Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. The number of Harry Potters I own is zero and zero is the number of Harry Potters I own. I do not own one Harry Potter, nor do I own negative one Harry Potter, excepting that I proceed to zero Harry Potters. Two is right out. Thanks to the Smashing Pumpkins for the story and chapter titles.

My first fanfic. I decided not to use many Harry Potter characters but set it in his world, which I will use more later on in the story. Think I should take over for J.K. Rowling? Think I should be executed in the most painful way possible within the next thirty seconds? Somewhere in between? Tell me!

1 Zero

1.1 Chapter 1: Emptiness is Loneliness

John got off the Hogwarts express for the last time and muscled his cart through a crowd of newly graduated seventh years hugging and crying. Several people called out to him but he pretended not to hear. John knew he would look snobbish and leave a bad parting impression, but he didn't care.

He rolled his cart to the local transit section of King's Cross and piled his belongings into a large locker. John rifled his bag for some Muggle money and went to buy a ticket for the London Underground. When the train came, he got on and took hold of a bar between and old woman who smelled of cat food and kid with a leather jacket and red spiked hair.

John glanced over at the map. St. Martha's was five stops away. He stared at the walls rushing by outside as his mind turned, as it had so many times during the last week, to Rebecca. He had known she was sick, but not this bad. He had become increasingly silent and withdrawn since he heard she was in critical condition. He hadn't been able to enjoy graduation or the week of wild partying that had preceded it.

The train screeched to a halt at John's station and he trudged to the escalator. He took a grubby piece of parchment from his pocket and read: east 2 blocks, north one, and St. Martha's room 318. He took two wrong turns thinking about the times he and Rebecca had sat up in her tree house pelting Josh next door with water balloons. She had been his best Muggle friend as long as he could remember, and she cried when he received his letter for Hogwarts. They had spent a month of afternoons in John's basement hatching complex schemes to smuggle Rebecca into Hogwarts, too. John's magic had not been a problem, and they spent every summer together. They kissed experimentally a few times, but decided that they knew each other too well to be in love.

The hospital doors slid open when he approached, and John caught himself trying to figure out what spell they had used before reminded himself it was only an electric eye. When he left Rebecca last summer, she was a bright, vibrant girl of seventeen whose only worries about the future were the upcoming soccer season and deciding which colleges to apply to. She had occasional migraines, but they weren't really affecting her.

The sign said that rooms 300-320 were on the left, and John was stopped by the duty nurse when he walked by her desk. He cleared his throat and said, "I'd like to see Rebecca Conover, please."

This nurse looked down at the clipboard. "Ms. Conover's in intensive care. Only members of her immediate family are allowed to visit, Mr.-?"

"Dennison" said John.

"John Dennison?" asked the nurse.

"Yes." John replied, confused.

"Well," said the nurse, not sounding too happy about it, "you seem to be the exception. She asked to see you. It's the second to last room on the left."

"Thanks." John said briefly and walked slowly toward the room. It was dim when he opened the door. Rebecca lay under spotless white sheets in a bed in the center. She looked much smaller than he remembered. Dozens of tubes and wires ran to and from her body. There were more machines in the tiny room than most people had in their houses. "Hi" he ventured.

"John." She said simply, without opening her eyes. "How was.. Hogwarts?"

"Fine." He said lamely. It wasn't of course, but that didn't matter. He touched Rebecca's hand and her eyes flew open.

"John!" she said, as if seeing him for the first time "What's wrong.. with me?"

"Nothing," he said unsteadily. "You're going to be okay."

She grinned slightly. "Bullshit. I.. wish you knew.. some kind of.. spell for this."

John considered for a minute and decided she might need something to hope for. It was a long shot, but it was better than nothing. "Maybe I can find one." He said. "I have an appointment at the Ministry of Magic tomorrow and I-"

She laughed. It was a dry, hollow sound. "What are.. you going.. to do?" she asked. "Abra.. cadabra.. brain tumor.. gonicus?" She waved the tubes trailing from her like a wand.

John shifted on his feet uncomfortably. "Save your strength," he said.

Rebecca turned to look at him. "For.. what?"

John muttered a goodbye and backed slowly out of the door. When he was off the ward, he bolted down the stairs and made it outside the door just in time to vomit into the bushes.