I do not own the rights to Resident Evil or any of its characters, Capcom does. I also do not make any money by writing this story. This is my second fan fic, I have only played the games RE, RE2 and RE3. So I may get the plot wrong compared to the resident Evil novels.

I do like RE3 but its just so fun taking the piss out of it.

There might be a few spelling and grammar errors cause i don't have a spellchecker and grammar checker at the moment.


Jill and Nemesis's excellent adventure


By S.T.A.R.S


Chapter 7



Jill read the sign it front of here, it read:
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Tram terminal


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Yes, this will be my way to the outskirts town thought Jill. Then I can get out of this hell hole and sell my story for millions. Perhaps they can even make a movie or even a game out of it. She pondered at this thought for a minute and shook her head. Who on earth would want to play a game about zombies taking over a town, only an idoit would.

Jill walked through the gate that lead to the train terminal, up ahead she could see a burning wreckage beside a parked tram. Only the front of the tram was visible, the rest was hidden by a building.

She laughed to herself, she will soon be away from this nightmare. She ran towards the tram, as she ran the corner she stopped dead in her tracks, the smile on her face turned a look of fear.

About 10 feet away was a group of ten zombies, none of them had noticed her yet. They were all standing around two zombies cheering them on for some reason. She noticed that there was an door to the tram 5 feet away, perhaps she could sneak up and get in without alerting them.

Jill sneaked all the way to the door without the zombies hearing her, they were too busy cheering on the other two zombies. She slowly opened the door but to her alarm it was locked. The only other door was beside the group of zombies.

Jill decided to wait to the zombies finished what they were doing. She listening eagerly to see whating was going on.

The group of zombies were cheering, "Go, go, go," as the two zombies appeared to be having a pissing contest, to see how high they can spray.

One of the zombies reached the line first and threw its arms up in air as a sign of vistory.

The rest of the zombies cheered, "Tony, Tony, Tony."

One of the other zombies said, "Tony your the man."

Another one said, "I didn't know we could piss."

Another zombie angrily said, "Shutup Ed."

Jill giggled at how immature the zombies were acting.

The zombies stopped cheering when they heard the giggling, they turned around and looked at the intruder.

One of the zombies said, "Lets get her."

Jill gasped in wonder at the size of one the zombies undead pennis, it had to be 8 inchs long, sure it was rotting and disgusting but my god it was huge. The other zombie quickly put away its inferior member and joined the other zombies.

Jill backed away slowly, she had never seen a zombies undead pennis before, she looked on in horror and awe. It was if she was looking at horrific accident, she didn't want to look but was strangely drawn.

The well endowed zombie noticed that Jill was looking at his pennis and decided that he would use this to make himself look good in front of his mates.

The well endowed zombie turned to his mates with a half rotted smile and then turned back to the lady. He then thrusted his hips and said, "Do you want some of this baby, " and pointed down at his member.

The movement of the badly decaying pennis was enough to make Jill to swear off not ever having sex ever again. The only thing that saved her from this was the thought of Chris all oiled up and ready to rumble.

Jill turned around and ran as far as she could, she had gotten over the well endowed zombies pennis.

She ran all the way to the corner and turned around, the zombies were now 5 metres away and closing fast.

She pulled out her pistol, she had 5 bullets left, she cursed to herself softly, she didn't have enough bullets to put all of them out of their misery.

Suddenly an idea came to her.

She looked at the well endowed zombie and smiled.

The well endowed zombie said, "Come to me baby, you know you want this."

Jill trained her pistol on the zombie and let one shot off, the now advancing zombies stopped walking and looked on in horror.

The well endowed zombie fell to his knees, his pennis was shot clean off by Jill. He fumbled around on the ground for it and held it in his hand and shouted, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

The other zombies looked at him uncomfotably accept for one which snickered at its misfortune.

One zombie queitly said, "Is it OK Tony?"

Jill slowly walked towards the tram, she enough of running away from these zombies. As she walked she kept his pistol trained on every zombies groin she passed. All the zombies tried to keep as far away as they could, most of them tried vainly to cover their groins.

Jill made it to the far door without any trouble, the ex well endowed zombie was now curled up in a ball crying.

Jill looked back at the now cringing zombies and said, "Even undead, you guys still think with those things."

Jill entered the tram and slammed the door shut behind her, she could hear the zombies taking the oppunitity to shuffle off.

One of them could be heard saying, "Come on Tony, we'll go to Safeway and get some super glue and try to put it back on."

Jill walked over to the terminal that operated the power to the motor on the tram. She pressed the button that started the motot, nothing happened, she then looked at a memo, it said:


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To whoever reads this

You need to obtain the wires, oil and fuse to the engine thats runs this tram. They have been scattered throughout the city. I argued with my boss at why I couldn't just leave them in the tram or maybe the tool shed but he laughed at me and said that was to easy.

I have no idea why he wanted me to do this, then again everything in this city involves puzzles to do anything. For example this morning I want to take a dump really badly and couldn't get to the bathroom cause they door was locked so I had to get the bed sheet and.....

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Jill didn't continue reading the mindless rambles of the letter.

Jill thumped her fist in frustration. She then put her hands in her hair, pulled on it and cried out, "WHY DOESN'T ANYTHING FUCKEN WORK IN THIS CITY, EVERYONE REQUIRES A PUZZLE TO OPERATE IT."

Jill stopped her whinging when she heard a soft moan. She turned around to see an injured man lying on a bench. She stood up and ran over to the man.

The man was delerious and was incoherient, he was muttering something. She listened to see if it was anything helpful or interesting. Perhaps he knew some hot goss.

"No, no, no stay together, stay together, no, no, come on stay together, we must escape, no, no, nooooo."

Hmmmmmmmm what was he talking about? thought Jill. It looked like the poor bastard had a traumatic time.

"Go for the legs, stop him, we have to stop Carlos, for the love of God we need to stop him, no, no stay together, don't run off please, don't leave me with him, NOOOOOOOOO."

Ohhhhh I see now, the poor bastard had to work with Carlos, that would drive me mad too.

She let him be and decided to check out the next carriage. Jill opened the door, too her horror and surpirise she found Carlos and a grey headed middle aged man in the next room.

The grey headed man looked her up and down and said, "Who are you?"

Carlos spoke up and said, "Corporal Carlos Olivera of the U.B.C.S."

The Russian snapped, "Not you, you fool, I was asking her?"

Jill noticed he spoke with a Russian accent. So he was an exotic man, well exotic compared to Raccoon City. Being exotic here meant not marrying your cousin or sister.

Jill looked at the Russian in the eyes and said, "My name is Jill, Jill Valentine."

Carlos then said, "My name is Corporal Carlos Olivera of the U.B.C.S, nice to meet you."

Jill shook her head, he was still stupid and annoying as ever.

The Russian ignored Carlos and asked, "How did a girl like you survive?"

Jill was angered by this statement and shouted, "I'M NOT A GIRL, I'M A LADY, I'M WITH THE R.P.D S.T.A.R.S DIVISION AND I'M GOING TO SHOOT YOU UP THE ARSE IF YOU EVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN."

There was silence for a few seconds.

Carlos was first to speak up and said, "Thats right she a lady not a girl and you all know how all the foxy ladies like me."

Jill pulled out her pistol and stormed over to Carlos and forced it into his mouth.

Carlos did not flinch one bit and continued to look at her with a glazed over look.

Jill shouted, "I DARE YOU TO SAY THAT AGAIN, COME ON I DARE YOU."

After she said this she cocked the gun.

Carlos looked at Jill blankly for a few seconds and then said,"All the fox...."

The Russian shouted, "DON'T SHOOT MY BITCH...... AHHHH I MEANT COMRADE AHAHAHA, YEAH I MEANT MY COMRADE HEHEHEHEHE"

The Russian went bright red in the face, after saying this.

Jill calmed herself down and pulled her pistol out of Carlos's mouth.

The Russian thought to himself, hmmmmmm this one is fiesty, perhaps its time I get rid of Carlos and upgrade to a new model. Yes that sounds excellent.

The Russian turned to Jill and said, "We need to use this tram to get to the other side of the town, however it is missing parts, can you help me find them?"

Jill looked at the man, there was something she could not trust about him, perhaps it was the Russian bad guy sterotype. She thought about this and laughed this off, the cold war is over, movies now portray Russians as the good guys. Only poorly written scripts and movies portray the Russian as the bad guy. And there was no way that this game script was poorly written, it was the work of Shakespeare himself.

Jill decided to help him out and said, "Yes, I will help you out, theres one condition though."

The Russian thought, uh oh, maybe she can see through the pretend bad guy facade. He shook this fear off and thought come on, if Albert Wesker could do it, then anyone could.

"Whats it the condition?" cringed the Russian.

Jill pointed over to Carlos and said, "The condition is that you keep him away from me."

The Russian nodded his head and ordered, "Go check up on the other survivor."

Carlos nodded his head but before going he approached Jill and said, "Here have this."

Carlos had offered her a grenade round.

Jill replied with, "No thanks, I don't have a grenade launcher."

Carlos looked blankly at Jill and said, "Here have this."

Jill sighed and accepted the the grenade round, it was quicker for her to accept it then make a big deal over it.

Once she took the grenade round she exited the tram and started to look for the parts to get the tram going.

The Russian waited until she was gone and then started to talk to himself about his plans, like all bad guys do.

"This plan is going to work out just nicely, I shall get her to do all the dirty work while I saty here and plot some more. Then when she gets the tram to work we can escape from this city together and have fantastic sex. Of course I will have to kill my current bitch Carlos but I have not trouble with that."

After saying this the Russian broke out into an evil laugh.

The Russian stopped laughing when he heard another laugh, he turned around to see Carlos still standing there laughing.

Carlos still kept laughing even though he heard that he would be killed when he was no longer needed.

The Russian rubbed his temples and said, "Get out of here Carlos."

Carlos left the carriage laughing, as exited he said, "Hahahaha I'm going to have fantastic sex when we leave this city."






Sorry about the delay, I might have concentrated on some sections more the others but as I say before this is not a serious fic, just some fun.

Please read and review. :)