by NightsDawne
[Shameless begging bit: For those of you Squaresoft fans who are also into FF7 and Xenogears, I have two stories started in those catagories, but I'm looking for guidance as to whether they should be continued. Face And Ghost is a Vincent/Lucretia story written in a lame attempt at H.G. Wells style. Hyuga's Manslut Adventures is a comedic yaoi parody about the endless pairings poor Citan is forced into in fanfics. R&Rs will let me know if I should go on with them. Pleeeeeeease? Okay, done now]
Chapter 4: Sandwich Nazi
Seifer slapped the knife to the bread and started spreading. From the corner of his eye he could see Squall's fingers drumming on the counter. He tilted one eyebrow and scraped the knife on the edge of the bread to get the last of the peanut butter off of it, then stuck it into the jar of jelly. He picked up the jelly jar and tilted it to deliver a healthy glob onto the peanut butter.
"What are you doing?"
Seifer looked over at Squall, who was staring at the sandwich. "The hell does it look like I'm doing, dumbass? I'm making a sandwich."
"You're doing it wrong."
Seifer set the jelly jar down. "It's not brain surgery, Squall, I think I can handle it." He started spreading the jelly out. Squall's drumming stopped as his fingers clenched the countertop. Seifer took a deep breath and looked at him. "What?!"
"You're putting the jelly on the peanut butter."
"....And?"
Squall tossed his head in exhasperation. "It's supposed to go on the other piece of bread!"
Seifer furrowed his brow incredulously. "The hell are you, the fucking sandwich nazi?"
"Look," explained Squall with exagerrated patience, "if you put the jelly on the peanut butter it doesn't spread evenly. It just blobs. If you put the peanut butter on one piece of bread and the jelly on the other, on the other hand, it comes out smooth and even, with an equal amount of peanut butter and jelly in each bite."
Seifer stared at him for a moment. "Squall, babe, you're too damn anal about these things. It's a sandwich."
"I'm not anal!"
"This is like that argument about which way the toilet paper goes on the roll, isn't it."
Squall's eyes narrowed. "It goes over. That's why they put the design on one side."
"So buy white paper."
Irvine walked into the kitchen, swiping a finger through Seifer's jelly and licking it off. "You two havin' the TP fight again?"
"It's not a fight. Squall just has issues."
Squall frowned. "At least I finally got you to put it on the roll instead of leaving it on the back of the tank."
Irvine draped an arm around each and gave them kisses. "How about a change of subject before we wind up like we did last time? Even if Squall was adorable all wrapped up in toilet paper like a cute little mummy."
Seifer grinned. "You'll note that I got the design on the outside."
Squall clenched his teeth. "It wasn't cute. Eat your sandwich." He started to turn away. Irvine was about to employ his look on Seifer, but was a bit surprised when Seifer reached out without him needing to, pulling Squall to him and kissing him.
"You're cute even with issues, you know that, don't you, babe?" Seifer lifted Squall's chin so that he had to look up at him.
Squall gave him a little hint of a smile and took Irvine's hand, leading him out of the kitchen. "Be sure you wash the knife off instead of letting the jelly dry on it."
Seifer chuckled, shaking his head as he started rinsing the knife off.
Laguna walked down the hall to the livingroom, yawning. Well, it was time to start putting on the holiday spirit. He grinned at the thought of the whole lot of them picking out a real tree together. It would have to warm Squall up a bit. He rubbed his hands together as he stepped out into the livingroom. "Hey guys, get ready. We'll go as soon as Veddy's.... up..." He trailed off and spun around quickly, admiring one of the works of art that hung on his wall. Damn! It was a mirror! He just clapped his hand over his eyes and turned the same shade of red as Squall.
Irvine giggled, dropping his hat over his lap innocently. "Mornin' Laguna. You sleep well?"
"Uh.. fine.. I'm so sorry."
"Nah, our fault. Thought you were still asleep." Irvine got himself buttoned up and pulled Squall up from his kneeling position on the floor to sit next to him, putting his arm around him. "All clear."
Laguna peeked between his fingers into the mirror before he decided to turn around again. "I was.. um.."
"About to tell us we would go as soon as Veddy's up? Go where?" Irvine was as casual as he would be if he and Squall had been caught playing Triple Triad. Laguna had to stop for a moment and wonder just how many times Irvine had been walked in on.
"I.. uh.. what?"
Squall narrowed his eyes. "Where are we going?"
"Oh, right. Um.. Tree. We need to pick out a tree." Laguna smiled reflexively. "I bet Veddy will have fun decorating it."
Irvine lit up and actually bounced on the couch. "YAHOO! Seif! We're gonna go get a tree!"
Seifer walked out of the kitchen, chewing on the last of his sandwich. "Chill, cowboy. Cool. Hey Laguna."
Laguna waved. "Hi, Seifer. Anyway, the limo will be ready in about an hour."
Seifer nodded. "You got a rash or something?"
"Me?" Laguna cleared his throat, only blushing more. "Um, no. Just... I think I'm going to go get some orange juice." He kept his smile in place as he hurried to the escape of the kitchen.
Seifer looked over at a giggling Irvine and a blushing and sulky Squall. "... You two were going down, weren't you. Damn, we've got a room."
Squall looked up at him. "Oh, shut up, Mr. Let's Do It In Your Office Nobody Is Going To Walk In. I thought Headmaster Cid was going to have a heart attack right there."
Irvine blinked. "You two got caught by Cid?"
Seifer snickered. "Hey, at least he always knocks now."
Squall sighed and hit Irvine to make him stop laughing. "I'm going to go get Veddy dressed." He got off the couch and started down the hall.
"Hey, Squall." Seifer grinned. "Wash your hands first." He and Irvine both cracked up as they got the silent reply of a middle finger over Squall's shoulder. Seifer pulled Irvine up from the couch into his arms. "Let's go to our room. Don't want to leave a job unfinished."
By the time they were all ready to go Laguna had managed to stow the incident in the mental file of Things I've Seen That I Really Didn't Want To and was back in holiday cheer. They were all dressed casually in jeans and t-shirts, except Veddy, who was wearing a pair of overalls and a turtleneck with baby moogles in cowboy hats on it. Laguna watched as Ward crammed his bulk into the back of the limo, the car tipping dangerously to his side, then righting as he got himself centered on the seat. "Okay, everybody, get in."
Irvine sashayed to the car. "I get ta ride in a li-mo, I get ta ride in a li-mo."
"Fucking A, Irvine, if you start singing Selphie's train song I'm gonna tape your mouth shut." Seifer gave him a push into the car.
Irvine stuck his tongue out as he scooted to the far side. "It ain't a train, it's a limo, Seif. Hey! Bar!"
"Irvine, it's nine o'clock in the morning." Kiros shook his head as he got himself situated.
"I know, I'm just gonna have a juice. You wanna ju-ju, Veddy?" Irvine waved a box of apple juice.
Veddy strained to reach it from Squall's arms. "Ju-ju!"
Seifer finished getting the car seat in and plopped down next to Irvine, taking the juice and putting the straw in it before handing it to the toddler. Squall sighed, trying to get the belt over Veddy's lap as he squirmed, only succeeding once he calmed down to start slurping his juice. The chauffeur closed the door once they were all inside and walked back to the driver's door to start it up. Seifer looked over at Irvine. "What are you doing now?"
Irvine waved the phone excitedly. "I'm gonna call Sefie! From a limo!"
"Dumbass. We've all got cell phones, you can call her from anywhere."
"But anywhere ain't a limo." Irvine punched the buttons happily. Seifer sighed, shaking his head.
"It's alright, he can use it. It's not going to harm anything, Seifer." Laguna sat back and smiled to Squall, directly across from him. "I'm sure you've been in plenty of limos before."
"No." Squall looked out the window.
"Well, you can borrow mine anytime you want while you're here."
"Whatever."
"Do you want to go to the mall after we pick a tree?"
Squall shrugged.
Seifer came to the rescue. "Sounds good, Laguna. We still have some things to pick up. .. Fucking phoenix feathers, what are you doing now, Irvine?" He yanked on Irvine's leg, his boyfriend standing on the seat, phone cord stretching upwards to the cowboy's upper body, which was through the sunroof. Irvine kicked his hand away, still chatting with Selphie. Seifer sighed. "You're gonna lose your hat," he yelled up. Irvine looked down at him and dropped back down into his seat.
Kiros chuckled. "Rather like having two kids along."
"He's just easily excited." Seifer put an arm around Irvine to try and keep him somewhat still.
"It's okay, I've always wanted to do that myself." Laguna grinned, then took on a more serious expression as he felt Squall's eyes on him. "Not that I'm going to."
"Probably not very presidential," agreed Seifer. He frowned as Irvine waved his hand in animated conversation, cranberry juice shooting from his box and hitting Seifer in the side of the face. Seifer took the box away. "It's gonna be a long limo ride."
