AN: My first humor fic. Well, that is, it is MY brand of humor, what I use in everyday life. That is why this is so scary.

I was looking at some cat-Gundam-boys doushini when this clicked in my mind. I'm sorry. It has been done before, but it got in my head and wouldn't come out. May everyone have mercy on me. I just think the neko-pilots are so kawaii! Come on, you know you want to pet them!

Wait... that didn't come out right...

... Maybe it DID...

DISCLAIMER: If I owned Gundam Wing, why would I write fan fiction for it? (In other words, no I don't own it.)

WARNINGS: OOC! OOC!! OOC!!! Just so that is clear.

PAIRINGS: 3+4, 1+R, 5+2 (sorta). (IE Shonen ai! Boy-boy love.) Some Relena ... well, not bashing but making fun of, minor but understandable, I think, in this situation. (I think I would be confused too!)

If you don't like these conditions, please do not read this fic. I don't want to be flamed without just cause. If you HAVE just cause...

Let's stop my rambling and start the fic.




Neko Boiz,
or Why Duo Shouldn't Wake Up Early,
or Why Orange Juice and Toothpaste Don't Mix
(Trust me, All these titles fit!)



Duo stretched, yawning wide. He had been up all night, due to Heero's typing. Typing, typing, typing. It was all he DID! Jeeze. You would think ONCE in a while he'd loosen up, especially now that they didn't even HAVE missions anymore!

Well, he did have Relena to do that.

He sat up in bed, finally opening his eyes wide enough to see the clock on Heero's nightstand. Ug. Ten thirty-seven in the morning. Way too early. WAY, way too early. It was cold, too. He slipped back under the covers. Wasn't Trowa going to fix the thermostat?

"I bet he never freezes, not with Quatre around." Duo muttered to his pillow, trying to get back to sleep. All his efforts were in vain. With a frustrated sigh, he threw off the covers, stumbled to his dresser. Finding a semi-clean pair of black flannel pjs, he pulled them on over his boxers. "I've got to remember to wear more before going to bed."

He stretched again, walking towards the bathroom. What he would give to not have to do anything and still live. A wry smirk crossed his lips. He probably was the stereotypical American to the other pilots: Lazy, loud-mouthed, and never full. Oh well. He was who he was. They could love it or lump it.

Or, in their case, kill it.

Duo laughed outright. He wasn't dead yet.

"Maxwell? Up at this hour?"

Or maybe he would be... "Good morning, Wuffie." The Chinese pilot looked surprised.

"And awake enough to communicate?"

Duo smiled. "Will the wonders never cease? Now, if you'll excuse me, 'Fei." Slipping into the bathroom, he made use of the facilities and brushed his teeth. "Smart Duo," he glared at his foam-faced reflection, "Now the Orange Juice will taste like sludge. Brush after breakfast next time!" He had the same argument with the mirror every morning. It still never went anywhere, he never remembered. Fixing his braid, he made his way down the hall.

Duo entered the kitchen, preparing himself for the orange juice of doom.

At the table, he found Quatre and Trowa carefully examining one another's tonsils. With a shrug, Duo went to the fridge, checking out the contents.

Milk or... Orange Juice.

"Damn," he sighed. The lover boys finally realized Duo's presence as he closed the fridge, setting both jugs on the table. "Duo!" Quatre exclaimed, blushing. "You're...awake?"

He was currently looking through the cupboards for cereal. "Yes, I am," He flashed a grin over his shoulder. "And good morning to you two too." Quatre slid off of Trowa's lap as Duo pulled out the box he was looking for. Retrieving a bowl, spoon, and tray, Duo prepared his breakfast. "You don't have to separate on my account."

He smiled, pouring out his cereal. The two were very sweet, nearly sickeningly so. But he was touched. He liked the tension, the feel they gave the safe houses the pilots had shared over the years. And now, post war, it was even better. Something good, pure, had been created, had survived, out of the Hell of the war.

It was a welcome change of pace.

Duo poured the milk and juice, placing the jugs back in the fridge as Quatre began to babble nervously. "...and Duo, what ARE you doing up so early?"

"I don't ALWAYS stay in bed past noon." His gaze flicked between the two. "I was planning to eat in the living room anyway, I'll leave you two alone." Trowa's head inclined.

"You can stay." The introspective boy replied.

Duo smiled. "Naw. There's an anime marathon I wanted to watch anyway."

Duo scooped up his tray and carried it to the living room. Plopping himself on the plush red couch, he flicked on the TV. Taking a sip of the orange juice, he winced. "Blech! Wise up Duo." Just as he was starting to loose himself in the flickering images, something brushed against his pants leg. Glancing down, he saw a... cat?

Since WHEN did they have a cat?

It was a smallish black cat. Well sort of. It was a black shorthair, with white paws and tail. It began rubbing against Duo again. "Hey, Kitty."

"Nyao."

"Wanna watch a show with me?" The cat jumped in his lap, kneading slightly. "Hey, careful, kitty!" It settled down, and Duo relaxed. "Where did you come from anyway? You belong to Quatre?"

Black Cat hissed at that.

"Okay, obviously not." Duo stroked the feline a few times, relaxing, watching TV. "And I always thought of myself as a dog person." It hissed again, but Duo's hands soothed it. Black Cat began to purr. After a few more moments of companionable near-silence between cat and boy, Duo heard another meow.

Originating near his feet.

"What the-!?" There was a small fluffy white cat with bright blue eyes sitting on the floor. "What is with the cats?"

"Okay, Quatre?" he called to the kitchen, setting aside the cat in his lap. It glared at him, looking miffed as White Cat meowed again. Duo shook his head at their actions before readdressing the kitchen. "Sorry to bug you, but, did you get a cat? Or two?" Receiving no answer, he walked to the kitchen. "Quat?" White Cat meowed again. Duo turned to see Black Cat and White Cat following him.

The kitchen was empty, save for a brown cat sitting on the table, washing a paw. Brown Cat jumped off the table to pad its way to White Cat. After cautiously sniffing, they began grooming one another.

"Okay, this is freaky! Where is everyone?" Black Cat and White Cat meowed. Brown Cat merely blinked its green eyes at him. Duo was valiantly trying to suppress that which his imagination was insisting. The cats looked to him keenly.

"Stop it! You are not them!" he finally snapped at the cats. White Cat put his paws on the flannel material of Duo's pants, seeming as concerned as a cat can be.

Duo backed away before turning tail and running. "Wufei? Heero?" A cat meowed from behind him.

Duo reached the door of the room he and Heero shared. Dashing inside, he locked the door, leaving the cats outside. Breathing a sigh of relief at the now comforting sounds of typing behind him, Duo turned, leaning against the door.

There was a large tiger striped cat sitting on Heero's desk.

It was typing.

A muscle twitched around Duo's eye. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

The cat was sitting on the desk, but on Heero's normal chair there was a pile of clothes. The muscle twitched again. It was a green tank top and black compression shorts.

Duo gulped. "H-Heero?" The cat's ears twitched, but it never paused in its typing. "Heero? Is... is that you?" Tiger Cat turned its head and glared at Duo, cobalt eyes promising death if he continued his annoying prattle. Then Tiger Cat resumed its work.

Only one creature on Earth was able to produce that look.

Duo shook his head, feeling his braid brush the door. His heart pounded against his cross. "This isn't- It can't be- Possible!" He fumbled with the lock on the door and was finally able to escape the now confining space of the room.

The three other cats were waiting on the other side of the door, looking at him expectantly.

Duo covered his face with his paws. This was too much for even a GUNDAM pilot to take. Maybe Shinigami had finally slipped off the deep- PAWS?

Duo stared at his hands. Only, they weren't hands anymore, but... paws. They were PAWS! No wonder he had trouble getting the door open! He ran to the bathroom, (which was thankfully open) jumping over the cats. He stared at his reflection in the glass. His face was pale, his eyes wider than normal. And changed.

His pupils were slits. His ears had moved up on his head and were the same shade as his hair, pointed and feline. His mouth -which hung open in shock- had changed shape as well, and he could see long incisors. Something swished behind him; a long tail, again the same shade as his hair. His skin itched and sprouted fur.

Duo watched his reflection change more and more. He was sitting on the sink, shrinking by the second. His clothes seemed to grow around him then, everything...stopped. And was dark.

Duo climbed out of his clothes, and looked at his reflection. A tabby cat with amethyst eyes stared back at him. "Well this sucks!" he nayoed to the cat in the mirror.

"We know," WuFei's voice came from below.

"Wu-man?" Duo peered over the edge to see... "What?!?" Small versions of WuFei, Quatre, and Trowa, all with feline eyes, ears, paws and tail looked up at him.

Quatre-cat scuffled his feet. "We tried to warn you... Sorry Duo."

The Arabian's tail was quite fluffy, Duo noticed idly as his brain strived to catch up. They were wearing little clothes too, for some reason. "How come you guys get to have semi-human bodies and I get a full cat one?"

Quatre looked confused. "Um, Duo? You are a cat-boy like the rest of us."

Duo looked over his shoulder. A full Tabby stared back at him. He peered over the edge at the -what had Quatre called them? Cat-boys?- below. "The mirror agrees with me."

"Maxwell! Look at yourself." Duo followed WuFei's orders and saw he was wearing his traditional black double shirted outfit, only the pants had a hole for the tail. He was furry, yes, but not like he saw in the mirror. His face at least felt sorta normal as he patted it... but the mirror!

"What the-?"

WuFei climbed up next to Duo, looking in the mirror. Instead of seeing the WuFei with ears and tail, he saw the black and white cat. "Maybe only we can see us like this. It would explain why you were so oblivious earlier."

Duo jumped off the sink, landing lightly next to Quatre and Trowa. He shrugged as the Chinese boy-turned-cat landed softly next. "What was I supposed to think? You were a meowing cat that jumped in my lap and started purring."

"I did not purr!" Onyx-colored eyes narrowed at the grinning braided one.

Quatre flicked his tail. "Umm, you did, WuFei."

The dark haired cat-boy hissed. "You did that a lot too." Duo smirked.

"What now?" Trowa asked.

Quatre slid an arm around the taller cat. "Heero said that he was going to try to contact someone for help. Which is why he sent WuFei to get Duo."

Duoblinked. "All this happened while I was watching TV?"

Quatre shrugged. "You do tend to be... oblivious when you are watching television, Duo."

The violet-eyed pilot rubbed a paw across his face. "Remind me to never wake up unless we are going to die."

Heero emerged from their room. "The doctors have been notified."

"What are we going to do in the meantime?" Trowa asked, wrapping his tail slightly around Quatre. WuFei sharply turned to look at Heero, trying not to blush.

Heero slowly blinked his eyes. "We were told to hold our position until they decide what would be best."

Duo rolled his eyes. "In that case, I'm going to go watch the rest of my anime."

WuFei's jaw dropped. "THAT is your solution?"

"Who said anything about a solution? I might as well make the most out of this. I think I still have some cereal left." Duo began to trot back to the living room.

"Maxwell! You cannot be serious!" WuFei stormed after Duo, his fur raised.

Quatre giggled. "Well, it could be worse."

Troaw looked down at his love's face. "How so?"

"We could be cockroaches."


~*~*~

AKGaston says:

Heh. How about that? This story has a few different endings, because I couldn't decide which one I preferred. So I wrote them ALL. The Gundam Boys don't deserve this. Although, I did like how Quatre kept answering Duo, and WuFei was all upset when Duo put him down.

Goes to show why I shouldn't be allowed to stay up late studying for tests, as this is what pops out. Note to self, never mix Gundam catboy pics with studying and Jelly Belly Jelly Beans. I will have all the endings up as soon as I casn, which will be in the next day or so. (Today is 11/26/01)

=^.^= "Nyao" choose your own ending! =^.^=

Ending A: Relena (Chapter 2)
Ending B: Cat Boiz (Chapter 3)
Ending C: Delusional (Chapter 4)
Ending D: Food Poisoning (Chapter 5)
Ending E: Conspiracy Theory (Chapter 6)

If I think up any more endings (which I could possibly, but hopefully won't-five is a lot to deal with) I'll change and post the chapters accordingly.

Ja ne.