Author's Note: Okay I have a long authors note here because I have a few points to make. First of all I am SO sorry about the delay, but here's what happened. I wrote most of this story free hand (on paper) and I was finishing it, and editing it and stuff in my Latin 2 class when the teacher came up from behind me and snatched it from my desk and said "thank you, (my name) for giving me some reading material. I look forward to reading it. And because of your behavior the entire class will have to translate this entire story for homework, due tomorrow" (this was on Monday) now, besides being totally embarrassed from the event my entire class now hates me, I had TONS of homework so I couldn't put it up, and I was about to be in HUGE trouble when she reads it (because, once you read this you'll know why I was freaking out) so I was shaking the rest of the day, and at lunch told my friend, Erin, what happened. So because she has Latin 1 third hour (after lunch) she went and got it back for me without her reading it. THANK YOU ERIN. Now but because of homework I couldn't post it, but that was that dilemma. Also, If you have had your daily dose of pervertedness today, wait a bit to read this, it contains 50203950203% of your daily value of pervert. Anyway. So this chapter goes out to 4 people. One - Erin for getting my story back. Two - you guys for actually reading this far. Three - My friend Steven who was pre-reading this in P.E. and Four - my bitchy latin teacher who totally stressed me out by reading this. Thank you for reading this long Author's note, and I hope you enjoy. HARRY POTHEAD, THE DRUGGIE'S ON FIRE!



Harry Pothead, the Druggie's on fire!

Harry Pothead was sitting below his stairs yet again, but not smoking this time, instead he was unconscious, suddenly, Uncle Vernon's zombie came bustling into his stairs and punched Harry, waking him up.

"You, what up Uncle V? what up BAYBEE?!" Harry said half consciously.

"Don't give me your sweet tongue you little bastard!"

"If I was giving you sweet tongue we'd both be on the bed naked like we were when.."

"SHUT UP! Dudley's in the hospital with cancer!"

"Well he sort of did die.."

"SHUT UP! We're done with DRUGS! Uncle Vernon said. Suddenly Uncle Vernon fell over and landed with his face in Harry's lap. Harry looked up to see Ron standing there with the goblet of fire in his hand.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Harry screamed."

"What?!" Ron panicked.

"Nothing, I just always wanted to screamed that. NOOOOOOOOO!" Harry said.

"Okay, whatever, come on Harry, we're going to see the world championship Crackish games!" Ron shouted and running outside, and threw the goblet behind him and it wedged itself up uncle Vernon's ass. Harry followed Ron outside and saw 2 bikes there, so he sat on one and Ron sat on the other. Suddenly the bikes started moving forward without them even pedaling.

"We can fly! We can fly! Ronny go home!" Harry shouted with joy. Ron pointed behind him and Harry looked back. He saw that they were attached to poles, which were attached to a car that was driven by Ron's brother. Harry blushed.

They arrived at Ron's home and Ron's dad was waiting outside. "Hey Harry, boy, how ya doin? Anyway, it's morning over in Afghanistan right now, we should be going." Ron's dad said. So the three boys got off the car and bikes and followed Ron's dad to a hill in the back yard and sitting on a pedestal was an erect dildo. "Ever seen one of these before Harry?"

"OH yeah, all the time, I love em!" Harry replied happily.

"Uh, I meant my pocket watch. but if you wanna leave we can go. you know how to use a magic dildo?" He asked.

"No, Sir." Harry replied embarrassed.

"Okay see, you grip it real tight and rub it up and down to activate it, and after it gets aroused enough it'll transport you to the Crackish world cup! You try first Harry." Mr. Weasly said.

Harry stepped up to the dildo, grabbed it, He smiled a perverted smile and started rubbing it up and down and started going really fast and started screaming.

"HARRY!" Ron's brother shouted, "Don't show us you're enjoying it!"

"Sorry" he said embarrassed. He started rubbing it more slowly, but still enjoyed it. Suddenly it started shaking, a white sheet shot out of the top, grabbed Harry and pulled him in. He was flying through a magical white world, it was better than getting high! (Probably because he had an orgasm a few seconds ago) He suddenly found himself standing in a field. Suddenly Ron, Ron's brother, Percy, and Mr. Weasly all appeared in the field.

"Howd' you get here at the same time? Did you rub it together or something?" Harry asked. Ron started laughing. Mr. Weasly nudged him.

"Let's go to the stadium shall we?" Mr. Weasly quickly said. They walked through the field and to the stadium, found their seats and sat down. Suddenly they saw someone run across the field screaming.

"Who's that?" Ron asked.

"Hermione!" Harry shouted.

"Running across the field?" Ron asked.

"No, that was professor McSmokeall with the new Verbraball in her pants. Hermione's running this way without her shirt on!

"Hi GUYS!" she screamed and stood above Harry. "Isn't this great?" She asked as she bounced up and down. Harry's mouth was open.

"I'll say," Harry whispered.

"Who do you thinks going to win?" Hermione asked.

"BOOBS!" Ron shouted.

"What?" She asked.

"He didn't say anything." Harry stuttered.

"Okay, well then I gotta go, bye guys, see you at school later!" She hugged Harry and ran away. Suddenly there were cheers and they saw the players entering the field.

"See that guy there?" Ron asked and pointed to a tall blonde naked player. "He's so HOT!" Ron squealed.

"WHAT?!" Harry asked quickly.

"I mean. heh... He's good!" Ron fixed his collar. The players picked up their bags of crack, snorted it, and were off. Everyone was roaring with laugher when an Afghanistan player was screwing himself with a stick. 2 players at the south end of the field were going head on, but both tripped over one another. More laughter was heard as an Afghanistan player was squatting in the middle of the field taking a dump. A player from Greece was coming up behind him, but the Afghanistan player moved, and the Greek player fell face first into the crap.

Suddenly the announcer said "Because that shit belonged to Afghanistan, and a Greek player touched it, Greece wins!" More cheers were heard and everyone filed out of the stadium. Harry, Ron, Percy, and Mr. Weasly were in the same spot that they arrived when Mr. Weasly pulled a dildo out of his BACK pocket. They suddenly heard a bang and looked up into the sky and saw a 69 in bright letters.

"Darn kids" Mr. Weasly laughed. They all rubbed the dildo together and when Harry arrived at his destination he was with Ron and Percy in the great hall of Hogthepot. People started arriving and talking about the Crackish game, most (even guys) were talking about how "hot" that guy was (his name was Crunk). At about 11:30 the first years came in and were sorted. It was amazing how many people were thrown out the window though. Smokesomemore then stood up to speak.

"As you could see, it's amazing how many people aren't addicted to drugs anymore, that's why we encourage drinking, even though you're too young, because it makes you do some crazy shit and have kids who are also addicted and ruin all your precious lives! Anyway, we are going to start up a contest in which we haven't done in years. I can't remember the name of it though because I'm stoned, but yeah. 2 others schools are going to come here, one from Afghanistan, and one from Greece." Smokesomemore said. Suddenly there was a loud fart from outside and everyone ran to the windows to see what it was. They saw a cheese flying through the air (Greece) and a piece of poo gliding across the ground from Afghanistan (both are 100% natural products! Anyway) they filed into the great hall and sat down at their respective tables. "WELCOME!" Smokesomemore shouted. "Now, as you know we're hosing that thing that I can't remember what it's called. Now the 3 people chosen, one to represent each school are, Harry Pothead, Crump and that one slut right there because I wanna be nice to the author and not make him write more than he has to. Anyway, get up here people!" Harry Pothead and Crunk went up, but the girl just sat where she was. "I said come here, slut, you're playing!"

"Me?" she asked.

"Yeah, you! You're the only slut in here!"

"But I."

"Get up here, slut!"

"My name is."

"I don't care what your name is, I'm calling you slut! Now get your tiny little boobies up here!"

"Excuse me!"

"You're excused, now come here slut, you can walk that fat ass up here, come on"

"But."

"Yeah, you've got a big butt, I know, now come up here, come on slut, come on, you can do it. here slutty, slutty, slutty, come one!" Smokesomemore said. She grumbled in frustration. "Ooh, those ARE nice boobies aren't they?" He said and stared at her chest.

"She may be hot, but she doesn't have the balls!" Malfoy screamed.

"Actually I do." She turned around, dropped her pants and it turned out she was a she-male.

"Oh dude that's the biggest.." Malfoy started.

"Cock I have ever seen!" Ron finished.

"Oh my god!" Smokesomemore screamed like a little girl. "Anyway, they're going to have to compete in 3 unknown challenges and the winner gets a lifetime supply of drugs! Anyway, Crunk, Harry, He-Slut, you may now return to your seats and let the drugging begin!" Drugs appeared on the tables along with a new drug, lotus leaves from the odyssey! (sorry, I'm reading that in English and my teacher was talking about how it's more addictive than crack.)

"Are we supposed to chew this, smoke this, or sniff this?" Ron asked. Everyone shrugged. After the drugging, they went back to the common room and had their usual orgy with all the people in that dormitory. Anyway, the days passed and Harry was getting curious on what the first challenge would be. Relationships were growing, Hermione was in love with Crunk, Ron was in love with the he-slut and Harry was well. Harry was now a compulsive masturbator, but he did have his eye on the one known as Malfoy.

One day Harry was walking to his 'so you wanna be a rock super-star' class when he saw a poster for the up-coming pool ball. The poster read:



"Hey Druggies and Druggettes, come to the first annual pool ball, that's right, it's taking place in the 0- acre pool behind the school, but instead of swimming in water, It'll be filled up with shit, cum and piss from the faculty! Don't delay, get your dates now!"



Harry smiled and went to class where they got implants and learned how to be like Britney Spears. Anyway, Hermione asked Crump to the dance and he said yes, and were falling in love, so they rubbed their breasts together whenever they met. Ron asked the She-male and it said yes, and whenever they met now, they rubbed their dicks together! Harry was. well Harry just kept masturbating to thoughts of Malfoy.

It was finally the day of the first challenge. Harry went to the field and went to his respective dressing room and put on his favorite yellow Speedo. It was Crunk's turn first, so he went and Harry was locked in his dressing room she he didn't know what the task was. After 2 hours, the slut had obviously gone, and someone entered his room, it was professor McSmokeall.

"Harry, your turn, your job is to get a sex toy from the basket in the fastest time. Good luck." She said as she was checking him out. Harry thought it was the easiest task he could possibly imagine, so he walked onto the field and saw the catch of this task. A pimp was guarding the basked of dildos and vibrators.

"NOOOOOOO!" he screamed. He ran to the basket, but the pimp thwapped him over the head with his cane.

"ooow!" he squealed like a little woman. He tried multiple times and got thwapped each time. He saw Crunk in the audience with bruises all over his face which meant he had trouble too.

Suddenly the pimp screamed "BITCH ATTACK!" suddenly all the women in the audience ran onto the field and started smacking Harry with their bras and panties. Suddenly he had an idea. He pulled off his Speedo and all the girls screamed at the tiny little prick of skin on his pelvic area. All the bitches ran away, and so did the pimp at first glance. Harry went and grabbed a vibrator and his time was registered.

Everyone waited for the times. Then a voice was heard. "The winner of this game is.. The he-slut with a time of 5:12. Second place is Harry Pothead with a time of 15:22, and third is Crunk with a time of 1:53:42.

"How'd you do it so fast?" Harry asked.

"Easy, I ass fucked him and he let me through!" She-he said.

"OH!" the boys replied. Anyway more shit happened during the year but I'm writing this in P.E. and I'm too lazy to write about that non-important stuff so let's just skip to the pool ball shall we? Sings let's do the time warp again

Harry arrived late and everyone was already swimming. As he entered he saw a sign that said "clothes are forbidden." So he stripped down. He then saw another sign. "notice the p in the word Pool, please feel free to help us keep it this way. So he walked up to the body fluid-filled pool and saw Hermione.

"Come on in, the fluid is warm and fresh!" she said. So Harry got in and enjoyed rubbing up against people's privates as he swam. He enjoyed the night and by the end the pool level had strangely risen 9 feet. Anyway, that's pretty much that happened there (thinks) yeah. that's all.. Okay. yeah

The second task was at hand and Harry was summoned down, this time he would go first. He was forced to snort crack, just like he had done with Crackish. He was then pushed into the field and saw a huge pile of bodies. the ones that were thrown out the window, in fact. His job was to find the person that's alive still in the fastest time. Harry walked over to the pile of bodies, dove in, and swam around. Everything seemed to be moving, he thought that they were all alive, then he saw someone shout and swam over to him. It was malfoy. He grabbed him, pulled him atop the dead bodies and held him up. His time was clocked. Crunk found Hermione and the he-slut found Ron. Everyone awaited the results again.

"The results are in. In first place is Crunk with 1:30. In second place is Harry Pothead with 3:45 seconds. And in third is the he-slut with 9:30 seconds."

"Why weren't you faster?" Ron complained.

"Because you're a fat bastard, I couldn't pull you up.

"Shut up bitch!"

"MAKE ME!" She said. Ron jumped on her and they had sex.

Anyway, not much happened up to the third task, it just.. Was there. anyway, okay yeah. so let's go to the THIRD task now.

The third task was simple, it was a huge hedge maze and the person to get to the center first wins. So they all got ready, and were signaled to go. They ran into the maze and ran around stupidly. At one point Harry saw Crump frocking a male model. oh what would Hermione say? Anyway, so he kept going and ran to the center and arrived at the middle of the maze. On a pedestal was another one of those dick keys. He started rubbing it but nothing happened. He then started licking it and was suddenly taken somewhere, but it wasn't where he was supposed to go! He was taken to the truth headquarters. Voldermort was standing there. He whipped around and smiled.

"Welcome Harry Pothead, I'm so glad to see you again now that I have my full body. Now prepare to be un-addicted!" He quickly threw Nicotine patches at Harry, they stuck to him and he screamed in pain. Voldermort laughed hysterically. Her ran up to Harry with a super-sized patch, one that would totally make him lose his addiction for good. He was just about to put it on Harry when he stopped. He looked down at his mouth and saw a cigarette there. "How. how. NOOO!" he screamed.

"Yes!" Harry pothead said. "The power of my love for cigarettes has done that to you! You can never take away nicotine from me!" Voldermort was blown backwards and vaporized. Harry pothead returned to Hogthepot and was rewarded with 1st place. Everyone got married, except for Harry, but you never know what will happen in books 5-7!





Authors note: Okay, I hope you enjoyed that. It took me a while to write, I know. I will continue these stories as J.K. Rowling continues hers. So bookmark my story and check back when the other books come out. Happy Reading :D