little more confident.
"What?! What are you trying to say? There's no WAY I'd go on a date with YOU! Kaji's the only man for me....."
Shinji slumped in his chair. "Okay.....bachelorette number two....what about you?" He asked lamely.
"I do not understand."
Shinji sighed. He had a good idea of who THIS contestant was. "It's when you go somewhere for fun."
"Fun?"
"Yes, pleasure." Shinji replied.
Rei thought this over. "Procreation is pleasurable, is that 'fun'?"
"Ack! No! I mean, sorta...I mean.....I.....damn."
"Understood."
"Bachelorette number three?"
Toji looked up from his steak. "Hmmm?"
Shinji considered his options. "What would you say to my father after a date?"
"I'd say, DAMN! You are one ice-cold heartless bastard! How could you spawn someone so wussy?"
From his host-desk Gendo stiffened.
"Okay......" Shinji turned to the number one bachelorette. "Well, What's your favorite color?"
"Red!" Asuka yelled. "It's the best!"
"Two?" Shinji asked.
Rei tilted her head quizzically. "I am a girl."
"That's a relief." Shinji said. "But what's your favorite color?"
Rei frowned. "I like Azure."
"Wow, nice choice." Shinji said.
Asuka wasn't having this. "No way! Red is WAY better!"
"My preference is azure." Rei stated."
Asuka growled. "You doll! Red is better damn you!" She leapt over her chair and tackled Rei, who flipped onto her back and used her foot to kick Asuka over her head. The red-haired plot landed on her back behind her.
"Bitch!" Asuka yelled and attacked again. From the other side Shinji listened to the exchange and thrashing around. Toji appeared next to him.
"Some show huh?" He offered Shinji some steak and the two of them listened to Asuka and Rei duke it out, imagining them both in bikinis caked in mud.
"Thanks for tuning in to The Eva Dating Game, stay tuned for Asuka the Vampire/Rei clone slayer after these messages from our sponsor." Misato said from the stage.
"Seele, providing evil weapons of mass destruction to secret organizations that have plans to destroy the world."
End.
*Author's notes.
Well, what'dja think? Don't know if it's been done before, but here it is. Do yourself a favor and read some of Hikaru's fics, if you like Wing comedy. Well, later!
