AN: I decided to take a break from studying and post this next, abbreviated chapter, cause it was almost finished anyway. It was so hard to tear myself away from the calculus, though. /sarcasm I'll update more next week and hopefully the story will start to come together. I'm trying not to reveal too much, too soon. Thank you for the reviews; I wasn't expecting any! (

The One With The Vision Quests

Chapter Four

***



"Hey, Mon, hey, Rach," Ross said, stepping into Chandler and Monica's apartment later that evening. His sister was seated at the kitchen table flipping through a magazine, and Rachel was relaxing on the couch. She opened her eyes when he came in.

"Hi," they replied, sounding bored.

Ross raised an eyebrow. "What's up?" he asked, removing his coat and tossing it onto the kitchen table. At Monica's glare, he picked it up again and hung it on the coat rack.

"Nothing much," Monica said flatly. "I'm still waiting for Chandler to get home. Rachel's napping. And Phoebe's out on the balcony."

Ross glanced out the window. Phoebe was huddled on one of the chairs, bundled up in a coat and scarf.

"What the hell is she doing out there?" he asked. "It's like eighteen degrees with the wind chill."

"She's on a vision quest," Monica explained. "It's something she read about in some Native American magazine."

"Yeah, she's seeking her 'direction in life,'" Rachel said. She smirked. "Five more minutes out there and the only direction she's going to be heading is right back inside."

Ross gave them an incredulous look. "I know what a vision quest is. You have to go on a journey and - and escape every day life. You have to fast. You have to commune with nature. She's expecting spiritual inspiration from a balcony in Manhattan? The closest she's going to get to nature is that stupid fake plant that Chandler keeps hiding out there."

Monica gasped. "I knew it! I knew he took it again! Why would he put it out on the balcony?!" She stood up and marched over to the window, throwing it open and climbing outside.

"Maybe because it's incredibly ugly?" Rachel said under her breath.

"Hey, Carol and Susan gave them that plant for their wedding present," Ross told her, walking into the kitchen and getting himself a glass of water.

"Ross, please, it looks like something out of Little Shop of Horrors," Rachel said.

Ross shrugged. "I know, it creeps me out too. That was just a token objection on my lesbian ex-wife's behalf." He took a long sip of water and Rachel settled back on the couch and closed her eyes again. "Hey, how you feeling today?"

"Mmm, okay," Rachel murmured, eyes still shut. "Aside from the fact that my computer froze about seventeen times at work, and Chandler stood me up at lunch."

"He what?" said Ross.

"He never showed up."

"Wow." Ross considered this. "So you ate by yourself?"

She opened her eyes and glared at him. "Yes, Ross. I actually had lunch by myself. Why don't you just call up Katie and Matt and have them do a story tomorrow? 'Local Woman Conquers Social Phobia; Dines Alone.'" Her voice was heavy with sarcasm.

"Wait, so now you're Ichanneling/I my brother-in-law?" Ross was amused.

"Sorry," Rachel muttered. "It's the hormones. But if everyone would stop acting so damn surprised --"

Just then the door flew open, and Joey peeked his head in. He glanced around furtively, eyes darting from side to side.

Rachel and Ross stared at him.

"Joey?" Rachel asked slowly, at last. "You have the right apartment..."

"Yeah, remember us? We're your friends. I'm Ross, and this is Rachel... and Monica and Phoebe are outside..."

"Monica's outside?" Joey interrupted him. He looked out the windows, and visibly winced when he saw her.

"What the hell is the matter?" Ross asked him. "Why don't you come inside?"

"Uh, yeah... okay," Joey said distractedly. He retreated into the hallway and shut the door.

Ross and Rachel looked at each other.

"Anyway," Rachel said, continuing where she'd left off, "it just bugs me that you people think I'm so incapable of being independent. Even after all this time! I mean, come on." She began ticking off on her fingers. "I'm a career woman. I do NOT live with my parents. I have a good income. I have a savings account. I'm fairly responsible about spending money. I'm going to be raising a child, for god's sake -"

"Well, good thing, because now you'll always have someone to eat lunch with," Ross said, smirking. "At least until little Rossel hits puberty and wouldn't be caught dead in public with you."

"Ross, that is so not true, this child is always going to love spending time with me because I, Rachel Green, am going to be the world's hippest Mom." She paused. "And would you Istop/I calling our child that, it is sooo stupid!"

"And calling yourself the 'world's hippest mom' isn't?" Ross snarked.

"Ross! Would you just stop being so ignorant and bring me a glass of water," Rachel said in a commanding tone.

"Yes, Your Majesty," Ross said under his breath, grabbing another glass from the cabinet.

There was a heavy thud as Monica came back inside, dropping the potted plant on the floor. "Can you believe it was actually under the table, all the way back in the corner?" she said, panting slightly.

"Yeah, next time he should just toss it over the side," Rachel muttered.

"What?" Monica asked loudly.

"I said, I'm so glad you brought it back inside!" Rachel said brightly. She accepted the glass of water Ross handed her.

"That's what I thought you said," Monica muttered.

Everyone looked over as Phoebe climbed back through the window, shutting it behind her and examining her hands, which were a bloodless white. "Wow, this is so cool," she commented. "I can't feel any of my fingers."

"Phoebe, where are your gloves?" Monica exclaimed, hands on her hips.

Phoebe stared at her. "Gosh, Mom, I guess I must have left them in my locker at school," she said.

Rachel smothered a smile.

"Phoebs, what the hell do you think you're doing? Did you actually read past the first three lines explaining what a 'vision quest' was?"

"Yes, Ross, I read the whole article, Iand/I I did research on the Internet at Chandler's work," Phoebe said calmly, unwrapping her scarf and shivering as she adjusted to the sudden warmth of being indoors. "And I wasn't seeking spiritual clarity out Ithere/I. I was preparing myself for my actual vision quest."

"Your 'actual' vision quest? Where is that -"

Ross was interrupted when the door to the apartment opened once more. Chandler stood there, looking rumpled and tired. "You ARE all here," he said, as everyone turned to look at him. He sounded less than thrilled.



To Be Continued..