Shiawasena Owari Kata ch.5

Shiawasena Owari Katanantenai

A Recca no Honoo fanfic
By Tenshi no Ai

I don't own Recca no Honoo. I'm just enslaving the characters for my own personal use.


Ch. 5: Touch
(Recca, Yanagi and Fuuko's POV)


(Recca's POV)

It's early Tuesday morning when I walk in into my house, stepping out of my sneakers and tugging off my shirt. First thing's going to be a quick shower, then a nap, then I'm outta here again.

He's still out there.

A sudden flash, and something golden and pointy touches the tip of my nose. I look down at Koganei. He's glaring at me with tears in his eyes. "What the hell's your problem? I growl. He points the bladed end of Kougan Anki at me.

Why didn't you tell us about Yanagi-chan, Recca-niichan?

I freeze. It's my problem. Actually, I forgot about them. He hurt Hime.

And that's all anyone can really say about it, right? No one touches a hime without her ninja's permission.

They do, they die.

Koganei smirks, and then a blunt object smashes into my stomach. Shit....that hurt. Bent over, arms protectively around my stomach, I look up and into glaring face a few feet away from mine. who the hell d'you think we are, Recca-niichan! We're her friends too! We care about Yanagi-chan just like you do! He walks right up to me, holding out the blunt end of Kougan Anki's first face diagonally in front of him. We all want to help Yanagi-chan too!

I don't need this. Straightening up, I start to walk around him, and then I see the blunt end of Kougan Anki rushing towards my face. I grab it and wrench it out of his grasp, throwing it aside. The madougu clatters off somewhere as we glare at each other, going into fighting positions.

I'm just so sick of everything right now.



Kaachan appears at my side and places her hands on my left arm. I state, relaxing a little.

she seems a little unsure of herself right now, I wish you'd stay home for more than a few hours. This...this isn't a very good idea to pursue right now.

I spin around and face her. So what am I supposed to do, Kaachan! Yanagi-hime's in the hospital right now and it's my fault! I'm supposed to protect her! I'm supposed to-

Not your fault, Koganei's voice trembles out, I was with her! I should've walked with her, but I was thinking about that stupid school project and...

Kaachan walks in front of me, and then there's this stinging feeling as my head jerks to the side. Seconds later, I hear a smacking noise.

I say, holding my cheek.

Koganei murmurs.

Kaachan stares at us, her right hand upraised. Gomenasai, but you aren't helping matters at all. Do you think that blaming yourselves is going to help Yanagi? Will it change anything that's happened every since Saturday night?

What...?

I understand why you both blame yourselves. I feel like I also have some fault in this as well. But you must also understand this. It is something that just happened. Yanagi will be blaming herself. Not you two, or Fuuko-chan, or Mikagami-kun, or Domon-kun. Herself, Kaachan pauses, she doesn't need this aura of self-pity hovering over her friends. She needs her friends to be there, she looks at me oddly, especially you, my son.

I look away. Gomen, Kaachan. Gomen. But I can't...

I don't deserve to even look at my precious hime. Not after this. I have to find him first before I even have a chance of redeeming myself in Hime's eyes.

And even then, would I...?

The phone rings, and Koganei goes to pick it up. Moshi moshi, Hanabishi household. Fuuko-neechan? Yeah. Yeah. Sure. What time? No. Yeah. Thanks, Fuuko-neechan. Yeah, I don't care. Hm? Oh, yeah, he's here too. Sure. Bye bye, he drops the receiver and looks at Kaachan, Fuuko-neechan said that Domon-niichan got a call from his friend, that girl that works at the hospital, and she said that Yanagi-chan's out of her coma with no problems. We can visit tonight at 6 or so.

I see, Kaachan almost has a smile on her face, what else did she say?

Oh, yeah, Koganei scratches his head, she wanted to know if I was going to school today or not, and she also wanted to know if Recca-niichan was here. That reminds me, he walks up to me, and Fuuko-neechan said that if you didn't come with all of us tonight to see Yanagi-chan you'd probably make Yanagi-chan cry.

I say nothing. Do I even deserve to look at Hime before I'm done?

I want to say no, but I want to look at her right now. I want her to tell me what's going on in her mind right now.

I want to know if she blames me.

I almost want her to say that she doesn't.
~~~~~~~~~~~

(Yanagi's POV)

The tears won't stop. They just won't. One after another they leak out of my eyes, roll down my cheeks, and spatter on my hands, my hospital gown, my blanket.

My parents have just visited me.

a voice creeps out by my side. I sloppily wipe my eyes with the back of my useable hand and turn to Kasumi-san. She hands me some tissues and I start blowing my nose. How was the visit?

I don't know, I whisper into the tissue, we didn't talk much. Okaasan was crying and Otousan was trying to comfort her and then I started to cry and.... I try to continue, but the tears are clouding my vision again.

I didn't want my family and friends to know. I didn't want them to know how filthy, how dirty I am now.

Diseased. Poisoned. Trash. Everywhere he touched has burned my skin like a personal brand.

If Recca knew...what would he say?

I don't want him to find out. I don't want to infect anyone else with that man's touch. Recca deserves a girl that hasn't been polluted.

He lives in me. I know this. Even if the medical records say otherwise, something's still in me.

I wouldn't let Okaasan hug me, but I want her here so much right now. I want her to hug me and tell me that everything's going to be okay and that she'll always be there for me no matter what happens to me...I want to just cry and cry and cry in Recca's arms as well...

But I can't.

I'm dirty.

I'm diseased.

I don't deserve them.

This is all I can think about.

It's the only thing I'll ever be able to think about again.



Wearily, I look up at Kasumi-san. She's so nice to me. She's very quiet and a good listener.

And she doesn't try to touch me.

Yes, Kasumi-san?

She holds out the pills to me. Those wonderful pills that let me go into my beautiful wonderland where I'm not this filthy creature that I am now. In my wonderland everything is fresh and nice and clean. There, in my wonderland, Recca is there and he always holds me, just like in the days before....that.

It'll never happen again. He'll find out and he'll never want to touch me again. He'll look at me and see some disgusting...girl...who was so stupid to go through an alley at night, who was so weak that she couldn't even open her eyes as she lay in the dirty puddles in the alley...

I reach for the pills and follow that with water.
~~~~~~~~~~~

(Fuuko's POV)

As we walk inside the hospital, there's this uncomfortable churning in my stomach. I couldn't eat anything last night, this morning, this afternoon...haven't eaten since yesterday morning, really. Didn't go to school today either. I just sat in my room and cried. Kaasan tried to comfort me, but she doesn't know. She just doesn't understand how I could possibly feel right now.

Kaoru walks in step with me. We're behind everyone else. Domon's in the lead cause it's his friend that's gonna lead us to Yanagi. Kagerou-san and Recca follow close behind, and Mi-chan's a step behind them.

Despite last night, I'm not too angry at Mi-chan and Recca's way of thinking. The more I think about it, the more I want to kill. But I'm sticking by my words. I'm annoyed by Mi-chan's coolness to the situation, but I can tell...I can tell that he's as hurt as the rest of us.

But no one can match emotions that I saw in Recca's face when I saw him earlier.

Kaoru says quietly, almost uncertainly. I look over at him and the dried tear marks on his face. I was wondering...what're you thinking right now?

My eyes close as a sigh escapes. I...I don't know? It's like...it's like a jumble. Just this horrid jumble of feelings and thoughts of what I want to do and what I should do, I tilt my head at him, what about you?

Same here, he whispers, then coughs. Everybody in front quickly turns around and looks at us before returning to their thoughts. his hazel-green eyes begin to shine with new tears. I reach out and squeeze his hand, trying to be comforting. I'm not too good at that.

I'm not like Yanagi.

That girl, the one that Domon knows, approaches him. Eto...Yanagi-san's parents allowed you all to visit her for half an hour. I can hold off the nurses for an additional ten minutes if you like?

Domon seems taken aback. Well, um, I guess...

That's fine, neechan, Kaoru says, sounding a little stronger now. She looks over at him, then nods in reply. We follow her into an elevator, riding it up to the 7th floor. Nobody dares to say anything. The nervous feeling in my stomach grows. It's only a Tuesday night, so I guess it wasn't real busy or anything cause no one else enters our little elevator. We walk out when the doors open and stroll briskly through corridors and around corners until we reach a door.

The kanji on it says Private room. Sakoshita Yanagi.'

I'm shaking. No one else looks much better. The girl opens the door and we shuffle inside.

There's a figure on the bed.

Yanagi is beautiful when she has a blank expression on her face. I mean, she's pretty all the time, but when she has an emotionless expression, she has this cold, stately beauty. Kinda like Mi-chan, actually. I've only seen Yanagi with this sort of queenly presence one time, and that was when she lost her memories and we had been in the very center of SODOM. Even though she was in a little white halter nightgown slip, she still looked so....mature, so regal.

But she also looked dead.

That's what she looks like right now, lying in the hospital bed with her left arm in a cast and the blanket all tucked up to the collarbone with little peeks of the hospital gown covering her shoulders, her eyes closed and her hair spread on her pillow.

She looks dead.

the girl speaks again, bringing me out of my daze, I don't know if she'll wake up while you're here. Please don't wake her up yourself, she's still coping with shock. I'll leave you all alone, she walks towards the door, then turns around and faces us again. Her thin lips shifts into a sad smile. She'll be very happy to see you all, and with that she slips out of the room.

I walk over to the left side of the bed, everyone else making similar motions. Recca, more hesitant than the rest of us, sits down at a chair at Yanagi's right side.

I watch as her chest rises and falls slightly and thank all the kami out there for every motion.

Recca tentatively reaches over with his right hand, his Tekkou catching the light of the room and reflecting in my eyes for a second. I blink.

His fingers, calloused and roughened by all the battles he had fought to keep her safe, softly brushes away some stray strands of hair from her face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Yanagi's POV)

In my wonderful world, there is nothing that can disturb us. The stream's cooing gurgles are a melody to my ears. The breeze caresses my skin, causing goosebumps. My love hugs me tighter to keep me warm.

Recca is so sweet to me.

I only belong to him. No one else but him.

And suddenly he's gone again. It's all gone again.

Then rough fingers touch my face.

Those fingers.

That touch.

He's touching me again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Fuuko's POV)

YAAAHHH!! NO! PLEASE! STAY AWAY!! PLEASE!!

My head snaps up at hearing Yanagi's screams. Her good arm is flailing around and she's twisting and turning around in the bed, screaming. I don't say anything, I just move. I run around the bed, shove away the shocked Recca, and hug her, cradle her against my chest. She screams louder, eyes closed and tears still managing to run down her face in rivulets. I hold her to me tighter, trying my best to comfort her. Yanagi-chan, Yanagi-chan, don't worry, this is Fuuko-chan, just Fuuko-chan, please just open your eyes, there's nothing here that will hurt you, we're all here for you Yanagi-chan...

Her eyes snap open and she stares up at me. Kami-sama, Fuuko-chan, he was... and she buries her face into my chest again. He was touching me... she whispers.

I calmly ask, that wasn't anyone dangerous, that was...

A glimmer of a hideous thought sparks up in my mind, but I savagely put it out. It doesn't make any sense anyway.

Suddenly she springs upright and we are face to face. she murmurs, then slowly looks around, seeing everyone else.

With surprising strength she pushes me away.

Recca slowly walks over to her, his entire demeanor meek. He reaches for her, to hold her and comfort her with his presence.

But she flinches and turns away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Yo, sorry I couldn't get this chapter out earlier. It went through a lot of rewrites, and then there's school and applying for college...I almost wanna be a freshman again...

Karen-chan, thanks a lot for that review. I had a silly grin on my face after reading it. Yeah, you had to endure my moaning and whining about those reviews over AIM, and I'm sorry. I'm very happy about the recent news for you though...that is *very* cool.

Rhiannon (that's such a pretty name! Is it your name, or a name you wished you had?), I don't intend on stopping this story until after the conclusion. And then there might be a sequel, who knows? And Kasumi's the coolest, but I think I'm the only one that's saying that. grins widely That's really something if you think she seems like the perfect character to add to the story', cause I don't know if she's in character or not! She in only two chapters out of the 30 volumes (and the second time was just a picture, not like she was talking), so it's more my tweaking her personality than anything.

Sacharine (blinks And is that your name, or just one you want?), well! I would hope that this was an emotionally moving piece of work', or else I would quit writing! Hm, hey now, I can only write so fast...and it may not seem like it, but I do have a life and homework, although not necessarily in that order. But I'll try to be a little quicker, okay?

Peace Anime...what? I don't understand what you're talking about.

Showstopper....eheh, sorry. I just knew that someone was going to comment on that. Thanks for understanding *why* I wrote that though! ^_^

Luna Crescent...okay, now that's on my list of really interesting and cool author{ess}'s names I wished I had come up with'. (Basically anyone that I asked how they came up with that name is on my list...so it's not very exclusive. I get amused easily). Anyway, are you a friend of The Blue Sorceress or something? Kinda funny to know that my fic was getting referred to by other author{ess'}s. Let's see...'lemme at the bastard who has inflicted pain on my fav charas'? pained look Well, wouldn't that be me, since I'm the one who's writing this fic?

Omigoddess, it's Hoowee-chan! Hoowee, Hoowee, Hoowee, I missed you so much! Now start making commentary! :P (Oh no, now she's going to hit me with the Hurry Up Stick'!)

And one more question. Where are the following people: ReccaGirl and SaiyanGirlGenius? I'm really not sure about SGG, since the last time I saw a review from her was in, like, ch. 15 of Abekobe, but I know that ReccaGirl's still out there! C'mon, you're the person who's reviewed every single FOR fic I've ever written. And that means *every* chapter. (I get too worried for my own good. I mean, this's the Internet! But I still care.)

Wow, 6 is coming up! Could it be...the chapter before the climax?