Shiawasena Owari Katanantenai
A Recca no Honoo fanfic
By Tenshi no Ai
I own this plot. I so own this plot. However, the characters are on rental and not in the best condition...
(A/N: What can I say? This is the conclusion to Shiawasena Owari Katanantenai. In other words...yes, there will be a sequel series, which is due to start in late December...probably)
(A/N #2: Yeah, I gotta thank the multitude of people who reviewed chapter 7. My goddess, you people are really revved up, huh? Now, let's do this in order...
Kari_n_Gatomon
ice blue eyes
Luna Crescent
rhiannon
gilA_gurl
Showstopper
ReccaGirl
The Blue Sorceress
Riana [email review])
Ch. 8: Observance
(Kasumi and Mikagami's POV)
(Kasumi's POV)
I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. No matter how many times I tell myself that it's true, that it actually happened, I just can't...
I found out what happened last. I found out yesterday, Friday. By the time I did, it was all over. The only thing left to do is...
I like to think that I see things about people that others don't. I observe people and I understand their secret sides.
But then reality just crashes down into my fantasy and I'm left with shattered pieces, wondering What happened? Shouldn't I have seen this coming?'
I pull my dress over my head, then flatten out all the wrinkles. It's a black dress. I hate black.
Black is the absence of color.
No wonder some cultures equate it with death.
I can feel the tears starting to form in my eyes again. Not again. But even as I brush these tears away I can feel more forming from that pit of sadness deep, deep within me.
The only time I didn't cry was when I quit working at the hospital. Obasan let me off easily. After all, the hospital carries a lot of responsibility over what happened, and even though it isn't my fault how things turned out, it was better this way for all parties involved.
I brush my hair with a few careless strokes and pin it up.
It hurts. It hurts. It hurts so much.
I can't help but think that this is all a huge coincidence. No one REALLY plans these things to happen, right? I mean, it happened in different locations. If it was really planned, wouldn't they have wanted to...together?
But everyone believes differently, and there are oh so many people talking about it. Everyone loves a good tragedy.
Except for the people involved.
I walk downstairs and put on flat black shoes. I'm going to go to Domon-kun's.
Then we're going to attend the funerals.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Mikagami's POV)
I hate funerals, and I hate the people that go to them.
...did you hear how she...
...overdose of sleeping pills...
...he committed seppuku...
...it was joushi...
...two lovers, ready to kill themselves because...
It takes all my willpower not to react in some way that would be detrimental to this...event. Joushi? The lovers' suicide? This isn't kabuki theater, this is life.
If I hate funeral goers, I should hate myself the most.
This funeral is being held in such a way as to allow as many or few people as possible. Yanagi had made many friends in college, due to her quiet, personable nature. And, of course, to be a friend of Yanagi's means to be friends with Recca. So, the starting ceremony of the funeral is being held in a large banquet hall, then we will head to upper Nagogiri, where the cemetery is, and deliver our respects.
Incidentally, Mifuyu is buried there.
I make my way to the front of the room, where amid all the incense and small times of burial flowers and food there also stands a small picture of Yanagi and Recca together. Koganei took the picture a year ago and had made copies for all of the Hokage. I suspect that either Koganei or Kagerou-san donated that picture to use as the official picture, because that is also the picture at the outside entrance.
I wouldn't have given up my copy.
I look to my left as I reach the middle of the room. Ishijima and his intern friend are sitting in the middle of the row, not saying or doing anything. I heard that she quit working at the hospital because of her guilt in Yanagi's suicide.
Then again, I heard that Yanagi had a smile on her face when she died.
Suddenly the girl sniffs and covers her face with her hands. Ishijima turns to look at her and notices me. The look in his eyes are hollow. We lock eyes for a motionless moment, then he breaks away to attend to the girl.
I walk on. Eventually, although it feels that time stretches with each step, I reach the front. To my right are Yanagi's parents. I glance over at them. Yanagi's okaasan is in a formal black kimono. Her eyes are closed, but tears still fall from them. Yanagi's otousan, his attire a black suit, silently reaches over and holds her hands. They've held up admirably, from what I've heard. They were the ones who offered to combine and pay the costs of both funerals. They've also donated large sums of money to the local police and media, in order so the police could work faster and the media not get in their way.
It's admirable, but nothing has happened yet.
I look to my left. My eyes touch on Hanabishi-san's form first. He sits there, in a black suit that doesn't seem to fit him physically or personality-wise, with an expressionless face. For a man that has the energy of Recca and Koganei combined, it seems pitiful to see him now, lifeless and implanted in a suit in order to mourn. He blinks, and that is all.
Next to him is Kagerou-san. She notices me and waves for me to come over. I do so almost reluctantly. She stands as I approach, her kimono rustling slightly as she does so. Mikagami-kun, it's nice to see that you made it, she says automatically. I truly doubt those sort of words when her son, who she only got to know for 4 short years, is dead.
But custom is custom.
Is there something you wanted? I can't stand small talk, especially now. She regards me, and closes her eyes. Her skin, already very pale, is almost albino, except for the skin around her eyes. Despite faint makeup, it is evidence of sleepless nights spent mourning. Then she opens her eyes and stares directly at me.
I've been hearing rumors of causes of Recca and Yanagi's...deaths, she pauses, unwilling to admit that they had wanted to die, undoubtedly you have heard them too.
For a second the murmurs of the rest of the room wash up against me, like the high tide. I hate funeral goers because of this very reason. They may not know anything, but they bring their opinions anyway. And they have an incessant need to share them, eventually poisoning even the ones who knew the deceased best.
You wouldn't believe what I had heard regarding Mifuyu's death.
I wouldn't know, I bite back the bitterness welling up in my heart and stomach, you knew your son best, not them.
Kagerou-san looks away. No, I didn't. Yanagi-chan did.
She sits back down.
I walk over to the last person in this row. Koganei is trying not to cry, trying to be as stony as his foster father. As I step in front of his seat, he looks up at me wearily. Hey, Tokiya-niichan, looks like we're all here after all, he says, trying to sound nonchalant.
I say nothing.
As I look at him steadily, his bubble of indifference pops. His face crumbles among itself as the last of his mature facade dissolves into the form of a little kid without his parents. Even though he has his Hanabishi-touchan' and Kagerou-kaachan', we all know who he thinks of as his parents'. I can't...why...why did they kill themselves? You're smart, Tokiya-niichan, you tell me! Tell me why...
And the rest of his words are nothing more than incoherent sobs.
I don't know why, Koganei. Why the hell does everyone think that I hold all the answers? Just because I haven't cried my own share of tears? Just because I'm seemingly rational?
It doesn't mean I know.
...it hurts too much...
I leave him alone.
I find the final figure of the Hokage in the front of the room. Fuuko is the only one there, crouching in front of the pictures of Yanagi and Recca. Her shoulders, bare because of her tank top, shake. In fact, she's dressed normally, in her usual tank top, shorts and sneakers. Even Domon tried to dress up in black pants and dress shirt.
Even I dressed up.
I step up beside her, looking at all the layers and layers of...stuff...that people have left in respect. Mostly food. The overpowering stench of incense burns my nose.
...never forgive them...
I look down, almost startled. Fuuko, head bowed, stands up with clenched hands at her sides. She raises her head and flicks a glance at me.
I say nothing, but turn my head back to the arrangement in front of me.
I can't believe that people give this kinda crap to dead people. Why? Recca hates incense and Yanagi can bake better cookies, she mutters in a brittle tone.
Is that why you didn't dress up?
She fluidly turns to me like a wild animal. Why the hell should I? THEY'RE dead. What the hell would they care what I look like? She hits her right palm against her bare collarbone, this is the only me they've EVER seen. I ain't changing my appearance just because they up and decided to kill themselves!
I sigh. What right do you have to be angry?
What right do they have to decide to kill themselves? She shoots back, another emotion other than anger appearing in her eyes, Yanagi promised! She promised to see me the next day! She said that we were good friends! Friends don't lie to each other! She jabs a finger at the picture of a smiling and blushing Yanagi and Recca, and that is why I'll never forgive her!
She's dead, I say bluntly, so it wouldn't matter to her anyway.
Tears spring out of Fuuko's eyes and her fists unclench. Her head bows and her shoulders shake in a struggle to control herself. D...damn you, Mikagami...so damned unfeeling, even when your friends die...you only care about your own agenda...
A sharp anger rises in the pit of my stomach. Don't assume you understand me, Kirisawa. Just because I'm not as quick to let everyone see my emotions doesn't give you the right to judge me.
She raises her head to glare at me. Go to hell, Mikagami. You've been judging us since day one, what with your monkey this, monkey that' shit. You could at least attempt a sad face, considering that your precious Yanagi-san is dead. Or is that beyond you?
A part of me wants to respond to that, but I realize that she's just lashing out. So I just turn my attention back to the arrangement in front of me.
It was supposed to be a happy ending.
I glance at her. She runs a hand through her disheveled bangs and rubs her arm roughly past her eyes. What do you mean by that? I ask.
Even though Yanagi was raped, even though it would take her years to ever be anything like the old Yanagi, I thought...I believed that, in the end, her and her precious ninja would be able to get through. Y'know, because of love or something. One of those sorta things that I see every time I turn on the TV, or read in books. That love conquers all', or something like that, she suddenly look very tired, with all the shit that it took for those two to be together, I was starting to think that it was true.
A hime and her ninja will always be together.
With that, she turns around and walks down the aisle and out the door.
I am the only one in front of Yanagi and Recca's picture.
I kneel down. A wave of something akin to sadness washes over me as I look at the picture. In it, they're standing very close without touching. I almost remember...
I got a new camera, Yanagi-chan!
Well, why don't you do something with it instead of wave it around? That's how all accidents start, y'know...
Fuuko-neechan, you're mean...well, I want the first picture to be a special one. Can I take a picture of you, Yanagi-chan?
No way in hell I'm gonna have you take a picture of Hime, ya...
Don't be mean, Recca-kun. I kind of...I kind of want to take a picture...
Alright, but I'm gonna take the picture with ya, just so...
Recca, despite what you think, cameras don't take people's souls.
Shut up, Fuuko!
Are you gonna stand still so I can take the picture, Recca-niichan?
Alright, alright...
Steady now, steady...steady...
We're standing still! Take the damn picture already!
Recca-kun, don't use that kind of language...
Sorry, Hime!
Ooo, someone's whipped!
chik!
Hey! That's blinding! And dammit, Domon, take back what you just said!
Hanabishi, does it really matter? We all know it's true.
Dammit, Mi-bou!
There was laughter.
Hey, you're all laughing at me! Some friends I got...
Recca-kun, I'm sorry...
No, no, Hime! I didn't mean you! You're too special to me for me to ever get mad at you...
I remember it all. These memories...there's almost too many of them.
Happy ending? Fuuko's living in a fantasy world if she thought that everything was going to be alright in the end. But she...I think she was wrong.
What is a happy ending, anyway? This isn't a play, or a story. It's life. We have to take what we can.
No, the rapist hasn't been found. Will he ever be found?
It's not...it's not important right now.
Yanagi and Recca are dead. They killed themselves with sleeping pills and a katana. It had to have been a coincidence, because they had never even talked ever since...ever since this started. Last Saturday. Exactly a week ago.
This was a coincidence, but it was inevitable. If Recca still committed seppuku and Yanagi hadn't taken those pills, she would've anyway as soon as she heard of his death. And vice versa.
What is a happy ending?
I believe that, under these circumstances, this was the happiest ending. They never even knew that the other had died.
I reach into my jacket pocket and remove Ensui. I place it directly in front of the picture, then I take it back. They had nothing to do with Ensui.
We'll see if I need to use Ensui again.
This is an ending though. For the Hokage, for me, this was not a happy ending.
Maybe Yanagi and Recca would disagree.
But it wasn't easy for any of us to get to.
Shiawasena owari katanantenai...
There are no more easy happy endings.
~Owari~
