Withdrawal

Rykahna Wil Troi

rykahna@yahoo.com

Rating: PG-13

Category: Vignette

Spoilers: "Wrecked"

Disclaimer: We doan need no stinkin' disclaimer.

Summary: It's short. Why bother?



I won't go. I can't go.

If I go, it will destroy me. It will destroy everything I love. Maybe not immediately. It might take a while. But sooner or later, the day will come. I'm certain of it.

Instead, I sit here, huddled on my lonely bed, clutching my knees to my chest and trembling with the effort of restraint.

I try not to think of how good it felt, being there. Try not to think of the agony and the ecstasy all rolled into one, try not to think of the bursts of starlight rapture that threatened to immolate me. Try not to think of the rush of power, the sense of feeling alive for the first time in ages. Try not to think of the price I would almost gladly pay to be back there again, to do it all over.

I have to quit lying to myself. It has to stop. The cost is too high. It has to end before someone gets hurt, before someone dies. Maybe even me. Before I do something I'll truly regret, if I survive that long. And so, no more denying the truth. No more convincing myself that everything will be fine if I just keep pushing, trying more, trying harder, following my instincts where they lead me.

My instincts tell me to go. To do what feels right, what feels good. But I won't. I can't. No matter how much it hurts. No matter if I sit here and shudder until my body disintegrates. Even if it takes days, weeks, months.

This time, she has to come to me.