The Perfect Date
Chapter Three of 'The Ladies' Man'
by (you guessed it) Marie McKinnon

A/N: Okay, so you know where the last chapter ended. James had purple skin and green
polka dots. I'm skipping ahead a bit. He's gotten rid of the multi-colors and is perfectly normal.
It's closer to the ball, and he still hasn't gotten a date. He and his dorm-mates are fantasizing.

*

"This is pitiful," Sirius said. "We're the most popular people in school and we still haven't
found a decent girl to take to the ball."

"Better to go alone than to go with Evans," James muttered, rolling his eyes. "It took five
cleansing charms to get that color off, and I'm still seeing spots!"

"Maybe your glasses need adjusting," sniggered Remus. He ducked a charm James sent
his way, throwing himself down on the bed. Poor, unsuspecting Peter, not paying attention, was
hit instead. A pair of granny's spectacles with beaded chains appeared, blancing perfectly on the
tip. When he tried to take them off, they refused, tightening their hold on the bridge of his nose.


"HELP! Get 'em off! Get 'em off!" He yelled.

Sirius and Remus, unaware of the pain the glasses were causing their friend, could hardly
hold back their laughter. Only when they couldn't breathe for laughing so hard did they stop, and
even then they wheezed silently.

"Ooops, sorry, Peter," James laughed. He righted his friend, who immediately clamped
his hand over his nose.

"Too right you are," Peter said in a muffled tone, not having removed the hand from his
nose.

"Back to the point, though," Remus said, straightening. "You two need to find someone
to take to the ball. Any suggestions?"

"She has to be cute, and not so modest that she won't wear a short skirt," Sirius said
dreamily. "Curly blonde hair, big blue eyes, the works."

"You're dreaming, Padfoot. There're no girls like that here. Sounds like your dream date
will remain a dream, I'm afraid."

"Well, at least I have some idea of what I want. Of course, we all know James wants his
girl to look just like this--" He whirled his wand carefully, creating a holographic image floating in
the air. It had bright red hair hanging gracefully to its shoulders, pretty green eyes with long
lashes, a slim build, and a very tight pair of jeans on with a Mexican-style blouse. All in all, it
looked like Lily would if she wore Muggle clothes to school.

"Very funny," James said. It was without its usual fervor, though, and he had turned a
rather pinkish colour. Remus, Sirius, and Peter grinned.

"Admit it, Prongs," Padfoot insisted. "You think she's cute, right?"

"I don't *think*--"

"No kidding," Remus muttered.

James glared and continued. "As I was saying, I don't *think* she's cute. She is cute,
and you know it."

"Whatever you say," his friend muttered disbelievingly. James turned redder.

"I don't like her!"

"Right, Prongs. And I'm going to volunteer to referee for the next Thunderers-Warriors
match."

"I don't!" He turned his head to look at the miniature Lily, who was now, with Remus's
addition of a mini-James, slow dancing with him. As he watched, his miniature bent down and
kissed her. "Hey! What the H*** do you think you're doing?"

"I don't *think*--"

It was James's turn to retort. "Too right you don't."

"Ha ha ha. I don't *think* I'm doing anything. I *know* I'm getting you to admit
something about a certain someone that you think is hot..."

"I never said that!"

"Ah, but you were thinking it. I know you too well," Remus added.

"So what if I was? I can think someone is hot without having a crush on her, can't I?"

"Not if it's Evans, you can't."

"You're all impossible! I don't like her!"

"You just keep telling yourself that, Prongs. You're hopeless, you know that? We could
stop all this right now if you'd just admit it--"

"I have nothing to admit!"

"Of course not," Sirius said sarcastically. "I'm in charge here, and I say--"

"Who died and made you Headmaster?"

"Wish you would."

"Ha ha ha. I'm leaving." Desperate for an escape, he grabbed his broom out of his trunk
and jumped out the window with it, zooming across the snowy grounds.

"Think we should go after him?" Peter asked lazily.

"Nah," Remus replied. "I'm pretty sure Evans is out there, so with any luck they ought to
run into each other."

*

True enough, Lily was flying around the grounds on her broom. All the other girls in her
dormitory ever talked about was the ball. The ball this, the ball that, the ball's in two days, the
ball dress I have is too long... She'd had about as much as she could take of the incessant ball-talk. Even worse, Arabella kept insisting that she liked James Potter. Potter, bah! The git.
Always bothering her, sarcastic, pretending to be her best friend. It drove her mad. His words
and images were always in her head. It's just because I don't like him, she told herself. If she'd
cared to examine her feelings, maybe she would've come to a different conclusion, but her overall
grumpiness toward the one person who made her so unsure of herself wouldn't let her.

A confectioner's sugar powdering of the trees and castle roofs made the whole world
sparkle, as though hundreds of diamonds had exploded and the diamond dust covered the earth.
Crisp, cold air forced its way down her throat, burning it and cooling her ruffled temper. Nothing
was better for grumpiness than the serene beauty of nature. Wind blowing her hair back, Lily
enjoyed the speed capabilities of her broom and allowed it to go where it wanted.

*

A red flag fluttered in the air. A flag? Now how did that get there? James asked himself.
Cautiously flying in closer, he saw that it wasn't cloth. It was red hair flying out in the breeze,
accompanied by ruddy cheeks, sparkling eyes, and a lithe figure gripping a broomstick. He cursed
silently. After everything everyone had said, the one person he had to see while he was trying to
be alone would be Lily Evans. It had to be. Fate had turned around and pushed him off his
broomstick. Quietly, so she wouldn't suspect that he had been watching her, he sped off in the
opposite direction.

Unfortunately, being the genius that he was, James had forgotten that there was a tree
right behind him. He flew straight into the branch. Its long, raking twigs scratched his face and
tore his robes. Shocked, he was hit in the stomach by the long limb, getting the wind knocked out
of him and losing his grip on the broom. It flew on, oblivious to the fact that its rider was
elsewhere.

Lily, hearing a tremendous crack, turned around to see her least favourite person holding
onto a tree branch for dear life. At first it seemed funny. After all, who in the wizarding world
sits in a tree to spy on someone when they've got a perfectly good broom to use? On second
glance, she realized that he had flown into the tree and lost his broom. To prevent himself from
falling and impaling himself on the towers below, he'd grabbed onto the branch. Survival instinct,
of course. His survival instinct was strong, but his grip on the tree, slippery from the snow, was
quickly weakening. As she watched, he clawed the air and fell, robes billowing out into a cloud of
black.

Throwing her dislike for him to the winds, Lily urged her broom forwards and reached for
his collar, hoping to grab on before he landed. Her fingers curled around a bit of fabric.
Straining to get a better grip on his collar, she flew to the roof of Gryffindor Tower, where older
students sometimes went to 'be alone.' James was confused. Why the h*** had he stopped
falling? Who had him around the neck? Why was he about to bash into a dirty great building?
Realizing at the last second that her charge couldn't clear the building, Lily jerked her broom
upwards just in time to land in a heap. She fell off her broom before it stopped, managing, by
pure chance, to land on the stone and get the wind knocked out of her before James fell on top.

"Oof," he said.

"How eloquent," Lily gasped. James rolled his eyes. Even when she's just saved my life
she acts like a b****, he muttered to himself. He opened his eyes and realized that yes, he was on
top of Lily, and no, she wasn't happy about it. His bangs were in her face, obscuring her vision.
There were many things he could have done in that position. He chose to remain where he was
and wait for instruction from his companion.

It wasn't long in coming. "Get off, Potter," she demanded.

"What if I don't want to? What if I want to do this instead?" He kissed her softly, sinking
into it. Before he could get very far, however, she moved her arms. He thought it was to wrap
them around his neck and pull him closer. Wishful thinking on his part. She pushed his shoulders
up until he was arms length away.

"If you want to do that instead, go get yourself a girlfriend."

"I've got a girlfriend," he muttered.

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really," James insisted.

"Who's the unlucky gal?"

"You, of course."

"Me? When did I consent to that?"

James tickled her under the arms. She let go immediately and he fell like a rock, landing
on her stomach again. Sitting up, he proceeded to tickle her stomach and ribs, neck and
shoulders. She sat up and was forced down again, this time by a severe tickling sensation in her
stomach.

Relenting, he admitted, "You didn't consent to anything. I inferred it."

"Inferred from what? The fact that I hate your guts?"

"You saved my life. If you hated me, you would've let me fall."

"It was a reflex, okay? If someone falls off a broom, I immediately try and help them. I'm
not inhuman!"

James grinned and stood up, putting out a hand for her to grab. "You will be by the time
I'm done."

Just to be obstinate, she refused his offered help and stood up by herself. "I won't be
around to see that," she observed. She snatched her broom off the floor and jumped off the roof,
flying back to her dormitory.

"D***," he thought aloud. Many thoughts were running through his head, especially
'what'd you stop kissing her for? You could've kept going!' (the fact that she had indeed
been wearing tight muggle jeans and a Mexican blouse was among the few that registered).
Realization hit a second later.

"How'm I going to get down?"


Disclaimer: I don't own anybody. They're all J.K's. Tired of trying to make these funny.
Oh, and I lied. I'll thank all of you wonderful reviewers when I'm done with the whole thing.
No, I have no idea when that will be, so don't bother asking. Do any of you want this to turn out
to be a romance? I could do that. If you want, of course. I live to serve you. *bows down low*
REVIEW OR I'LL DO SOMETHING REALLY MEAN THAT I'M TOO LAZY TO THINK
OF RIGHT NOW!