I do not own the rights to Resident Evil or any of its characters, Capcom does. I also do not make any money by writing this story. This is my second fan fic, I have only played the games RE, RE2 and RE3. So I may get the plot wrong compared to the resident Evil novels.

I do like RE3 but its just so fun taking the piss out of it.

There might be a few spelling and grammar errors cause i don't have a spellchecker and grammar checker at the moment.


Jill and Nemesis's excellent adventure


By S.T.A.R.S


Chapter 9


BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

What the hell is that? Am I dreaming?


"What should we do?"

"Ummmmmm should we eat her or maul her?"

"Hmmmmm I don't know actually, what are the rules for when someone is unconcious. I know if we can hurt a person as long as they are running, shooting or hurt."


Who are those voices?


BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

"That phone is giving me the shits. Can you answer it Fred?"

"Ummmmm Tom should we be doing that?"

"Shes unconcious what harm could it do?"

"Hmmmm I suppose so."

Jill felt a clamly hand reach into her backpack and pull out her phone. It was as if she was in a bad dream and couldn't wake up. Actually it reminded her more of a time she got so drunk that Barry and Chris took her back to her place, bound and gagged her did nasty things to her. Ahhhh those were the good days of binge drinking and kinky sex.


"Will you answer it already Fred."

"OK OK you should really get that stick taken out of your backside. Its got you so irritable lately"

"Hahahaha very funny, just answer the phone smart arse."

"No I'm serious, you have a piece of wood sticking out of your backside. I think you should really get it checked out. You got it from that tram crash"

Few seconds pause.

"Well I'll be a monkeys uncle, how did that get there?"

The other zombie answers the phone.

"Yo, Fred your mindless average zombie speaking, who amy I say is speaking?"

Deep breathing is the only thing heard on the other end.

"Hello anyone there."

The deep breathing continues.

"Hey Tom this guy on the phone is a freak. He is just breathing."

"Hahahaha maybe hes getting off on ya."

"Shutup bitch."

"Hey fella I don't have to put up with this bullshit. Are you going to speak or what?"

Deep breathing continues.

"Fuck you too buddy."

The impatient zombie disconnects the call.


Who could that be? Maybe its Chris.


"Hey Tom, what are we going to do about this chick?"

"I don't know. Perhaps we should get the rule book and check it."

"That sounds like a good idea. I saw it a few rooms back."

"OK lets go get it."

The zombies could be heard slowly shuffling towards the door. Jill waited until she heard the door slam shut.

She opened one eye slowly. There was no one around. She opened both eyes, quickly stood up and dusted herself off. She looked down at her shirt, it was unbutton and one of her breasts were exposed.

Ahhhh shit, those pervert zombies. She quickly dressed herself and tried to clean herself up.

Jill looked around the room she was standing. It was only small. Half of it had been destroyed by the tram. A small fire was raging behind. The heat from it was intense. She turned around, picked up her gear and weapons. She wanted to get out of here before those pervert zombies came back.

She quickly ran over to the door the zombies had just exited from. As she was about to open it she could hear the zombies on the other side ready to come back in. She softly cursed to herself. She pulled out her pistol and aimed it at the door. She decided to take them by surprise.

The zombies muffled voices could be heard on the other side.

"Hey it says here that it takes 5 hours a day to get lickers ready."

"Really, well I'll be. I knew those guys looked to good to be true."

The door swung open. Both zombies were confronted with the now concious lady who had her pistol trained at their heads. Both of them looked at her dumb founded.

"Hey boys, what does you rule book say what a zombie should do when I fire a bullet into tiny brains."

Both of the zombies shrug their shoulders and look at each other.

"Ummmm I'll just look it up."

One of the zombies leafs through the book."

The other stands by impatiently, avoiding eye contact with Jill. It looks a bit embarassed for the hold up.

Jill sighs and growls, "Geez, its not a quiz."

"Wait a second I found it. If a zombie is to incur a gunshot wound to the head, it shall emit a brief moan and fall dead to the floor."

Both zombies look at each other with a look of accomplishment.

"Thanks guys, you really helped me out," sarcastically said Jill.

"No probs....."

BANG BANG

Both zombies emitted a brief moan and fell to the floor, each with a gunshot wound to the head.

Jill walked over to the book that one of the zombies was holding. She picked it up and looked at its cover. The book title read 'So your going to die: A undead guide to Raccoon City by Umbrella.'

Hmmmmmm this looks good thought Jill.

She closed the door and walked over to a nearby chair and sat down. She made herself cosy and opened up the book to the table of contents.

Very interesting thought Jill. This book contains everything to do with the game. The scripts, the rules and character bios. Jill began to read the book and promptly forgot the nightmare that was going on behind her. The fire made her feel nice, warm and sleepy.


.............................................................................

"HEY JILL WHERE ARE YOU?"

Carlos voice echoed throughout the house.

Carlos wasn't enjoying this church very much. He was tired, wet, hungry and alone. He also hadn't any sex in over 8 hours and was beginning to become irritable. He had approached a few of the locals and asked if they could help him out. However most of them were rude and would usually tried to literally take a piece of him. This disturbed him greatly. He didn't know how much longer he could hold out. He was beginning to suspect that everyone was against him and that he was in alot of trouble.

He opened another door and looked in. He was no standing in a great big foyer with a grand stair case. A body of a U.B.C.S soldier was nearby. The poor bastard must of died from boredom.

"WHERE ARE YOU JILL? I'M BORED."

There was no reply. Carlos stormed up the stair case, hoping to find Jill soon or at least someone else he could have sex with. He wasn't fussy.


.............................................................................

Jill woke up. She looked at her watched.

Dammit. I fell asleep for 30 minutes. I have to go to the bell tower, activate the bell and hail down the rescue chopper. Well thats what the book said anyway.

Jill gathered her possessions and ran off towards the bell tower.


.............................................................................

The Nemesis lay still on a roof that overlooked a courtyard. He predicted that Jill will go to the bell tower and signal the helicopter. Well thats what the script said. He could wait here and then snipe her. His plan was fool proof as he had a clear view of the bell tower.

The Nemesis lay still for what seemed like forever. After a few minutes he could see Jill open the door to the clock tower. After a minute or two she was inside. Once she came out again he would fire rocket at her. She would never see it coming.

The Nemesis let out a big scary laugh. His plan was ingenious. Jill would be soon dead.

A smaller high pitched laughing could be heard in the background.

What the hell was that? Was it those bloody lickers?

He swung around to see a a young man laughing alongside him. He was of south american appearance, looked hungry and lost. He almost felt sorry for him but remembered he had to protect his hard arse reputation.

The Nemesis growled at the man and swung his rocket launher at him.

The man side stepped the rocket launcher and put his hands on his hips.

"Whoa that wasn't very nice. You should treat strangers with more respect," said an angry Carlos.

The Nemesis bowed his head in shame.

Hey what a second? Who the hell did this punk think he was. No one talks to me like that.

DONG DONG DONG DONG

Ahhhhh crap. The bells.

It quickly turned around to see Jill standing in the cout yard waving. Crap. It had missed another opportunity. The Nemesis turned back to the man. If he couldn't get the girl, it was going to exact his revenge on him.

The man was no longer there. He had run off.

He could here the thudding of the approaching helicopter. He had failed miserably. He was a second rate bad guy. He looked even lamer than the tyrant in RE1.

He threw his fists in the air in frustration. What the hell was he going to do now?

He heard a beeping, which was coming from a headset he was wearing. He pressed the recieve button.

"This is the director, Jill cannot escape...... shoot down the helicopter."

The Nemesis was taken back, he never realised how cold the director could be.

He stood up on his feet and trained the rocket launcher on the approaching helicopter.




"This is Captain John Smit. I can see youand I'm touching down in the courtyard. Please stand clear."

Jill sighed with relief. It was finally over.

"Hey Jill, thank god I found you."

That voice, it couldn't be?

"Hey Jill its me Carlos."

Jill turned around to be confronted by a grinning Carlos. He looked more stupid than ever. It looked like it was going to be along chopper ride home. A very long one.

The co-pilot squinted from his side of the cockpit. He could make out two individuals on the ground. One of them was wearing an Umbrella unifrom. His faced screwed up when he relised who it was.

"Holy shit, thats Carlos."

The pilot quickly applied more power to the motors and swung the helicopter around to escape. However it was to late. The last thing they heard was a whoosh and intense light. Than darkness.

The Nemesis stood on the roof top and watching the fiery wreckage of the helicopter hit the ground. He stood still and pulled his most menacing face.

Jill looked in disbelief at the helciopter wreckage. She looked at the Nemesis who was standing on a nearby roof. He looked proud of his efforts.

Thats it. He is going down. With this she ran off screaming towards the Nemesis.




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