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Recca no Honou and all its characters belong to their respective owners
Pieces
Part One: No Longer
by katanashi
This takes place the night/day after the final round of the Ura Butou Satsoujin.
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And he was tired.
But for some reason, Mikagami Tokiya didn't feel like getting any sleep. He doubted he could have gotten any rest anyway even if he tried.
What a fool he was. He knew well why he'd never get a good night's sleep again.
Kai. Mifuyu. Meguri Kyoza. Hyouman Ken.
Those names…those terms. Once, his purpose had been so clear cut, so clear and obvious to him. He knew what he lived for. He knew what Ensui was to do.
Now, he no longer knew.
His hands moved mechanically as they unbuttoned his blood-stained shirt, his already harassed mind not noticing that his hands shook like a fragile leaf in the wind as they worked, pulling off his clothes and putting on in their stead a light blue tanktop and pants, stripping away the blood of a dead man from his body and, in a spurt of wishfulness, stripping away the memories of the day. It was a futile hope.
The moonlight streamed through the open window, illuminating his slender figure and highlighting the scars that ran all over his body, painting them with its light until the disfigurements showed as plainly as if it had been coated with Indian war paint. Had there been an outside observer, he or she would have never seen Mikagami Tokiya so vulnernable, his slender body lax and frail-looking, his ice blue eyes dulled and completely emptied of any feeling and filled instead with a turbulent unease.
Finishing changing, he looked around his darkened room dully, completely apathetic. Ten long years, all for little, if not nothing. His life was gone. Finished.
Worthless.
For some reason- this time, he really didn't know- his eyes drifted upward, towards the serene half-crescent moon that lingered in the sky. It shone so brightly, against that black heavens that were studded with stars. It was absolutely beautiful, a perfect night to watch the stars and try to spot any shooting stars to make a wish. He half reached a hand out, as if to touch the unearthly sickle-shaped object, and felt himself inexplicably drawn towards it until the wall around the open window stopped any further advancement. He sat down woodenly in a convenient nearby chair, his eyes glazed and still fixed on the moon.
Everyone he cared about had come and gone. First his parents. Then Mifuyu. And now, even his master, Meguri Kyoza. True, Meguri hadn't abandoned him. But to Tokiya, he might as well have. He'd rather shoot himself and be on his way to hell than have anything to do with Meguri Kyoza anymore- unless the conflict had a vindicative motive to it.
How could he kill his master? Meguri Kyoza had taken him under his wing, taught him everything there was to know about Ensui and Hyouman Ken. He was the father he'd never had. He'd provided for him, gave him food and shelter, sent him to school, signed his permission slips, and celebrated birthdays and holidays with him. It was a horrendous crime to even inflict harm upon one's father; to kill would be unthinkably hideous.
But Meguri Kyoza had killed his sister. He'd taken Mifuyu, the person that had meant the world to him, who had taught him right from wrong, left from right. She'd always been there for him, putting him above socializing with her friends, her hobbies, and even school and work. Nothing, absolutely nothing had been the same without Mifuyu there to run to when he had a cut on his knee, when he'd gotten a bad grade in his class, or when the teacher had been overly strict and driven him to tears with humiliation. There was no longer the person who had always been there with a smile and a hug, even if there had been tears in her own eyes, as long as it would stop his own tears from flowing. And in her place came a hard, icy vengeance that craved nothing but the death of the person who'd brought about hers.
He had sworn revenge against Mifuyu's killer. He'd become an exceptional swordsman with Ensui, ice cold and impossible to read as a result, his deep blue eyes frozen in a vindictive mask that somehow hid and showed all his feelings at once.
But never in all the worlds would he have thought that Meguri Kyoza was her killer. He would have never imagined that his master could have betrayed him; not just once, but twice.
Meguri Kyoza had taught two students to inherit Hyouman Ken…which had resulted in Kai's death.
Meguri Kyoza had killed Mifuyu.
Two meaningless deaths.
Yet he couldn't forget the times when Meguri had encouraged him when he'd been depressed, smiling sheepishly on Tokiya's birthday as he wished him a happy day, watching him practice with all the pride that a father would have in a son.
Why? Why me? Why did this all happen?
He clenched his hands into a fist, feeling a certain sense of grim pride at the dulled sensibility of the heavy callouses on his hands, skin that had hardened from countless hours spent perfecting Hyoman Ken. He lifted one hand and rotated it in the moonlight, examining every inch with a strange wistfulness, a longing for a time where there had been a purpose. There was the scar where he'd first tried to learn Tsurara Mai, with disasterous results. A slight indent on his index finger reminded him of his first, and only, act of carelessness, calling on Ensui's freezing ability without taking into account the world around him. Luckily, little harm had been done; Meguri had been right there alongside him and quickly countered his attack, stopping any potential damage. But the bitterness returned with a vengeance, coursing through his veins alongside his blood, reminding him of the shattered life that he now held in his hands. A life that lacked everything, but needed something.
He swallowed hard, trying to control the sudden anguish that washed over him like a wave. Burying his face in his hands, he desperately tried to regain composure, his loose silvery hair that had been freed from its binding ponytail cascading down around his visage, providing a much needed shield.
He just wanted it all to stop. He didn't want to feel anymore. Emotions brought nothing but pain-- agonizing wrenches that tore him apart inside. He couldn't afford that anymore. Before, thoughts of sweet revenge for his sister had strengthened his will to live, to see that she was avenged. Now, even that was taken away. And the wall was broken and crumbling.
"Meguri…damn you for doing this to me…" Trying to be hateful but only succeeding halfway, his inability to even voice his hatred disheartened him still more. How much he had sacrificed just to see his sister's death vindicated; he had gladly given up even his own self. Now, he could not even begin to describe the chaos that was brimming, just waiting to spill out, but that he could not let out voluntarily. He was broken, defeated. There was nothing left in the shell.
He slid off the chair and sunk to the cold, hard floor, tucking his knees up against his chest and hiding his face against them with his arms wrapped loosely around his legs. Eyes shut tightly, he quietly sat there the rest of the night, staring folornly in his mind's eye at the wall he had to- but couldn't- repair.
Notes: Hmm...Mikagami is an interesting character; he has quite a few faces, and he's got a lot of potential to change. I might add to this later; not to the Mikagami introspection, but perhaps a second part on how the Hokage reacted to what happened to Mikagami. What are friends for, ne? ^^
Comments and feedback always appreciated.
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