Shiawasena Owari Katanantenai

A Recca no Honoo fanfic
By Tenshi no Ai

If I wrote that I owned Recca no Honoo, would I get sued immediately or what? Thank goodness it's only an if' type of question...


Ch. 6: Talk
(Fuuko, Mikagami, Domon's POV)


(Fuuko's POV)

Another day gone, another day ditched. Once again I stay in my room, remembering what happened last night. Watching Yanagi sleep. Seeing Recca tenderly touching her cheek. Her outburst. My trying to calm her down. Then her pushing me away, and when Recca tries to comfort her, she won't even look at him.

She flinched away from her love with her whole body.

What could we do? Recca was the first to leave, muttering something about how he had to find the rapist for his hime's sake. I almost joined him right then.

What happened to Yanagi, what twisted her mind into running away from us? I mean, I know that rape...is more than a physical act of violence. But...why would she turn away from us? We're her friends.

Doesn't she know that by now?

I'm just so confused.

And all I can seem to do is nothing.

Kaasan's voice sounds from the other side of the door. Fuuko, please open the door. You haven't eaten for awhile.

I say nothing.

Kaasan's voice hardens now, I want to talk to you.

I nearly mumble out. The doorknob rattles and I nonchalantly wave my right hand at it. By using the available wind in the room, I can keep the door closed by applying equal pressure to the door as Kaasan's efforts to open it. I've honed my powers just as long as Recca has with his flames, although I don't know how long he's known that he can create fire. Well, I have skill too.

Please, Fuuko, open the door! Kaasan's voice is desperate, and I feel bad that I'm worrying her like this.

Somehow, I think that Yanagi treated her parents just like I'm treating Kaasan right now.

Do I want to alienate from my family and friends though?

Gomen, Kaasan, I say loudly, and the rattling of the doorknob stops. I stop concentrating with Fuujin, and instead walk over to the door and open it. Kaasan stands in front of me, her short black hair messily arranged, tears leaking out of her eyes. We have the same eyes, I realize.

she whispers, and it sounds like a dangerous rumble of thunder, do you think that sitting here and starving yourself is going to do anything?

What?

Honestly, I thought I raised you better than that, she looks at me curiously, when have you been meek about anything? I don't really know why you're in your room, crying of all things, but is that all you're going to do?

Y'see, Kaasan and I don't have much of a huggy-feely kind of relationship. We're just cool with each other. If I tell her to leave me alone, that's what she'll do. She gave me that cell phone just to make sure that I don't disappear for days at a time, but she's not overly worried about me. It's rare when she tells me something like this up front. We don't have confrontations.



She closes her eyes and shakes her head slowly. Raising you and your oniisan was like raising two boys. You both have never come to me about anything, you just go on your own way. And now he's somewhere with his band, and I'm lucky if I ever receive a postcard. I'm worried for him, of course, but I do know that he can take care of himself, she opens her eyes and looks at me sadly, and just when I expect the same thing of you, I see you holed up in your room looking like the world's just ended.

With the exception of Ganko-chan, I'm not used to raising girls and comforting them through their problems.

I smirk bitterly. Thanks, Kaasan. You're right, y'know? When have I, Kirisawa Fuuko, ever just sat around and did nothing? I sigh, then I start walking past her.

Where are you going, Fuuko? This is said with some alarm, and now I feel worse for scaring my mom.

Don't worry, Kaasan, I say, not turning around, I just...it's something I have to find out for myself. I'll be back soon, okay?

her voice is hesitant, you don't have to tell me what happened to your friend, but will you tell Ganko? She's been worried too, but she wants to know *what* happened as well.

Oh. Yeah. I forgot about Ganko-chan. But...

How am I supposed to tell a 12-year-old that one of our closest friends was raped?

Yeah, sure Kaasan, I say out loud, I'll be home late, okay?

I briskly walk out of my house and make my way to the hospital. More and more, I don't feel like crying. I have a purpose. I want to find out if Yanagi blames us, if she hates us. I don't think I could blame her if she did, y'know?

But I'm sick of crying.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Mikagami's POV)


I wonder why I let myself care.

Bzz

Or, maybe I don't care enough.

Bzz

The door swings open and Koganei Kaoru stares at me inside the warmth of his home. He asks, confusedly. I almost smile in wretched bemusement at his bewildered expression.

However much I care, I don't visit under the most extreme circumstances.

You were expecting Fuuko? I ask. Going around door to door is more her type of business. And one day I'll make it her business to fix my door, considering her policy of handling people who pretend not to be home.

Koganei shrugs. Wasn't expecting anyone, he steps outside and closes the door behind him, haven't seen Recca-niichan since last night either.

I don't care about him, I care about Yanagi.

Why did Yanagi flinch away from Hanabishi like that?

Are you going to the hospital? I ask, and he shakes his head once, why not?

the boy, the first of the Hokage that I truly respected on the battlefield, looks anguished, if she doesn't even want to look at Recca-niichan, she really won't want to talk to me.



Come on, Mikagami-niichan! He suddenly whirls on me, eyes flaring as he uses the name he used to call me before he became very comfortable with me. Yanagi-chan probably hates all of us! Because of the stupidest mistake, I...

I turn away. If all you're going to do is blame yourself, you might as well not care at all. At least do something for Yanagi-san's sake.

We can't change the past, so we might as well make the best we can of the future.

I learned that one from Mifuyu.

Yeah, but I can't help it. I see her smile on the tape, and then I remember last night and I'm wondering: Which is the real Yanagi now?'

I take a couple of steps, then stop.

Koganei walks up the front of me and beams. Kougan Anki Productions presents: Yanagi-chan no Interview! His face becomes clouded over again. She really looks so alive and happy in it, especially when she's talking about us and Recca-niichan. Sometime you'll have to watch it. It's... he stops and sighs, it's our Yanagi-chan.

I walk away, mulling it over. I want to see this video of our' Yanagi.

First I'll see who the Yanagi at the hospital is.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Fuuko's POV)

The sunlight hits my eyes as I walk up to the hospital. And looking at my watch, it's no wonder. It's 6 in the evening in July.

Y'know, Recca's birthday is in another week or so. And mine's the week after.

Some timing.

The doors slide open automatically and I walk in, looking around for Domon's intern friend so she can let me visit. And when I see her, I scratch my head in confusion. She's next to the elevator doors, talking with Domon.

Wow, good for him. I feel kinda odd seeing him all interested-looking in some girl that's not me, but at least he finally got the hint. Hey, Domon, I say conversationally as I walk up to them, why don't you introduce me to your girlfriend?

The chibi girl blushes and looks down. How cute, she acts like Yanagi used to when I'd mention Recca around her. Domon looks at me oddly. Girlfriend? Nah, this is Kasumi-chan. We had the same class in high school an' she used to tutor me, he smiles at Kasumi and gestures to me, y'see, Kasumi-chan, my love realized that I was here and she came after me...

I groan. Bakayarou doesn't realize that you just don't say those kind of things around another girl. The Kasumi-girl nods attentively, smiling a bit. But, y'know, she doesn't really look as happy as she did before I came by. Baka, I came here cause I wanted to talk to Yanagi, I look over at Kasumi, mind if I talk to her for ten minutes or so?

So Kasumi takes only me up to Yanagi's room because she felt that taking the both of us would overload Yanagi's mind right now. We walk in, and this time Yanagi's wide awake and looking at her useless arm. Kasumi walks right up to the bed while I stay by the door. Yanagi-san, you're awake for once? That's good. Is there anything you would like right now?

No, thank you. This was said softly, with no emotion. Kasumi nods, and I take that as a clue to go over to the bed myself. her eyes flicker at me, then at Kasumi, who nods again and leaves.

I try to sound strong, how are you feeling?

Dully, Yanagi goes back to staring at her cast. Not well.

What do I say next? Should I apologize for leaving her alone, or promise to find the rapist, or promise to find Recca immediately and bring him to her? What can I say to her?

I'm so sorry. I should've walked you home, it's all my fau-



I stop trying to form the thoughts in my head into words.

It's my fault. I was the one who chose to go into that alley, I was the one who was too weak to fight back, I'm the stupid one! I can see the tears form in her eyes as she continues to stare at her cast, I'm stupid! I'm worthless and dirty! I don't deserve your kindness, or Kasumi-san's, or especially Recca's! I'm dirty and filthy and I don't deserve any of this! Why wasn't I left in that alley to die? She looks up at me, tears making their way down her face, I should've been left there because I'm as dirty as that alley...!

Shut up! I lunge towards Yanagi, my hands grasping her shoulders. I can feel the heat of her body through the flimsy hospital gown. How can you talk about yourself like that?! You're not dirty, you're not! And we will NOT stop caring about you! With all the shit we've gone through together, d'you think we're gonna write you off just because of this? I shake her, desperate for her to understand, aren't we friends? Don't friends stick together? No matter what, right? Right?

She starts crying loudly. But it hurts so much, Fuuko-chan. It hurts so much and I just want to be in my mystical wonderland where everything's okay, everything's okay and there's no hurt at all, where Recca-kun is and there's just the two of us. But then I wake up and it hurts, and I'm dirty and I'll never be who I used to be ever again. I'll never be me again, because I used to be clean and pure, and now I'm not because...

As her words dissipate into sobs, I bring my arms around her shoulders and hug her against my chest, my body trembling with each sob she emits. I close my eyes, remembering the last three years, seeing how cheerful and innocent she was...she was...

And then I felt his touch yesterday. He's coming after me, Fuuko-chan, he's coming after me and he's going to touch me again, he's going to put his hands on me and all that's going to be left is the hurting...

I shake my head, confused.

She pulls away from me slightly and nods frightfully. Yes, he was touching my face and I knew that the next thing he was going to do was grasp my face and make sure I couldn't scream, and then he would... she looks away, he would hurt me again.

That horrible feeling that I had yesterday, when Yanagi was crying and I was trying to comfort her, is back. Why, oh why would this bother me so much...

And his fingers are rough, they're calloused and I can feel them again, one on my face, the other one touching my body, I can feel them...

Kami-sama, this is so odd...

The door creaks open and my body is automatically alert for battle. It's only Kasumi though. I'm sorry, but you'll have to leave now. It's already been twenty minutes.

I say, hugging Yanagi extra-tight for a couple of seconds before letting her go completely, I'll come back tomorrow, okay?

Yanagi nods. I should be getting discharged by tomorrow though. My parents kept me here longer just in case...just for the security, she looks at my face for the first time during this visit, we are friends. We are very good friends.

I smile and walk over out the door, closing it softly. My smile drops as the door clicks.

I know.
~~~~~~~~~~~

(Mikagami's POV)

I stride into the hospital and past the gorilla in the lobby. A maddening feeling is urging me to go to Yanagi, to talk to her. There's something here that I need to figure out, for my own peace.

Yanagi. Hanabishi. The rapist.

Something connects the three.

What is it?

As I walk to the elevator, I bump into a woman walking out. I glance at her and recognize her by her boyish haircut. I state as a way of apology. She glares up at me, then sighs.

Dammit, Mi-chan, you don't gotta run over everyone in your way just cause they are, she stabs her right index finger in my direction, we're living, breathing creatures too, y'know.

I look her over, you just came from Yanagi-san's room?

She looks away. Where else would I have been in this place, Mi-chan?

I blink at the lack of sarcasm in what she just said, then take a step closer to her. The elevator doors close behind her. How is she?

As well as anyone in her position would be, I guess, she shrugs, but something's really bothering me.

Could Fuuko have the same kind of feeling that I'm having? What is it?

She crosses her arms. The way she reacted from Recca, mainly. And every time Yanagi mentions something about the rapist touching her, I just get the strangest feeling, she frowns, it's really starting to bother me.

I look at her impassively. I didn't know anything about the touch' thing, but I guess it's something to file away. Well, I'll talk to her anyway, I say, making my way to the elevator and pressing the button. Something touches my arm, and I look back at Fuuko.

Mi-chan, if you find out something...ah, how about I wait for you, okay? I nod. The elevator doors open, and I walk in, watching Fuuko walk away as they close.

I walk out slowly as the doors open to my floor. Strange as it is to admit to myself, I'm nervous. I don't want to touch something off in Yanagi that will make her act like she did yesterday.

Ow...fuckin'-a, should've just walked in the front...

I look out from my thoughts, just to catch Hanabishi trying to haul himself through a small window at the end of the hall. Why he's using the window to get into the hospital...it looks suspicious. I stop walking towards Yanagi's room and quietly watch his actions.

Hanabishi falls into the hospital, curses, and quietly stands up and dusts himself off. He walks directly to Yanagi's room and reaches out for the doorknob. Then he stops.

He doesn't move for a long while.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Domon's POV)

...and so Kaasan wants me to work the counter cause she plans to give me the shop soon.

Kasumi-chan looks up at me with the cutest smile on her face. I'm happy you're getting what you want, Domon-kun.

I don't really have what I want. I want Fuuko, but she's made it more than clear that she doesn't want me.

Ne, mind if I butt into your private lil' convo?

Fuuko-sama!

No, no, not at all! I chirp up. My beautiful wind goddess walks over to us. Then it's quiet. Really quiet. Like, for a long time quiet. Kasumi-chan shuffles around, then smiles.

Eto, I should finish off updating files, then I'm going home. It was nice talking to you, Domon-kun, Kirisawa-san! Then she hurries over to the counter.

I watch her leave, then turn to Fuuko. And then my nose is smashed in! Oh, you're such a dumbass, Domon. Over my hands cupping protectively around my nose, I can see her glaring at me.

What'd I do? I ask, resigned. Ever since junior high Fuuko's used a sort of Tough Love' with me, and that's why I respect her so much.

But my nose really hurts...

Fuuko sighs loudly and places her hands on her hips. What's that chibi girl to you?

Kasumi-chan? She used to tutor me in school.

She's the girl that tutored you through all 3 years, right?

I nod, confused.

She must really like you then, right?

I like you...I really like you...I want us to always be together...I want us to be in the next year together...

I mutter, yeah, she did.

Fuuko grins up at me, then gives me a thumbs up. Well, isn't that a good thing? I mean, a girl likes you! Go for it!

But Fuuko... I start, but she cuts me off.

And you must like her too, or else you wouldn't have been able to stand having her tutor you for over 2 years, right?

Well, yeah, but...

Now she seems angry. Don't tell me that you're still going for me? It's hopeless Domon, I prefer being an independent woman. Besides, we're best friends, right? That's all we should be.

So. That's it then.

Oh, get that gloomy look off your face, Fuuko crosses her arms, at least give her a chance. I mean, you never know, right?

I look over at the counter where Kasumi was working, and I feel this twinge when I see that she's packing up to go home. As far as I know, she doesn't have a bike so she can quickly home, and I don't think she has a car either.

She's....she's going to walk home, even after...everything that's happened?

I feel another twinge in my stomach.

I don't want anything to hurt her.

I walk over to Kasumi as she walks around the front counter. Kasumi-chan, are you going home now? She looks up at me with those large eyes, the same color as the leaf of a dark-colored rose, with the normal bland look she gives to everyone.

Well, yes, Domon-kun. I have a lot of work to do for my classes that I need to get to...

I shrug. Alright, let's go.

She looks up at me for a second longer, and then we walk out of the hospital silently.

As long as she's with me I'm not going to let anything happen to her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Mikagami's POV)

Sighing mentally, I walk over to him. Generally, you turn the doorknob in order to go inside the room.

He jerks away from the door and glares at me. Mikagami, what're you doing here?

I'm here to see Yanagi, same as you, I arch my eyebrows, but I used the front entrance. He scowls at that and roughly runs a hand through his bangs. I walk over to the door and reach out to grasp the knob the same time he does.

He has calloused fingers and palm.

Yanagi woke up and went into hysteria when he touched her face.

Yanagi has faint reddish marks on her face.

If he touched her again, wouldn't she recognize the touch of the...

I jerk away and pull out Ensui from my pants pocket. Jagged ice races outward from my madougu. My eyes touch again on Hanabishi's form.

Of all the people I could suspect, it would've never been him.

What? What the hell's your problem, Mi-bou? Annoyance mixed with a trace of anger is in his tone, and it makes me even angrier that he can still try to pull this farce.

I had a grudging respect for you, but only because you seemed sincerely devoted to Yanagi-san. Only because of that. I never thought that you were so base as to... I trail off, waves of fury distorting my normally cool disposition.

Why? Why would HE, of all people, do such a despicable act to her...

He scratches his head, then glares at me again. Che, so I haven't found the asshole who attacked Yanagi-hime yet. But I will. I promised her that I would, by my honor. I haven't seen you out there, y'know.

Don't you dare try to play dumb with me.

Something doesn't feel right about this either.

He writes a character in the air, and Saiha's blade explodes out of Hanabishi's tekkou, I don't know what the fuck is your problem, Mikagami, but if you want to fight, fine. I can't find that rat bastard, Hime's injured and she freaks out if I touch her and now you want a piece of me!

Something in his words sounds sincere, calming my anger down by degrees. Absentmindedly, I look at my hands gripping Ensui's handle.

They're calloused too, aren't they? They're rough because I've handled swords for the better part of my life. And Hanabishi's hands would be calloused too because he handles materials for fireworks. Some of those items would undoubtedly roughen the skin.

Ensui's blade liquifies and splashes onto the floor.

The rapist really could be anyone.

Hanabishi, confused, shakes his head and the fire blade disappears. Changed your mind?

I look at Yanagi's door. Don't disturb Yanagi-san right now.



If you go in there, you'll want to touch her, I state dully, and that wouldn't be a good idea right now.

Hanabishi growls in exasperation. And why the hell would it be a bad idea to comfort Hime by touching her?

Because every time you touch her, you'll remind her of the rapist. To her, you'll be the rapist.

Silence, except for the monotonous rhythm of our breaths.

And then he runs past me, his steps thudding down the hall and down, it seems, the stairs.

I stare at Yanagi's door, and I can't bring myself to reach out again and simply twist the knob.

We'll all remind her of the rapist.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Yep, that was chapter 6. That was....tiring. Although I had started this before the major uphaul at FF.net, I just couldn't work. It was on and off writing, just because things got in the way. And I realized how spoiled I was in receiving such gracious reviews, because that's what usually motivates me into actually working. I knew what I was going to write, but I had....writers' life. As in, my own. A dangerous syptom, ne?

I only got to work because of Karen-chan's review. Thanks Karen! I'm sorry if the timeline of this series is bugging you, but, like, it really makes sense. I mean, a lot of things happen in one day in real life, so this isn't any different. Yes, the climax is coming! Sorry that it seems to be going by so slowly. But, I'm happy to hear from you again! I'm never online, gomen...and I love that idea of a Christmas present...

Showstopper, hi! Yeah, I can't say much about chapter 5 except for Poor me...poor, poor me...'. Perhaps it's because I *had* to post it up during the upgrading of FF.net. It scared me when I first saw all my fics as updating...we are regenerating this file' or something weird like that. Yeah, I already have a college to go to. I'm going to a JC. Thing is, I graduate from high school in January, and that's when I start college too. Why...I have no clue anymore...

GilA_gurl...shrugs interesting name there. Y'know, I'm convinced that everyone hates Yanagi. I dislike her in the anime, but I think she's pretty cool in the manga. Go figure. Anyway, I'm happy you can put away your dislike long enough to appreciate the fic...I try...

ReccaGirl! Long time no see! Um, wow...I'm sorry to hear about what happened, but everything is better now, yes? I'll be reading your fic soon, and thanks for telling me what happened, I was getting pretty worried, what with all the things happening in the East Coast lately...

Let's see here...I have a couple of announcements, if you don't mind. First, Hoowee, where are you? Second, I have succumbed to the evils of the Internet and had Karen design a website for me. Now, when FF.net goes down and you have a hankering for depressing fics, you can simply go to http://tenshinofic.zzweb.net/ and explore! There's a couple of fics there that I might not post up on FF.net, so you'll have to go there to see some...interesting material. I have a lot of things that I want to do with the site in the future, but everything's going to be a little slower because...um, third, I'm dating seriously! (This is the term mature people use when they're ready for a serious relationship', right?) This also means that I'll be lucky to finish Shiawasena by the end of November...but I won't give up!

Ch. 7: The beginning to the end. We know not what we do...