Ok this is a REALLY short chapter... more will be written if people review so if u like this and want me to continue to write it then review. - Ok thanx... I hope you like it.


Constant Torture.

I killed them. It was my fault. I suggested Peter be secret keeper. I handed them over to Voldemort on a rat shaped silver platter. I killed my best friend in the world and his wife. Everything's gone, everything I cared for in the world have evaporated along with my freedom. Now that rat is out there somewhere. He is hiding, waiting for Voldemort to come back then he will be a hero. Well, he thinks he'll be a hero. Those bastards, screaming in their sleep about how he killed their master. I hope Voldemort isn't dead. I hope he is suffering eternal torture. God I am so different now. I used to believe the best in people but now it's the worst.
I feel so horrible. I can't believe I thought Remus was the spy. How could I not see it in Peter? He always liked having powerful friends. Why was I so fucking stupid? Oh, what must Remus think of me now? Even he thought I was the secret keeper. He must hate me. He'll think that I killed James, Lily and Peter. I have lost everything. I have no friends left and now I am stuck in this hellhole talking to myself. Well I suppose that is better than talking to the other people in here.
They are talking to themselves again. All the prisoners around me, talking, whispering, screaming is all I hear. Please make it stop. The dementors don't know I am an Animagi, which is helping me get through the seconds. All I have to do is muster up enough strength to transform then the pain isn't as much. But a lot of the time I don't want to transform. I need to live with the fact I killed my best friend in the world. I destroyed his family. I can't turn into a dog every time my guilt gets too much. I'm not guilty, I didn't hand them over to Voldemort, it wasn't my fault. It was though. I know I'm innocent of the actual crime but I'm guiltier than that bastard in betraying my friends. How could I have not seen it?
How long had he been working for Voldemort? Was he working for him all the time we were on the run? When we all went to James and Lily's wedding? When we left school? I can't remember anytime I saw a noticeable change. Maybe that's because I wasn't looking for one. I was so ignorant that I refused to believe that one of my best friends since I was eleven years old could be a death eater that I didn't see the obvious. But then again nobody else saw it. They all believed he was still on our side.
I know I didn't kill them. I know it wasn't me. I now know that everyone in the magical world hates me. I know Peter is out there somewhere, watching and waiting for Voldemort to come back and I know that Remus is out there thinking he has lost every friend he has in the world. And now Harry has gone off to live with those flaming muggles that hate all magic, he won't ever know his parents. I know that that is because of Peter but...

It's all my fault.