Shiawasena Owari Kata ch.4

Shiawasena Owari Katanantenai

A Recca no Honoo fanfic
By Tenshi no Ai

I own this plot. Unfortunately, I do not own the characters in it.

(A/N: Ah, yes, the wonderful world of spoilers. Spoilers for stuff...well, the end of the Mikagami/Meguri Kyoza fight's not even in vol. 30...um, spoilers for stuff that'll be in vol. 31? Oh, and I'm just guessing about Tendoujigoku's effects on Yanagi. I mean, Recca just entered the fight, so I don't know how it's gonna end up.)


Ch. 4: Turn On The Light And Open Your Eyes (Realizations)
(Yanagi, Mikagami and Kasumi's POV)



(Yanagi's POV)


My world is bright and full of life.

It is a land teeming with the elements most special to me, but for some reason I cannot remember why. As I walk along the firm ground, savoring the feel of the grass tickling my bare feet, the wind dances around me playfully, blowing my hair up and around every which way. I can hear the furious gurgles of a nearby stream, and as I approach it, the flowing waters slow their descent into a more peaceful state. A sparkle catches my eye, and I dip my hand into the stream, delighting in the feel of the cool water, and pull out a small gold chunk. I rub it thoughtfully between my index and thumb, then gently place it into the pocket of my loose sun dress.

But something is missing.

A flash appears at the very corner of my vision. I turn quickly. A flame, aglow in yellows, oranges and especially passionate reds is only a couple of feet in front of me. I walk over to it and crouch down in front of it. Konnichiwa honoo-san, how are you today? My name is...

Suddenly, the flame flares and I quickly turn away. There is no fear in my heart, just surprise.



I turn around in mild shock. Is someone calling me?

There is no flame now, but a man in its place.

He grins down at me and holds out his hand. He looks like someone more intimately familiar to me than myself. I take it in gratitude, not at all afraid of this stranger in paradise. His hand is so warm. He pulls me up, with easy strength and a gentle manner, and I fall against his chest. He wraps his arms around me possessively and I snuggle up to him, seeking more of his warmth. It is almost like I am being embraced by all those beautiful warm feelings. It's like I am being held by love. I want to stay like this forever.

Suddenly, everything is wrong.

The stream stops running. The wind quells. The ground disappears. I am stripped of everything in this self-created heaven, including the sun dress that had covered my body.

And I am so cold. So very cold.

The arms that were once holding me in its comforting embrace now clutch at me angrily. The sun eclipses out, and I can't see. I can't see at all.

But I can feel these arms. I can feel these hands. I can feel them on my body, these filthy caresses. I hear parodied whispers of love, and I try to escape, I try to so hard, but I'm too weak. I'm too weak and all I can do is flinch with every touch, every word.

You are mine

I try harder to move, to escape, to flee this heaven turned, but instead I am pushed down and into. My tears roll down my temples in time to my heaving cries of agony and desolation. I can hear those words again.

I've wanted you for so long

Finally the touch is no longer there, the violation ceases. But I can still hear him.

You belong to me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Mikagami's POV)


The sun has set hours ago. I should probably turn on the light in my apartment, but I can't get up from my chair.

The last time I did, it was to run into the bathroom and throw up.

I lean back into my chair and sigh loudly. Real life says that I should try to not think about it right now and go to work. After all, I need to pay the rent for the apartment. The work is demeaning, lifting packages for a warehouse, but it was the only thing I could find that would still let me attend school full time.

It was a job that Yanagi offered me at her otousan's company.

Nausea turns my stomach, churning it painfully. I take deep breaths and wait for the urge to vomit again subside. Yanagi was my second reason that I fought alongside the Hokage. The first was Mifuyu, to avenge her. But after fighting Meguri Kyoza and finding out that he was not the real murderer before he died in my arms, there was nearly nothing left in me.

Except for taking care of the Yanagi left behind after Tendoujigoku.

I wanted to take care of her, and that lead to frequent visits to the Hanabishi household, as well as the Kirisawa home. Seeing everyone try, in their own way, to help her opened me almost fully to them. Although I won't admit it to them, I think that they've helped me almost has much as they've helped Yanagi.

I reach into my jeans pocket and slowly pull out Ensui.

I want to find that rapist. Maybe I'd let him live, unlikely, but if I do I'd make sure that he could never do this to another girl again.

But who is he?

That question has me in its grip and I can't figure it out at all. By the looks of it, it was probably just a coincidence that he even encountered Yanagi in the alley. The bruises and the broken arm indicate something a little different though. Like he wanted her there so much that he resorted to brute violence.

But why?

I close my eyes, then open them. I see the same thing. Nothing.

There's a knock on my door. I don't recall anyone saying they were going to come to my place. It's probably one of the Hokage, wanting to talk about this.

I don't want to talk about it. I've thought about it enough.

Another knock that I don't respond to, and then I hear footsteps walking away. Good. It must've been someone lost, or someone with respect, like Kagerou-san.

Then the door is blown off the hinges, landing with a thud inside my apartment. And a familiar figure, holding an arm out towards the doorway, is seen.

Kirisawa Fuuko.

I should've known that she would've come here. Hey, Mi-chan, you in here? She steps inside, and my eyes follow her. She reaches for the light switch.

I don't want that brightness to infiltrate my thoughts.

Don't turn on that light, my voice sounds in the darkness, what do you want, Fuuko?

She seems startled by the way she steps back, but then she walks forward again. I just wanted to see if you were still here, she seems to pause for a second, I wanted to see if you're doing what Recca's doing.

The bile rises in my stomach, not because of the name. Right now I don't blame him. Maybe when I can think of something more than revenge then I'll decide what to do with him.

But first I'll kill the one who directly caused Yanagi to suffer again.

And what is he doing?

What do you think? She asks, almost bitterly. He's going to find whoever dared to violate his precious hime, and he's going to kill them, she pauses again, and then her bitterness is more apparent, but we won't be able to find him!

I grow still at this sudden exclamation. It isn't impossible. We'll find him sooner or later.

Her laughter is unusually harsh against my ears. Just like Mifuyu's killers, right? Seven years of your life devoted to finding the people who murdered your dear Oneesan, she slams her hands down on the arm rests of my chair and glares down at me, oh, but too bad they were dead the whole fucking time. What does that say about your seven years of nurturing revenge?

I say nothing.

And now Yanagi. Yeah, I wanna flay them and leave em to bleed, but what's that going to do for Yanagi? You and Recca just don't seem to get it! Whatcha gonna do Mi-chan, dress up like a girl, inhabit all the dark alleys at night and wait for someone with blood on their dick? She leans in, her tone growing more dangerous and desperate. And while you do that, me, Domon and Kaoru can go and watch as Yanagi slowly deteriorates. Since it's you and Recca hunting for the rapist, I'll give you five years. Course, by that time Yanagi'll be some husk of who she was. Having your fiancé and your honorary' aniki focusing more on the guy who did you instead of you would do that to anyone.

I look at her, her features highlighted by the moonlight. I can see the tears glittering in her eyes, but her face is firm with resolve. I'm curious by what she's saying. So then, what should we do about the rapist?

I barely take a breath before I am pulled out of my chair. What should we do about...? Mi-bou, how much more colder could you be?! We should be there for Yanagi! We should be there for her because....because.... and then she breaks down, sobbing against my chest.

We stand like that for a timeless second. I do not wrap my arms around her, or comfort her in any way.

I don't want to share in her pain when I already have my own.

Cold, cold Mikagami, she murmurs. I stare ahead, not attempting to look down, to refute her with a glare or touch or word. If we aren't there for her, if we don't reach out to her and let her know that she still has us, what do you think will happen? When she wakes up she's going to be so vulnerable. She's going to need us. She's going to need Recca.

I nearly agree. I understand her words, but I don't understand their meaning. The only other time I can relate to now was when Mifuyu had died. I had only thought about revenge, to kill whoever had taken my oneesan away from me.

But then again, Yanagi is not dead.

She's alive, and she's going to wake up knowing that she was raped. She's going to know that for the rest of her life.

I didn't think about that before.

Fuuko pushes me away, her moment of weakness apparently over. I'm going to visit Kaoru now. I've already talked to Domon. He knows that intern. He'll call us as soon as she tells him that Yanagi's awake. He'll make sure that we can visit Yanagi as soon as possible, she walks over to the doorway and I can see her hand poised near the light switch, we'll all have to stick together, closer than before.

She flips the switch casually, and I am overwhelmed by light and her last words.

We'll all have to stick together.

I've never thought of that before.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Yanagi's POV)

It is white when I open my eyes. There is only white above me.

Then everything focuses.

beep...beep...beep...

Very slowly I turn my head to where that weird sound is coming from. It's almost like my heart is beating in tune with that noise.

...beep...beep...beep...

This is all familiar to me. Why? Why? Because....because...

My okaasan's a nurse in a hospital.

I must be in a hospital.

Why?

wheesh...whoo...wheesh...whoo...

My breathing raggedly drags out, and it makes a funny noise every time I inhale and exhale. I cross my eyes and see something covering my nose and mouth area. Weird...a respirator? Carefully, I flex the fingers of my right hand. I can feel the joints of my fingers bend to life, feeling each one of them pop. I try to raise my arm up, but it doesn't seem to work. I try the same for my left hand, but I can't feel anything.

How weird.

Hands seem to come from nowhere and pull the breathing mask off my face. I gulp in my first breaths of air, wincing with each inhalation through my nose. The sting of antiseptics always gets to me.

Eto, are you okay? A tinny voice buzzes in my ear. I try to raise my head up to see who is this person talking to me, but at the large crack! my neck makes, I stop moving and settle for staring at the white ceiling.

my voice box trembles. I'd hate for the kind person to worry about me if I didn't respond in some way. I want to say more, but the walls of my throat rub painfully together. Cool hands hold the back of my neck and my stomach, pushing me to a sitting position against the back of the bed. I feel the cold touch of glass against my dry lips, and I gratefully open them. The cold, cold liquid splashes into my mouth, tasting as wondrous as a lover's kiss until it drops like a stone down into my stomach. So refreshing, like I haven't tasted water in days. Feeling rejuvenated, I slowly turn my head towards the direction where the hands had come from earlier.

A girl stares at me. Her emerald eyes stare at me so inquisitively. Her hair falls messily to her shoulders. It's like...caramel over chocolate? Yes, her hair's almost blonde to her eyes, but then it's dark brown to her shoulders. How odd. Can you talk now? her voice trembles out, and I notice the glass of water in her hands.

I try. W-who are you?

Her mouth moves, but no words come out. I can still make them out. She thought it was a weird question. My name is Heiwake Kasumi. I'm a 2nd year college student. I usually just work in the front with the computer, but...

I don't think I know her from anywhere.

I felt compelled to come up here. I didn't think that you'd wake up, she sighs wearily, I suppose you want me to tell you what happened to you?

That...that sounded almost rude. If you don't want to, I don't mind, I look away and see that my left arm is in a cast, I don't think I want to know.

Thank you, she whispers. Suddenly I feel wetness on my bare right arm, and the shattering of glass. oh, I'm sorry, I think she said, but an overwhelming sensation tumbles over me right then.

Water...splashing onto me.

The pain, the pain...

Being so cold, lying in the puddles...

Water...

Darkness...

Alley.

Oh no.

Pain.



Pain.



Pain.



Arm.

It's not...

Face.

I-i-it's not...

There.

NO.

I try to grasp thick gobs of air into my lungs, but there's this other feeling pushing up through my stomach. Retching, sobs wracking through my body, tears running down my face in rivulets, I remember what happened to me. The reason why I'm in this hospital. Convulsing, shaking, I can't stop the memories. Utter darkness. The smell of his cologne as he leaned in. His touch. His touch. His touch.

His words.

You belong to me

Through the murky depths of my realizations, I hear footsteps. I feel a needle entering my arm.

And there is the darkness again.

But it isn't like when I was....

NO.

In here the man of flame will hold me forever.

Right?
~~~~~~~~~~

(Kasumi's POV)

I murmur. My aunt, the head nurse of this hospital, turns and looks down at me, the syringe in her right hand.

Kasumi, what're you doing here? I guess she didn't notice that I was the one who pushed the button to call her here. She only notices me sometimes.

She's a friend of someone....close to me, I croak out, my breathing almost back to normal from that scare. I wouldn't dare tell her why I was really here. That I had felt so bad about telling Yanagi-san's friends her classified information that I wanted to...I don't know. Apologize in person, I guess.

What did you do? Obasan very nearly growls out at me, and I try not to feel hurt by her tone of voice. With everything I've done in the last couple of hours, she'd probably send me back home, telling my parents how much of a failure I was. Not even in medical school and already messing up the hospital and their patients.

I, um, was talking to her and then I accidentally dropped the glass of water on her, I point to the glass shards next to her feet, please be careful where you step, obasan.

Obasan silently puts the syringe down on the table next to the bed and places her head in her hands. Kasumi, the girl was found in a bunch of puddles in an alley. What you did was trigger those memories. The girl was suffering from traumatic shock as a result of the pain from her broken arm and the rape, remember. Feeling water splashed onto her most likely brought back the scene for her.

But Obasan, I plead, she was awake and talking...!

And did she know what had happened to her? Dld she indicate in any way that she knew?

My eyes drift away from Obasan's almost harsh face to the glass near her feet. She asked me what my name was, and then she said...she said that she didn't mind not knowing what had happened to her! I begin crying, tears rolling down my cheeks.

I told her what had happened to her, even though I didn't mean to...!

A heavy sigh, and then my aunt crouches down in front of me. Her hazel eyes have taken on a more focused look. Kasumi, since you know Sakoshita-san, I'm going to have you look after her, okay? She smiles a little. This'll be good practice when you do hands-on work later on in medical school, okay?

I unsurely mutter, what do you...?

Since she's seen you, she'll trust you. The only reason why's she here is because of her arm. Just comfort her until she's discharged, she pulls out a bottle of pills from her nurses' outfit pocket, every time she gets like this, give her these. They're tranquilizers. She'll fall asleep and she won't be as tortured. Okay?

Obasan drops the bottle into my hands, then leaves. I stand, staring at the bottle filled with the colored dots.

I hear moaning and a strangled voice calling out from the bed. My eyes fill with tears again as I make out what she's calling for.

Oh, Obasan, she won't be tortured when she takes these?

Then why is she calling out for her Recca-kun' right now?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I've noticed that a lot of people are feeling sorry for Kaoru. You can thank my friend Karen for telling me that she wanted to hear from Kaoru. Personally, I kinda forgot about him, and it only took me bout 5-10 minutes to write up his part anyway. Ah, everyone likes Kaoru-kun, so I tried to do him justice. Hope I succeeded.

Sorry for the things that Fuuko says. It may be surprising, but I try to make some sort of point with everything I write in this story. Okay, the blood thing was vulgar though, and I apologize. But it's staying.

Let's thank people! Like rhiannon, for instance! I don't know about great fic' or writ[ing] the characters very well', but I try to do justice to Anzai-sensei's characters, as well as the topic and my own memories. Thank you very much though! The Blue Sorceress-san, thank you for another kind review! Believe me, I'm really trying on the realism bit. My favorite thing to write in any fic are the emotions the charas might be having in any given situation....I kinda hope that's what people are expecting from me, cause I can't write much else! To ice blue eyes, have you reviewed something of mine before? I swear I've seen that name on another fic's review...ah well. I'm trying to continue as fast as possible, but even with the notes I have regarding each chapter, it's hard to write up each chapter. Do you know how many rewrites this chapter went through? And I know it's nowhere near perfect. To kim, getting interesting'? After this chapter, everything goes by real fast, so I apologize for the slow pace of the chapters before. (According to the timeframe of the series, Shiawasena takes place over a course of 6 days.) But it's nice to see you again! And dear, kind Showstopper, that was truly a compliment. I hope to get everyone who's reading this crying by the last chapters, or at least really, really depressed.

All reviews, all readers of Shiawasena compliment me by just reading this, and I hope that I really get you thinking with this story. Thank you.

Revised on Friday morning, 3:50 AM PST: I love opinions. I honestly really like all the feedback that I've gotten on this fic, and not just because it's all been positive. But I do not like flames, or things resembling flames. For someone named Peace Anime', you don't sound very peaceful. Yeah, I can understand why you don't like the first chapter. A lot of people wouldn't. That's why there was a WARNING on the top of the chapter. Next time, try reading all the chapters posted up first, not read the first chapter, decide you hate it with every fiber of your being, and reviewing and yelling at ME about it. I know I've already emailed you about it, but this is for the record. Thank you.

See you for 5! (I'm past the halfway mark of this fic series!)